Archive of Our Own ^beta

It’s almost five in the morning and Chan still couldn’t fall asleep. 

Well, more like his body violently protested against him overall existing right now — he had been feeling nauseous for the past two days, but he began throwing up only a few hours ago. 

Chan’s first thought was that his stomach finally giving up after going back on a healthy diet for a year and then going back to the routine of “getting breakfast at 11PM” that he had before Yubin was conceived. Because back then, well, Changbin practically forced him to get himself together. Not that Chan minded — he was glad that their son had been born healthy.

Now Chan wishes he hadn’t eaten three packs of ramen as if it would magically make up for him missing dinner yesterday and breakfast with lunch today. Only if the human body would work like that, he thought wistfully as he had another bout of nausea.

His second guess was that he had managed to catch something from his husband who just recently broke his fever. But Chan was, well… Chan. He just didn’t get sick easily, the last time he had been feeling this bad was five years ago or so, but back then it was—

Oh. 

Five years ago it was him finding out he was pregnant with Yubin.

The thought hovered in his mind, making a part of his brain flare up in panic, numerous thoughts overlapping themselves. How did that happen? They were using protection every time. They already had Yubin to take care of and weren’t planning on more kids. They don’t have enough place or time for a newborn. Then — silence. Would Changbin even want another child?

Chan knew he was getting ahead of himself, overthinking the things that might not even happen, but he just can’t stop the train once it starts.

“Papa?” A small, hesitant voice echoes through the bathroom. 

Chan hissed as he hit his knee on the toilet in surprise, but gave a wobbly smile to his son who was standing in his pajamas with colorful rubber duckies and a worn-out cat plushie clutched in his hands. “Hey, Yunnie. Why aren’t you sleeping, hm?”

Yubin holds out his arms, “Woke up.”

Chan hoists him up, settling the boy over his hip, short breaths tickling his neck. “Just like that, again?” Yubin nods as they quietly make their way back to the boy’s room. “You’re just like papa then. Papa Channie woke up in the middle of the night as well.”

Yubin giggles as Chan lets out an over dramatic sigh, cuddling up closer. “Papa and Yunnie,” the boy trails off as he yawns. “Gotta sleep together now.”

Now, he can’t argue with that logic, and neither can he argue with the way his little son’s brown eyes scrunch up in a smile when he lowers them both onto a spare bed in the nursery. “Of course we gotta,” he makes sure that he’s tucked in fully, the plushie still in his arms. “Those who wake up together stay together.”

“Silly papa,” Yubin smiles, blinking furiously in an attempt to stay awake a little longer. “Papa has to wake up with appa and Yubinnie together then.”

Chan hums, “We did when you were a baby. Though it was more like you woke us up.”

The boy pouts and Chan now has to push away the overwhelming want to just hug his son to his chest and never let go.

“Papa,” he says seriously. “Sing a song instead.”

He can do nothing but laugh in return, too tired from throwing up and lulled from the little human-sized heater he has as a son to scold him. “Okay, okay. Whatever my puppy wants.”

Yubin scrunches up his nose at the nickname but smiles nonetheless. “Sing the one that’s—” he promptly hums a melody Chan knows way too well. It’s been blasting through his husband’s headphones way too many times.

“I got you, I got you.” In reality, Chan wasn’t that confident in his singing. But when Changbin has heard him sing by accident and with the way his eyes were comically wide and sparkling, endless praises pouring out of his mouth almost at the speed he delivered rap in his tracks; and with Yubin asking him over and over again for a lullaby — that was enough to quell Chan’s nervousness. And so, he begins.

“When the dark night sky is painted with shiny stars,

The star in my heart paints a picture of you.

I don’t know why

The more I cry you away

You become more clear

Don’t go away

When the night passes and the sun rises

I hope my fingertips can feel your warmth

My everything, my destiny

My heart keeps longing for you

When you wake, please tell me that you love me…

I’m in love with you

I’ve never felt this way

Do you know how I feel?

You’ll stay in my heart forever more

I can’t wait for tomorrow the night sky will bring

When you wake, please tell me that you love me…”

When Chan draws back slightly, Yubin is sound asleep. In the nightlight’s dim glow he can still make out one of his son’s soft cheeks bulging out against being pressed into a pillow, dark semi-curls spilling out onto it. He still can’t believe he’s here after all these years  — married to the man he loves with all of his heart and their son sleeping peacefully next to him. 

He reminds himself to buy a pregnancy test and book an appointment first thing in the morning. 

ᕱᕱ

Just like for the past two days, Chan wakes up with an intense want to throw up — that’s the first thing his brain picks up on. As he dashes to the bathroom, he registers another thing — something (he can’t really tell with the taste of vomit temporarily flooding two of his senses) being fried, the smell heavy on his tired stomach. Another thing is when he bends over the toilet bowl, nothing comes out. Sure, he had expected that, considering he threw up everything he ate yesterday, but the wrenching pain was still something he decided that he absolutely hated. 

It’s when he’s brushing his teeth Changbin comes into the bathroom with a spatula in his hand and a smile sent his way. His pajama shirt is covered in a few dark spots — he can't tell if it’s oil or water, his pants swapped for shorts, and hair is somewhat okay, if not for a few strands sticking up. Like all the years before, Chan’s chest warms with love and fondness that curls his lips into a smile as well. 

“Good morning, baby,” Chan’s voice is still scratchy despite his efforts. 

“Morning, love,” the pet name Changbin gave him so long ago still made his little heart flutter. “You want pancakes for breakfast? Yunnie insisted on banana ones.”

Of course he did, ever since Seungmin and Felix worked out how to make proper pancakes now and have been giving out batches of their variously flavoured creations. “Sure. I’m just not sure I’ll be able to keep it down for long.”

Changbin’s brows scrunched up a bit, “Yeah, I’ve heard you yesterday. Are you okay?”

He laughed awkwardly, spilling some toothpaste onto his shirt in the process, “Sorry. I think my body just caught up with you being sick and decided to keep you company.”

“Oh, love,” Changbin sighed in sympathy and rubbed his unoccupied arm comfortingly. He leaned into the touch, his muscles relaxing automatically under his husband’s hand. Chan immediately wanted to go back into their bed and sleep through at least a decade. “I’m sorry you’re sick. Do you want to go lay down in our bed and me and Yunnie will bring you breakfast? I changed the sheets recently, it should be fine. We also still have Advil, I’m pretty sure… You want some tea with honey and lemon as well?”

God, Chan was in love with him. He spat out the toothpaste and rinsed his mouth quickly, before pulling the other into his arms, “Binnie, baby, I’m okay, I’ll just take a pill and go make an appointment.” Chan withdrew a bit, so he could pinch one of his cheeks teasingly. “You’re so sweet, though.”

Changbin grumbled something in return but didn’t protest, looking up into his eyes with a look he had seen often. When Chan was seventeen and Changbin fifteen, sitting thigh-to-thigh with a laptop in front of them, the music program pulled up as he showed him the ropes. Whenever they were with the group and the rest teased the oldest. On the quiet nights spent in Changbin’s childhood home’s garden, grass growing long and tickling their bare feet as they sat up smack dab in the middle, talking about anything and everything. When Changbin finally confessed to liking him, all the way back to his nineteen year old self. And from now on, there were way too many instances, each sending a ticklish feeling down his throat and settling into his lungs, blooming into warmth. 

He just felt the need to say it — “I love you.” 

Changbin broke out in a gentle smile as he kissed him briefly, a light peck on his lips, “I love you too.” 

The day couldn’t get better from now on, he decided as he placed a flurry of kisses on his husband’s face, who didn’t protest. 

“Appa!” Yubin was standing in the doorway, a little bunny-patterned apron tied around his waist and a faint smear of something white and yellow on his cheek. “I mixed the pancake mix.” 

Changbin kisses him back one more time before pulling away, rubbing his hand up and down his spine. “That’s great, honey. Did you get all the lumps like I asked?” 

The boy did little jumps, bringing his fists up, “Yes! Now come on,” He whined, walking up to them and pouting on purpose. 

Changbin ruffled his bed hair, “Coming, coming.” He frowned and wiped his cheek with his thumb. 

Yubin finally looked up at Chan, breaking out into a toothy smile. “Morning, papa!” 

He laughed and picked his son up — his mom said he was getting too old to be picked up, but let him indulge into cuddling his son just before he hits five. “Morning, sweetheart. Did you sleep well?” 

“Uh-huh! All better with papa.” 

Changbin places his palm on his waist and gently guides them to the kitchen, “So you two slept together? Without even inviting me?”

Chan laughs as he kisses his husband’s pout away, happiness crinkling the corners of his eyes, “Sorry, babe, but you had germs all over our bed.”

Yubin nods solemnly in his arms, clutching his shirt, “Appa would get germs all over Yunnie and then Yunnie can’t go to school.”

Sighing, the younger man lets go of him and heats up the pan, thoroughly mixing the mixture Yubin did before. “That’s not fair still,” he grumbles and pours out the mix onto the pan. Yubin promptly ignores him, watching in awe as the mix sizzles as it makes contact with the pan.

Chan is content to stay like this — comforting warmth from the food being cooked chasing away the nips of the cold March morning, a tiny body pressed to him securely as he watches the love of his life make them breakfast, despite his still lower than average cooking skills. 

He chuckles fondly, “Remember when you didn’t realize that you had to actually wash the pan when we were all cooking together?” 

Changbin throws him a scandalized look, “That was six years ago! Stop dragging me for it, no one died!” 

“Except Minho’s faith in humanity and rich people.” Chan giggled as he ducked from his husband when he jokingly made a move to hit him with a spatula. “Careful, baby, you’re gonna burn the pancakes.” 

“Be quiet, then!” Changbin whines, flipping the pancakes frantically while Yubin laughs, clapping his hands cheerfully. “You too! Tsk, laughing at your own father…”

Yubin wiggled out of Chan’s arms, coming up to wrap himself around the other’s leg, “Yunnie is sorry, appa! Yunnie loves papa and appa, many many!”

Changbin sighed as he ruffled his son’s hair, soft smile making its way onto his face, “You don’t say ‘many many’, you say ‘a lot’, Yunnie. Appa loves you a lot too.”

Chan pouted as he moved to get a bottle of syrup and a few apples out, “What about me? Don’t you love me, Binnie?” 

The younger hummed as if in thought, flipping the new batch of pancakes with ease. Yubin whisper-chanted “pancakes, pancakes, pancakes” from where he was still wrapped around his appa’s legs. “Tsk, baby, you should know by now that I only love you and Yunnie.” 

Chan picked Yubin up and placed him on a barstool at the kitchen aisle, the boy instantly beginning spinning around in slow circles. “Mhm,” he hummed, bending slightly down to place his forehead between the other’s shoulder blades, feeling the motions of him flipping the pancakes but not being bothered by it enough to move. “Well, it’s good to be reminded sometimes…” 

“It is,” Changbin agreed, moving one of his hands to thread his fingers into his messy curls that he’s yet to get around to brush. “I’ll even say it daily with my whole chest if you want.” 

Chan cursed his soft tiny heart as his cheeks lit up with color, nuzzling into Changbin’s shirt. “Only if I’ll get to do the same.”

Changbin’s soft laugh drowned out the noise of the pan sizzling, making its way into Chan’s heart and melting over it like chocolate. “Of course.”

ᕱᕱ

Chan loved him from day one. Or, well, more like he acknowledged him — he was still in the final grade of middle school and didn’t know much about love beyond the one he felt towards his little siblings and parents, or the one he felt towards his best friend Felix who was, again, like a little brother to him. He had other friends, for sure: Minho was semi-present in his life, despite going to different schools, and was closer to Felix than him; Seungmin too, since he was Felix’s friend. None of them made Chan light up as much as Changbin did when he first met the boy who was just two years younger. 

Fifteen year old Chan was hesitant to get closer to the younger, only being encouraged by Felix (his little twelve year old Felix who still pulled Chan to his aunt’s house to watch a new episode of Dragonball) who was for some reason determined to get his older friend even more friends. Chan had friends! Even more younger friends than older friends, which wasn’t necessarily a… bad thing, sure, one more couldn’t hurt.

Chan just hadn’t expected to get so comfortable so quickly with the younger. The playful teasing and affection came to him easily with Changbin, almost like they were friends even before that. Changbin, at thirteen years old was not at all like Chan had been at his age (he says, as a certified old man) — shy and awkward around people, furiously blushing almost every time he talked to people, well, up until his mom signed him up for the swim team. Changbin was… cute. That hasn’t been a startling realization for Chan, he knew that pretty boys existed, but whenever Changbin teased him with his cute act, his heart would almost stop in his chest and then beat rapidly like a drum. Yet, it wasn’t an uncomfortable feeling like he’s got whenever one of his teachers hurried him to solve a math problem on the chalkboard. It was more like when Chan was visiting his grandparents back in Australia, running through the forest, wind ruffling his hair, hopping over the stumps and fallen trees, falling to the ground but standing up with a laugh.

He liked Changbin. As a friend, because he didn’t know he’d be able to love him even more.

Then, it wasn’t enough liking Changbin as a friend, the constant warm feeling in his chest burning his lungs in the most pleasant way possible. He was seeking out the younger’s company way too often to the point of barely seeing Minho and Seungmin anymore; their friend group that entirely was holding on to the youngests was expanding rapidly. 

(Minho wasn’t bothered by his withdrawal, he always preferred to either be left alone with his cats or staying with Felix. Seungmin, although not the one to often show his feelings, was upset, and Chan made up for his absence with time.) 

He told Felix about his weird feelings at some point, the fourteen year old nodding with complete seriousness, and then proclaiming “This sounds familiar.” 

“Huh?” Chan stopped fiddling with the sleeves of his sweater, that was now on the edge of falling apart. “Really? Why?” 

Felix shrugs as he tosses his math textbook into the air and catches it, “Minho hyungie told me something about “love being nearer than you think it is” and when I asked him, he told me that he has a crush on one of his friends.” 

Chan fell silent, slightly surprised at his friend’s implication that he loves loves Changbin, but not missing the way Felix pouted and furrowed his eyebrows. 

“I don’t know,” he said slowly, not sure of his own words, “I don’t think I’m in love with Binnie…” 

Oh how wrong seventeen year old Chan was. 

ᕱᕱ

“Hello, Mr. Seo,” his doctor turned around in his spinning office chair and offered him a gentle smile as he stood up. “What brings you to me today?” 

Chan rarely gets called by his married last name, all too used to everyone in the company still referring to him as “Bang Chan”. A memory rings out in his head— 

(There it was. The two of them standing in front of the altar, Changbin’s left hand in his right.

“Can I be the CEO of your heart, Mr Seo?” Chan recalls one of his future husband’s pick-up lines, the second row erupting into simultaneous groans. Changbin’s mother looks vaguely concerned, but it’s all worth seeing him smile.)

“I wanted to… Um, check if I’m really pregnant.” He’s still hesitant to say it, not because he doesn’t want another one potential child to add to their little family, but his hormones have been awfully insistent he was pregnant a few years back, which turned out negative.

The doctor nods, “What symptoms and for how long have you been experiencing them, if you were?” 

“I’ve been feeling nauseous for the past three days and threw up yesterday night and this morning. Just like with my last pregnancy.” 

“Alright,” the doctor says, “Have you done the pregnancy test at home?” 

And that part of his plan he missed completely. “No, not yet.” 

After a few moments, the doc hands him the one they usually give at the hospital — just a strip of paper, basically, “Do it now, then we’ll draw blood if the pregnancy wouldn't show up on the test, and we’ll finish up with the examination when the results come in. Does it sound alright?” 

Simple enough, he could totally do that without panicking. “Sure.” 

Deep breath in, and out. It was going to be fine. 

Chan doesn’t look if the test is positive, opting to save it as a surprise. His doctor nods in understanding, going through with the blood test quickly. “It’ll take a few hours to get results, you can either come in today again to nurse Jang to get them and come up to me, or you can receive it tomorrow morning.”

He really doesn’t want to wait for something as big as this, “I’ll come in today.” 

As he exits the clinic, he realizes that he has now a few free hours that he has absolutely no idea how to spend. Holing himself up in the nearby cafe with his headphones on sounds like a good idea — he haven’t had the time to go through a few songs his manager sent him to review. Changbin and Yubin still were supposed to be out with the younger’s sister for a few hours.

He lets out a sigh and moves to get to the closest cafe he saw on his way here, but is intercepted by a body flinging itself on his back.

“What the f—” Chan is so ready to throw hands with whoever it was. 

“Hyung, hiiii!” A familiar voice fills his right ear, the weight finally gone. Okay, no throwing hands today.

Chan turns around with his best ‘I’m disappointed’ face, “Felix, you don’t just jump on people without a warning!”

The younger Aussie — whose hair is startlingly neon-blue this time around — waves off his scolding, way too used to it at this point. ”Where’s the fun in warning you beforehand?” Jeongin, who came up to them holding two smoothies, snorts in amusement.

Chan sighs, knowing that his nagging hasn’t been working on his friends for the past five years or so. Hope dies last, as they say. 

“By the way, what are you doing here, hyung?” Jeongin asks as he thrusts one of the milkshakes into Felix’s hands, who lets out a dramatic ‘oof’. “I thought you and Changbin-hyung went to his sis.”

Oop, he has been caught. “I was just,” he waves his hands, “Just out running errands.”

Felix, who recovered from the milkshake attack, lifts one of his eyebrows, pointedly looking around. “What kind of—” he interrupts himself as his eyes widen comically. “Is the Seo clan getting another addition?”

Jeongin rolled his eyes at the dramatic question, but returned his equally interested look at Chan.

“I—” It’s no use trying to hide from them, at least he can rely on them, right? “Let’s go somewhere else, we’re not having this conversation in the middle of the street.”

By the end of his explanation Felix was bouncing in his seat, eyes wide and expectant. Jeongin cautiously slid Felix’s milkshake closer to himself.

“Hyung, that’s— Wow!” The younger Aussie gasped. “You can potentially have your eighth child!”

Chan sighed, fiddling with the cap on his lap. “I don’t know… What if—”

No. Chan can’t place his worries on his much younger friends, none of whom even had a long-term relationship yet, and here he was with a much bigger problem. It wasn't a problem of trust, he simply had more experience than them in this area.

“What, hyung?” Jeongin asks nonchalantly, ignoring his friend who was now shaking him violently in excitement. Felix really needed to lay off on sugar. “If you or Changbin-hyung aren’t ready for another kid you can just pop the pill.”

Felix gasped so violently he broke out into a coughing fit, clutching his arm while Chan sat there just realizing that yeah, that’s an option, but at the same time… 

“Yeah, I know, Innie,” he heaved out a sigh as Felix desperately clutched the water bottle he gave him. “It’s just. It’s hard, thinking about it.”

Jeongin nodded solemnly, his eyes shining with unsaid emotions. Felix, who recovered from his near-death experience, stood up.

“Well, if Bin-hyung doesn’t want it, I’ll take on this responsibility!” Felix proudly declared, lifting up his fist in a heroic pose. Chan laughed at his antics, but gently pulled the younger down, patting his head.

“Bitch, please,” Jeongin ignored Chan’s language! and lifted his eyebrows with the most deadpan look he could master, “You can barely take care of yourself, let alone a kid.”

Felix sank back down, pulling his feet up on a bench and hiding his face in his knees. The youngest out of three waved it off as him being dramatic, but Chan’s parental instincts moved him to half-hug the other, stroking his palm up and down his spine in a soothing motion. 

“I don’t know, he might if he’ll get the push to do so,” he ruffled the neon-blue mess on the younger’s head, “Thank you, Lixie. But I doubt it’ll come to this point.”

The other nodded, but refused to lift his head up. Jeongin watched with a curious glint in his eyes, but didn’t comment further. 

“You should still talk with dwaekki, hyung. No matter if the test comes out positive or negative.” 

“Woah, Innie,” Chan’s hand that was moving towards the youngest got slapped away half-heartedly, “When did you get so wise? My second youngest baby, all grown up already!” 

Jeongin visibly cringed, but didn’t move away from the half-hug. “When you basically adopted all six of us and I realized that I’m stuck with idiots forever.” 

Felix perked up with a smile, letting out a teasing “Aww, he loves us!” 

From then on, Chan just watched them going back and forth in a teasing match his group of friends found a high entertainment in. Checking his phone, he realized an hour passed already, and a few more work-related emails piled up. 

The following hour was spent basking in Felix’s hugs and working through a few songs as the younger boys toned their conversation down to something more mundane. He caught a few sentences in between, the two mostly talking about college and random new dramas. 

As Chan finished sending his third email, head pounding from the over-usage of heavy beats in the last song, he received a message from his doc.

“The test results are in. You can pick them up at the nurse station on the second floor and come up to me. I’ll be free for an hour.”

Here goes nothing.

ᕱᕱ

Chan’s hands tremble slightly, his nerves going awry now that he’s about to find out the results, and not even Felix’s High Quality Hug helped. His doctor is going over the results agonizingly slow — or the time has slowed down significantly for him, he can’t really tell with his brain constantly jumping from one thought to the other. He hadn’t been this nervous for a good couple of years now, so he guesses this is another milestone for him. Imaginary Minho pats him on the shoulder like a proud parent with the words “Congratulations on throwing up and getting near a panic attack, all in twenty four hours!”, almost so real he wants to laugh. Or throw up, judging by the way his stomach churns painfully.

The man opposite him finally sighs and takes off his reading glasses. Thanks for adding bonus points to his anxiety. 

“Well, I don’t know if it’s bad or good news for you, Mr Seo,” an unnecessarily long pause that Chan totally would’ve lived without. “You’re pregnant, five weeks along or so.”

Chan’s mind goes unexpectedly blank, not knowing how to respond to the fact that his speculations were correct, not knowing what to say to the doctor, not knowing what he would say to Changbin, his mom, their friends. Just as his anxiety begins to whirl into a massive tornado, it’s interrupted by the doctor offering to do an ultrasound scan.

He nods automatically, not really registering anything as he lies down and lifts his shirt up, and oh —

Even before this, he has seen the ultrasound scans of Yubin, of course, and the same floating feeling settles over him as he stares at the barely comprehensible black and white moving picture. The doc shows him where the baby is — just a tiny white dot, hardly discernible from the static-y picture. Chan is… stunned. There were the cells from which his future child — his second child would be made of, for now shining like a star on the night sky. 

The printed scan makes its way into Chan’s wallet, fitting along the tiny version of a family photo they took together (not only him, Changbin and their grumpy two year old, but with the whole of their friend group as well). Chan would like to think that they’d take another one like this in the future, now with one more addition.

We’ll be okay, he decides eventually, as he steps out of the office, a check-up appointment set for two weeks from now. 

“Hyung!” The weight is settled against him unexpectedly, although now much lighter. At least Felix is careful, and not like Jisung who would’ve squeezed the life out of him just like when they told their friend group that they were expecting a child, if not for Seungmin intercepting him. “How did it go? What’s the verdict, chief?”

Jeongin groaned dramatically from one of the plastic chairs set up in the hallway, but Felix promptly ignored him, sparkly brown eyes staring at him. 

Chan smiles sheepishly as he holds up the second copy of the scan, “Five weeks.”

The high-pitched scream the younger Aussie lets out is just setting all of them up to be banned for life from this clinic; Chan quickly clamps his palm onto the other’s mouth, bowing apologetically to the nearest people. Jeongin makes a path for them to retreat, successfully escaping any nurses who were nearby and were on a mission to lecture them about being quiet in the hospitals, probably.

When they’re outside, Chan can’t help but laugh. “Felix, you know that I love you, but please tone the screaming a few decibels down.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m deaf now,” Jeongin says louder than necessary, a pleasant look crossing his face when Felix cringes.

“Sorry, sorry. I got way too excited,” Felix sighs as they sit down on one of the benches. “It’s just… Wow! One more tiny human to the Seo fam.” 

Jeongin sits further away from them, pretending he’s earnestly waiting for someone else. Chan really should get a grip on the main three haters among their group — Minho, Seungmin and Jeongin, and smother them in affection so they couldn’t run from their group even if they wanted. 

“Lixie,” He rubbed the other’s shoulder, Felix immediately going pliant against the affectionate touch. “You begin to sound more like Sungie. Either cut off his flow of hip-hop speech or spend less time with him.” 

Chan made sure to show his teasing smile. Felix leaned into the touch even more with a laugh. Something definitely was up with his lil bro. “I can’t! He keeps following me around like a puppy.” 

Jeongin slides closer to them again, “Speaking of puppies, Hyunjin has been following Minho-hyung like one for weeks. I don’t know what they’ve got going on, but I’m already dreading it.” 

Felix huffed but didn’t say anything, instead opting to burrow his head into Chan’s shoulder. 

“It can’t be that bad,” he tried to reason, but he knew if it was that bad, he couldn’t do anything about it — this duo was unpredictable. 

The youngest sighed wistfully, “I hope it is, though. As much as I’m feeling the doomsday is getting nearer every day, I’m curious.” 

Chan shook his head in disappointment, standing up and ruffling the hair of the both boys. “C’mon, enough of the apocalypse talking, let’s get some ice cream to celebrate instead.” 

“So you’re keeping it?” Felix hit Jeongin on the shoulder with a shocked expression. 

And, well, “I want to.” 

Chan still had to talk to Changbin about it. 

ᕱᕱ

Did he just do that when he came home? No. Not when he was met with his husband laying on the couch with Yubin on top of him, their son napping peacefully. 

Especially not when Changbin smiled at him with so much love and whispered “Welcome home.” 

Chan traced the line of his son’s spine lovingly, a warm weight settling somewhere behind his ears and between his ribs. “I’m home,” he kissed Changbin, the other’s lips warming up his own. “How’s Jieun-noona?” 

Changbin melts when Chan’s fingers thread through his short hair, eyes closed as he mumbles something along the “she’s fine, as usual”. Yubin shifts in his sleep, sighing and turning his head the other way, messing up his curls Chan spent so much time earlier getting in order. 

Changbin smiles down at the little body pressed to him, brown eyes melting like dark chocolate with love. When he looks back at him, it stays the same; with a little spark in them, just like their unborn baby does on the scan. 

His throat clogs up with love — for the three of them now.

ᕱᕱ

A week later, yep, Chan still haven’t told him. He keeps putting it off, coming up with new excuses every day, ranging from “oh, he just recently got back to work from his sick leave, that’ll be too much trouble for him” to the absurd “no, he’s not in a very good mood today”. 

And so, Felix calls him, a week and a day after, asking to meet up at the mall. 

(“Also, please bring Yunnie with you,” the younger whined into the phone, “I haven’t seen my favorite nephew in ages!”

Chan couldn’t really argue with that — Yubin these days was spending time either with his aunties or with his grandparents, considering that Chan and Changbin were busy with the latter being sick.)

He made sure to pack necessary things: a wallet, a phone, gummies that both Yubin and Felix loved, the pills his doc prescribed to stop him from throwing up at random times of the day, and of course, his earphones. Mainly because Yubin loved to listen to weird kids’ songs he found on YouTube. 

Chan was lucky Yubin was a good balance between his and his husband’s personalities combined, and the whole forty-five minute bus ride was mainly spent with him pointing something out in the streets and the boy babbling about a cartoon he watched this morning. Chan loved hearing kids ramble, ever since his little sister — that clung onto him like she was superglued to his side — started talking. He can’t believe that his siblings who he saw grow up with his own eyes would be starting their own families soon (or not, that was okay too). 

“Papa,” Yubin tugged on his shirt to get his attention, a cute pout on his lips. 

“Yes?” 

“Is this the mall?” He pointed with his finger at the large building the bus was approaching, preparing to drive into the parking lot in the mall itself. 

Chan slung his backpack over his shoulder, hugging his son tighter so they could stand up together with Yubin in his arms. “Yeah, baby, it is. Are you excited to see uncle Lixie again?” 

That was a rhetorical question — Yubin was always happy to spend time with any of their friends, but especially favoring Felix and Minho. Just don’t tell that Jisung, the man would be crushed from the dishonorable title of not being the favorite. 

The little boy smiled, wrapping his arms securely around his papa’s neck as they stood up, “Yep! Uncle Lixie is always fun and he beha— bee—” Yubin scrunched up his nose as he tried to remember the word, but seemingly gave up. “He’s a kitty, and uncle Minho has kitties, and he called uncle Lixie his kitty too, but uncle Lixie has no tail.” 

Chan laughed at his son’s explanation, which was pretty much on point. “It’s “behaves”, honey.” 

“Also uncle Lixie doesn’t eat kitty food when uncle Minho gives him it.” Yubin paused as Chan finally put him down and guided them into the mall, searching for the café Felix set them to meet at. “Is uncle Lixie a bad kitty then?” 

He nodded solemnly as the little boy gasped in shock, continuing to ramble, while Chan was trying not to laugh out loud as he spotted Felix outside of the café. His joy died down as he saw how nervous the younger male was, now from up close noticing how his eyes were rimmed red. That wasn’t a good sign — far from it, unless he watched some sad drama the night before, which Chan heavily doubted. 

Felix didn’t even notice them approaching, staring straight ahead into the crowds of people, mindlessly playing with the strings of his bright yellow hoodie. 

“Uncle Lix!” Yubin plastered himself to the younger man’s legs, letting out a happy squeal when Felix picked him up. “Hi, hi, hi!” 

The Aussie let out a high-pitched laugh, “Hi, hi, hi, Yunnie!” 

Chan hugged them both with a bit of force, the other two letting out groans of pain, “No hi, hi, hi for me, huh?” 

Felix pouted as he let them go, still hugging Yubin to his chest, “Not after that!” 

“Nooo, Lixie, I’m sorry,” the younger smiled as Chan whined, which made the boy in his arms giggle. 

“Hmm,” Felix hummed, mindlessly petting the little boy’s hair — which was more like a thing Minho would do; that’s how you know two of your friends are spending way too much time together. “Alright, I forgive you this time, Christopher. But from now on be careful.” 

That totally had a double meaning. 

“Thank you, thank you,” Chan laughed, placing one of his hands on the younger’s shoulder. “Now, shall we?” 

Chan is a gentleman, opening the door to the café and gesturing for Felix to come in. Felix rolled his eyes with a smile, but still thanked him softly. 

“I’ll go and make our orders and you and Yunnie find a table, alright? What do you want?” Felix let the boy down, who immediately clung back onto him, refusing to separate from the man even for a few minutes. 

“Nope,” Chan smiled, turning Felix away from the counter by the shoulders, “You paid last time, now it’s my turn!” 

“Huh? What— Hey, wait!” 

But it was too late: Chan was already at the counter, ordering a tea for himself and a weird new strawberry/chocolate cookie milkshake, and maybe a melon milkshake and a cookie for his son. Judge him all you want for probably spoiling his child’s dinner later, but he loved to spoil Yubin — just as much as Changbin did, judging by their son’s multiplying figurines of his favorite cartoon characters. 

As he picked up their order, Chan saw Felix at the table in the corner at the window, with Yubin in his lap, his son blabbing animatedly while Felix attentively listened. That was what Chan loved about his friends (among other things) — they never treated kids differently like other people did, setting aside all of the baby talk when Yubin hit his one year birthday. Chan had to endure strangers trying to baby-talk his son way too many times; even some of his relatives, which gave him a bigger headache because he had to spend a prolonged amount of time with them. 

“—And then the airplane went whoosh and spinned! And it landed and the princess just jumped into it!” He caught the part of what Yubin was saying to a now concerned looking Felix.

The younger glanced up at him, scandalized, as he placed his milkshake in front of him, “Hyung, what kinds of things do you allow my baby Yunnie to watch?!”

“Hey,” Chan caught his son’s attention and placed him on a separate seat, still close to Felix and handed him his treats, getting a soft thanks in return as the boy munched on his cookie. “Blame Binnie for it, it’s him who mostly shows him this stuff!”

Felix narrowed his eyes, but unable to keep the smile off of his face, “Changbin-hyung is gonna get got someday.”

Chan laughed quietly as he sat down across from him, automatically handing both Felix and Yubin a napkin. “Please stop threatening my husband in front of our child.”

The younger shook his head, leaning back with a content smile as he sipped his milkshake. “Ah, hyung,” he sighed, closing his eyes, “How do you always know what I’m craving?”

“I literally knew you since you were a baby.”

“Oh, okay, good point,” Felix nodded as he leaned on the table again. “Minho hyung knew me for as long as you do, though.”

Chan blinked way too many times, finally feeling his stomach settling down as he slowly drank his tea. “He’s your cousin?”

“No?..” Him and Felix stared at each other for a few seconds before breaking out into smiles. “Just because we have the same last name— Really, hyung?”

“Okay-okay, listen!” He lifted up his palms in surrender, “I was just a kid and I assumed things! The guys think that you’re somehow related as well, I’m not the only one.”

Yubin at this point completely zoned out of their conversation, instead leaning into Felix’s side and fiddling with a napkin as he mumbled something to himself. Felix didn’t believe him, so they sent a “are minho and felix related? ” to their group chat.

“What the heck,” Felix mumbled in shock as he absentmindedly played with the little boy’s hair. “Even Jisung, my self-proclaimed soulmate and a twin? Wow. I’m so disappointed.”

Chan giggled and grasped his hands in his, shaking them. “My lil’ Aussie bro got betrayed by everyone.”

Felix gave him a blank look, “By my big Aussie bro as well.”

They laughed a bit together some more, the conversation trailing off to Felix struggling with his Literature major and complaining about having to analyze “the sh— the stuff old creepy men wrote when they were slamming LSD every day ”, and Chan recounting the Epic Coffee Collision he witnessed the day prior when he went to his manager’s office.

At some point they moved from the café deeper into the mall, Yubin happily holding their hands, Chan and Felix sometimes pulling him up by their arms, the boy squealing in joy. Then, at the boy’s insistence, he was let go to play in the bouncy castle, while the men sat at the bench not far from it.

“So,” Chan started, turning to look at the younger, who climbed up onto the bench with his feet. “Why did you really want to meet up?”

Felix tilted his head, humming as his gaze strayed from him, settling on the inside of the playground. “Just missed Yunnie, and to check up on you as well, hyung.”

“Huh? Me?”

“More like to check if you’ve told Changbin-hyung about the pregnancy, to be honest.”

Chan sighed as he placed his head onto the other’s shoulder, “No… I’m not really ready yet. I keep waiting for the right time to say it, but there’s never really the right time.”

Felix patted his curls carefully, tangling his fingers in it. “I know, hyung,” the younger’s voice was muted, almost sounding heartbroken. “But if he loves you, — and I’m sure he loves you because, hell, you’re married, — he won’t leave you over this. And if he does, my offer is still open.”

His blue hair tickled his face, so he straightened up and hugged the younger to him, seeing as Felix was this close to crying by the looks of it. 

“Hey, hey, Lixie,” Chan murmured, softly rubbing his back in circles like he did whenever Yubin woke up crying when he was a baby. “What’s wrong? I’ve noticed that you’ve been… Down lately. You can come to me whenever, Lixie, I care about you so much. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about whatever is bothering you right now, or never, just know that I’m here for you to lean on.”

Felix’s silent crying just evolved into full-on heart-wrenching sobs. Chan began panicking, not knowing why the younger reacted like that, shushing him gently. After a few minutes, Felix quieted down, clutching at Chan’s hoodie like a lifeline. 

“I want to,” Felix mumbled, his strained voice was barely audible, the noise of the people talking and children screaming would be blocking it completely, if Chan wasn’t so close and wasn’t waiting for him to say anything. He cleared his throat. “I want to talk about it.”

“Alright, let’s go wash you up first, okay?” He whispered, gently guiding him to stand up, but the younger whined and tugged him back down.

“N-no,” Felix managed to get out, sniffing violently still. “I’m gonna fucking ch-icken out if I won’t tell anyone right now.”

Chan hummed in encouragement, pulling him back into his arms and holding tight. “Go ahead, Lix. I’m here.”

He felt the younger’s chest expand beneath his arms, the rush of air tickling his neck. “You know that me and Hyunjin got a… God, I can’t even call it a fucking relationship, we just smash and dash,” Chan in fact did know that, he noticed Felix’s infatuation even back last year. He scrunched up his nose at the choice of words, but didn’t interrupt. “Anyway, I guess we weren’t… careful enough.”

God, is this going where Chan thinks it’s going? That would explain many things he’s noticed over time. 

Felix lets out a wet chuckle as he hunches his shoulder, an attempt to curl into himself but restrained by Chan’s arms, though he makes no move to push him away.  “I’m stuck in the same situation as you, hyung. But the main point in mine is — Hyunjin doesn’t love me, he never would. I’m just his friend with benefits, he could always just find another one and he wouldn’t even look back. I’m pregnant with his kid and he wouldn’t care, even if I’d tell him.”

Chan’s heart broke for his younger friend, the one that has always been by his side ever since he moved to Korea, the boy who grew up looking up at him as if he’d hung the stars and made the moon glow, the one he swore to love and protect until he said otherwise. His little brother, Lee Felix, with his heart bared to him, bleeding and trembling.

“Lixie…” Chan’s mind is running through all the words to say, practically gluing the other to him with his arms, planting a kiss on his blue hair. “I’m sorry hyung can’t do anything about Hyunjin — well, unless you want me to beat him up, that is. But I’m still here, with you. You can always come and find me, I’m never gonna leave you behind. Just tell me what you need right now.”

Felix let out a short laugh, his tense shoulders relaxing. “Please don’t beat him up, he’s still our friend.” He drew back a bit, settling his head more comfortably in between his neck and shoulder. Chan briefly saw the younger’s face, swollen red from crying and tear streaks painting their way down his cheeks, the sight squeezing his heart painfully. “I think I just need… time, I guess. Away from Hyunjin, to make it hurt less. Maybe eat three packs of ramen in one sitting.”

They both laughed, still clutching at each other.

“Well, we can do both and hide out in my or Minho’s apartment,” Chan offered, looking over to check if Yubin was out of the bouncy castle, but he just moved on to play on the playground. “Hyunjin wouldn’t dare to step into Minho’s apartment under any circumstances.”

Felix loosened his grip and giggled freely, “Uh-huh, because hyung would be ecstatic to have both of us over randomly.” He’d gone quiet for a few seconds, and then lifted up his head, wiping his face with a sleeve, “Thank you, Channie.”

It was all worth seeing his friends smile, even after a heartbreak. “Hey, no worries, mate.” He ruffled the other’s hair to which Felix just smiled.

“Oi!” Felix suddenly exclaimed, startling Chan slightly, but as he turned he saw Yubin running up to them.

“Yunnie,” Chan pulled out his “dad voice”, as the boy stopped in front of them. “Don’t run in the mall, please.”

His son simply said “okay” and sat between them, swinging his feet back and forth, “Can we get ice cream, please?”

Chan is weak for puppy eyes — for Yubin’s and Felix’s both.

Him and Yubin are standing a few paces outside of the bathrooms, the boy standing on his papa’s feet with his own, making him dance with him in the middle of the mall. Of course Chan agreed — he would do anything for his “favorite tiny human”, as Minho phrased it once. Plus, they were out of everyone’s way and he didn’t get to do this since Yubin was around three; his son humming the melody he sang to him that night.

“Aigoo, Channie!” He jumped a bit in surprise, Yubin jostling along with him but managing to stay upright by sheer will, letting out a displeased sound but not saying anything further, but stopping the melody. 

Turning around, there she was — “Ah, Eunjung-ssi! You scared me.” 

His mother-in-law giggled, “I was just surprised to see you shopping so far from yours and Binnie’s apartment.” 

That much was true — the shopping complex he and Felix met up at was a full 45-minute drive from home, and Chan never would have driven out there if it wasn’t for the younger male. Chan did a lot of things for Felix, and he hoped he could do more when the time would come. 

“It’s nothing, just had to get a few things done, eomeoni.” 

Eunjung was a strong woman, as was expected from Changbin’s mother. She also was incredibly protective of her children, also a trait Changbin and his sister acquired, so she scanned his appearance and just hummed in answer. Chan was in his usual jeans-and-a-hoodie combo, he doesn’t know what she could gather from that. 

“Is Binnie also with you, then?” 

Ah. “No, he’s still at work. Me and Yunnie are catching a ride with a friend.” 

He could see Felix making his way back to them from the bathrooms, but stopping dead in his tracks as Chan shook his head and made eye-contact. 

“That’s good! Wouldn’t want Yunnie to be dragged to the other side of Busan on public transport. You know how the kids these days behave when you’re on a train.” 

Chan is just going to pretend that he doesn’t know any of the “kids like this”, even if Jeongin and Jisung combined are as loud as a high school band where no one can play any of the instruments. Thank God Hyunjin doesn’t commute with them, or else that branch of the train station would be all deaf by now. 

Wait. No thinking about his friends-slash-children, he has other problems. “Yeah, haha… Eunjung-ssi, I’m really sorry, but I’ve got to go now...” 

“Oh sure, sure! Get home save, Channie.” She bent down to kiss Yubin on both cheeks as the boy lit up from affection, “You too, Yunnie! Eat a lot to grow up as tall as your grandpa and not your daddy.” 

They both laughed at that, albeit Chan felt a bit sorry for his husband — he didn’t always like these types of jokes from his family, but tolerated it when it came to their friends. 

As Eunjung went off to the exit, Felix came up beside him, lifting up Yubin into his arms who hugged him closer in turn. “Was that Bin hyung’s mum? She really didn’t age a bit in the past few years, huh.” 

“I know, right?” Chan laughed as he fixed his hoodie to lay correctly. “Even Jisung pointed it out. He also called Hyunjin blind for it, though. Had to split them up before they could get into another squabble.” 

Felix wiggled his eyebrows playfully — a trait he stole from Minho, “Jisung isn’t wrong. I told Hyunjin that countless times already.” He paused briefly — “Maybe that’s why he hasn't noticed the Big Event.” 

“Please stop calling it that.” Chan just had to sigh like a disappointed father. “Let’s go before I meet any more of my relatives.” 

The younger man hung onto his hand, nuzzling into his hoodie, “Let’s go ambush Minho-hyung!” 

Yubin cheered along with him, and Chan is now convinced that he’ll be surrounded by only children ’til his dying day. 

ᕱᕱ

When they get home, Chan softly shuts the front door, despite the high possibility that Changbin is probably engrossed in his work right now and wouldn’t even hear a thing if someone was to break in. He has to turn the light on with his elbow, considering how he has his hands full with a sleeping toddler. It was 9PM already — him and Felix got way too wrapped up in their conversation when they eventually broke into Minho’s apartment. 

Not that Minho was against it; well, he was at first (but not very much because he got attacked by Felix’s and Yubin’s affection), until when they were all eating pasta that Minho cooked and Felix blurted out that he was pregnant. The older Lee (not a cousin still) almost died from how violently he coughed, Chan even thought that this would be how his oldest friend would die, but thankfully, Minho lived to see another day. 

Mainly because Chan still hasn’t told anyone besides Jeongin and Felix that he’s pregnant. 

As the light fills the hallway and a small part of the kitchen, he jolts in surprise, repressing the startled scream that got stuck in his throat. Changbin spun around in a barstool like a villain in the movies, one of his eyebrows lifted up questioningly.

Chan wanted to laugh at his husband’s antics, but it died down in his throat the moment he noticed the serious expression on his face. 

He struggled to pull off his shoes for a moment, before taking off Yubin’s, “Hey?” 

“Hi,” was Changbin’s only reply whereas usually he would ask about his day and tell him about his own, but this time he was just silent, taking Yubin from his arms and carrying him to his bedroom. It’s okay, his husband’s streaks of a bad mood was rare, but it was ten times better than Changbin forcing out a smile to keep up the happy image.

Aaaand, here it is, Chan felt the waves of nausea tickling the back of his throat. As Changbin returned, he tried to blink off the oncoming tears. 

“How was your day?” Chan took the initiative as he turned the kettle on in hopes that tea would settle the baby down and he wouldn’t have to take the pills. 

Changbin’s reply was short and rough — “Fine.” 

He hummed, turning around to lean on the counter behind him to be face-to-face with Changbin, “That’s nice. Me and Yunnie had a good time today. Even raided Minho’s apartment along with Felix.” Chan could feel the overwhelming exhaustion settling into his bones as he chuckled lightly. 

“Oh,” Changbin’s face dropped from serious to confused. “You were with Felix?”

“Yeah?” Chan turns off the kettle and pours himself some raspberry tea that just screams fake, but he couldn’t care less. “I thought I told you yesterday.”

Changbin shook his head, laughing quietly, “My mom said that she saw you with “another man” today and you were acting suspiciously.” 

Oh, come on, Chan just had been nervous his mother-in-law would be able to tell that he was pregnant. No big deal, nothing to see here. “Ah, Eunjung-ssi,” he sighed and chuckled lightly, sitting down near his husband and leaning his head against the other’s shoulder. “Lixie is hardly that. Besides, who needs another man when I have a whole package anyways.” 

He could see from his angle how Changbin’s cheeks had gone soft pink. “I can say the same,” he also could see the teasing tilt to the younger’s smile. “I’ve got a full course husband right there with me.” 

Chan pulled away from him, laughing quietly and bumping his forehead against Changbin’s shoulder, who just ruffled his hair in turn. He loved moments like this — when the two of them just sat together in almost dark, joking around and exchanging tender touches; it made Chan’s nose and ears fuzzy with warmth, heating him up from the inside out. 

“Let’s go to bed,” Chan finally said when he finished his cup of tea and Changbin yawned for the third time. 

Changbin scrunched up his nose, but followed him to the bedroom, “It’s not even 10PM.”

Chan poked his head into Yubin’s room — he was already spread out on the bed, one of his plushies laying on the floor along with the blanket. “We’re old men, Binnie. In a year we’ll be going to bed at 8PM.”

“Yeah, sure. Maybe you will, but I’m still younger than you,” his husband tucked their little boy back in, placing the plushie by the wall instead so Yubin wouldn’t kick it off again. 

Chan huffed, changing into his pajamas, which was just an oversized t-shirt with Iron Man on it and shorts. “The disrespect I get in this house,” he mumbled, feeling strong hands wrapping around his waist from behind, squeezing softly. 

“Sorry, baby,” Changbin giggled and kissed behind Chan’s ear, the older one letting out a squeak. 

The Aussie placed his hands on top of Changbin’s, déjà vu hitting Chan hard — it’s how they usually would stand when Chan was pregnant with Yubin and he’s been kicking way too hard, the only thing that would be able to calm him down was Changbin’s singing. If Changbin somehow knew he was pregnant again and would sing, Chan would crack, without a doubt.

Relief and a hint of disappointment fills him as Changbin just leads them to bed and playfully throws him on the mattress, laying down next to him. Chan giggles as he gets comfortable, guiding the younger’s head on top of his chest, turning off the bedside lamp.

After exchanging quiet “good night”s, he felt his husband’s breathing getting deeper, the arm thrown around his waist twitching a bit. Chan sighed, placing his palm to the lower part of his stomach, just a little beneath where Changbin’s arm was, hoping that their unborn baby would feel all the love Chan was sending it.

ᕱᕱ

At some point during the next week, Felix had enough and decided to gather a “council meeting”.

“Wh— Why? What for?” Chan had a suspicion as of why, and that made him anxious as hell.

Felix hummed on the other end of the line, “Well, for starters we, as a group, haven’t met up in ages, I’m pretty sure Seungmin forgot how you all look like. And maybe to come clean about the, you know. Both of us.”

The younger’s voice trailed off, sounding more defeated than anything. 

“Are you sure you want to? You don’t have to…” Especially if Hyunjin was going to show up, was left unsaid. 

Felix chuckled, the sound bouncing in the receiver weirdly, “I’ll be fine, hyung. I’ll just tell them that it was from a one night stand and I don’t remember who it was.”

Chan hesitates, “Are you okay?” 

“Not right now,” Felix audibly breathes in, “But in the long run, I will be.” 

The older man hums, “You will, Lixie. I’m— We are all going to support you.” 

When Felix thanks him quietly, Chan doesn’t mention how he sounds like he’s about to cry. 

ᕱᕱ

Their group of friends, consisting of Minho, Hyunjin, Jisung, Felix, Seungmin and Jeongin barged in uninvited, but Chan was way too used to that, with befriending Jisung back in college especially. Changbin and Yubin were out shopping for groceries together, their little boy insisting on helping, even if Changbin could carry at least four full grocery bags by himself.

Chan sighs as he watches Hyunjin trip over the doorstep, bringing an innocent Seungmin with him, crashing down onto the floor. Minho hasn’t reacted, greeting the oldest with a hug, which was… unusual, to say the least. Felix, who came over earlier than the rest of them, clung onto Minho’s back and giggled, swaying the three of them together.

“Channie, Channie, Channie!” Minho exclaimed, withdrawing from the hug but placing his hands onto Chan’s shoulders like a father about to give him life advice, not bothering to shrug off the younger Lee. “My boy, I haven’t seen you in years! You’re skin and bones still, aish!”

Jeongin, stepping over the Hyunjin-Seungmin pile on the floor, scrunched up his face in disgust. “Minho hyung, that’s kind of your fault. You’re the one blowing us off all the time.”

“You,” Minho turned around slowly (because, well, Felix), pointing his finger at the youngest, “Are the least favourite of my children because of that.”

“I thought I was your least favourite, hyung.” Seungmin finally untangled himself from Hyunjin, who was still laying on the floor, Jisung standing above him with a mischievous smile. 

Minho rolled his eyes at Seungmin, while Chan let out an “Jisung, don’t you dare kick Hyunjin,” automatically. 

Jisung pouted at him, stepping away from Hyunjin. “Okay, dad. Can you give me something to eat then?” That was usual with the younger — the man somehow could go on without eating for days and remembering that he has to actually function as a human whenever he came out of his apartment. 

Curse Chan’s parental instincts, already had curry prepared. 

Luckily, it wasn’t that hard to rally everyone (after getting Hyunjin to finally get up) to stay somewhat close to each other, Jisung-Hyunjin-Felix team settling in the kitchen while Minho-Jeongin-Seungmin team occupied the living room’s couch. While everyone got settled, talking at variable volumes, Felix stood beside Chan, leaning into his side with a spaced-out look.

Chan clapped his hands like an elementary teacher trying to get the attention of the whole class of eight-year-olds. Not surprisingly, that worked. “So I might have a problem that I’m totally not stressed about.”

“Um, we have a problem,” Felix piped up with a chuckle, fiddling with something in a file — although Chan already knew what it was. 

Hyunjin tensed up in his seat, as did Minho. With Minho that was understandable — God knows the man was protective over Felix, and probably knew where this was going. Hyunjin, though?.. Jisung only lifted up his eyebrows, stuffing his mouth still, Jeongin not even lifting his head up from where he was playing some game on his phone, Seungmin lifted his head up from watching the younger playing.

“Bring out the black box,” Chan jokes, subtly pulling out his folder that also contained his blood test and maybe was decorated with Felix’s help in stickers and a date drawn on it; Felix was decorated the same, Chan’s graffiti skill coming in handy.

Felix slams his file onto the kitchen island, which was totally unnecessary, right in between Jisung and Hyunjin by pure coincidence, while Chan just hugged the folder to his chest. Giving a dramatic look to everyone he could in the room, he grins and announces loudly, “I’m pregananant.”

Jisung doesn’t miss a beat, “Pregante?” Before his spoon clatters onto the table as he blinks up at the younger Aussie in the shock that caught up with him. “Bro, what? For real?”

Felix smiles hesitantly, pulling out a scan with a dot circled with green marker, date in the top corner showing that it was done the day before yesterday — Minho went with him to the doc to support him. Chan also hesitantly pulls out his own scan, “I’m pregnant as well.”

The room goes completely quiet, their friends’ wide eyes shifting from him to Felix, Seungmin even standing up to look closer at the scans.

“You’re making it sound like you’ve got pregnant from each other,” Jeongin is blunt as always, looking at them from his spot on the couch, finally settling on Hyunjin’s tense back.

Felix laughs, high-pitched and chopped, “Ew, Innie!” He scrunches up his nose.

“I’m married?” Chan more asks than states, the concept of cheating on his husband throwing him off the rails. 

Minho points a finger at Chan, eyebrows scrunched together unpleasantly, “Channie hyung! Why haven’t you told me when Lixie did?”

“Felix told you first?” Hyunjin speaks up for the first time, his voice muted slightly, an unreadable expression on his face. 

Felix shrugs and sits down at the kitchen aisle as well, spinning in the seat, “Channie hyung told me and Innie first, and then I told Channie and Minho hyung. Channie hyungie is afraid to tell Binnie hyung, though.” 

“Way to out me like that, Lix,” Chan sighs, cringing inwardly as everyone’s eyes switch to him. 

“Well,” Seungmin says, leaning close to Felix, who fiddles with his necklace. “Personally, I don’t think that Changbin hyung would be against the idea of having another child.” 

“An’ even if he is, tha’s not a big pro’lem I-M-H-O ,” Jisung said through his mouthful of rice, waving his unoccupied hand vigorously. “You ca’ alway’ jus’—” 

Hyunjin finally had enough and covered Jisung’s mouth with a napkin. Well, more like slamming it on his lips. “If you say one more word without swallowing your food I will personally choke you.” 

The younger swallowed loudly, making an already nauseous Chan want to throw his guts up, and by the look on Felix’s face, the younger felt the same. “First of all, that’s kinky, thank you!” Hyunjin cringed and moved away, clinging to a sulking Felix. “And, as I was saying, Chan hyung, you can always just come clean about it. Or we leave to live as a religious community up in the mountains. I say we choose Chan hyung as our cult leader.” 

Minho cheered from the couch, accompanied by unenthusiastic Felix who cuddled to him, leaving a confused Hyunjin on the other end of the couch. 

He really has to pull the “disappointed father” card whenever he’s with his friends, huh? “We’re not going to live in the mountains just because of me.” 

“What was that about my husband becoming a cult leader?” Changbin walked in with grocery bags in both of his hands, Yubin struggling with pulling his shoes off behind him. 

Chan wanted the ground to swallow him up right there and then, just so he wouldn’t have to deal with his anxiety sky-rocketing at every word from Changbin’s mouth. “The talk” was a long time coming, but despite all of their friends’ reassurances he wanted to just pretend that he didn’t know he was pregnant for the whole two weeks before telling his husband. 

God fucking damn it. 

“Oh, nothing,” Minho replied from his seat, scratching Felix’s scalp like he would with his cats, “Just considering to detach ourselves from the humanity and live happily ever after until Chan goes ham and would force us to do stuff like, I don’t know, cut someone’s penis off.” 

“That’s oddly specific,” Jeongin piped up, finally putting down the pillow he’d been smothering himself in for the past five minutes. 

Yubin poked his head into the kitchen, lightning up in joy and setting himself into Hyunjin’s arms, who in turn lit up like a Christmas tree. 

Minho waved the youngest off, sipping his tea in peace. 

“Actually,” Chan reluctantly began as he moved closer to his husband who was putting away groceries after making sure that everyone is busy doing their own thing. “I— We need to talk about something. Alone.” 

Changbin put away a carton of milk into its own section (on Chan’s insisting that it belonged there) and turned around to face him with a confused look. “Are we really moving away into the mountains? I promised Wooyoung to be his groomsman for his wedding next year, so I don’t think it’s a good idea to move now.” 

Chan let out a high-pitched giggle, relieved for some form of comfort. “No, no. The one to actually do that would probably be Minho, not me.” 

His husband hummed in agreement and took his hand into his own two, gently massaging it. Chan practically melted at the subtle show of affection, nervous sparks in his body slowly snuffing out. 

“What did you want to talk about?” Changbin’s gentle murmur brought him out of his peaceful trance. 

Chan wordlessly tugged him to their bedroom, locking eyes with Felix briefly as they passed the living room unnoticed. As they came in, he immediately locked the door, turning around but not lifting his eyes up to look at the other man. 

Changbin waited for him to begin, placing his palms onto Chan’s shoulders and massaging them slightly — a habit he picked up when they were preparing to have Yubin. The déjà vu almost made him burst out in tears, but he held onto hoping for a positive reaction instead. 

“Do you remember when… A few weeks ago you heard me being sick at night?” Changbin nodded reluctantly, his eyebrows pinched in confusion. Here goes nothing. “Well, the thing is— I went to the clinic after, and…”

He trailed off, knowing how to say it, but not managing to get the words out past his throat. Changbin in front of him went tense, but kept his hands on his shoulders, rhythm steady and comforting. 

“Is it,” Changbin finally spoke up, not being able to bear the silence any longer, “Is it something… Bad?” Changbin cringed at his choice of words, fingers touching Chan’s neck briefly. “Not bad, but I just—” 

Chan interrupts him with a chaste kiss on lips, smiling softly at his concern. “I don’t think so. It’s up to you, really.” 

“Okay?” His poor husband is still utterly confused, and Chan doesn’t have it in him to make the other worry already more than he did. 

Deep breath in, “I’m pregnant.” Chan closes his eyes on reflex, feeling the soothing motions of Changbin’s palm falter. His head pounds as a few seconds of silence stretch for him more like hours, his heart shaking with nerves against his ribcage. 

The hands are gone completely now. Was that it? Was this how their relationship will end? Chan doesn’t want to live in the world where he can’t love Changbin, no matter how cliché it sounded. 

“You—” Changbin’s voice was hoarse, barely getting the word out, careful hands lifting his face up to look at him. Chan’s eyes stayed closed. “Channie, baby, look at me…” 

Chan reluctantly opens his eyes, and here in his view is the love of his life, eyes wide and shining wetly. “Baby, God, that’s…” There it was. Maybe Jisung’s ‘running away to live in the mountains’ idea was not that bad. “You don’t— Wow. Okay. Wait, no, that’s not a coherent answer. Fuck.”

He really wants to laugh at his husband’s loss of words, but all he can manage is a choked-off sob, as the dam finally breaks and he feels hot tears rapidly sliding down his cheeks. Changbin wipes his tears lovingly, clearly wanting to pull the other into a hug but needing him to face him for now. 

“If you don’t want it, I understand, but—” Chan’s hiccups wrench his heart painfully in subtle rejection from his husband. 

Changbin shushes him gently, carefully tangling his fingers into the short curls at the base of his neck, “Oh baby, that’s not it. It’s far from it.” He smiles as Chan’s eyes grow wide despite his eyelashes sticking together stubbornly. “I’m so fu— fricking happy that we’ll be having another kid, honey.” Changbin laughed lightly as a few teardrops of his own splattered onto his shirt. 

Covering his husband’s hands with his, Chan reluctantly smiles as he whispers “Really?”

“Of course,” Changbin pulled him into his arms, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles into his hip bones. “I would never not want more kids with you, honey. I love you and I will love all of our children, if we end up with more than two.” 

Chan huffed, his ears heating up, “So you want to be that crazy couple that has twenty kids?” 

Changbin giggled, pressing butterfly kisses on his neck. “Mhm. Maybe.” His fingers travel to brush against his slight baby bump, small enough to be covered with any t-shirt. Changbin lets out a noise of confusion from the back of his throat, fully placing his palm to it. “Wait, how far along are you?”

Oh, whoops. “Um, about seven weeks…” Changbin stares into his eyes with an unreadable expression. “Are you mad?” 

The younger man pouts at him, “I haven’t been with you to look at our baby for the first time then?”

Chan lays his head on Changbin’s shoulder, rubbing his arms soothingly, “I’m sorry, Binnie… I was afraid you’d be against having another baby.” 

Changbin huffs, placing a firm kiss on his curls, “I’ve actually been talking with Jieun about how it was time for Yubin to become a big brother.” 

At that, Chan feels the door behind him being opened, but with a little force. “Papa, appa!” the voice calls out from the other side, accompanied with Jisung’s incoherent mumbling. 

The younger pulls Chan away from the door by the waist gently, Chan’s cheeks lightning up in turn. “Speaking of the little devil,” Changbin sing-songs, ruffling Yubin’s hair. 

Yubin pouts up at him, holding a folder to his chest — Chan recognizes it as his, “I’m not! Uncle Sungie asked me to bring this to you in case papa, um…” 

The boy turns to the said man, who cheerfully supplies, “In case Channie hyung chickens out!” 

God knows Chan loves all of his friends, but sometimes they walk a fine line. Like right now. 

“Thank you, baby,” Chan takes the folder and kisses him on the cheeks. Yubin giggles and wraps his arms around his neck. 

“Where’s my kiss, hyungie?” Jisung whines from the doorway, but shrieks and runs back into the living room when Changbin makes a move to slap him, bursting out into laughter as what sounds like Felix squeaks. 

As soon as Chan lifts up their son, Changbin places his hand on his hip with wide eyes. Chan shakes his head and kisses him on the lips in reassurance — he knew how to lift heavy things while he’s pregnant, thank you (and Jieun with little Chaewon) very much. 

Chan sits down on his and his husband’s bed, placing Yubin on his lap, “Wanna look inside as well?” 

Yubin nods enthusiastically, Changbin sitting down beside them as well, pressing his cheek to the boy’s head. Opening the folder, there was only the copy of the blood test his doc made for him and the scan from two weeks back. Yubin stares curiously at the picture, rotating it in his hands with Chan’s permission. 

“What is this?” His son tilts his head to the side like a puppy, finally resigning to just looking at it. 

Changbin hums, taking the initiative, “Do you remember when me and papa showed you the pictures from your album?” Yubin nods. “You have the same picture in your album.”

Yubin scrunches up his eyebrows and nose simultaneously in thought, “But it’s not my album, appa.” 

Oh, Chan hasn’t thought about the fact that Yubin wouldn’t want a sibling. Chan himself was happy as a kid when his baby siblings were born, but for example, Jeongin wasn’t thrilled when his younger brother was born: judging by one of his baby photos where a four year old Jeongin stands off to the side, as far away from an infant in his mother’s arms as he could. 

Seeing how he tensed up, Changbin rubs his back up and down, catching his eyes and smiling up at him encouragingly. The smile fell when one of Yubin’s hair got into his eye, though. 

Chan giggled for a bit, before side-hugging the boy, “Yep, it’s not. This album is for your future brother or sister when they will be born.” 

Yubin whirls to look at him, hitting Changbin on the chin by accident. “I’m gonna be a big brother? Like Woohyun?” 

“Yes, Yunnie,” Changbin finally recovered, although his eyes were still wet, “You’re gonna be a big brother. Are you excited?” 

Chan kissed Changbin’s chin with a smile, as their son cheered, practically vibrating. “Yes! When I can meet them? I wanna play with them!” 

“In about eight months, honey,” he played with the boy’s hair.

Yubin pouted, “That’s so long,” he whined, burrowing his head into Chan’s chest. 

After consoling their son for a bit, they went back to their friends, who were all talking at a reasonable volume for once. Well, everyone except for Felix and Hyunjin, who were at the opposite corners from each other; Felix still clinging to Minho who didn’t seem to mind, casually threading his fingers through the younger’s hair; and Hyunjin, who sat between Seungmin and Jisung, looking on with an unreadable expression at Felix. 

“You good? Can we watch Shrek now?” Jeongin called out from the floor, receiving a weak kick from Minho for the “inability to control your volume”. 

However, Minho was silent when Yubin chanted “Shrek, Shrek, Shrek” loudly and jumped onto the couch to sit beside him. Felix cheered along with the boy enthusiastically, even if he got practically trampled by Jisung who jumped to sit beside him. 

Chan sighed as he sat in one of the armchairs, but Changbin lifted him up and sat him on his lap instead, wrapping his arms around his waist gently.

“It really feels like we have more kids than we actually do.”