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They had finished their studies at Ludwig Academy, they were now 18, and it was the age where Elliot finally had to get married. His mother and father had been looking through for a young lady they think would be suitable for their son, who was finally an adult, ready to lead on a new beginning into his life, or at least that's what his parents thought. No one had really offered to ask the young noble how he actually felt. Elliot was sitting in his and Leo's dimly lit room, sitting on the floor by one of the windows, his head lightly pressed against the wall. Leo on the other hand was busy, as usual reading in his bed, with books more neatly stacked around his bed, giving him a little bit more bed space to sleep on. Elliot was exhausted, not physically, he was just tired, he didn't seem to peak any interest in any girl, he didn't understand what wrong, sure some of them were attractive but he... just couldn't, none of it felt right. He'd even try to imagine actually being with a girl, every time it led to just his stomach turning in what seemed disgust, he just, didn't want to for whatever reason. It was tiring, the thoughts of that he was incapable of love kept arising in his head, it made him feel terrible, he was so tired of looking for a reason, looking at the different ladies his parents had hand picked for him. Each girl had been from a good family, fairly nice too, good manners, some even spoke brightly about their opinions on his family. There was nothing inherently wrong for him not to like any of the girls. So what exactly was it? He groaned softly to himself in irritation, it was frustrating, he felt frustrated with himself. "What's wrong Elliot? You seem more upset than usual," Leo asked, looking up at Elliot from his book, in which the noble turned his head slightly, still leaning against the wall towards him. A frown rested on face, he looked tired, he thought so at least, he felt the tiredness sagging him down everyday. The lack of response caused the noirette to hum softly in concern, a soft plop was heard as he shut his book down. Elliot heard the soft shuffling from the bed, and then the footsteps that approached towards him, Leo sat across from him on the ground, leaning against the wall. "Talk to me," Leo said softly, sitting a meter away from the other. Elliot's eyes fixated on him, silence falling between them, he slowly broke the eye contact to cast his eyes down to the floor.
"I'm- I'm not incapable of love, right?" Elliot asked in a hushed cracking voice. Not speaking for a while caused the males voice to crack lightly, especially with the stress of his own head. Leo hummed, seemingly in thought. Elliot lifted his gaze up at the other, gazing at him, as he leaned against the wall, humming in thought at the question.
"Well what's causing that thought? Not liking any of the ladies your parents picked out for you?" Leo asked.
"I guess. They're all nice, but just.." Elliot sighed, trailing off, the frown on his face deepening. He didn't like sharing things like this but with Leo, it was okay. He could trust Leo, he knew the other wouldn't ever judge him.
"Hm.. Well however considered maybe you're just into women?" Leo asked, innocently. Elliot's eyes widened and his cheeks flushed a light pink, his mouth opened to protest, but he realized then he never contemplated the thought. "I'm just kidding, the Nightray's youngest son wouldn't be gay, right?" Leo asked, his voice was shaking. Elliot wondered why Leo's voice shook when he said that, but decided not to ask, possibly just holding back a laugh, it was weird to even think about right? Him, not being interested in women, yeah. That sounds strange, all of his brothers and his sister like the opposite sex, so he couldn't have been different, right?
Or that's at least what he wanted to believe. Leo moved slightly in order to peer out the window, not leaning against the wall anymore. Elliot looked up at him, watching him silently as the other was fixated on the moon and the stars, it had been nighttime after all, it's almost time for them to go to bed. Elliot stared at the male, holding a gaze, his eyes tracing over all the shapes of his face, his hair, his smaller body which he had grown a few inches since they were 16, but Elliot remained taller than him. He looks.. Elliot shook his head getting rid of the thoughts, getting up from the floor, getting the other to glance at him curiously. Elliot wasn't checking out his valet, his friend, no he was not, he didn't see Leo like that, he wasn't. Right? "What's up?"
"I think I'm going to head to bed," Elliot replied bluntly.
"Sooo... Why'd you call me out here?" Oz asked, his elbow propped against his thigh and his head resting in his hand. He looked at Elliot with curious innocent eyes. Since then Oz had grown too, he was still matching Leo's height, ever so often the noble still called him 'shorty.' "I thought the great Elliot Nightray had been flooded with dates this entire time, no?" Oz teased, smiling at him mischievously. His green eyes were piercing in to Elliot's blue ones, as he shifted uncomfortably under the gaze. He scowled at the other, crossing his arms over his chest and clicking his tongue.
"Why did I call you out, I'm reconsidering myself," Elliot hissed irritated which caused Oz to give him a puppy eye look. Elliot groaned and ran his hand through his hair. "You don't think I'm not into women right? It'd be weird," Elliot asked, his voice slightly shaking, he wasn't even sure why he was asking Oz this. It just felt weird to ask Leo, after the thoughts that raised when he spoke about it with him. It was weird right? For a noble?
"Well, do you want me to be honest?" Oz asked, the goofiness in his face and voice leaving completely when Elliot looked at him with an eyebrow raised, huh? Oz scratched his head and laughed lightly, "I don't think that'd be weird especially- Actually nah never mind," Oz cut himself off, smiling at Elliot. The other's eyebrow twitched, especially what?
"Especially what? Finish your damn sentence shorty!" Elliot yelled and Oz acted as if Elliot just stabbed him, holding his chest, slouching down from the use of the nickname. The wind blew against them harshly for a moment, causing the trees against them for their leaves to rustle softly in the breeze.
"I don't know, I just always thought you liked Leo or something?" Oz was looking up at the sky, deep in thought when he said it. Elliot looked down at his feet, confusion circling his head. "You've just always been so close- You never showed much interest in anyone else, but that's just from what I've seen," Oz added, glancing back towards Elliot who was busy having his own existential crises. "But if you mean, depending on your family, not sure how well that'd go, they already didn't take it well with Gilbert- So.." Oz casted his eyes down, his bangs slightly covering his eyes. That's right, when Oz and Gilbert got together, Gilbert had told their family only to instantly been told to never come back and that he was no longer part of the family. Vincent was the one who was the most hurt about the whole situation too. "But-" Oz cut in, trying to sound cheerful but his voice still had a hint of sadness in it. "At the same time, your family loves you the most Elliot, you're the youngest," Oz spoke, and he was right. Claude, Ernest, Fred and Vanessa, and including his parents have always treated him with extra care, even letting him keep Leo as his valet, which isn't something they supported but they still let it happen. "Why do you ask in the first place? The dates not going well?" Oz asked.
"I guess. They're all sweet and whatever but I don't know," Elliot whispered, slouching slightly, he brought his hands to his head. It was tiring, he felt like there was something wrong with him. Oz looked at him, smiling at him sadly.
Ah. So he's oblivious then..
All Leo was doing was helping one of the maids water the plants, he wasn't even doing anything special, just watering plants. Elliot had come back to see his valet watering the plants with another girl, they seemed to be friendly with one another, he could recall she was a new servant working here, seemed Leo was helping her with her. She was around their age too, she was quite young compared to most of the others working at the Nightray mansion, Leo was one of the only other people there around her age. It was bound for him to help her out, but why did it irritate Elliot so much? He grit his teeth, unable to stop the scowl and the anger that was boiling inside him, it made him more upset that he was upset in the first place. Why did he even care? Leo finally noticed the young noble and turned around to wave at him with a gentle smile. Elliot looked away from him and stomped his way towards the manor, Leo following him shortly after catching up to him today. "How's Oz doing? Did it go well?" Leo asked cheerfully, at Elliot's side, having caught up to him.
"I thought you're busy." Leo's cheerfulness dropped slightly, a confused expression on his face, a slightly startled one at that from the unusual harshness that came from Elliot's tone.
"Not particularly.. I was just out for a walk when she asked me to help her since she didn't know how much water each plant needed, no one explained it to her, and I've seen others do it so I helped her, I was just waiting for you to come back," Leo replied softly, wondering what caused the anger in Elliot's tone. Did seeing Oz not go well?
"Well it sure seemed like you were having fun, doesn't she need anymore help since you're so kind for offering help in the first place!?" Oh no. Elliot was taking it out on Leo, not good, Leo wouldn't lie to him, he doesn't do that. Leo offered him a shocked and hurt expression at the cold words.
"No Elliot that's not-"
"Where you flirting? Maybe you should get-"
"Elliot what the hell!? What's wrong with you!? If it didn't go well with Oz no need to take it out on me!" Leo snapped.
"Well why you so close with another servant then!? You're supposed to be by my side!"
"Well I'm sorry I'm not some dog that's going to follow you around everywhere! What am I supposed to do when you go off for your own things!? Do nothing? What kind of logic is that!?"
"I'm just stating things how they looked! What if someone else saw!?"
Leo's blood was boiling, "And how did they look!? I was simply helping someone whose new here, no one else was around! And I'm not property I'm allowed to do my own things too!"
Elliot finally had turned around to meet Leo's anger with his own, both were scowling and glaring at each other, as if they were just about ready to jump and start fighting physically. "We've had a lot of new people here and you were never so nice to them before!"
"Are you serious!? The girls an orphan too and she's had it ha-"
"Oh so you did do more than just help her!"
Leo grit his teeth, his fists were shaking by his side. "Why are you acting like such a jealous piece of shit!?" Leo spat out, which finally got Elliot to flinch and back down and avert his gaze.
"Sorry." It was barely audible, he turned around and went back to his room.
Ernest had run into Elliot while the younger male was desperately trying to get back to his room to calm down. "Oh hey Elli!" Ernest called out and Elliot slightly cringed at the nickname, along with the fact he was already irritated. "Father wanted to tell me you have a date scheduled in an hour, so you should get ready for that," Ernest offered, smiling at him gently, a small tear appeared in his eye. "I can't believe you're already all grown up," Ernest cried softly and Elliot looked at him with a slightly shocked and uncomfortable expression, god not this again. He thought to himself but understood his older brother was just reminiscing when they were all younger.
"Okay. Thanks, where am I meeting her?"
"At the usual spot, you know father, she doesn't live far and her parents are bringing her by,"
"Okay." With that Elliot went into his room, to overthink.
The date was going quite well with the girl and Elliot walking side by side around the Nightray mansion chatting away. She was apparently also a piano player, so they ended up talking about music together. It was a nice day out, the sun was shining brightly down on them, setting slowly as it was slowly becoming later in the day. Elliot actually quite enjoyed talking with her and her presence, she was easy to talk to and carefree and cheerful, they shared some similar interests at that too. It eased his mind of anxiety, truly thinking he could probably come to actually like her. In the corner of his eye he caught Leo's presence, it was across on another side of the mansion away from them, but Elliot could distinguish the messy hair and the smaller male. The conversation he had with the girl suddenly becoming inaudible to him as she was talking to him. Elliot slowly also noticed another presence by Leo, he was talking with someone, it was someone taller than him. He felt uneasy about the scene as it didn't seem like they were doing anything. He watched the male reach over and grab Leo's wrist, that's when Elliot also noticed it had been in fact, not one of his brothers either or Vanessa, let alone one of his parents. "Sorry, one second," Elliot offered to the girl, not even sparing her a chance to reply, or even a glance towards her as his gaze remained fixated on the two males. The girl offered him a confused response but he had already walked off towards Leo. He almost stopped walking when he saw Leo flinch, as he got closer and how the noirette was desperately trying to leave the scene. As he got closer that's when the taller male raised his hand. Leo flinched and turned away slightly putting up his spare arm to protect himself, waiting for the impact that never came. "What do you think you're doing?" Elliot asked, holding the male's arm that was still in the air, aimed to hit Leo. Elliot grabbed Leo by his arm and pulled him away from the other. "What exactly do you think you're doing? Who are you? Do you work here?" Elliot growled, his irritancy growing as he started to realize the situation when he caught the expression on Leo's face.
"I-I- I'm so sorry Elliot, I didn't know he was your valet-" the male struggled, bowing his head down towards the noble. "I was just trying-"
"Trying what? Leave, I've studied your face enough, I'll be delivering this to my parents if you work here, so you can start packing your things and get out," Elliot scowled, his tone was bitter and harsh, although his hold that didn't leave from Leo's arm was increasingly gentler. The other male bowed once again offering another apology before fleeing the scene.
"Oh Elliot! You were so fast.. I wondered where you went," the girl he was with previously panted, dropping the front of her dress catching her breath. Elliot only then remembered he had completely abandoned her to come to Leo's side. What was wrong with him? "You're so sweet, is that your valet? You came here just to stand up for him? That's so sweet of you Elliot! Is he okay?" she asked, her eyes kind and genuine.
"Yeah, sorry for interrupting your date, I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused," Leo offered and bowed his head lightly and Elliot clicked his tongue.
"You weren't the problem. Don't apologize." Elliot's hold on him didn't leave. "Sorry, I'm not feeling great, I can see you another time if you'd like." Elliot really, didn't feel like continuing the date and leaving Leo alone again. Leo looked up at him with a startled expression, stiffening slightly. The girl in exchange offered him a small smile.
"Of course!" She replied, walking over to Elliot and leaning into his ear before she left. "I have a feeling we're really not that much different," she whispered, before bowing her head and leaving the area. Elliot's eyes widened at her words, glancing back towards her as she walked away, Leo, who hadn't heard what she whispered confused. What? Elliot's heart quickened instantly jumping to- No, no. Set that thought aside. She just probably also cares about her valet as a friend or something, that's what she meant. Obviously there was nothing else to it. Leo put his hand over Elliot's that was still holding his arm. Elliot glanced at him, turning his attention towards the male.
"You can let go now," Leo offered gently.
When they got back to their dorm, Leo instantly plopped down on his bed to take out a book and start reading it happily. A small smile rested on his lips as he was able to open the book up, hoping there will be no distractions from his reading. Elliot had stopped near the doorway and watched Leo, who on the other hand seemed completely unfazed but the incident that occurred earlier. "Are you okay?" Elliot asked, and Leo looked up at him meeting his concerned gaze, tilting his head to the side, confused. "He didn't- You know hurt you in any way?" Elliot asked, concern lacing his words. Leo in return just smiled and turned his glance back towards the book in his hands.
"Of course not, you were there," Leo responded honestly, somehow that sent Elliot's heart to beat slightly faster than he would've liked, let alone he didn't even like the fact he did notice his heart speed up. "That girl you were with, she's really nice, did you finally enjoy a woman's company today?" Leo asked, not tearing his gaze away from the book. Elliot scratched his head and looked to the side, before walking over to sit on his own bed.
"Yeah- I mean I guess, she's different compared to the other girls," Elliot answered, thinking about it. He didn't see Leo's hand shake softly at the response.
"That's good, see you are capable of love, no need to worry," Leo answered, forcing a smile, looking over at Elliot who lifted his head and met Leo's.
"I never said anything about that," Elliot responded, causing Leo to tilt his head to the side. "I just said she's different, she was nice to talk to, we actually shared similar interests." Leo didn't want to hear that, he unnoticeably clenched his grip on the book he was holding, trying to stop the trembling of his hands, hoping Elliot didn't notice.
"That's good."
"You sure you're okay?"
No. "Yes Elliot, stop worrying I'm fine," Leo responded, trying to make his tone sound convincing, based off watching Elliot get off his bed and walk over to him, he did not sound convincing. He was exhausted from overthinking about why Elliot got so upset over him helping out a new servant at the mansion, he was out of it, and didn't have the energy to not let his emotions seep past. He couldn't let Elliot know, he didn't feel the same, he already knew that. He'd thrown the hints and Elliot didn't answer any of them, he already knew. He didn't want him to know. He felt the bed dip slightly when Elliot sat down on the bed, Leo was thankful that moment his glasses covered his eyes, and his bangs were long enough to also do the job.
"What's actually wrong? You can tell me you know," Elliot whispered, scooting to sit fully on the bed by Leo. The bed was small, only a twin bed so Elliot had moved close to sit to Leo, their knees almost touching. Leo tensed up at the sudden approach, he really didn't want to talk about what was upsetting him, how could he? How could he just tell Elliot that he was upset over the fact that he didn't feel the same way? He was already thankful to be able to be by side, that Elliot cared about him, someone who was no one compared to the bright and strong noble. Leo shook his head as a way to convey that it's nothing, and tried to focus on his book. Elliot opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by the knock on his door. He turned his attention towards the door and Leo let out an inaudible sigh of relief. Saved by the knock.
"Hey Elli! I ended up got some extra drinks and since you're of age I thought I'd ask if you wanted to join? I'm yet to share a one on one drink with my younger brother! Claude and Fred are away and Vanessa already said no.." Ernest pouted at the door. Elliot sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. He contemplated the thought of giving his brother some company, plus the fact he had already been shot down by their sister, as he stated and Ernest was the type who wanted someone to join him. At the same time Elliot had caught on something was wrong with Leo, he noticed the slight tremble in his hands earlier and his tone had a hint of sadness in it but he couldn't figure out why, he wanted to press on further. He sighed softly, deciding spending time with his brother wouldn't hurt.
"I'll be back in a bit Leo," Elliot offered, looking at Leo, and receiving a small smile and a nod, then instantly he looked back at the book in his hands. Such bad timing. He let it go and walked towards the open door to Ernest. Leo let the book fall into his lap, and a loud exhale was heard a couple minutes after the door clicked shut. He finally let the tears he'd been holding in since seeing them start pouring out. His heart ached, he wished he didn't feel that way. If Elliot had found out he'd probably instantly tell him to leave, it's disgusting. He shouldn't have any romantic feelings for his master, his friend, his equal. It was wrong, Elliot was bound to be married off to a girl, he knew that. Yet, it hurt like nothing else. He wept softly in the dark and quiet room.
What Ernest had failed to tell Elliot, was that the alcohol was definitely way stronger than he had anticipated, but it was far to late after a few drinks and a couple of hours of talking and drinking, he was standing in the hallway on the way back to his room. The realization of, actually the fact he was indeed slightly more drunk than he wanted to be hitting him, his vision slightly blurry and the burning feeling of the alcohol still remained in his throat. His cheeks were flushed slightly from the alcohol, which heated up his body and he really wasn't sure how he was supposed to press on further about what was bothering Leo with his judgement clouded to this level. It irritated him, he wasn't the type to drink either, but he didn't want to turn his brother down who had given him puppy eyes at the door when he asked Elliot to come with him. They had a nice talk too, Ernest had asked him about the girl he saw today, happy that Elliot had found a liking to her, even if it wasn't the kind he'd hoped. Elliot exhaled slowly, starting to walk again back to his room, where he was mentally prepping himself, Leo was as well. Why was he so hung up on Leo? He made a low grumble in his throat realizing what made him anxious is what Leo would think. What was bothering Leo had been circling his head the entire time he was with Ernest, other thoughts popping in his head that he truly could erase from thinking them in the first place. He eyed the doorknob with mixed emotions running through him. Why was he so anxious? His hands were shaking, but he nonetheless opened the door entering. Elliot's anxiety about what he thought previously was completely washed away as he saw Leo's glasses were off, and he was met with red puffy eyes whose widened, clearly not expecting him to be already back. Elliot abruptly shut the door, instantly forgetting how he was still, in fact intoxicated and tripped over his own feet for a moment, but didn't fall. He had caught Leo, crying alone. Leo was frozen in place, panic instantly bubbling up inside of him. Elliot wobbled slightly trying to get to Leo's bed, sitting down and letting out an exhausted sigh like that took everything out of him. Elliot slid on to the bed towards Leo, sitting beside him. "What's wrong?" he asked, worriedly.
"You stink of liquor," Leo replied, turning his gaze towards the blanket underneath him rather than meeting Elliot's worried expression. "Are you drunk?" Elliot flinched against the words.
"Hey! Don't direct away from the question, what's wrong, why were you crying? Did he actually hurt you?" Elliot asked, persistent. His piercing gaze on Leo, who on the other hand was still not meeting his gaze. Leo shifted, visually uncomfortable for how exposed he was at that moment. It really, sent something not pleasant into his stomach, or chest, he didn't know, either way Elliot knew that it hurt to see Leo crying, to see that he had been crying, and he wasn't there.
"Just got emotional over the book," he lied. Elliot clicked his tongue and without another thought brought one of his hands to cup Leo's cheek and turn his head to meet his gaze. Leo squeaked at the sudden contact, forcefully meeting Elliot's eyes and he frowned slightly. "Your breath reeks. You really are drunk aren't you?" Elliot scowled.
"First of all, I'm not that drunk, just underestimated what Ernest got, and second of all, utter bullshit, what's bothering you?" Elliot asked, trying to sound assertive, but instead it only came out as concern and worry. Elliot really, really did try to avoid the beat of his heart quickening, this was not the time to get flustered, Leo is Leo, he's not getting flustered over something like this, about being this close to Leo, or the fact their knees were touching. Why was he even aware of that in the first place. "Please tell me?" Elliot's words came out more affectionate than worried this time, sending Leo's heart to instantly skip a beat. Elliot's thumb stroked his cheek, some kind of warm feeling bubbling in his chest from the contact. Leo contemplated it, realizing there was no way he could get out with lame excuses out of Elliot's questioning. He sighed in defeat, averting his gaze for a moment.
"I just get lonely sometimes," he whispered, hoping that was a believable excuse. Not that it was a lie, he was saying the truth, but not the complete truth. He'd hope Elliot would now leave him alone, but he truly was wrong about that as Elliot only scooted closer, removing his hand from Leo's cheek and embracing him. Leo tensed against the embrace, but Elliot was warm, warmer than usual from the alcohol too, and he really did need a hug if he were being honest. Tears threatened to come out, and he let them as he relaxed under the embrace and wrapped his arms weakly around Elliot and laid his head on his shoulder. This felt nice. Elliot felt so safe, Leo crumbled under his warmth, fisting his shirt, his hands trembling as he cried softly into Elliot's shoulder and Elliot tightened his hold. A dark blush was coating his cheeks, and he was beyond thankful Leo didn't notice it, but at that moment he blamed it on the alcohol, same with why his heart was racing.
"Then tell me when you feel that way, I'm here Leo, I wont leave you okay?" Elliot promised, whispering into Leo's ear. Leo nodded in defeat against him, he was thankful for Elliot, for being here, for pushing down the doors he didn't want to open up. He wasn't thankful for the feelings that he kept buried under layers and layers of masks, for how he truly felt. He always wanted for Elliot to hold him like this, and maybe, he was a little thankful he had drank, thinking that's possibly for why he was so gentle after. Leo shoved away the fact that Elliot indeed did reek of alcohol, as Elliot already stated, it was stronger than he expected so the smell wasn't surprising. Nonetheless, Elliot's scent still remained and it didn't fail to make Leo feel at ease. While Leo was letting out his emotions slip through the tears and let himself be comforted, Elliot was once again stuck in his own head. He was heavily attempting to shove the thoughts that kept invading his head, blaming the alcohol and the moment for his thoughts.
Eventually Leo finally pulled away from the hug, getting Elliot to loosen his embrace on Leo, but still not letting go. "I feel a little better, you can let go-"
"I don't want to," the honesty seeping through Elliot's mouth before he'd even processed what he just said. Leo's eyes widened, and so did Elliot's and to Elliot's disappointment, they were eye to eye and Leo visually saw the blush that darkened on Elliot's cheeks. Mentally he was screaming about how it was the alcohol, just the alcohol. An uncomfortably loud silence lay between them, both holding each others shocked expressions. Elliot broke the eye contact, too embarrassed to look at Leo. The other blinked, confused and taken aback. Was Elliot, blushing? "Shit- Sorry it's the alcohol-"
"Yeah, maybe you should sleep it off, I can grab you some water," Leo cut him off, trying to pull away from Elliot's hold to get up to do so, except he still didn't. Leo smirked slightly at the response. "I guess it's not just me then? The great Elliot Nightray gets needy for some affection," Leo teased, bringing his hand to Elliot's cheek. The noble's eyes widened, and a knot appeared in his throat.
I always thought you liked Leo
We're a lot similar than I thought
Elliot's heart was pounding in his ears, and by this point his own head had stopped being able to produce excuses. "I think I need some fresh air." he let go of Leo and stumbled out of the room before Leo could even respond to the him. What had just happened? Why did that stir up so much in him, he couldn't stop the heat that was in his cheeks. This can't be happening, his heart pounding too loud for it to be okay to himself. The fresh air felt nice as he finally got outside, realizing he was panting. Tears instantly started falling from his eyes and he didn't understand why. The emotion was overwhelming him, too many thoughts processing his mind. This wasn't happening. Leo didn't make his heart pound. He was just- He let out a weak cry, covering his face with his hand, he was shaking.
How long for more can I make these excuses to myself?
Leo had been left, the situation making him panic, did he do something to upset Elliot? He simply done the same thing Elliot had, which was okay? He thought it was, the anxiety flooded his sense and he curled up. Why did Elliot run off suddenly? His mind clouded with too many thoughts to process.
He was disgusting. He couldn't talk to anyone, everyone would judge him. He's a Nightray he can't. It was too much, he was overwhelmed the following day, unable to let go of that thought of what happened, of the realization. It hurt, it burned his throat, what was he supposed to do? The emotion was overwhelming the moment he finally faced it, it was disgusting. He can't have feelings for Leo, what was he supposed to do? He was terrified, he wanted to hide, he hated himself so much. Why can't he just be normal, why was he like this, it hurt. Leo didn't feel the same, they were equals, he knew that Leo meant it, and they were, but to others he was just a valet, he couldn't be- Elliot started sobbing. Leo had been reading and noticed the sob that left Elliot, turning his gaze towards the noble who was covering his mouth, trying to cover the emotion that was seeping out without his consent. It was too much. Gilbert was kicked out, that's what he had facing for him, where would he even go? What- "Elliot," Leo called out, standing right by the bed, next to Elliot. "What's wrong?" he asked. Elliot couldn't get the words out, he couldn't tell him. Elliot shook his head, not meeting Leo's eye, he was embarrassed. He hated himself for his feelings. He hated how warm Leo's touch had felt, he hated that he wanted to feel more of his touch, that he wanted to ki- nonono please. He was so tired, the tears didn't stop and he hated everything about the situation. Leo sat down on the bed, offering up a hug that Elliot without thinking leaned into, feeling Leo's arms wrap around him wordlessly. Leo stroked circles and shapes on his back, in attempt to soothe his cries, which overwhelmed the noble with affection towards the other. How long? How long had he been lying to himself? Locking the door to the truth, looking away from it? Leo's touch was comforting, and he didn't want to feel anyone else's arms around him. "Can you tell me what's wrong?" Leo asked again, gently trying to soothe the male and get him to open up about what's causing him such distress.
"I can't-" Elliot managed out between broken sobs. Leo felt like his heart was being pierced with a billion needles having to see the noble fall apart so harshly, out of his control, with his voice sounding so hurt and sad. He wished he could make whatever was bothering the other better. Elliot could differentiate every single shape was drawing on Elliot's back, only being able to focus on how comforting and nice it felt to be in his arms, how much he really... really did love the other. It hurt, it hurt more than he wanted to for how strong the feelings were, he couldn't ignore them. Oz had seen through all of it right away, but Elliot was oblivious, he didn't realize and it hurt. His parents were already planning to marry him off, he couldn't be with Leo no matter how much he wanted to and it hurt. He realized how horrible it was, how disgusting he was, his family wouldn't think twice to cast him aside if they knew. What would they all think? "Leo," he whimpered, still sobbing softly. Leo hummed in response, continuing to trace shapes on his back with his fingers. "Is it.." he trailed off, scared. He was paralyzed with fear. What Leo think? Leo wouldn't hate, right? "...okay to not like girls?" he whispered quietly. Leo held in the shaky breath that he almost let out, a knot in his throat he had to swallow down.
"You can't control that Elliot, maybe it's wrong, but that's just what others think, you shouldn't be ashamed of it, it's okay, it's okay with me," Leo comforted, rubbing his back comfortingly. Elliot didn't stop crying, if anything more tears fell, he was relieved, Leo was okay with it. He didn't find him gross or disgusting. "Do you want to talk about it?" Leo asked, not really wanting to hear about someone else, but Elliot needed him in that moment, and he was there to help. He wanted to help, he wanted to help stop the tears, Elliot never cried. The last time Leo saw him cry was when he'd have nightmares and it got to him, even then it wasn't to this point, just a few tears and he eventually fell back into being normal, or at least had simply calmed down.
"Is it.." Elliot's cheeks heated up, the tears slowly stopped but his voice was hoarse from the crying. Leo tilted his head, as Elliot sat up straight again, Leo's arms leaving around Elliot to return to his sides. "Is it wrong to-" Elliot was stuttering and he hated how embarrassed how he was.
"Hm?"
"Is it wrong to-" Elliot's hands were trembling. What if he hates me after I say it? What if he doesn't feel the same way? What if that's what pushes him to think I'm disgusting. Of course it's wrong, he wouldn't return the same feelings, he probably doesn't feel the same feeling when our hands touch when we play the piano together, he- Elliot didn't realize tears were brimming his eyes again. He looked down at the bed, his eyes catching onto Leo's hands, that was resting in his lap. Elliot instinctively reached out grabbing one of his hands. "Are you hurt?" Leo's eyes widened and he instantly pulled away his hand out of his hold. Elliot was taken aback, and looked up at him, concerned. "Let me see your hand." Elliot tried to grab the other but he pulled it away too, leaning away from Elliot, panic invading his senses.
"It's just a scratch from-"
"Let me see it, have you treated it?" Elliot asked, his eyes pleading and serious, trying to avoid the fact he was in the process of trying to confess his new found feelings for Leo. Leo sighed in response, keeping his hands behind his back.
"I'm just a servant, plus its not that bad it's just a small scratch, I promise you it's nothing," Leo tried.
"Give me your hand," Elliot demanded, although his tone was gentle. He was worried, what he saw, or what he thought instantly was consuming him. He didn't want to think like that, that Leo did something like that, so he had to know, he had to know he was wrong. He needed to know it was nothing, but the way Leo was defensive about it only sparked more concern and panic, it couldn't be what he thought. It couldn't be. Why would he ever do something like that? Let alone when.
"Elliot, I'm fine." Elliot forcefully grabbed Leo's wrist, reaching over and grasping it tightly to see for himself. Leo flinched, and Elliot noticed. He needed to know. "Elliot- Don't-" It was too late, Elliot had rolled up Leo's sleeve and his heart sank, it dropped and shattered. If he thought loving Leo hurt, this hurt more. It hurt. "Elliot-"
"Why?" he asked, his voice cracking. "Why? Why didn't you tell me? Leo, why?" Elliot looked up at him to meet his gaze through his glasses, his expression showing how much it broke him, how much it actually hurt. Leo tensed up at the questions, he felt exposed, Elliot had broken through every single thing Leo tried to hide, it was unbearable, the expression Elliot was looking at him with at that moment, broke him. He didn't want to hurt Elliot, that was the last thing he wanted to do. Elliot ran his thumb over the scars, gently, making sure he wasn't putting pressure on it. "Talk to me, why? What for? Why? When did this start? Please don't hurt yourself," he whispered shakily.
"Elliot I'm sorry," Leo whimpered. "I'm sorry," he repeated, his own voice starting to crack.
"Lets go get this treated, the doctors shouldn't be around at this hour," Elliot's hand traveled to take Leo's and pulled him up and bring him along. Leo couldn't find the energy to fight back so he simply followed as Elliot brought him to the bathroom first to clean both of his arms before taking him with him to get bandages and medicine for treating the wounds.
"Elliot you don't have to.. I'll be fine.." Leo whimpered as the medicine was applied to the wounds.
"I'm sorry for not noticing earlier," Elliot whispered, not stopping applying the medicine gently, holding Leo's arm carefully making sure not to bring him anymore pain than the medicine had already been. "I'm sorry I'm so blind to all of it," Elliot whispered it more quietly.
"What do you mean?"
Elliot didn't answer, he simply started bandaging the boys arm. "Tell me if its too loose or too tight okay?" Elliot met his eyes, unaware of the affection his glance held, which threw Leo off and left him unable to say anything except give him a slow nod. "Is this okay?" he asked, finishing wrapped his first arm.
"It's fine."
"Are you sure? It doesn't hurt? It's not too tight?"
"I promise, it's not, if anything it's slightly loose, but it's okay, you're not hurting me," Leo whispered in return. Elliot nodded, tying the bandage to make sure it doesn't come undone, making sure the knot isn't on the side where the wounds were before offering his hand for Leo to place the other arm in it, which Leo did hesitantly.
"Throw it out."
"Huh?"
"Whatever you used." Elliot didn't lift his gaze, starting to carefully apply the medicine. Leo frowned slightly, but didn't answer. Elliot's hands were careful, he was so carefully applying the medicine, Leo could tell he was really trying to make sure it didn't hurt anymore that it already was, his touch gentle and kind.
"It's not that easy Elliot," Leo whispered.
"It's okay, I'll help you through it, just please don't do it anymore, you know how I feel about this stuff," Elliot responded, starting to wrap the bandage around his wrist. "I don't understand it, I don't get it, it pisses me off, but if it's you, it especially hurts, we're always together, I didn't know this was happening, I should've noticed, I'm sorry. But please, just let me help," Elliot added, finishing wrapping his arm and looking at him for approval that its not too tight or to loose. Leo gave him a slight nod at the silent question, in which Elliot tied the knot to secure it from unwrapping.
"I'll try," Leo whispered.
When they entered back into the room, Leo had instantly started towards his bed, to pick up a book and try to focus on something other than what had happened, to focus on something else but the guilt he felt. Elliot's hand grabbed his before he could even get a few meters away from the other, making him turn around and tilt his head to the side questioningly. They were still at the doorway, and Elliot didn't say anything for a long moment, leaving Leo itching even more to surround himself in books. "Is it.." Elliot mumbled, unsure and nervous to continue what he wants to say. He exhaled shakily and grit his teeth trying to pause even for a moment his skipping heart and the anxiety. "Is it okay to love you?" the words came out quickly and very soft. Leo's resolve dropped and his eyes widened, his mouth dropping agape but no words came out. Elliot met his eye, a blush tinting his cheeks, a nervous but affectionate gaze in his eyes. Leo fully turned around to face him and walked over towards him, moving his hand out of Elliot's shaky hold and brought his hands to the noble's cheeks, whose eyes widened in return, causing the red to deepen its shade on his cheeks.
"Yes." Leo whispered, stroking Elliot's cheeks with his thumbs. Elliot was so gentle when he brought his hands to Leo's cheeks, Leo instinctively stepping closer to the other.
"I love you." Leo leaned up on his toes to break the space between them, fluttering his eyes shut as Elliot did the same, one of his hands leaving Leo's face to wrap around his waist and pull him in closer, deepening the kiss. Elliot's heart was pounding in his ears, any last worrisome, or any thoughts at all leaving his mind only focusing on Leo who was in front of him. This felt right, this didn't feel bad, it felt right. He felt warm, and he felt happy. His chest was warm, overflowing with love for the male in his arms, who he was kissing with all the love he could manage out. He didn't even realize how long he was waiting to share a kiss with him until they were kissing. It was a lot to comprehend, how warm Leo's lips, how the butterflies in his stomach were going crazy. Leo's heart pounding the same, in his ears, blanking his mind except for just Elliot, and how relieved he felt, he felt stupid for ever thinking Elliot wouldn't return his feelings, but here he was, holding him close and protectively. Eventually the two separated from the kiss, but Elliot kissed his cheeks, then his nose, too caught up in the love that was overflowing, Leo couldn't stop the smile that came to his lips, he felt loved, he felt warm.
"I love you Elliot," he whispered, threading his fingers through his hair, panting softly from the long kiss they shared. Leo felt the grin on Elliot's face between the small pecks Elliot was leaving on his face. Elliot lips slowly trailed to his jaw and without thinking, Leo leaned his head to the side letting the kisses trail down to his neck, they were soft and warm, Leo's eyes were closed, taking in the affection wordlessly, trying to comprehend Elliot was leaving kisses wherever his lips were able to reach, his grip tight on Leo, keeping him against his chest.
"Elli~ Mother and Father have decided to schedule you a wedding with the girl you met last time since you got along so well, they don't want to make-" Elliot's cough interrupted Vanessa who was happily talking, she looked at her younger brother in concern. The same fear Elliot had been avoiding since a few nights ago came back, the lump in his throat was too big, he felt like he was suffocating. He had actually forgotten and hoped next time the topic was brought up he could manage a way to ask to cancel trying to find him someone, but sadly the problem had gotten worse. Leo who had been at his side along with Vanessa's valet, stayed silent, keeping his expression unchanged although his heart panged with the words.
"What? I barely even met her once!" Elliot yelled, confused. Vanessa frowned and looked at him with a sad expression. "Why the rush? I thought-" Elliot cut himself off, his breathing was uneven. Panic invaded his senses, he was running out of time, and he was terrified. There was no way out of this, what was he supposed to do?
"I was going to say, but you cut me off, she's coming by today," Vanessa stated. "I'm sure it'll go well Elli, I heard from Ernest that you did get along with her pretty well," Vanessa added in a sad tone. "She'll be here in a few minutes, you think you can get ready and meet her?" Vanessa asked and Elliot truly, wanted to run in that moment but all he did was offer a small nod, at which Vanessa smiled and gave him some words of encouragement before leaving. Leo walked over to him, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze. Elliot gave Leo's hand a squeeze back, and the two headed back to their room.
"I'm sure we can work this out," Leo encouraged, helping Elliot get ready for the 'date' his family had once again scheduled with minimal communication to him until the last minute. Elliot grabbed his hand and pulled him into a kiss, catching the noirette off guard.
"We will," Elliot whispered, breaking the kiss and pecking his cheek. Leo smiled at the affection, it made his heart overflow with love for the other. They will work this out, it will be okay.
"You like that valet don't you?" she asked, and Elliot looked at her shocked and confused, his mouth falling open but he instantly closed it, glancing away from her and she smiled at the silent response he had given her.
"Thats-"
"Hey, it's okay. Me too. I don't want to get married either," she whispered, sharing a secret. Elliot glanced back at her realizing, what she meant the last time they'd met. "I could tell, you don't hide it that well you know Elliot," she said, watching the other's cheeks heat up and she started laughing heartily. Elliot stayed silent, unable to think of anything to say through the embarrassment for being told how obvious he was. Even Oz noticed, everyone noticed before he had even noticed, that's just embarrassing. "So then, you have a plan?" she asked, snapping Elliot of his daze.
"Not really. I was planning just telling my father how it is and face the consequences," Elliot replied honestly, tightening his hands into fists, his hands shaking.
"How bad do you think it'll go?"
"Well my adoptive older brother got kicked out for a similar reason.. Maybe if he was a girl they would be more okay with it, but they originally didn't like him, so honestly I have no idea what to expect," Elliot's voice cracked as he spoke, he was staring at the ground, shaking. She put her hand over Elliot's offering him a smile that he glanced her briefly to see. "I haven't- Even completely come to terms with it myself, I can't imagine how my family will take it," he whispered.
"What do you mean?" she asked, curiosity in her voice. He shook his head, unwilling to share that he had been suppressing and running away from his feelings for Leo for however long, as he didn't know, he just knew that it was there for a long time but he never acknowledged it not until others put it in front of his face, not until Oz pointed out how Elliot acted with Leo, not until he realized the feelings that Leo's touch caused to arise in him. He had been oblivious for too long to even know how long he had been pretending he did like girls, when in fact he had eyes for his one and only valet.
"What did you just say!?" Bernard yelled loudly, anger coating his words and Elliot felt the fear clogging his throat and his senses. He was terrified, the words were already out and said, with his father, very much angry and more than he'd imagined he'd be. "You mean to tell me my son is in love with a servant!? First Gilbert with that Vessalius boy and now you!? You realize how terrible you both make me look? I knew from the start when you brought him here that was bound to happen, that boy brings only trouble!" Bernard continued to yell, while Elliot stood with his head casted down, shaking from fear. He couldn't be afraid now, he can't be weak, not this time, not now. He raised his head to meet his fathers enraged eyes.
"I'm sorry father, but this is how I feel. I don't want to get married so all I ask is for to stop this marriage and stop the dates, I've seen enough women, and I've already decided where my heart lies," Elliot bluntly spoke, making sure to keep his voice strong and assertive. What happened next didn't matter, as long as he could be together with Leo. He already made the decision before he entered the room, he wasn't going to stand down what he wanted, he had been pretending for too long for the sake of his family and he couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't marry someone he didn't love, and in the first place had her own heart belong to someone else. "You can kick me out, I'll never show my face around, but all I ask, is that you let me stay with Leo. Please," Elliot begged, his hands still shaking by his sides. He didn't know what he would do after, but he knew he had to stay strong now. Later would be later, now was now. "I've been sitting at night, every single day already punishing myself for not being able to like anyone but him. I've already had enough, this is what I want, and I'm just here to let you know that, I've made up my mind and I'm done with seeing all those women, I've seen enough, my mind will not change." Bernard sighed irritated and leaned back in his chair.
Leo was anxiously waiting for Elliot in their room, unable to read from the worry for how it's going to go, he bit his lip, unable to stop from anxiously fiddling around with his hands. Reading wasn't able to distract from the emotions and the thoughts flooding his mind, he was worried, he didn't know what was going to happen next and that terrified him, the lone thought that Elliot is by his side wasn't enough to subside the thoughts that were racing through his mind. He was nibbling on his own lip from the emotions, he was shaking in his bed, his vision was blurry and he felt dizzy. He wished he was able to do anything but just sit here and patiently wait for Elliot to come back, whatever state he was in, he was more terrified for Elliot to come back, and for that to be the last time he saw him. He couldn't bear that thought but it was still racing through his mind, all the possibilities were racing through his mind of what could possibly be happening in this very moment and he desperately wished he was able to be there, but knew that being there would've made things worse. He was scared to even leave his room, he was scared that one of his siblings would be there and would come looking for Leo to drag him out, he was petrified.
Finally the door to their room opened and Leo's head snapped up towards it, hope filling his eyes hoping it was Elliot, which indeed it was, with his clothes disorientated and a bruise on his cheek. Leo sprang out of his bed as the door clicked shut and he ran over to Elliot worriedly. "What happened? How did it go?" Leo asked quickly, his hands still shaking, eyeing the bruise on Elliot's cheek. The noble straightened out his clothes and sighed heavily, leaning against the door.
"Well, he got extremely upset, brought up Gilbert, but since this is the second time, he said he'll have to think about what he wants to do, for now we can stay here while he's thinking, but at least he didn't kick us out or threaten to take you away, so that's all I'm really glad about right now," Elliot explained, his voice sounding strained and tired.
"Are you okay?" Leo asked, bringing his hand to gently touch the bruise on his cheek, a small blush came to Elliot's features and he winced lightly at the touch. "I'm sorry, does it hurt?" Leo asked worriedly, taking his hand away from him, but Elliot captured his hand with his and brought it to his lips to kiss his knuckles. Leo melted at his kisses, the fear of him leaving subsiding and he relaxed slightly.
"It's not bad, I'm surprised he only really slapped me and grabbed my collar to yell at me, I really expected worse but," Elliot responded, seizing his kisses for a moment. "It doesn't matter, I have you," he added softer, with pink cheeks.
"That's so cheesy," Leo teased, winkling his nose and Elliot's blush only deepened.
"Shut up." Leo smiled and intertwined their fingers together, guiding Elliot to his bed, as it could actually fit two people without threatening his books he'd been reading falling off the bed. Elliot tried to wrap his arms around Leo when they sat down but Leo hit his head lightly and positioned Elliot in between his legs, wrapping his arms around the other, with Elliot leaning against Leo with a dark blush on his cheeks. "What are you doing?" he asked, trying to sound confident, but instead it was just him sputtering over his words in embarrassment.
"Comforting my just beaten up boyfriend," Leo emphasized the last word causing the other to nuzzle his face in Leo's neck to hide how flustered he was. Leo stroked his hair, with one arm wrapped around him. Elliot wrapped his arms around Leo wordlessly accepting the affection he was receiving without a complaint. Elliot left a few kisses on his neck, trailing down to his collarbone. Leo's breath hitched, at the soft kisses that turned heated faster than he could expect with Elliot biting his neck softly but not leaving any marks, until he did, a soft moan escaping Leo's lips, making both freeze up and blush.
"I love you, Leo," Elliot whispered.
"I love you too." He pecked his forehead. Both smiled, not letting go of each other.
No matter what happens next I have you by my side so it's okay.