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Caleb smiled fondly at his “husband”, but waited for him to turn around before smirking.
“You don’t think I’m dashing, Covi? You don’t think I’m the most attractive man alive?! Oh darling, I’m wounded I tell you, wounded!!” Dramatically lifting a hand to his chest while pressing the back of his other hand to his forehead in a fainting pose, he peeked a glance to see if his shenanigans had the desired effect. Covi tried to roll his eyes, but he was laughing too hard, and Caleb, content with his reaction, dropped the pose in favour of wrapping his arm around Covi’s shoulders and pressing a kiss to his temple.
“You wound me, and then you laugh. How despicable. Does no one love me?”
Covi shook his head but wrapped his arm around Caleb’s waist and pulled him closer, “Of course I love you,” he teased loftily, “I just think you’re an ugly ugly man.”
Caleb pulled back in mock-indignation, his eyes wide in a scandalized expression, “Darling, surely you jest-”
Covi held back more laughter and tried to be as solemn as possible.
“Oh but Caleb, I am utterly serious.” And then he was cracking up again and he was pulling Caleb into a half-hug/half strangled thing-to-hold-him-up because he was laughing so hard. Covi loved seeing Caleb’s reactions, but he pressed a kiss right below Caleb’s right eye, an apology, and danced away again before Caleb could react.
“Sweetheart-” Caleb’s voice was growling, but it didn’t match the way his eyes had a resigned sort of love in them, and how his hand was held out for Covi to take in his own.
And Covi took it. Took it because he knew it was only here, in the safety and solace of their own home, that he could love Caleb so freely. They might never be able to get married legally, they might never share each other’s last names as their own, but for this moment their fingers were linked and the rings they bought together were shining proudly on their fingers.
“I’ll miss you, Covi.” Caleb’s voice was an abrupt moment sobriety compared to their earlier teasing, but Covi understood why he needed to say it. Covi would have said it too.
“I know, my love, I know.” He smoothed Caleb’s brow with the pad of his thumb, taking a long moment to trace the curves and ridges of his lovers face before gently tugging him closer, closer until their chests were pressed close, fingers tangled at their sides, and faces a thin layer of warm air apart.
“I love you, Mr. Covington.” And Caleb was trying, he was trying hard not to let the lump in his throat affect the way he always smiled around Covi’s name, he was trying to be strong and not sad, but dammit he loved Covi and he wished he could say it as many times as he wanted and wherever he wanted to.
But he couldn’t, so he had to make it count while he had the chance.
Covi gave a sad smile, “I love you too, Mr. Covington the second,” and tugged him forward that last stretch, their lips finally meeting in a bittersweet kiss.
“I’m proud of you,” Covi whispered, his forehead buried into Caleb’s neck, “I’m proud of you, my darling magic man, and I know you’ll blow them all away. Stay safe, love, I’ll miss you and I’m so, so proud of you.” He smiled wetly when Caleb’s arms came up to wrap around him, pulling him tight against Caleb’s chest like if Caleb had the chance he would never let Covi go.
The way Caleb held on, even after planting one last kiss on Covi’s head, showed him that Caleb wanted to.
They pulled away after a moment, with a resigned sense of finality, and Covi let out a shuddery breath; He wasn’t ready for Caleb to go yet, not when every month away, traveling the world and performing magic, meant one more month Covi was alone, missing him. He wasn’t ready, but when was he?
And so it was that Covi found himself leaning against the doorway to their home, waving to the love of his life as Caleb tipped his ridiculous top hat and picked up his suitcase.
“Goodbye!” He called out, proud of his voice for holding steady, “May the road rise up to meet you! May the wind be always at your back, may-” his voice cracked, but he carried on reciting the poem he had written for Caleb (ages ago now, when they had first fallen, desperate and forbidden, in love with each other). “May the water you drink be clear and pure, and may the stars be your guide- may the stars-” He cleared his throat and blinked back tears, smiling still in that way one does when they say their uncertain goodbye to someone they love.
“And may the stars... be your guide through every track.” His eyes were wet.
Caleb stood a moment - his tall form would be imposing to anyone else, but to Covi... To Covi he looked like home - and then he tipped his hat once more and called out a solemn “Goodbye, Mr. Covington, farewell.” and then he was gone, the warmth of their last kiss still imbedded in Covi’s mind.
It was seven months before Caleb was due back from his show tour, and Covi missed him for every bit of it. He had thrown himself into work, like he always did, and had gone out with friends and read far too many books on theology, but now he was ready for Caleb to be home.
Home.
Any moment now Caleb would come whistling down the lane to the two-bedroom apartment they shared, hat tipped back and suitcase full-to-bursting with various knick-knacks that Caleb couldn’t resist buying.
(He always said they were for Covi, but in reality he just didn’t have any impulse control.)
Any moment Covi would be able to run into his arms and twirl him around, even if Caleb was the taller man, and laugh and tease his husband again while asking about the tour.
Any moment-
Covi’s head popped up from where he leaned over the small skillet he was making eggs in, tilting to the side in an effort to hear -whatever he had heard- better.
The raspy scraping sound came again, paired with a low groaning, and Covi threw down the spatula and rushed to the door. He was being unnecessarily worried, whatever it was was fine, and he could go back to his eggs and waiting impatiently for his husband and it was fine-
The door flew open and Covi tripped down the steps and frantically searched up and down the street, looking for the source of the noise. And it was fine, it was fine, it was fine, but Covi’s steps beat in time with his thundering heart and the the dark figure stooping low on the sidewalk was Caleb, and it was fine, it was fine, it was fine, but when Caleb looked up his face was twisted with pain.
“Covi, darling-” He stumbled, and Covi threw himself forward the last few steps, stuttering to a halt before taking Caleb’s arm to give him support, “I’m home.”
I’m home, like he wasn’t hurt, like Covi wasn’t the only thing holding him up besides spite, probably, like Covi wasn’t scared out of his God damn mind because yes Caleb was home, but he was hurt, bad, and all he could say was I’m home.
“Caleb, baby, what’s wrong? What happened? Baby talk to me, what hurts? What’s wrong, baby, tell me what’s wrong-” He was babbling now, but he couldn’t stop, couldn’t stop because this was Caleb, this was the love of his life and the warmth spreading across the hand he had pressed against Caleb’s side was wet and sticky and dark, this was Caleb and he was home but he was fucking bleeding and he wouldn’t tell Covi what was wrong, he wouldn’t fucking tell him-
“I’m home, darling, it’s okay, I’m home now.” Caleb slumped harder, and Covi pulled one of Caleb’s arms over his shoulder, gently setting them both onto the sidewalk, Caleb leaned against his chest as he let his hand search out Caleb’s, other hand holding him tight, tighter than he’d ever held him before.
“Caleb, baby, please tell me-”
Caleb coughed, head rolling to the side to gaze blearily up at Covi, his smile was sad and sickening, and his voice was raspy when he finally managed to spit out the words.
“It was a group, love, ‘m’sorry I didn’t make it home in time for breakfast like I promised. They jumped me, knew we were queers, I guess, said they’d leave you alone if I left you without goodbye, but I’d promised you, y’know? Had to come back for my best top hat anyways,” A groan cut him off, and Covi tried to laugh at his joke, but Covi’s chest was too tight and he couldn’t bring himself to do anything but hold Caleb and pray to God that it wasn’t as bad as it sounded.
“Once they got it through their heads that I was coming back to you no matter what, they jumped me. Think one of the blokes had a knife, it’s a bit blurry. I’m not... Covi love... I’m not going to make it. I just. I had to say goodbye to you, I promised.”
“Don’t say that, Caleb. Don’t, please Caleb. Don’t say that.” He was crying now, but he wouldn’t pull his hand away from Caleb’s to wipe the tears from his face. “Don’t say that baby, we’ll get you through this.”
Caleb laughed a hollow laugh that broke into a fit of coughing that made him wince. It took him a moment to catch his breath again, but when he did he wheezed out, “I don’t think so, love. I’ve got a few broken ribs, some stab wounds, more... I might be a magician, but there’s only so much magic I can do.”
And Covi knew that. He knew from the way the blood was spreading under his palm, from how Caleb was growing listless and dizzy, his heartbeat speeding and breath erratic. Covi knew, he just didn’t want to accept it.
They stayed like that, for a long moment, holding each other. What could Covi say? What words and worthless platitudes could fix this? There was no amount of pages in the dictionary that could pull a magic fix out of thin air, like a rabbit in a hat. Caleb might have been the wonder on stage (and other places too), but Covi was the one with words and even now he failed.
There was nothing he could say that could fix this.
“We make a funny sight, don’t we love? Two men, crouched all funny on the ground.” Caleb’s voice lilted in and out, but he was trying, for Covi he was trying.
“Yeah,” Covi cleared his throat. He would try. For Caleb. “Except it’s more like one man holding another man in his lap like a baby. A very overgrown baby.”
Caleb smiled and nodded loosely, head weakly making its way to rest on Covi’s shoulder. He was quiet for an awful few minutes and then his head rolled back up again.
“Wouldn’t my mother like to see us now, love. I’m dying and don’t even have someone to ask me to repent, or to say a final blessing over me.”
Covi pulled his hand from Caleb’s briefly, cupping his husband’s jaw and cheek, and asked, “And would you, darling? Would you like to repent?”
“From you, my love? Never.”
It was perhaps one of the most adoring things they’d ever admitted to each other, but all it did was settle like a cold stone in Covi’s heart, even as he smiled wetly down at Caleb.
“Oh damn, there goes my mother’s dying wish,” Caleb rolled his eyes, a grim smile on his lips, and it startled a small laugh out of Covi.
“I’m fresh out of blessings too,” He admitted regretfully, but Caleb took his hand again and shook his head.
“I’ve made my peace with God, and I don’t want any more of His blessings right now. The only blessing I want is yours, Covi. Remember it?”
Covi was weeping silently, but he nodded.
“Of course I remember.”
“Of course you do,” Caleb soothed, “My handsome Covi, with his magic words. You’re a wonder, you know that, love? Can you... read it for me? Your poem?” His words were beginning to slur, and Covi sniffed and cleared his throat.
“For you? Anything.”
“Oh Covi, don’t say that, or I might ask for it.”
Covi kissed Caleb’s temple and took a breath, putting on his best recitation voice.
“I believe we ended at ‘may the stars be your guide through every track’? Well, onto the next one then.
May you be a stranger to misfortune.
May your riches grow more, not less.
May your love shine brighter than the moon.
May you know nothing- nothing but happiness.
And until we meet again, my love,
May you be safe from all that is wrong.
May no effort you make ever be in vain.
May your will remain steady and strong.
And may you forever be free from pain.”
Caleb hummed against Covi’s chest, listening quietly as Covi recited their poem. He continued on, voice breaking in some parts, but as soft and clear as the day Caleb had met him.
“May the sun shine warm upon your home.
May the rain fall soft and bring no fear.
May you be happy wherever- wherever you roam.
May the hand of a friend always be near.
And from this day forward-
May green be the lands you travel through
May blue be the skies above
May pure be the joys that surround you
May you forever be happy, and loved.
May you forever be happy and loved....”
His voice faded away and settled, and he didn’t need to check Caleb’s pulse to know he was gone. And it was fine, except it wasn’t, and he was just one more broken man, clutching the body of his dead husband on the sidewalk, words he wished to hear just one more time echoing in his head.
“I’m home.”
The air smelled of burnt eggs.