Work Text:
(could you risk your world in my hands?)
하나 - one
Weeks after she has settled into Sokcho and the rush of uprooting her life to a different city ebbs away, Songhwa collapses into her couch in exhaustion.
She leans back, draws her eyes shut and expels a loud sigh.
The knots in her neck tighten, and she winces while running a hand over her nape — if there is anything Songhwa is sure of at the moment, it is that she is glad the day is over.
She remains in that position for a few long minutes, her mind quietens down from all the events that had happened in the hospital for the past week. Songhwa compartmentalises, pushing work to the back of her mind before peeling her eyes open again.
The clock shows that it is nine at night. As if on cue, the low rumble in her stomach reminds her that she hasn’t eaten dinner yet. She glances into her kitchen, towards her refrigerator before cursing inwardly.
Her refrigerator is empty, for all she knows. She hasn’t had the time to buy groceries, and she is barely at home, anyway. It is a lie to say that Sokcho would give her more time for herself, when the schedules are just as packed as in Seoul. She realises this a little bit too late.
Songhwa drags herself to the kitchen anyway, opening and peering into cabinets to see if she could at least find some instant noodles to cook. Ramyeon doesn’t sound all that bad, even though she could already hear the nagging voice of Ikjun telling her that it isn’t healthy to be eating ramyeon all the time.
Her movement halts abruptly, her hand stills on the last packet of ramyeon.
She sucks in her breath. Her mind rewinds.
“If you’ve eaten ramyeon twice in a week, then you shouldn’t be eating anymore for the rest of the week!” Ikjun admonished, grabbing the cup noodles from her hands before she could rip the lid open.
“Yah! I’m hungry,” Songhwa retorted, making a swift move towards him in an attempt to take back her cup noodles.
Ikjun held the object above his head, out of her reach, using his other arm to ward her away. “Yah, yah, yah.” He stated sharply, “If you’re hungry, I’ll take you out to eat. If you're too lazy to leave your office, then I’ll order food for you.”
She groaned, but relented with a wag of her finger into his direction. “You said so, don’t you dare take back your words!”
Ikjun chuckled, returning the cup noodle into her hands before taking out his phone. “What Lee Ikjun says is what he will do. Do you want tangsuyuk and jajjangmyeon?”
Songhwa blinks, and the memory fades away.
There is a lump lodged in her throat that she finds difficult to swallow.
She decides to call for delivery in the end.
둘 - two
Songhwa wakes just before dawn breaks through the sky.
She has an early shift that day, and she moves on autopilot — heading to her bathroom to wash up, taking a nice, warm shower before dressing for work that morning.
Her feet pads across her apartment as she gingerly makes her way towards the kitchen. She heats up some leftovers from dinner the night before as breakfast, and waits by the island with a hum of a random tune. Songhwa drums her fingers against the surface, her mood pleasant.
Then she stifles a yawn, and realises she has not had her cup of morning coffee yet.
Songhwa heads for her coffee grinder without hesitation. She is halfway brewing her coffee when a thought flits into her mind without warning.
“Having coffee with you is a treat I give myself.”
She freezes just as her heart skips a beat.
Songhwa nibbles her lower lip, the name of a person etched in her mind. No, not just his name. But him.
It has been some time since she last spoke to him. Just the two of them. There is a sort of inexplicable ache settled at the base of her heart as she wonders how he is doing, wonders if he is thinking about her just like how she is thinking about him at the moment. She glances down at her phone on the counter, finds herself contemplating if she should just text him.
The ding from the microwave breaks her out of her reverie, and Songhwa decides belatedly, that she will not text him that morning.
셋 - three
Her surgery ends after a solid six hours, and Songhwa retreats into her office wanting to take a short break.
Her phone buzzes with a few notifications, text messages from the groupchat she shares with the rest of her best friends. They are bickering as usual, and their antics leave a huge smile on her face by the time she reaches her office.
She is about to reply to their messages in the groupchat when another notification comes in — a private message to her alone.
Songhwa clicks into it without thinking, knowing who the sender is. But it is the message that catches her offguard, that makes her stop in her place.
From: Goofball Ikjunie
Ssonghwa-ya, don’t forget to eat lunch today. Just because we are not there to gather in your office does not mean you can skip meals, arraseo?
She subconsciously smiles, already typing a reply.
Yah, do you honestly think I would skip a meal? I am heading to the cafeteria as we speak!
A few seconds after, another message comes in.
From: Goofball Ikjunie
Great! They are serving braised pollack today, and seafood stew today~ Are you jealous?
She finds herself rolling her eyes at that provocation. She replies.
You should be glad I’m not there in Seoul, or I’d strangle you.
Songhwa starts to head out from her office to go to the cafeteria, when Ikjun replies again.
From: Goofball Ikjunie
Resorting to violence now eh, Chae Songhwa? Heol. You have strayed far from civilisation, it seems.
Her fingers tap across her screen at a speed of lightning.
What are you implying? Sokcho isn’t all that bad, you know. It’s peaceful, it’s beautiful. You’ve been here before!
Ikjun’s reply comes in the form of a picture — the lunch set of braised pollack and seafood stew. Songhwa lets out an uncharacteristic whine, ignoring the look the nurses are giving her as she steps into the elevator. She types furiously, and hits the send button.
I really hate you, Lee Ikjun.
When Songhwa glances up and sees her reflection in the elevator door, that is when she realises that she is grinning from ear to ear.
넷 - four
On her only day off, Songhwa finds herself walking around her new neighbourhood.
She hasn’t had the time to truly explore what is around her apartment complex, but Songhwa finds herself oddly at peace as she walks past a variety of shops.
Her footsteps slowed down as something caught her attention — a humble and quaint looking shop around the corner selling stationeries and toys. Songhwa finds herself magically drawn to the shop, stopping right at the entrance as she carefully peers in.
The last time she’d been to a toy shop had been months ago in Seoul. It wasn’t so much her choice, but more of the fact that the man she’d gone out with for dinner had disappeared into the shop. He had been excited, picking out a plastic packet filled with colorful miniature dinosaurs — Songhwa-ya, look, aren’t these adorable? Uju has been obsessed with dinosaurs lately, I think I’ll get this for him.
A smile makes its way across her face naturally, the corners of her mouth lifting as her eyes settle on a dinosaur soft toy just on the rack in front of her.
“Uju would like this,” She mumbles, and takes a step forward.
Later that afternoon, Songhwa snaps a picture of the soft toy she’d bought, and sent it to the father in question.
I got Uju something.
His reply doesn’t come at once, and she thinks it is probably because he was in surgery or a lecture. She isn’t sure which; months of not being in Seoul has blurred his schedule that she’d unintentionally memorised before.
But Songhwa finds herself checking her phone every few minutes, wondering if her message has been read.
When her phone alerts her of a new message, she nearly jumps in her seat. Without thinking, Songhwa reaches for her phone—
From: Goofball Ikjunie
Wahh, look at that cutie! Uju will love it!
She smiles, prepared to reply his text when—
Uju has been asking when his favourite imo would be visiting.
Her thumb freezes in midair. Though her heart is calm, Songhwa’s smile falters.
She tells him;
Soon.
다섯 - five
The pitter patter sound of rain against her window is free therapy, Songhwa thinks to herself.
She swivels from her chair, stands to stretch herself before making her way towards the window. Without thinking, Songhwa unlatches the handle, and pushes the panel away from her — the sound of rain is more prominent now, and the gentle breeze caressing her face is enough for her to inhale slowly.
She takes in the scent of the rain and the comfort that comes along with it. When Songhwa opens her eyes again, it is to stare at nothing in particular; the night sky stretches across a map of flickering stars as she feels nothing but serenity. Gosh, she thinks to herself, wouldn’t it be great to have a bowl of sujebi at this moment?
It must be the memories she associates with rain, but in no time, Songhwa catches herself thinking about one particular person back in Seoul.
She catches herself wondering if it is raining over there as well, catches herself thinking what he is doing at the moment; is he still at the hospital working a night shift like she is? Or is he at home with his arms cradling his beloved Uju as he lulls him to sleep with a song or a bedtime story?
There is something else that stirs within her stomach; soft and faint, almost unnoticeable. But it is there anyway, and the acknowledgement of such a feeling pushes Songhwa into a realisation so ardent, so obvious, that her eyes widen in mild surprise.
She has been thinking about him an awful lot lately. Multiple occasions spread across many mundane routines of the day. They’re well settled at the back of her mind, washed upon her without her actively realising, so ingrained that she is starting to consider it normal to be thinking about him all the time.
Songhwa turns around, her eyes finding her phone on the desk and she wonders.
If she is curious about how he is at the moment, shouldn’t the next rational step be to pick up her phone and dial his number, the one she’s had memorised for the past year?
Her gaze lingers, and Songhwa finds her legs bringing her towards the desk. Fingers clasping the device, sliding the screen to unlock it. His name appears on her screen, and she presses her phone against her ear.
She doesn’t even know she is holding her breath until she hears his voice from the other line, so gentle, so melodious that her heart begins to thunder beneath her.
“ Songhwa? Is everything okay?”
She inhales, then exhales. “Hey, yeah. Everything is okay. It’s just that…”
She pauses. He waits.
“...it’s raining here in Sokcho,”
“Oh,”
She bit her lower lip, and repeats. “It’s raining here in Sokcho and…”
Songhwa couldn’t finish her sentence, and Ikjun chuckles as a response. It seems like he already knows what she is thinking, for he continues, “ Are you thinking about sujebi and late night drives? Yah, if I was there in Sokcho, I’d totally do that with you.”
She smiles. “How did you know I was thinking about that?”
She hears the subtle shift on the other end; Ikjun must have gone to a much quieter place. He replies. “ If I didn’t know that, could I really be called your best friend of 20 years?”
Songhwa fiddles with her fingers nervously, other words stuck in her throat. There’s something she wishes to tell him, something she’d realised for a few weeks now. But for some reason, it is difficult to get the words out.
“Ikjun-ah,” She starts slowly, and a pause ensues.
If Ikjun is wondering why there is silence over the line, he doesn’t indicate it. But see, maybe the silence isn’t exactly silence, after all. It is in those few seconds of stillness that made Songhwa hear other things; the sound of her heart beating calmly against her ribcage, the raindrops hitting her windowpane. She closes her eyes and hears the words Ikjun had uttered to her in Sokcho, words that had awoken an unbridled turmoil within her heart.
Words that she now finds herself grateful to have heard.
“Ikjun-ah,” Songhwa repeats.
“Hmm?”
She exhales with a sigh of acceptance;
“I miss you.”
(i do and i'd do it again)
하나 - one
It is a blossoming spring when Songhwa reaches Seoul.
A Saturday filled with warmth and calm resolution to her months of careful pondering and consideration. An awakening to the matters of her heart.
She reaches Yulje in the earliest break of dawn — where the sun is still slowly peeking above the clouds. She goes to the garden, and finds that he is already there waiting for her.
He spots her at the same time she spots him. And their faces break into the widest grin as Ikjun stands to make his way towards her.
They meet halfway.
“Hey,” He greets her first, softer, calmer than she would have expected coming from someone as energetic as Lee Ikjun. “You’re early.”
“You’re early too ,” She retorts easily, and just like that, they fall into a round of comfortable laughter; their hearts at ease.
“My shift just ended,” Ikjun explains, even though he doesn’t need to. She knows, anyway. “Do you want to get breakfast together?”
Songhwa nods. “That would be great.”
And they start their walk towards the cafeteria, faces as bright and happy as the sun. Songhwa hopes he doesn’t notice the blush on her cheeks, or the way she couldn’t stop smiling. She thinks he wouldn’t, given how he isn’t looking at her, as if bashful over the fact that she’d come all the way to Seoul on her weekend off just to see him.
The back of their hands brush against each other lightly, and Songhwa is somehow unsurprised that her first instinct is to lace her pinky around his — as if testing the waters, wanting to see his reaction.
Ikjun glances down at their hands, his grin turning into a small smile of affection. Their eyes meet, a story of all unspoken words lingering in the air between them.
Slowly, but surely, he slips his hand around hers.
And Songhwa grins, a clear indication of her answer to his confession last year.