Chapter Text
A one-sided love hurts my heart to see you smile at him, your gaze is always fixed on him and not on me.
I never understood why my brother had changed by being in love and had told him that it would not be the same, but everything changed with your entry into my life and everything took an unexpected turn.
You turned my world upside down, your gaze mesmerized me, it was unique among all the others, until a second I did not know what to say to you, when you spoke to me I lost myself in your voice, I could smile at that moment, I had even forgotten to look for my brother .
I fell exhausted from that day, I can't explain what I felt, but inside me it was an explosion as big as the big bang, you filled my universe with light.
But not everything is happiness, you always considered me as a friend or a brother, and I only longed to be your soul mate, to lose ourselves together in our universe, being only Mil & Phukong.
And you always saw someone else, someone who is not me, someone who is my brother's boyfriend.
My hope of conquering you is running out, my heart stops beating when you go after him, you don't care that Tine is Sarawat's boyfriend, you don't even care, you have a very big rivalry with my brother and that hurts me to the soul.
I am your friend and I do not want to suffer anymore, I want to get away from you, but you attract me to you, like a magnet approaching you.
When I am determined to let you go, you arrive giving me wings, which lift me up to the blue sky, so that later you let me fall from the highest and I die for you.
I remember that December 3, it was a very special and painful day at the same time, you invited me to go out, to see some of the most beautiful buildings in Thailand, it was so special it was just you and me, nothing would come between our moment.
We spent the whole day walking around any place, seeing various constructions with good designs, eating in a small inn secluded from the city, the time it lasted was very good.
It arrived at 6 in the afternoon and with it the cold and the wind became present, I was very cold until I was almost shivering, Mil when noticing this action, he took off the jacket he was wearing, he put it on my shoulders.
"Put it on, I don't feel cold
—Are you sure P?
—Yes Nong
I put on the jacket, you could feel the warmth I kept in it.
"It suits you better than me," you smiled and that smile was immortalized in my memory.
"Thank you Phi" I said with a smile
—It's time to go back Phukong
-Yes, it was a great day
-It was nice
We made the journey back to the city, it was not that far from where we were, we arrived in 30 minutes, we were walking calmly observing the night landscape, we were heading to my apartment, we were 10 minutes away, just when we saw Sarawat and Tine .
Your eyes changed direction, you no longer saw me, you saw him, joy was present in your gaze, but when you saw Wat you took your hands, I don't know how much I wanted to disappear from there, along with my tears and that. It was what I did, run out of there and hide in my room, the most likely thing is that you do not even realize that I was not there with you, that hurts and destroys me, you will never come for me, never for me, always for him .
He came to my room, made a sea of tears, I can see my face in the mirror.
"I would like to tell you how much I like you
I realize I have your jacket still on, I take it off quickly, and hug it, until I hear someone knock on my door.
I walk up to her, flopping to the side, listening to what they were saying behind the door.
"Phukong, are you here?" I don't know what happened, why did you leave like this without saying anything?
—.......
—If you need something call me, I'll be there for you
Mil stood there behind the door and I stood on the other side, although the door was not the only thing that kept us away, I just let my tears flow, although then I noticed that they began to fall on Mil's jacket.
We stayed that way for a few long minutes, until Mil left.
—You gave me your sweater, but you gave him your heart
Phukong got up with the intention of washing Mil's jacket, he did not want to make it dirty more than he already was, when he removed his jacket, he got the smell of Mil, which was impregnated in the jacket.
The next day, I got up just in time to get to school, although he wanted to keep lying down with his pain, he did not do it, he fixed himself as quickly as possible and arranged his things, in the process he grabbed Mil's jacket which was already there. clean and dry, I leave my room.
I find you at school or rather you find me.
—Phukong! Are you okay, did you have me worried?
—Yes, I'm sorry about yesterday, I had something very important to do, something that I had forgotten and you found it very entertaining that I didn't want to bother you
—You never bother me, is that yesterday when I saw an idiot of Sarawat and
—I know, don't give me explanations
"The good thing is that you're fine." He put his hand on my shoulder, symbol of brothers
"Here's your jacket, thanks for yesterday
—It was fun, I would like to repeat it at some point
"It would be fine," I said without much encouragement. "I have something to do, see you later."
—Okay, make some time to play soccer for a while
"I'll see if I have time
-Do not forget me
"As if I could do it," I said in a low voice.
-As you say?
-Nothing
Each one followed their course, but in a short while I find you again, you are watching Tine, he was with Wat sitting studying until Wat leaves for a sweater for Tine, and you take advantage of the situation.
You approach Tine, you put your jacket on his shoulders, Tine thanks you thinking that you are Wat, and he takes a great surprise, you start to stalk him as if he were your prey, but this does not last long, because my Brother gets to move you away and give you back your jacket, because if he hadn't appeared maybe I would have pushed you away.
He's just polyester — I repeat in my mind over and over again.
He got me away from there as quickly as possible, I don't want to know any more about this, would you also tell him that he looks good with the jacket?
I feel angry with myself, not with Tine, because he is an angel and he loves Wat, but sometimes I wish he would disappear, but then I think that I would disappear.
Nor do I blame Mil, he is not to blame, the only one to blame is me for loving him, and not daring to say something to him, you do not know that I am Sarawat's brother, your love rival.
This same day at night, I am going to look for you on the soccer field, there you are with your friends deciding how the teams would assemble.
"Hey Phukong, I thought you weren't coming anymore
—I am here
"Well, you'll be in my e
—This time I prefer to play with the other team
-Well
We started to play, we all felt the adrenaline at the moment of the game, this time I would not let Mil win, the game took an hour and a half with everything and rain, the game was tied with 4 goals from each team.
Mil approached me, to talk to me and today I had every intention of telling him a part of the truth.
—It was a great game, you should find more time to come with us
"I'll see if it's possible for me to go back
We were both there in the rain, even though we were wet, we felt hot from the whole game, I could see your hair sticking all over your face, it was a beautiful scene recorded in my memory and maybe it's the last.
As we were somewhat together, maybe I felt or imagined that you were looking at my lips, I think the rain is affecting me and my thoughts are making a bad move on me.
—P 'Mil, I want to tell you something important
-Tell me, I hear you
"All this time I've been hiding something from you, do you remember when you went to my room when I was sick?"
—If I remember
—That day you found Sarawat's soccer shirt, that shirt belongs to my brother, Sarawat is my brother
-Why do not you tell me before?
—Because I know that Wat is your enemy, whenever you see him they fight, argue and I know it's because of Tine, look. Thousand I want you to stop bothering my brother and his boyfriend, if you love Tine so much, ask him how you feel about you, and depending on your answer, accept the truth, look for someone else
-Someone else? Someone like who?
"Maybe like me" I ran away from there, I didn't know what else to say and I didn't want to hear Mil say something that would hurt me.
Tonight I don't want to be alone in the house, I send a message to Wat, to see if I could stay with him and Tine, I get a correct answer from him, Wat has always been a good brother.
He came to his apartment, I feel bad being here next to Tine.
When they see them they have a worried face, when they see me all wet and with a sad face.
"What happened Kong?" Why do you come like this? He - came in and he gave me a towel to dry
—I was playing soccer with some friends in the rain
—But that sadness is not true for that.
"I don't want to talk about it, Wat
—When you want to talk here I'll be Kong
-Thanks
—Now come take a bath, we'll find you some clothes
—Thanks Tine
I went to bathe, they left me a change of Wat's clothes, then we had something for dinner that Tine prepared and I didn't know anymore, I fell asleep in the armchair they had and disconnected until the next day.
The next day it was going to be a nightmare, no more Thousand in my life, I am sure that he will not even speak to me and I will no longer exist in his life, unless he only sees me as the brother of his rival .
And that's how it happened that day I didn't see Mil, it seemed as if the earth had swallowed him up, the next day I found out that he had gone hiking with the music group.
After a few days he came back, but it was as if he was not there, because he was not speaking to me and he was not paying attention to me.
I wanted to be able to see him and even if he himself will take me away from him.
I went one night to the restaurant where he worked, but he did not welcome me, he only walked away saying it was a private party and walked away, the owner of the restaurant told me that Mil had prepared me honey toasts, for a second it made me happy, But then I thought maybe she did it to cheer me up
A few days passed, everything remained the same, until one day at night I was on the soccer field, there was no one around, I knew you would not come to play today, you had a class until late, but I was wrong shortly after being there , you showed up.
—P'Mil
—Phukong
It all felt so strange, but I felt happy even if it was just saying my name.
"I'm sorry about last time, for not telling you who he was and for d-you interrupted me."
—You were right about Tine, look at your brother's is a separate account, but I don't hate you, and let's let time decide,
—Thanks Phi!
—I love you— when I heard that my heart raced, but when I finished hearing your phrase, everything collapsed — like a brother, like a real brother
"I understand Phi, I have to go," I said with all the intention of leaving there
-See you tomorrow
—Si Phi, see you tomorrow
I left there as quickly as possible, and the next morning, I was the one who did not want to be near Mil, I kept away from him, we only exchanged a few words, Boss and Man helped me with that, every time I needed an excuse to to get away they would appear, you asked me to meet on the court to play, but I never showed up.
So the days passed, you approaching and I moving away, but I saw that you did not care so much about this act.
Until the day of the winter party they organized at school came, I didn't want to go but Man and Boss made me go there.
I could observe you with your friends, I felt oblivious to the environment, to everything, but I had promised not to leave.
I see you get up from your seat and go to talk to Tine, they have a conversation, you looked happy, for a second you turn, our eyes meet, I turn to the other side, I approach Man and Boss.
"Guys, I want to go, I don't feel good."
"No boy, I think you're going to stay a while longer
-Why?
"Because your boy is getting dangerously close to you, it would be good if they talked or danced
—But Man
"No Man," he says and moves his eyebrows, making signs that Mil was already behind me.
"Hey Mil, what do you think if you ask Phukong to dance, he likes to dance," Boss said as he ran out of there, accompanied by Man, who were going after their respective partners Pear and Type.
I'm going to kill them, he said in my mind.
—Mil, ignore them
"I if I wanted to dance with you, come on." He grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the dance floor, just as a new song was starting, a song I knew so well, it was Heather from Conan Gray.
Mil grabbed my waist, we began to dance, I was carried away by Mil's movements, I put my cheek on his shoulder, I forgot everything, I only thought at that moment, in Mil, in the song and let me go.
Soon I begin to sing the chorus of the song:
- For what reason would you kiss me? I'm not even half as cute as her, you gave me your sweater, it's only polyester, but you like her more than me
"You are cuter" I raised my gaze to see Mil
-What?
—You are cuter, you have more than polyester, and she would kiss you because I like you
"Thousand I," I looked down, "don't play with me."
—I'm not playing, I like you, I have liked you for a while, but I had not realized
Mil lifted my face and kissed me on the cheek. And she put her hand on my head, doing light massages — It's not the sibling zone anymore.
"But Tine and
—Tine isn't there anymore, I got confused, but when I felt you far away, I realized that I can't be without you
—Phi, why didn't you tell me before
"Do you want me to kiss you and be nice to you?" Overnight, wouldn't that be weird?
- Perhaps
—Let's start over, I want us to get to know each other completely, I want to meet Sarawat's Brother
—I also want to meet the cute Thousand
Mil smiled upon hearing that, and could not resist anymore, she kissed Phukong on the lips, it was a soft kiss full of much feeling, you could feel the love between them.
The only good thing was that Sarawat hadn't seen this, he was too busy dancing with Tine.