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I’ve been here for 28 days now and it feels like an eternity, huh I guess it is eternity. I can’t believe I was taken out by Derick fuckin’ Channing. Did NOT see that comin’. Thankfully it was quick, too bad his aim was so good or he could have taken Vinegar tits out for me. I’ve spent every second of the last 28 days watching over her, watching her beat herself up over my death. Watch her drink herself into a rage inside that pathetic hut she now lives in, she’s far too beautiful to be living like that. She’s starting to put a plan together, and fuck me I didn’t know the mouse was pregnant, good on ya Jakey. I’ve had people ask me why Joan, why do I spend all my time watching her when I can go anywhere in the world now. I try to explain that it’s always been her, the way her thighs parted unasked before I ever made a move. Hidden and exposed, so vulnerable for me and only me. It was the way her back arched in anticipation.The way her breath caught in her throat, the moment she would relax into my hands surrendering her safety to my fingers and tongue. There isn’t anywhere else I would rather be if I can’t be with her physically I’ll watch over her always until we can be together again. She was my one, being with her was my reward for such a shitty life that I endured at the hands of a homophobic mother with a violent temper. No one could ever compare to how I feel about Joan. Our relationship was explosive in the best ways possible, the passion that was shared was unbridled and all consuming. When I made love to her the sounds and whimpers she made were enough to soothe my soul, the way she would bring herself back to my mouth when I would stop, the broken moans and hearing her breathing get harder and feeling her legs shake. When she looked down at me while I looked up at her and she bites her lip, the way she would grind her clit on my tongue with a death grip on my head right before she cums and her legs give out and she pulls me up to taste herself on my lips. I’m getting distracted and horny, fuck can ghosts have orgasms? I miss her, we didn’t have nearly enough time together, but isn’t that how the most amazing love stories go?. I never even got the chance to tell her I love her. She had to know though, and even though we aren’t the type to profess our feelings easily or freely I think deep down we both felt the same way. Now she’s down there and I’m here and life is so goddamned cruel. I never allow myself to get too close to her, I know how she could be with dead people and I’m not sure I want her to torment herself with being able to see me but not touch me. Or maybe it's me who doesn’t want to be tormented. Maybe she wouldn’t be able to see me? I keep telling myself to try, just test it and see if it’s possible. I make my way to her door and peer in the hole on the wall, She’s sitting up in bed reading. I make my way through the hut and kneel by the bed, she closes her eyes and looks up from her book. She opens them and smiles, “you came” she whispered, holy fuck she can see me?! I nod, I don’t know if she can hear me but at this point, I’m fuckin’ gobsmacked. “I miss you sweet girl,” she says with tears streaming down her face, her eyes never leaving mine. I lose it I start to sob, “Shhhh, it’s alright,” she says as she tries to soothe me, I should be soothing her! I get my shit together as I look at her, “I miss you too” I say, she smiles. She puts her book down and moves over and lays down, I climb into bed with her, I can’t believe this is happening. She strokes my hair, “ya nye magu zhit’ byes tyebya” she chokes out through her tears, I exhale. “ you have to babe, You have work to do and I will be here with you every step of the way, I promise.” She nods and smiles, “you know, I never told you I-“ I put my hand up to stop her, “you never had to, I always knew”. I stayed with her as she drifted to sleep, watching the rise and fall of her chest and it was soothing. My heart finally felt like it wasn’t just a dead weight in my chest and I could breathe again. Well, for a ghost I mean. People ask me why her? And my response is always the same, because she’s everything I never knew I wanted or deserved until it was taken away from me.