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Rukia knew what it was when it first happened. Parts of her had it coming…
She barely had time to see him nowadays.
Seireitei has been picking itself up from the ruins of the winter war, pieces by pieces, grieving and building side by side. Rukia had thrown herself into the mountain of work as a fukutaichou, now acting in the taichou position, patching what was left of the 13th division after the devastating death of the former taichou Ukitake. Endless days and nights of reports, paperwork filled to the brim of the table, people to see to and meetings to attend to pushed Rukia close to being breathless. It is what is expected of her, also what she had to do, but Rukia couldn’t help wondering “How long has it been since the last time?”
Her effort did not go unseen. Observing his sister working tirelessly, Byakuya couldn’t help but chuckle at the way his sister seems to have picked up his working habit. In earlier years, he would have never imagined himself saying this, but besides the enormous workload Rukia put upon herself, the man also sees his sister face growing more sorrowful, eyes weary, and absent-mindedly poking at her food as the day passes. Byakuya said holding back a long sigh
“You should take a break, Rukia”
“Pardon me?”
“I said, you should take a small break. And go visit him in the living world”
Chopsticks froze in mid-air as Rukia stared up in disbelief “Nii-sama, but there is no reason that I should take breaks. If you are concern about me, I ensure you I my health is in good conditions. And I could not just take breaks while everyone else is….”
Byakuya is half-amused but also sadden with his sister as he realized the fluster in her gaze. “You have been working hard. You deserve a small break. Go and find him and maybe take Renji with you so I can have a small break, too. You can use the Kuchiki’s senkaimon, I will sort it out”
“It is getting more serious’’
The realization runs through his head as Ichigo holding his chest, panting heavily, gasping for air. Looking at the petals once blotting but now dyed in crimson scattered under the ground, Ichigo swallows down his throat, metallic taste, looking into the empty space in the night sky “It is bound to happen anyway”.
His memory was blurry. He did not remember the first time it happened. Was it somewhere during the 17 months that she disappeared into nothingness, or was it after the winter war? Was it his birthday and she didn’t unable to show up, or was it in between the shrinking visits she left every now and then in the living? It was somewhere along these 3 years that this fictional illness had plagued him. The first time blotted red petals fell out of his mouth, Ichigo thought that this was some kind of sick joke that Isshin had pulled on him because it could not have been possible. Ichigo threw the thought behind him to go and beat up Isshin, but, to Ichigo’s horror, the petals came back, again and again with the intensity picked up through time that left sharp, lingering pains in his chest. The name resurfaced again with affirmation “Hanahaki”.
Try to regain his focus, Ichigo stares at the empty sky where the senkaimon once was, but his mind wandered off somewhere else. Flipping mindlessly through the old Chappy calendar that he kept, in secret, old marks of important days from when she crashed into his life, the execution, when she saved him again and again to newer marks of her now scattered visits, “It has always been this way” Ichigo thinks to himself, a bitter smile across his face. He knew it is her, ever since the very first day they met. He thought of the midget that could fit in his closet, but strong and mighty enough that she would stand up to the deep-rooted power of Seireitei to protect him, time and time again. He thought of the countless occasions when a certain someone had jumped between him and death, unwavering, straight into the face of danger even at the cost of her own life. And he also thought about the resolve he was given, the lingering rain of his heart that she eased so easily, and so much more. “It has always been her”.
Without her, he felt helpless and desperate in his inability to come to term with his reality. A reality without her. He found himself doing stupid things, reckless and aimless, unable to pick up from the spot where she left. Ichigo even accepted Inoue’s confession, “I have to give things a chance and moved on” was what he told himself. Yet, to Ichigo’s attempt, her hand feels cold to touch, her peck on his cheeks seems distant and her bubbly personality barely even grazed his surface. He has never wanted them to turn out that way, when to his terror, Inoue had taken the liberty to wrap his hand and introduce them as a couple. He remembered the rising dread in his gut, the awkwardness that filled the air, and the excruciated feeling he had when Rukia reached out to Renji just a moment afterwards and declared their relationship as well.
Ichigo let out a silent tear “She had moved on. I had to let it be”. And for once in a long time, he had accepted the reality. Unbeknownst to Ichigo, at the corner of the door, an older man standing, face harrowed, but determined eyes “I will not let this happen. I will not let you die, Ichigo.”
“What the hell was ya thinking, Rukia!!!”
Rukia is certain that the redhead next to her could be heard even on the other side of the Senkaimon, but she continued marching forward with a speed near shunpo. But Renji is persistent, and also a capable fukutaichou as he caught up to her with ease, still yelling at the top of his lungs
“Since when are we together? Last time I checked we weren’t. And I knew she caught us by surprise with that announcement thing but why did ya even say that?”
The silence lingered. Impatient, his hand reach out catching her, stopping Rukia right at the other side. Rukia flung her hand harshly out of the man grasp, pouring out with all the accumulated frustration
“Because that how it is supposed to be, Renji. And that’s how it is. What else did you expect me to say, huh?”
“But that was just wrong!” “Look, ya guys were just so in love with each other and anyone who isn’t blind can see that. Maybe I was blind when I tried but it is not supposed to be like that Rukia”
“And does that matter?” she glanced up after a moment of silence, eyes filled with grief “They are dating Renji, already did.”
“Common ya know it could not be the case. I mean just look at Ichigo face! Like even he looked taken back. And ya know how obsessing that girl can get”
“But he admitted, didn’t he? I am happy for him. Ichigo has a long life in front of him, and Inoue loves him and would be by his side the way I never could” Rukia slowly takes a breath in as if to process what she just spoke “and now if you don’t mind, let’s not continue this shouting match in front of Seireitei. I have dinner with nii-sama to attend to, so if you please excuse me, I have to leave.”
With that, she shut him up for good.
Dragging herself back to her room at the Kuchiki mansion as darkness looms over. Crashed herself on the futon, Rukia let the memory of the visit flows back. She was so excited to finally meet him again, after so long. And even though she decided to not visit, as “he needs to be away from the death and war and move on”, she would never expect to have to meet him that way, together with her, hand in hand. Parts of Rukia know this day would come when her visits become few and far between, but not like that, not with her, not in this way…
A sharp pain pierced her chest and suddenly the air around her constricted. Coughs after coughs vigorously come as she grasps for breath, panting heavily. And when the cough finally reduces, she heard the worrying tone of the maid on the other sides “Are you ok, Rukia-ojou?” Gather herself up to answer as she looked at the sight on the futon “I am ok. Just choking on some water. Would you please tell nii-sama that I would not be able to attend dinner. I am a bit tired and will retire early for the day”
The moonlight streamed down on the white futon. White petals dappled with red. Rukia realized. Hanahaki…
They said nothing about what happened and nothing to each other in the following month. Rukia allows herself to be thrown into the same vicious circle of work and responsibility while struggling to hide the red petals from others. Byakuya is the first one to notice, to which he has decided to bring up everything from her state to the rumours of being together with Renji at the dinner table.
At least that was the plan until he found himself frozen at the corner of the engawa, with the sight of his sister painfully clutching to her chest, coughing out flower petals and barely breathing on the manor courtyard. All of the sudden, memories of a familiar figure he had kept secured in his heart shocked back, his face filled with horror and eyes of agonizing pain as his reiatsu spiked. Startled, Rukia turned back, a hand quickly covered the blood, scrambled to hide from the pain in his eyes that she could not bear seeing. But she failed to.
Before her brain even registered, Byakuya is beside her, strong grips on her shoulders, unfaltering look, almost growling at her “You must not let this be Rukia. I forbid it”
Weakly, Rukia gaze meets her brother. A drop of tear silently streams down her cheek. “I can’t nii-sama. I can’t. I am sorry.”
She had made up her mind. But so was he. As he carried her inside her room, Byakuya called out to Hisana to leave him enough time to save their sister, to not take her away from him. There is a certain man he had to reach, and he prayed that he had enough time as the hell butterfly disappears into thin air with the message.
“What did you say?” – the orange-hair woman grunted in disbelief “You did not mean that right Kurosaki-kun? Oh, you must be joking about this. Let’s stop it and go get some ice cream now Ichigo”
To her weak protest, the man in front of her did not move an inch. His gaze was stern, a hint of guilt but no hesitation’. His hand breaks off from hers.
“Look, Inoue”, Ichigo pause briefly to pick his words “I meant what I said. Every word of it. I apologize for everything but things just don’t work out between us. Trust me, I did try but I see you no more than just a friend, a comrade. I do not love you. I cannot. And you should not waste your time loving a person like that.”
“No” Inoue shouted at the top of her lungs, tears now cover her face, completely ignore the glances people throw at them “Please, Ichigo, don’t do this to me. I love you with all my heart.”
“I am sorry Inoue” his voice hoarse from the cough, small but unwavering.
“It is her, right? It has always been her. What are you going to do now? Are you going to find her? Run after her? Again and again like that. You cannot be together. And you know that!”
His eyes widen in awe, half aghast and half feeling insulted, mouth open searching for something to throw back at the woman in front of him. “That is none of your concern. Thank you for everything until now Inoue. And goodbye.”
And with that, he left her to come back. Quickly changing into the shinigami form, he had received an emergency mission from Seireitei, direct him to work with the fukutaichou of the 13th division to terminate a group of dangerous hollows. Ichigo is in no condition to fight. In fact, he is barely holding on. But if he is to die, he will die fighting alongside her, protecting her, with heart and soul wholly hers until the very end.
Hanahaki needs time to grow, an excruciatingly lasting disease with a predictable death. But with the state of work that Rukia had managed to be absorbed in, it is not strange that now the flowers are deeply rooted, and the petals have been fully dyed red. “I hope I get to see him when the time comes”, the thought flashed through her as she rushed to the meeting point.
The hollows were easy to handle. By no mean weak but much off-par to those they have faced before. None of them had to use bankai, but the air was heavy, and no words were exchanged as they slayed the hollows one by one, back to back. But something was not right. Rukia was certain about that. She would always know when he is off.
Only one was left standing. The hollow growled in a desperate effort to destroy, its claws ravaging the battlefield. Rukia narrowly dodged, but to her horror, she saw Ichigo doubled over, feet on the ground, Zangetsu by his side, coughing intensely, blood leaking from his face. Rukia heard herself scream his name in desperation, as one of the claw grazed his side. He fell to the ground, blood started to stream out.
With incredible force and speed, Rukia slashed the last hollow into pieces, her sword shaking with resentment. Running to Ichogo, she held him up, yelling out his name, starting a healing kido but with her state of being, unable to. Her body froze as she saw what was left of his cough, a familiar sight of the unpleasant red petals, now had turned darker than crimson.
His hand weakly reach up to cup her face, dragging her out of the moment. His breath ragged and frail, but with the final ounce of his living pour in, he pulled her down for a final kiss. “Just one kiss. Just one time. The last time…” Ichigo thinks as he murmurs the three words.
To his surprise, Rukia kissed him back and his world stopped at that very moment. She returned the kiss with fervour, pouring every last drop of her longing, her love, her pain, and herself into the kiss. He tasted everything, from her trembling emotions to the metallic taste of petals in her tongue. As they break away for air, she leaned down, foreheads touching, her voice coarse and shaking “Idiot. I love you too. Please stay with me Ichigo”. A tender blue light flared up as Ichigo feel the weight on his chest lifted. Ichigo allows himself to close his eyes, peacefully, “If this is what it takes, I would gladly die to walk beside you…”
He was met with white when he finally opened his eyes again. His chest is still heavy and he can’t move. His head is dizzy as the memories start to register. Red petals and hollows, a kiss and confessions start to piece themselves together. He looked at the heaviness on his chest, a weary smile across his face as he saw Rukia sleeping face, tired but peacefully. His hand places lightly on her back, careful not to wake the worn-out shinigami. They stayed that way until Rukia ruffled, eyes opened.
They looked at each other for what seems like a century had passed before he finally called her name. Her irises lit up and for a split moment, he thought she would actually kick him in the face the way she did when they finally met after the 17-month split. But instead, he found her on him, hands around his neck and faced buried in his hair. As the daze faded quickly, his arms hold her firmly and tenderly rubbing her back “I am here. I am alright. Everything will be ok.”
Her grip tightened before she finally let go to look at his eyes, irises glistened “Idiot. You could have removed them. Surgery. Anything! You could have died Ichigo!”
“And so were you” he replied simply “Yet you didn’t. And we are still here, aren’t we?”
“This is not about me! You have a life in front of you with your friends and family and people who love you. Why would you even consider wasting your life for someone like…”
He pulled her down on his chest before the last word leaves. She could hear his heart beating, fast but steady.
“Listen here midget” his tone annoyed but loving “I would never, in my life, risk even a single chance of losing my feelings for you. I know there are a lot of things we to work through, a lot of matters to discuss, but here we are now and I intend to stay. I will not leave your side. Not ever again. If anything, I also have an idiot who had chosen to do the same, so let’s not waste our time any longer”
His heartbeat remained constant, unfaltering. His reiatsu pulsing around her with warmth and insurance.
“I thought I lost you there” her voice trembled as her tears soaked his shirt
“I know. I’m sorry”
His hand stayed caressing her back in firm assurance and she held him like her whole world.
“So, what do we do now?” “We stick together, and we will figure things out Rukia. We always do”
“Yes, together” as she reached up for another tender kiss before they finally sink back into slumber. Together.
Outside the doors of the patient room, 2 men standing let out sighs of relief.
“They are both idiots” – said the older man in the black shihakuso
“Despite your language Shiba, I do think that you are right this time” pausing slightly, the tone of the man in white haori soften “I am glad that they are alright.”
“Awww Byakuya-kun, how caring and loving of you! Now how about we go somewhere else to discuss the wedding matter between my son and my third daughter. I’m sure that it will come up soon enough!”
And before Byakuya even have a chance to shoot a disdain look, Isshin has dragged him running, a smile across his face “Yes, as long as they stay by each other side, they will be alright”.