Archive of Our Own

Katsuki closed his eyes and leaned against the train pole. His music was blaring through his headphones but the songs weren’t waking him up like he intended. It was far too early to even be awake. Perhaps it didn’t help that he'd spent a majority of last night staring at the ceiling.

He hadn’t had trouble sleeping in forever. When he was younger, about seven or eight, he had a bout of night terrors. The problem was quickly solved with the use of National Geographic videos as Katsuki would go to sleep. Turns out learning about the most unique and pointless animals in the world set him straight to sleep. However, since then Katsuki has been able to sleep like a baby.

Whether he would be going to bed at eight at night or his grandparents couch in early afternoon, Katsuki could always fall asleep. Which was why he was perplexed that he had spent the last two weeks struggling to sleep. It’s not as if there was something wrong in his life. Other than shitty hair’s daily attempts to talk to Katsuki. The shark toothed boy would not take a hint. Much like someone else Katsuki knew. The train pulled to a stop and Katsuki got off. His eyes still weary with sleep as he navigated his way to UA.

It was almost amusing how easy UA had been to get into. Of course for someone like Katsuki there was never a moment of doubt. However the school could have provided some sort of challenge. He’d flown through the written exam and was easily the best at pounding a bunch of fucking robots into the ground. Even in his class of 1A Katsuki was the strongest. Half of his classmates didn’t even have a grasp on their quirks. Even the recommendation students who in theory should be leagues ahead of him weren’t. While ponytail may be better than him in tests she certainly lacked in a fight. She thought too much and didn't use her quirk well at all. Don’t even get him started on fucking icy-hot. The bastard didn’t even use half of his power, reduced to his left side and the pointless ice. 

When he finally reached the long 1A doors he slammed them open. The moment he was in the classroom, he heard it. “Bakugou!” It was Kirshima. He didn’t acknowledge the redhead and istead made his way to his desk. Shinsou Hitoshi was sitting in his spot as per usual. The boy clearly got an even worse sleep than Katsuki, his eye circles were a deep black. He gave his usual point blank stare until their eye contact broke. The mindfreak had gotten into their class after Aizawa Sensei had failed the previous occupant. If they weren't good enough to last a day in UA they weren’t worth Katsuki’s effort to remember the name. 

The insomniac had entered the hero course two weeks after the first failing. Whoever had failed was apparently supposed to come back to school. It was a part of Aizawa Sensei's shitty teaching methods. However they had been so humiliated and made such a fuss as they exited to school they ended up refusing to come back. So they did an evaluation of the Gen. Ed course. From there Shinsou was somehow picked. 

He slouched in his seat and wanted to growl as he noticed both dunce face and Kirishima making their way to him. “-and then she was like, ‘wanna go out with me?’” Kaminari was nodding his head and sparking slightly. “It was so romantic.” 

“Who the fuck would ask you out?!” Katsuki practically snarled the words. Kaminari made an exaggerated face of offense.

“Bakugou! I can’t believe you think nobody would ask me out. I’ll have you know there are hordes of ladies waiting for me.” He smiled cheekily and finger gunned to a few of the girls in their class. 

“It’s from his favourite TV show.” Kirishima explained. 

“I don’t care, you damn extras.” Katsuki scowled at the pair once more. Thankfully however the two seemed perfectly content to have a conversation without him and talked more about whatever TV show this was. 

“So then Tskuiyama got sick and Kobayashi had to stay over-”

“It’s a beautiful night, look at the moon.” The girl on the TV spoke as Katskui snuck downstairs for a snack. His mother was watching a stupid TV show with a friend and Katsuki did not want to have to deal with a conversation.

“Oh, I wish they would just kiss already!” A voice which wasn’t unfamiliar filled the Bakugou’s living room. His own mother quickly agreed with the statement.

“They can’t drag it on too much longer. Kobayashi will say something this episode. I’m sure of it.” The scene of the TV shifted so the moon was shown behind the two characters. This partially lit up the living room and Katskui caught sight of Inko Midoriya sitting on his couch. He moved twice as fast after seeing her to get his food and climb back up the stairs. Thankfully he made it through the snack run without being stopped.

Katsuki snapped himself out of the memory. Of course someone like Kaminari would watch a senseless romance show like his mother. Before he could hear anymore of the conversation both boys instantly fled. Aizawa Sensei was coming. He reached the silent class and gave a nod of approval at everyone in their own desks. He gave his signature glance over the classroom. He took attendance and the day passed relatively quickly. Until it was time for English. The hero Present Mic came into the room with his usual over enthusiasm.

“Good morning everyone!” There were a few groans from the middle of the classroom. “We have four presentations today!” Present Mic had given them an assignment about social issues. Everyone had to choose from the long list he provided and create a short presentation on the topic. Then they would have to present. Present Mic had boasted about how he was tackling two important issues at once. The ‘beauty’ of the English language as the lemon haired man called it and the current issues in the world today. Katsuki had gotten his presentation over two days ago. He’d talked about the corrupt and unsafe governments in third world countries.  

If Katsuki could correctly recall from the list it was Kaminari the idiot, the sparkly dude, ponytail and four eyes. Present Mic played deaf to the obvious groans of his students. “And Iida is up first!” The nerd guy made his way to the front of the classroom. He didn't have cue cards like a majority of the class had. No doubt he’d memorize everything much like Katsuki had done. 

“Good morning everyone. Today I will be talking about the health care problems we have in Japan.” The rest of his presentation Katsuki blurred out. He was already well aware of the health care matters and didn't need to listen. That and his voice was plain annoying. Katsuki bet he was still sore about losing the Class Presidency to ponytail. She snuck in with the win and seemed more surprised than anyone else in the class. Speaking of ponytail she was the next presentation, which was on education. Once more Katsuki allowed himself to zone out and not bother in listening to her rather monotone presentation. 

Sparkles made his way to the front not that it took him very long since he was in the front row. The teenager made extravagant steps toward the center of the room. “Bonjour mon ami!” He called out in that horrible french accented voice of his. “My présentation will be on the quirk discrimination.” Katskui didn't notice how he had stiffened. He’d seen the statistics and already knew what would be shared. For whatever reason however he felt like he should be on the edge of his seat. Hanging off of each and every word.

“I’m sure you all know how quirk basé our monde is.” 

“Aoyama?” 

“Oui Sensei?”

“This is English class correct?”

“Oui.”

“Then please try speaking English and not french.” Present Mic was smiling large and the class laughed lightly. This was probably a slight relief for those who actually listened. Aoyama would throw french words into all his sentences. Whether he was speaking Japanese or English. Half the time it would make his entire sentence ten times harder to understand. 

“Quirk discrimnation is a very large part in our world today.” Katsuki wanted to stuff the sparkly boy’s face in explosions. “People are often not offered jobs or respect because of their quirk.” The presentation continued onward listening to the statistics Katsuki for some reason knew. 

People with small or insignificant quirk have a 16% chance of not getting a job compared to someone with a powerful quirk

People with unpowerful quirks are often denied opportunities in the education system 

89% of people in management positions or positions of powers are those with a powerful quirk

Hospitals chose treatment based on quirks rather than who is in most need. This resulted in 3 deaths in the past year

Children with a ‘villain type’ quirk are bullied severely in schools

The presentation felt wrong. Something about it was wrong. For whatever reason the haunting image of Deku’s face came to mind. The annoying unbearable broccoli headed boy’s useless smile. His impossibly wide eyes as he studied Katsuki’s quirk yet again. the nerd would lose his shit if he saw how much Katsuki had already improved

There was the usual applause and Katskui realized that Aoyama's presentation was finally over. It was a very shitty presentation. He’d clearly not done his research given that he missed an entire fucking part-

“If you have something to say Bakugou say it loud enough for all of us to hear.” Katsuki froze for a brief moment before realizing that he’d spoken aloud. “Do you have something to say about Aoyama’s presentation?” All eyes were on him, which made Katsuki want to punch something.

“It was a shit presentation.” There were a lot of mumbles, Katsuki could only catch a few of them. 

“-his wasn’t even that good.”

“It wasn’t that bad besides-”

“-does he care?”

“He’s always so angry.”

“-but it is Bakugou.”

“Bakugou.” Present Mic was stern for once and he had fixated a frown on his face.

“It was horrible. He went on and on about stupid shit and missed the people who are most effected by the quirk discrimination. The quirkless fucks.” A few people's mouths went open and they gaped like fish.

“Bakugou a quirkless activist?”

“Who would have thought?” 

“Mon ami-”

“Aoyama, please just let this go and sit down.” Present Mic gives a long exhausted sigh. “Bakugou, that wasn't necessary. You’ll be in detention this afternoon.” Katsuki sent his signature glare to his English teacher. In reality Katsuki himself was quite confused. Why was he even thinking about Deku at a time like this? Sure the nerd went through some tough shit for being quirkless-

“Huh, whadda say?” Katskui snarled at Deku’s trembling form beneath his palm. Katsuki gripped Deku’s shoulder even tighter. His palm started heating up and Deku let out a whimper. “I asked you a question, Deku! Answer me!” Another whimper from the green headed boy.

“I uh- think you should leave her alone.” The girl in question was a year older than the two of them, she was in second year. She’d come to Katsuki after school and challenged him to a fight, foolishly. He easily beat her in the fight and continued to do so. Katsuki could vaguely remember her begging Katsuki to stop and she’d surrender. That was when the nerd had finally come in, as he usually did when Katsuki was pounding somebody in. 

“Should I leave her alone?” A hesitant nod. “You gonna take her place?” Deku's face contorted into one of terror and fear. Katsuki smirked, that expression was his favourite. When Deku knew he would be left beaten up and could do nothing about it. All he needed to do was beg and perhaps Katskui might just let him go. However, the shitty nerd often did his best in determination.

“Y-yes.” The words increased Katsuki’s anger tenfold. 

“You gonna get beat up here? You quirkless piece of shit.” He scaled back a fist and slammed it into Deku’s face. “Fucking worthless.” 

Deku went through a ton of shit for being quirkless. A very large majority came from Katsuki himself. Which was why he didn’t understand the anger he felt. The anger that nobody had even thought to bring up the subject of quirklessness was making his stomach twist. For whatever reasons Katsuki really didn’t want to know. Deku wasn’t here, he wouldn't see this so why did Katsuki really care. Katsuki had even yelled at Deku the last time he saw them. 

The class was weirdly quiet as the last person was told to stand up and give their presentation. He could tell a few of them were still antsy about Katsuki outburst. Aoyama did not look pleased, he’d pulled out a platter of cheese -where he’d gotten the cheese was a mystery to him- Aoyama continued to make large long sighs directed at Katsuki from across the classroom. 

Thankfully the horror that English class had was transitioned into Japanese, then hero lessons. After the horribly long morning it was lunch. Katsuki had stumbled into the lunch line and chose his food unconsciously. It was only when he was in front and ready to order he realized the name katsudon was slipping off his tongue. He quickly shut his mouth and left the line all together. He could feel the stares of concern shitty hair was giving him. 

Katsuki wasn’t stupid he knew that you couldn’t not have lunch, especially after hero training. He just- he didn't know what he needed. Something just felt wrong, maybe punching something would help. If the nerd was here Katsuki would certainly nail one right in Deku’s smug little-. “Yo, Bakugou!” Kirshima took his place beside Katsuki. He had a gyudon beef bowl in his hand and was smiling far too brightly. Kaminari, and Sero joined them a few minutes later.

“You’re not eating?” Sero questioned the empty table by Katsuki. He growled at Sero and walked off. He could hear them all whispering and for once didn’t try to hear their words. He’d made his way back to their table with a serving of chilli in his arms. He missed Kirishima’s nod of relief that Katsuki had gotten food. The three of them conversed easily as per usual. Until Kaminari being the block head he was brought up in their English class that morning. 

“Soooooooooo, Bakugou. I didn’t know you were so into activism.” Katsuki sent a glare to Kaminari.

“I’m not.”

“I dunno man.” Kirishima debated. “You seemed pretty heated this morning.”

“I wasn’t! Shut up!” It had only been a month or so since he’d started UA but the three were already used by Katsuki yelling. Middle school had been so much easier to deal with. Everyone followed him without question, shut up when he told them to and hung off his every word. For whatever reason that wasn’t happening here at UA. First Kirishima had un successfully infiltrated his way in Katsuki’s daily routine. Then he was followed as the class seemed to realize Katsuki wasn’t punching the red head’s lights out. 

“Ya know Bakugou you were the last person I thought would care about quirkless people.”

“What the fuck does that mean Pikachu!?” Kaminair laughed.

“Well there's the whole ‘die’ thing. And you are always trying to explode me, or Kirishima, or Todoroki, or Iida, or Yaoyorozu, or-”

“Shut the hell up sparky.” He missed Sero bringing out a notepad and writing something down. What he did catch was Sero not so subtly sliding it across the table to Kirishima. Once he’d gotten a look at whatever the notebook was, Kirishima laughed, he did try to cover it with his mouth a second later. Katsuki narrowed his eyes and reached for the notebook. Kirshima frantically tried to get rid of it but he failed. Katsuki opened the notebook and stared at the page. 

“Ah uh, Bakugou-” 

Bakugou’s voice was deathly as he started to speak. “Fuck no.” His hand lit up in explosions and the way the notebook burned felt eerily similar to Katsuki but he didn't bother to try and remember why. He'd walked out of the room since he’d finished his lunch. He was out of the room when Kaminari, Sero and Kirishima pulled out a second notebook.

“Good thing we have a backup.” Kaminari said with a relieved sigh. They flipped the book open and the heading read: Bakugou’s Katsuki’s Nicknames for 1A (+ratings!!)

-

Katsuki had finally entered his home. As proud as he was to finally attend UA a large part of him despised the school day. Especially after the day he just had. After school detention and lack of sleep were never a good mix. Unfortunately he’d been getting a lot of the combo lately. He made his way into the kitchen, the house was quiet as per usual. His mother and father would both be at work for a little while longer. Maybe a few hours if the two decided to work overtime. He’d spotted the piece of paper hanging on the fridge.

Katsuki the grocery list is here. Go to the store. I’ll pay you back when I’m home tonight.

Great… Now he had to deal with grocery shopping. His mother should hire somebody to go out for groceries for them. His parents were often too tired or just didn’t want to during the weekdays. That left it to Katsuki to go on the weekly grocery runs. The positive was Katsuki could buy whatever he wanted and not have to pay. He’d hand the receipt to his mom and she would reimburse him. Katsuki turned on his heel and walked right back out the front door. 

The store was understandably relatively busy. People getting off of work and buying food before dinner. He picked up a few items he wanted and those on the list. He spotted a watermelon and smiled lightly. Kirishima and Sero had an argument over whose in their class would be able to crush the watermelon easiest without their quirk. 

Kirishima was dead set on Todoroki. Since the boy had obvious muscles and trained like crazy. Sero firmly believed it would be Iida as long as he could use his legs. Kaminari was the deciding factor but instead of choosing the two options he had chosen himself. Katsuki was almost tempted to take some watermelons to school tomorrow and see who would be right. He decided against it and continued down the list. 

He’d gotten just about halfway through the list when he heard his name.“Katsuki?” There were only a few people who would call him by his given name. He spun around and was facing none other than Midoriya Inko. Her green hair was in a messy ponytail. It was greasy and was in need of shampooing. 

“Hi Mrs. Midoriya.” He hasn't seen her since middle school. The last time he saw her he wasn’t even looking at her anyways. Now he could fully see her and wanted to slap her for it. Her body weight which he admitted had been a little plump had gone down. Especially in her face, her cheekbones were painfully sticking out of her face. Despite her haggard expression she smiled warmly at him.

“It’s been awhile, I should really get in touch with Mitsuki. We haven’t done anything in ages.” Katsuki lifted his permanent scowl slightly.

“Mom would like that.” He gruffed out. In reality his mom ranted about Midoriya quite often. She never ever spoke of her in Katsuki's presence for some reason. However if he left the room or came in unannounced he’d catch the tail ends of conversations. His mother was worried for her and desperately wanted them to meet up more often. 

“How are you enjoying UA? Especially after that villain attack.” 

“Pah, they were pathetic excuses of a villain. I knocked ‘em out easily.” She smiled at him again this time her eyes actually seemed joyful. 

“The Sports Festival is coming up soon. Are you ready?”

“Like I’d need to prepare.” She nodded knowingly. 

“You were always very strong Katsuki.” For whatever reason at that moment Katsuki wanted to share everything. Tell her of his sleeping troubles and how out of body he’d felt lately. His mood swings and struggle to allow people like shitty hair to talk to him without yelling. He didn’t know why these urges came across him. Perhaps it was because Inko Midoriya was a mother to all. If she ever saw a child in trouble or hurt she was first to act. She even used to pack extra snacks in Deku’s lunch bag because she knew they were Katsuki’s favourite and Deku would share. 

“I’ll win the thing.” He finally responded after a few awkward moments. 

“I’ll be cheering for you! Me and-” She stopped herself suddenly. Katsuki gave her a look of confusion. “Me and your parents.” He still narrowed his eyes at her but she flashed that calming smile of hers. “It was nice to see you again, Katsuki.” He didn’t reply as she walked down the aisle to continue her shopping. The way she walked away left a sick feeling in Katsuki's stomach. The nausea rolled over him in waves and for a moment he could have sworn he’d throw up. 

She walked like him. They walked the same. He’d found himself envisioning Deku running away from him. A not so rare occurrence after a slight scare from Katsuki. Her green hair swished as she turned and disappeared from sight. He stood shell shocked staring at the place where she used to be. The PA system cackled. “Good afternoon Ito Yokado shoppers, this is just a reminder that our All Might playing cards are buy one get one free until 6 O'clock today.” A young boy passed by the aisle opening tugging on his mother’s sleeve.

“Mommy come on! I need a Silver Age All Might!!!” The young kid had black hair and it was pin point straight. He was rather tall and was wearing a sports jacket. The kid looked nothing like Deku. His face was pronounced by his cheek bones. His eyes were a dark brown almost black. He didn’t even look like Deku, which was why Katsuki was so confused as he began to think of Deku. The two of them had also collected All Might cards with a passion. Katsuki of course got some of the best cards. Deku had a few rare ones as well. The two had bragged about their collections to their classmates. 

“Kacchan!” Deku swung around on the swing. “All Might is just the COOLEST!” His young voice was high as his swing and he was smiling so wide it might just break his face. “He sweeps in with a WHOOSH and a BANG!” Deku tried to make hand motions but just ended up toppling off the swing instead. Katsuki laughed at the green headed boy who was sprawled across the floor. 

“All Might is nothing compared to me.” He proclaimed haughty and raised his arms wide. “When I get my quirk nobody will ever be able to stop me.”

“Woah.” Deku’s fascinated face stayed stuck on Katsuki. The ash blond boy was now climbing up a pair of monkey bars and was doing flips on it. “Kacchan is so cool! Kacchan’s amazing.” Deku scrambled up from his feet to join Katsuki. He made his way to the monkey bars and got up after five tries compared to Katsuki one. “We’re gonna be the coolest heroes.” He’d finally said after successfully sitting on the bar. 

“Not as cool as me! I’m going to be No.1!!” Deku nodded as if there was never any doubt of that.

“Then I’ll be number two.” He nodded his head in confidence which made Katsuki reach over and give him a light nudge. Deku nearly tumbled off the structure at the sudden imbalance. This causes Katsuki to laugh and point a finger at him.  

“You’re gonna have to train if you want to even be a hero. You’re too weak right now.” Deku didn’t pout or cry or get crestfallen. Instead he nodded his head furiously and let a determined gaze onto his face. 

The memory faded from Katsuki’s mind and he finished his trip to the store. He walked out and took the familiar path back home. He briefly passed an all too familiar forest. Katsuki had spent a large majority of his free time in that forest to train. He could blow things up without getting into too much trouble. He also would get to put on a show for his classmates. 

“You extras ready?!” Katsuki was standing on top of a hill. His classmates were seated a few feet away from them. They all eagerly nodded their heads. Katsuki was relishing in his high right now. He’d beat up an upperclassman everyone was afraid of. His whole class was now staring at him in wonder, as they should. He felt as if he was on cloud nine. 

He raised a hand toward the sky and a very loud explosion burst from his hand. There was a round of applause as Katsuki haughtily grinned. Everyone was clapping which drowned out most of the noise. Katsuki however heard a faint crack from the trees nearby. He whipped his head around and saw a backpack disappear behind a tree. He stalked over and pulled out none other than Deku. 

The boy tried to get out of Katsuki’s hold twice before relinquishing his fate. Katsuki had firmly gripped the other boy’s shirt collar. Katsuki raised Deku just enough so he was on his tiptoes. “Whadda the hell do you think you’re doing Deku?!”

“Hey Kacchan.” The eight year old's voice was shaky as he plastered a nervous smile on his face. “I wanted to watch.” Katsuki barked out a loud laugh. 

“You don't deserve to watch Bakugou.” A boy snarled, Deku’s face crumpled for a split second. Katsuki gave a smile showing his agreement. Deku set a firm face.

“I can watch you.” Katsuki squinted and laughed again. He shook Deku so the boy's head was lolling around. He finally shoved Deku on the ground and put a foot on his chest.

“Quirkless losers like you should just shut up.” It wasn’t Deku’s first time hearing those words. The amount of times Katsuki had done the very thing he was doing now couldn’t be counted. That was why it pissed Katsuki off to see the very glimpse of an emotion of something he couldn't quite place on the nerd's face. Sadness, nervousness, acceptance, lounging, fear? He couldn't place it but Deku made a face every time. Every time Katsuki gave him a beating the boy would come right back again. Katsuki really didn’t have a choice, he had to show Deku his place. Otherwise he’d try to be a quirkless hero like the idiot he was. 

Deku slowly stood from where he’d been thrown. A beat passed before all of Katsuki’s ‘friends’ were laughing at the green headed boy. Deku didn’t stiffen, unlike how he did around Katsuki. He never seemed upset when his classmates insulted him. Only Katsuki. A boy walked over to Deku and brought him back down to the ground again. Deku stayed a moment before rising again. This seemed to provoke the other boys and they all began throwing pathetic excuses of punches and kicks. Finally they seemed to be satisfied and the group turned to leave, Katsuki included. 

Katsuki found himself turning back to stare at Deku’s tear stained face. The boy was wiping his tears and struggling to stand. Katsuki studied him before they vanished into the trees and he couldn’t see Deku anymore. 

The house was still quiet as Katsuki burst into the house. He put the food away and stomped up to his bedroom. He threw himself in his bed. He found there was no purpose to going to bed early. He’d tried that many times over the past few weeks. He ended up agonizing in bed unable to fall asleep. On the bad nights he had started reliving his memories again. In specific memories involving the shitty nerd not that there were many without him. Those were the worst' he didn’t understand why Deku was so persistent in his brain. Deku wasn’t in his life anymore. Katsuki had gotten into UA and Deku hadn’t. 

Despite their current distance, Katsuki had never thought of Deku more. He had admitted it was slightly odd when he went to school for the first day and the nerd wasn’t there. He’d never had a single first day of school without Deku’s annoying face in his way. So as he marched into 1A and spotted no familiar green headed boy it was weird. It was outside of the routine Katsuki had been living for his entire life. The funniest thing is that sometimes he swore he saw Deku. When the frog girl was in the back of Katsuki’s vision she sometimes looked like Deku. However he was reminded that no, it wasn't Deku, just some extra. Deku could never go to UA. 

He opened his laptop and hovered his mouse over the browser. Quirkless Discrimnation. 

“Pray you’re born with-”

Katsuki slammed the laptop shut. He didn’t need to waste his time. Nobody important ever had been quirkless. He didn’t need to spend another second on people who were so insignificant.

-

Katsuki spent another night with almost no sleep. He’d been so hopeful when his body passed out around ten. Then he woke an hour later with the image of a burnt notebook fresh in his mind, he hadn’t been able to fall back asleep for hours. When he’d woken his eyes had drifted to the bookshelf. 

A certain burnt notebook had taken residence on his shelf a few months ago. He’d been in Deku’s house and rummaging around his room. Katsuki was half tempted to snatch an All Might figurine and make some insane money off of Deku’s ridiculous collection- or he might just put the figure to his own collection- but before he could grab anything he’d seen the burnt notebook. 

He had assumed Deku had tossed it, he hadn’t. The burnt water logged notebook was sitting there next to all his other notebooks. At that moment Katsuki wasn’t sure why he’d reached for it. His fingers had traced down the crinkled cover avoiding any of the burn spots. He never opened the book but took it out of the room with him. Deku probably wouldn’t notice it was missing. If he was mad about it, Deku couldn’t do anything. He was quirkless unlike Katsuki. 

Since that day Katsuki still hadn’t opened the book. A large part of him was tempted to finally see what the shitty nerd had spent so much time on. Each time he picked the book up a foreign feeling came upon Katsuki. So he never opened the book. He was still half wondering what was in the book when he saw an arm waving in front of his face. He snarled and was about to yell when Kirshima spoke up.

“Whoa Bakugou. Just making sure you were alive in there.” Katsuki gave him a stiff nod. He had made it into his classroom in a daze and now Kirshima was talking to him. A majority of the time Katsuki would at least attempt to follow the conversation, not that he showed it. Today he wasn’t even giving Kirishima a lick of his attention. He was still exhausted and needed sleep. But his stupid mind wouldn’t let him sleep. Keeping him awake with nightmares or just refusing to shut down. 

“-tening?” Suddenly Kirishima was waving his arm in front of Katsuki.

“Huh?” 

“Are you listening to me?” Katsuki gave him a glare for an answer, and Kirishima let out a long sigh. “Bakugou are you okay?” Katsuki stiffed at the question, what if earth was shitty hair talking about? Of course he was fine. “You look like dead. You should challenge Aizawa Sensei to see who has the worst eye bags.” Kirishima hummed and inspected Katsuki's face. “I don’t think your eye bags are dark enough yet. You might be worse than Shinsou.” Kirishima was clearly trying to spark conversation. “I am serious Bakugou. Are you sick or something?”

“Why the fuck would you think I’m sick?!”

“‘Cause you look all dead and you’re not paying attention to me.”

“I never pay attention to you hair for brains.” 

“If you're sick you can stay home. Don’t push it, it isn’t manly to lie about being sick.” He flashed his bright smile and for instant Katsuki could have sworn it was someone else smiling at him. That didn't make Katsuki’s anger double. 

‘Fuck off shitty hair! Fuck off! I don’t like you! Don’t wanna hear you! God do you ever listen to anyone for once! You’re a fucking waste of my time and energy!!” The entire class was silent, many mouths were wide open. Katsuki just faced the front of the classroom not sparring another look at anyone. 

He felt Kirishima leave his side and it almost pained him. After a minute or so he glanced over to Kirishima. The boy was sitting down looking dejected, Kaminari was trying to talk to him but Kirshima wasn’t saying anything. He fiddled once or twice with his fingers and gave Kaminari a cold smile. 

A feeling of ice and horror washed over Katsuki. The last time Katsuki had yelled and said shit like that it had been bad. He'd yelled at them and then left them alone. He left them alone and then things changed. Katsuki didn’t like change. They used to always have a smile on their face. The smile had started to feel fake and it only got worse when Katsuki said shit like that. Kirishima’s face looked so much like his. Perhaps that moment where he thought he saw-. No he can’t think about it. Kirishima wasn’t them and he wouldn’t make the decisions they did. Kirishima was better than that. He wouldn’t… He wouldn’t do that. Katsuki was sure. 

The conversations started back up again and Katsuki was trying to convince himself that everything was okay. He didn’t want to be here. Aizawa Sensei walked in and class started but he couldn’t stop thinking about Kirishima's fucking smile. Why did he look so defeated? He’d been pushy since the start. Everyone knew that Katsuki Bakugou didn’t make friends. So he didn’t even have the right to look so hurt. It was inevitable. He would be alone which was how he liked it. All the extras couldn’t stand with him. They were all beneath him. 

“Kacchan’s so cool!”

He was alone now. He’d been alone since then. Now everyone else had finally realized he was supposed to be alone. He couldn’t be the No. 1 hero if people were dragging him back down. He had to move forward and beat all of them. 

“Bakugou?” Katsuki whipped his head upwards to find Aizawa Sensei sending him a perplexed stare. “It’s time for Hero Lessons.” He looked around and a majority of the class had evacuated. There were a few lingering figures, all staring at him. Katsuki didn't respond, just glared and trudged out of the classroom. This day couldn’t end soon enough.

-

The final bell rang and the class was making their way out. Katsuki couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief. He was exhausted when he got home and he was going to pass out. He was walking by somebody and caught wind of their conversation. They looked to be in second year, maybe even third.

“Can’t today man, gotta go see my cousin.” His face lowered slightly at the words.

“Crap! I’m sorry I totally forgot what day it was.” She looked flustered as she apologized to the other boy. 

“Nah don’t worry about it. It’s been a year since it happened, I’m just gonna drop by and give her some flowers. Let her know how cool school has been and everything.” 

“You know I'd only ever met her once but she seemed so lively. I secretly thought she’d beat it.” The boy had a sad laugh.

“I think we all delusioned ourselves to think that. What’s funny is that she thought you were my girlfriend.” The girl raised her eyebrows. 

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. She made me promise I'd treat you well when she wasn’t around to keep me in check.” The girl smiled and let out a chuckle. 

“Well if you need a friend today just text me.” They’d reached the entrance to UA. 

“Will do.” The two parted ways. The boy was no doubt getting flowers to lay on a tombstone. Katsuki himself had only done so a few times. His grandfather passed away when he was seven or eight. He still visited with his mother and father on the anniversary of his death. He always hated a graveyard, full of sobbing people. People who were trying to get somebody to listen. Somebody who was desperate for comfort from some dead person, it was utterly ridiculous.  

It isn’t his. Those are the first thoughts Katsuki thinks as he stares at the tombstone encryption. There’s no way this would be what he’d want. If he got to choose he’d have asked his mom to plaster ‘All Might Fan No.1’ like the nerd he is. He didn’t tear up at the sight of a casket -a child’s casket, there should never be a casket that small- instead he felt rather indifferent. His mother had a stray tear dripping down her cheek. His father was completely done and crying silently. Katsuki read over the words once more. 

Izuku Midoriya

20XX-20XX

Beloved son and friend

“Life is not forever but my love for you is”

The words felt so wrong and odd. Although in all seriousness Katsuki wasn’t sure what he’d put instead. Half of him expected the words to morph and change and reveal this had all been some elaborate prank. Then his father would stop crying and his mother would stop giving him worried glances all the time. He wasn’t sure why they were so worked up. After all he hadn’t been friends with him. So what if he was dead? Why should Katsuki care if Deku was lying dead in the ground?

He wished this whole thing was over already. It all felt stiff and horrible. Every second of it felt horribly wrong. This isn’t what Deku would want when he died. He would hate to see his mother sobbing and inconsolable. Not to mention his asshole of a father who acted like he had a right to cry. The dick had been away for years and pops back in to cry over his dead son. Katsuki wanted to raise his arms and scream. ‘He’s dead! So let's go already!’ Every moment he’d spent staring at the gravestone felt insufferable. 

“Deku…” Katsuki spoke the words quietly to himself. His voice was quiet enough that nobody heard. “The shitty nerd’s dead.” 

Katsuki shook his head as if that could get rid of his thoughts. He doesn’t need to be thinking about the nerd right now. It would be a waste of his time. Much like leaving flowers next to the grave. The people there are dead, nobody is going to magically come back to life and thank you for the flowers. The bus ride felt longer than usual. Once he’d finally made it to his neighborhood he started making his way home. He passed by a convenience store and on a whim walked inside. 

It wasn’t his first time visiting and the cashier watched him warily. Katsuki could vaguely recognize him. He’d been working at this store for a year now. Katsuki hadn’t usually seen him as the guy worked more night shifts. It was a young man who was probably only a few years older than Katsuki, no doubt a university student. Ito was what his name tag said. It didn’t matter if Katsuki didn’t usually see him though.

All of the staff at this store knew him. He’d been coming here as a kid for food when he was out with friends or All Might trading cards. The owner had told everyone of Katsuki's temper and bad behavior. Which was why he could feel the wary stare as he marched through the aisles to grab a drink. He scowled when the man jumped and tried to pretend he hadn't been staring. 

“That’ll be 300 yen.” The cashier rang him up and Katsuki marched out. He was tempted to shove the magazine stand down as he passed through the front door. He’d walked out when his eyes landed on a group of six boys standing outside the door. They were in a huddle and muttering, they couldn't have been more suspicious. One of the boys froze when he saw Katsuki crossed arms and pursed lips. He nudged his friends and soon enough Katsuki and six pairs of eyes on him. He stared each and every one of them down.

“Eh, Bakugou! Long time no see, huh?” It wasn’t someone Katsuki recognized. They had spiky black hair -Kirishima’s looked good compared to that- and naturally very large eyes. He let out a nervous laugh when the appropriate time for Katsuki to respond passed. “How’s UA?” Two of the boys instantly started panicking and looked like they were going to run. 

“Who the fuck are you?” Another nervous tight laugh, it was pissing Katsuki off. “I asked who the fuck you were.” 

“It's me, Sakamoto.” Katsuki continued to stare into his eyes. The boy was now shuffling from foot to foot. “We went to Aldera together.” When Katsuki still didn’t show any recognition he rambled on. “Don’t you remember? We were friends.” Katsuki growled. “Uh not friends, just, um acquaintances.” Katsuki narrowed his eyes and the boy was fumbling his hands around. “We sometimes hang out. You, me, Tsukumo, um, Myoga, Ikari.” 

Katsuki took a single powerful step forward. The boy, Sakamoto, shivered and took a step backwards. “Look I’m sorry we are just gonna go into the store and be on our way.” Katsuki wouldn’t have been surprised if the boy started shaking from fear. 

His little group of friends started going around Katsuki, leaving a six foot radius between them and him. A few of them looked confused about why they were acting this way. A nudge and a whisper from Sakamoto had them listening. As much as Katsuki would like to walk away, he paused and studied them. They all had backpacks on and rather baggy clothing. They weren’t in their school uniforms which was wrong. He held out an arm. 

“Stop.” Only Sakamoto actually stopped the others creeping still. “You guys gonna steal or some shit?” Sakamoto seemed to debate his answer before smiling in a not so nice way.

“Just a few things.” He looked expectantly at Katsuki.

“The fuck?!” He was now allowing his all too familiar anger to take over. “You're gonna fucking steal?! How fucking low you gonna go? I didn’t even recognize your sorry ass and its no wonder why if you spend your spare time fucking stealing.” Sakamoto stiffened and realized he’d admitted something he shouldn't have. For a moment Katsuki wondered if the boy would try to downplay and pretend it was a joke. He never even got the chance one of his friends slapped him in the arm.

“Why the hell did ya tell him that? You wanna get us caught?” Sakamoto looked fully panicked when there was a small bang. If you didn’t know Katsuki’s quirk they could assume it was construction or something. Sakamoto however was very familiar with that sound and he started taking slow steps backward.

“Hah, this was fun. I think we are going to go elsewhere.” Katsuki let off a mini explosion, this time more people saw it. Many started backing away.

“You’re from the sludge villain attack!” 

“Shit, we should go.”

“What the hell, Sakamoto?” Sakamoto still seemed a little desperate to end on good terms with Katsuki.

“We were just joking around, Bakugou. It’s not like you haven’t done anything like this before.” Even more of that nervous laughter, that horrible sound was making Katsuki want to punch him. 

“I don’t steal.” Sakamoto nodded his head.

“Of course, of course. Well I'm sorry about that. Let's go guys.” Katsuki watched them leave and he decided he’d follow them. Not for long he just wanted to see if they’d go to the store a block from here and rob that one. The boys weren’t very quiet as they started angrily at Sakamoto.

“Why did you tell him we were stealing?”

“He wasn’t even scary.”

“Why the fuck we running away? It’s 6 on 1 we could take him.”

“-but he was in the sludge villain attack.”

“Is he really a UA student? And you know him?”

Sakamoto rolled his shoulder back and cleared his throat. “I thought he’d be cool with it.” 

“If he wants to be a hero did you really think he’d be cool with that?”

“He was cool with a lot of messed up stuff in middle school.” A few raised their eyebrows.

“Is that why you ran like a chicken with its head off?” It was a partially tall boy, he was sneering at Sakamoto.

“You guys weren't there. We had a kid in our class, Midoriya. Bakugou would beat the shit out of him if Midoriya even looked at him. I mean he was quirkless but still, I don’t wanna get my face pounded in.”

“So you almost got us caught because he was your classic bully? You’re pathetic.” The tall boy said again and most of the group were frowning at Sakamoto. “We do the same things Bakugou does, so why should we run scared?” Sakamoto's eyes darkened slightly and Katsuki felt his chest tighten.

“Midoriya is dead.” Katsuki spun on his heel and began running away from the group. He didn’t want to hear it anymore. He didn't want to hear that piece of shit talk about Deku. Like Katsuki was the reason Deku died. Katsuki didn’t even do anything. Deku dying wasn’t anything to do with him. For whatever reason his middle school class seemed to think differently. He had heard the whispers or rather proclamations that in the end Katsuki was responsible. 

A few wondered if Katsuki had even done the deed himself. That he had orchestrated the whole thing because he’d wanted Deku to be dead. It made him angry and he snapped many times at any of them. He’d spent a large majority of his last year getting talked to in those god awful patronizing tones. About how needed to keep his anger in control, some even recommended people he could go talk to. Fucking shrinks like Katsuki was insane. Thankfully his parents didn’t send him to therapy. 

He didn’t feel relieved or any less angry when he stormed into his room. He just wanted to get some sleep, his body was exhausted and to top it off Katsuki was pissed off. Somehow he ended up punching his pillows instead of trying to get the sleep his body needed.  He flung a pillow and it ended up knocking into his bookshelf sending a few objects clattering to the ground. 

“Really?!” He walked to his fallen crap and shoved it on his desk. He reached down to pick up the item and froze as he stared at it. It was an All Might Figure. He had several but most of them were in boxes in his closet. He wasn’t a nerd and advertised everything for people to see. It was from his Young Age, just when he was getting started in America. 

It was Katsuki's rarest item. There had been a thousand or something like that made, and they were very expensive. Katsuki wasn’t allowed to get one so he sent a video to All Might’s hero agency as a request for one.  He’d been four years old and made a video reenacting an All Might fight scene. He of course had Deku play the role of a villain. In return both boys ended up getting an All Might figurine. They’d squealed with joy and bragged about it for months. What they didn’t know was that Mitsuki and Inko had both paid a not so small amount of money to ensure the boy's video was seen and not stored away like the rest of All Might’s fan letters and videos. 

It hadn’t been on display in years, Katsuki hated it because it associated him with the nerd. It was Katsuki's idea to create the video but every time he saw the thing he thought of Deku. Which was why he had hidden the figure in his closet when he was ten. He couldn’t remember taking it out of the closet but at some point he must have. 

“But Kaaaaachan” Deku’s face was fixed in a pout. “I don’t wanna be a villain. I gonna be a hero!” The little boy pumped his fist in the air. The two of them had been sprawled across Katsuki’s bedroom floor. Deku’s fit of heroism had brought him to his feet, he looked as if he was going to start jumping. 

“No.” Deku frowned and for a moment Katsuki thought he might cry. “You can’t have two All Might’s.”

“Then I be All Might and you will be the villain.”

“No way, you nerd! I am NOT being a villain. How can a future hero be a villain?” Deku seemed to ponder this for a moment. 

“But I-I’m a future hero too so I can’t be a villain.” Katsuki laughed.

“You’re not gonna be a hero remember? You get to be my sidekick. Which means you have to do what I say.” Deku pouted again but he didn’t immediately argue back. Apparently their arguing voices had reached the basement because Inko and his mom popped their heads inside.

“Are you boys fighting again?” Inko asked warmly as Deku scrambled over to give her a hug. 

“Katsuki you better not be telling Izuku what to do again.” Katsuki frowned.

“I’m not telling him anything! We gonna make a video and I get to be All Might.”

“Izuku did you want to be All Might?” Inko asked her son who still hadn’t let go of her leg. Deku peeked and looked at Katsuki. He then pulled away from his mom.

“Nope. I’m Kacchan’s sidekick so I get to be the villain!” Mituski frowned slightly but Deku was smiling brightly so she let it slide.

“Okay then, you boys have fun.” Both moms vacated the room leaving the two kids to brainstorm.

Katsuki set the figure down lightly on his desk. He felt like shit. Why the fuck did Deku die? He wanted to scream and yell. He wanted to find the nerd shake him like he was performing an exorcism. Then he’d knock some sense into Deku and ask him why the fuck he died. Afterwards things would go back to normal. Deku would be under Katsuki’s thumb and Katsuki could erase this feeling that was in his stomach. The feeling that made him want to throw up, cry, scream and punch someone all at once. He glared angrily up at the ceiling.

“Is this what you wanted Deku! Is this what you wanted when you were dying?! To see me sad about your stupid death?! Well I’m not sad! I don’t give a shit about you! So you don’t need to die you fucker! So fucking come back already.” He could feel his anger depleting but that made him irritated. No he was angry at Deku, he had to be angry at Deku. He couldn’t feel anything but anger at the shitty nerd. “You’re so sucking selfish you prick! Leaving your mom here! She looks like shit by the way! Did you want everyone to cry over your dead body!? Huh?! I bet you wanted to watch me break down over you!” 

The Katsuki gaze was fixed upwards on the ceiling. When he lowered his head, there he was. The idiot, quirkless, wanna be hero, hopeless freak was sitting on his bed. He smiled at Katsuki and it felt unnerving. A part of Katsuki knew this was insane. This was the kind of thing you saw a shrink for. Dead people can just sit on his bed because he was thinking about them. 

He reached for his phone, he’d take a picture. That way he would know if he was crazy or not. Katsuki with fumbling fingers opened his phone and swiped for the camera. By the time he’d looked back at the bed it was empty. Whatever had or hadn’t been there was gone. “Fuck!” He wouldn’t cry, he wasn’t going to cry.

“Leave me alone Deku! You’re dead! So leave me the fuck alone!” He moved forward to collapse on his bed. He could almost imagine Deku laying down next to him. He’d move his head and meet Katsuki’s gaze. Then the nerd would get red, apologize a million times before awkwardly shifting to the edge of the bed. Katsuki would laugh and call him names. He would burn him

His exhausted body finally seemed to give in. No matter how desperately his brain seemed to want him awake it finally gave in. The ceiling was growing darker and Katsuki couldn’t be happier to fall asleep. 

He’s in a classroom, the sun is somewhat close to setting. He knows the classroom, it’s Aldera. The desks are all filled and his teacher is getting ready to dismiss class. Once the day is finally over, many clear as quickly as possible. A few nervously glance at a very particular green headed boy before passing. The nerd was scribbling in his notebook as per usual. That’s when Katsuki saw himself, it was odd to see oneself. 

This version of Katsuki wasn’t much younger than himself but it was still weird. Young Katsuki had made his way to Deku and eventually the notebook burst into flames. Katsuki (himself not the dream version) made his way closer to the desk. He ended up right beside them but he still failed to hear anything they said. It didn’t matter how hard he strained his ears he couldn’t hear what Deku or himself (his dream self) were saying.

Although in reality this made sense. Katsuki could remember this day. Could remember being attacked by the sludge villain just a little while later. He could remember the feeling of suffocation and even death for the first time. He could remember All Might coming in and saving the day like a real hero. He remembered a brief interview, even his own answers to the man’s questions. He remembered the praise he had received, and his mother and fathers worried faces when they saw him. The way his father ran his hands over Katsuki’s hair, as if that would protect Katsuki from any more villains. 

Despite remembering so much, he couldn’t really remember this. He couldn't fully remember the incident that was happening right before his eyes. He could remember the burning of the notebook but not the words that came with it. He could remember Deku's face looking upwards at him terrified, but he could never remember the quivering boy's words. 

The memory progressed just as Katsuki knew it would. A fluttering notebook falling to the ground, a hand on shoulder, the smell of smoke, the laughing faces of his ‘friends’. Suddenly the world almost seemed to come back into focus. Katsuki could hear everything, the slight wind from outside, the laughter from his ‘friends’, Deku’s frightened whimpering that made him look even more pathetic. Katsuki watched his past self open his mouth and he heard the first words come out of his own mouth.

“You wanna be a hero so bad? I’ve got a-”

“STOP!!” Katsuki (himself not his past) screamed at the top of his lungs. He didn’t want to hear what happened next, he didn’t need to. Katsuki tugged at his hair and started pinching himself, he didn’t want to hear it. 

“-idea for you.”

“-you’ll have a quirk” Katsuki shoved his hands over his ears, if he couldn’t end the dream he wouldn’t listen. 

“-your next life...”

“Go take-” Don’t take it. Don’t take it. Don't take it. Don't take it. DONT. TAKE. IT

“-swan-”

“-dive off the roof.” He could see the way Deku’s face warped at the words. How his eyes seemed to dim, something Katsuki was usually never able to accomplish. He watched his past self -he was such an idiot-  smirk as if he hadn’t suicide baited anyone and walk away. He could feel himself having to follow himself out the door. He tried to fight it, to stay with Deku and yell at him. Tell Deku really was an idiot if he thought Katsuki was being serious, but he couldn’t. He had to watch Deku’s face and then it vanished.

He didn’t wake suddenly or with a gasp for breath. One moment he was sleeping and the next he was staring at his wall. He glanced over at the clock, 12:42. He’d gotten a few hours of sleep at least. 

 “-I’m just gonna drop by and give her some flowers. Let her know how cool school has been and everything.” 

His chest hurt and Katsuki didn’t know if it was because of the nightmare or how he was almost hyperventilating. 

“-give her some flowers.”

His walls were boring to look at and Katsuki didn't want to sleep. Not if his dream would continue. He didn’t want to be reminded of what had happened. For a brief moment Katsuki debated going downstairs to steal his father’s painkillers. 

His dad had a running injury a few years back. He was ‘getting into shape’ and ended up twisting his knee and needing surgery. Just like an old man would, he had painkillers but only if his knee was really bad. He wouldn’t notice if Katsuki stole one to help him sleep. That brief moment ended as he recalled all the ‘don’t do drugs’ talk they had at school. A lot of people got addicted to painkillers. 

He swung his feet off the bed so he was sitting down. He stole a glance at his desk where the All Might figure laid. He almost wanted to blame his problems on the figure. If he didn't see it then he wouldn’t have been reminded. Unfortunately Katsuki wasn’t stupid enough to let him believe that. He was thinking these stupid annoying thoughts and his brain was punishing him.

“-I’m just gonna drop by”  

Katsuki thought of the gravestone he hadn't seen since the funeral. The words etched into the stone that had just felt wrong. The face of Inko Midoriya as her son was laid into the ground. His mother’s breaths hitch as she tried to remain calm at the sight of Deku’s casket. His father’s tears silently dripped down his face as the priest told everyone to say their goodbyes. Was this what his brain wanted? For him to go sit next to a stone and act as if Deku was next to him? If he did that he would finally be able to sleep. 

Katsuki decided he wasn’t going to wait for his brain to tell him anything. If his stupid head wanted to see Deku he would see the nerd. Only so that he could finally get some sleep. He just wanted to sleep. Katsuki was out of his room and for what felt like the first time in forever he tried to be quiet. He snuck down the stairs carefully to skip the third stair from the top, it always squeaked. 

“Deku no!” It was too late, the stair had been stepped on and a loud squeak ran through the house. There was a shuffle from the basement and Katsuki's father came into view. He frowned at the pair who were on all fours trying to sneak up the stairs.

“I thought your mom said to stay in the living room where I could see you.” Katsuki shook his head.

“No, she did not tell me that.” Deku nodded his head in agreement after Katsuki gave him a pinch. Masaru smiled sternly. 

“Back to the kitchen boys.” Deku moved quickly, he never disobeyed adults if they were looking -when they weren’t he was a disaster even worse than him- Katsuki reluctantly followed his friend. Once both of the kids were sitting back in the living room Katsuki hit Deku. It was light but Deku still let out a small omph. 

“Kacchan!”

“You have been here many times and you hit the loud step!!” Deku looked at him sheepishly.

“I didn’t mean’ta.” Katsuki didn't take that for an answer and crossed his arms.

“You can’t be a hero if we get caught.” 

“I will be soooo sneaky this time.” He held out his right hand. “Promise.” Katsuki didn’t pinky swear like Deku wanted him to, but he nodded. 

“When Dad looks away, we run.” Deku nodded eagerly and they both intently watched Masaru make them supper.  

The front door was open and Katsuki was outside. The night air was a little chilly but it was practically summer so he didn't need a coat. He wasn’t 100% sure of the way to Deku’s-. He trusted his memories to get him there since they were so good at ruining his sleep schedule. 

The gate was shut and locked tight which wasn’t really a surprise. He easily maneuvered his way inside and promptly stopped moving. He had no idea exactly where Deku was. His stupid fucking memory ruining everything yet again. He could remember exactly what was written on Deku’s- he could remember that but not where in the graveyard it was. He frantically tried to remember something, anything and finally he remembered something. There was a tree next to his grave. This seemed like great news to Katsuki until he looked around, this graveyard did not have a shortage of trees.

His search lasted quite some time but it was eerily claiming to walk through a graveyard at night. To see the dozens of names etched into stone that had once been someone. A mother, father, daughter, son, lover, employee, student, friend. He finally recognized the tree from his memories. It helped that it was a rather young tree, mist of the trees in the graveyard were pretty old. He sees the words. 

Izuku Midoriya

20XX-20XX

Beloved son and friend

“Life is not forever but my love for you is”

They still felt as wrong as they had on that day. It was well kept and clean, a small cluster of lilies resting there. They were wilting slightly, they’d been placed here a few days ago. Katsuki knew Inko had been here and for a moment he allowed himself to imagine it. Inko laying the flowers down and sitting down to talk to her son. Tell him what she had been doing and how much she missed him. Katsuki was sure she wouldn’t cry, she wouldn’t want Deku to think she was sad. 

Now that he was here Katsuki felt awkward and out of place. It didn’t help that it was in the middle of the night and only the full moon was providing any source of light. Katsuki's phone still had a decent battery but he had shut it off after finding what he was looking for. The moonlight would be bright enough for now. 

“Katsuki.” His mothers voice was strained and she looked so hurt. Katsuki sighed and wanted to yell at her. He was fine, the sludge villain hadn’t killed him so she could stop looking like a kicked puppy.

“What hag?” He tried to show in his voice he was fine. If he was insulting her clearly he was fine. 

“It’s about Izuku, he-”

“I don’t give a fuck about the nerd.” Katsuki had made a move to walk away but he was stopped. “What?” He growled, he tried to shake off the hold his mother had on him. He snarled and finally just decided to let her have her moment. 

“This afternoon, Izuku, he-”

“Stop wasting my time and hurry the fuck up.” His mom’s eyes hardened and she seemed to decide something.

“Izuku’s dead.” Katsuki slowly heard the words. He stared at her for a long moment.

“Dead?” His voice didn’t tremble or sound angry. His mother frowned at that. “Huh.” He turned around once more and was about to leave when his mother continued.

“He committed suicide Katsuki.” The words rippled through him, spreading a feeling of ice through his veins. 

“Okay.” It was a coincidence , surely it was a coincidence. “How?” He didn’t need to know, he had nothing to do with this.

“He was downtown, and he jumped off.” His mother stopped and that was when Katsuki noticed the tears in her eyes. She seemed like she was going to say more but didn’t.

“Let go.” He shook his arm and she let go of him. She was studying him with concern. Perhaps she was more worried about her lack of reaction. 

“You can be sad.” The moment she said those words, Katsuki 's feeling of numbness and cold vanished, filled with anger.

“Why would I be sad? So what the nerd fucking killed himself! Why should I care! We haven't been friends for years, he's a quirkless loser and now he isn’t around! I don’t care!” Instead of getting angry like he had assumed his mother would, she quieted. For years she defended Deku telling Katsuki it was wrong to be angry with him because of his quirk.

“Katsuki-”

“Fuck off you hag.” And then he was gone, disappearing into his room with the door locked. 

He still wasn't sure how he felt standing in front of this piece of rock. The piece of rock that was Deku’s- it was Deku’s gravestone. It was his gravestone because Deku was dead. Katsuki still couldn't figure out why that felt so wrong and weird for his brain to wrap around. Perhaps it's because Deku spent over a decade following Katsuki around. So his natural instinct was to turn around and see Deku’s green curls disappear behind a tree as if he could hide. 

If this was a movie Katsuki would break down and proclaim that he missed Deku and wanted him to be alive. He would say the words which were so cliche, ‘I wish you were here.’ This wasn't a movie, so Katsuki never bothered. Instead he gave his signature glare to the tombstone, he was sure Deku would remember the heat of his gaze. “Fuck you.” Were the only words which escaped his mouth, probably not the nicest thing to say to a dead person. “You’re so fucking stupid. What kinda idiot kills themselves?” His voice still wasn’t shaking but Katsuki wasn’t sure if he would hear that waver in his voice or not. 

“Nobody wanted you dead.” He needed to say it. He should at least let the nerd know. “I-I uh, didn’t want you dead, Deku. You hear me, you killed yourself for nothing. I’m sure your fucked up brain though your mom would be happy without you. Well nerd she's not. My mom is still worried sick about Inko collapsing or some shit. Not to mention the amount of weight she lost. And its your fucking fault so you shouldn’t have killed yourself.” Katsuki's throat closed so he stood in silence. After his feet started to hurt he slowly lowered himself to the ground and stepped down. It was slightly wet from the dew. 

“Did ya do it because of me? Wait no don’t answer that. I really don’t want to know.” The moon shone into the empty graveyard. 

“You could have at least left a note or something.” Katsuki took a deep breath trying to keep his emotions neutral. He wanted to say more but that horrible feeling that felt like tears was in his eyes. Katsuki wasn’t going to cry, not over the nerd. He didn't want to leave either, he’d spent ages looking for this stupid piece of rock so he wasn’t leaving just yet. The silence grew heavy and Katsuki felt the urge to break it. 

“I got into UA, it’s really cool.” The words were out of his mouth before Katsuki could stop them. He wanted to curse and take it back but refrained himself. It’s not like Deku would be able to answer him. The nerd was probably not even listening, drifting in heaven somewhere munching on some broccoli. So instead of shutting up he decided to speak. 

“I’m in class 1A because I’m the best obviously. All the extras are really annoying but I’m sure you would try to make friends. There’s our class president, ponytail. She's really rich and snobby but I’m sure you wanna know her quirk. She can create things with cells as long as she knows its molecular structure. Its cool but my quirk is still fucking better.” Katsuki didn’t even have to think to know what Deku would say to him. ‘Kacchan’s the coolest!’ 

“Then there's this four eyes kid. He sucks and is always yelling. Although his face when he wasn’t voted class president was amusing. There are some others but I’m not fucking tellin’ them all to you so be grateful you nerd. Then there’s shitty hair, dunce face, and soy sauce. They won't stop fucking following me around and trying to talk to me. It’s a real pain and a nuisance.” Katsuki didn't really know what else to tell him. If Deku was here he’d quiz Katsuki on each and everyone of his quirks. But Deku wasn’t there, that was why Katsuki's ass was wet because he was sitting in wet grass in the middle of the night at a graveyard.  

“Are you ready to be jealous? All Might is one of my teachers. He is loud, just like in the interviews. A few of my classmates actually asked him for autographs. I didn't because I’m not a nerd like the rest of them.” He paused and thought of the members of 1A, which of their quirks were the coolest -other then his of course-. 

“Todoroki Shouto. That's one of the extras in my class. He's some half-and-half bastard. His hair is half red and half white pretty fucking stupid huh? You’d like his quirk though, he can use fire on his right and ice from his left. Although he's pretty set on ice like the idiot he is.”

“Then there’s mindfreak. He came in from General Studies after somebody dropped out on the first day, they were pathetic. He can brainwash people if they talk to him. Well you have to answer a question but same thing. He once did it on four eyes to shut him up and a few kids actually cheered.” Katsuki looked a little left of the gravestone at the empty space. 

He imagined Deku sitting there, crisscrossed a notebook in one hand pen in another. He would be scribbling furiously, eyes wide and jotting down questions he would then pester Katsuki with. Katsuki briefly pulled out his phone and checked the time he needed to get home. The last thing he needed was to collapse from the exhaustion next to a gravestone. “Bye nerd. I won’t be coming back so don’t get used to this.” 

A part of Katsuki could tell that even he was lying to himself. He walked three feet away before glancing back at the gravestone. He pushed himself to keep moving and once he was out of earshot from the grave -not that it really mattered- he whispered out into the open space. “You would have loved UA.”