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Luka stares up at the sky, hands in his lap, his sister to his side. Juleka is saying something about him and Marinette, but he's tuned her out in favor of the fervor he feels remembering the way they had been and how happy he was. God, he loves Mari so much. He wishes his sister could understand, but a selfish part of him now thinks that even with Rose there is no comparison.
(It is not true, so he doesn't say it. His sister has always loved so wholeheartedly, this he knows.
But to compare Juleka and Rose to him and Marinette, that burns low in his soul because his sister and her girlfriend are happy, and he-
He is not.)
Juleka only leaves him alone after he promises that he'll be fine, but his voice is creaky like he's twelve again, and his palms hurt from how hard he's pressed his fingers into them.
Marinette texts him the next day when his fingers are on his strings and the sun is bright against his hair.
I hear there's an akuma by your boat. Be safe.
Luka would scoff if he wasn't about to cry.
(That's a lie. He loves that she cares.)
But there is that thought that dwells like a snake in the grass. The thought that he should just let the akuma get him; it's all he's good for anyway.
(But he has duties that are above that. He has to be loyal to his position as a miraculous holder. He has to be their second chance. Nothing, not even Marinette, changes that as he is now.)
Watching Marinette try so hard makes his chest sore with how heavy his heart weighs against the muscle hidden there. She's not sleeping, something about a family friend worrying her, and Luka's scared.
He's never seen her like this, not even when-
She's always been off in her own mind, but this is another world.
There's a few things he knows. 1) the family friend is a guy -not that it matters because Marinette is single now- and their age. 2) that same family friend is apparently in love with Marinette. 3) Marinette is not, according to Juleka, in love with said family friend.
Luka sends her his first text after losing her heart.
Please try to sleep.
She responds an hour later.
I will.
It isn't enough.
Luka misses lunch one day after his sister has dragged him to yet another function where Marinette drifts at the edges of polite society, having missed only the first opening minutes of the get-together. He doesn't make a big deal of it because there's plenty of snacks, but there really isn't anything filling, and his nerves keep him on edge from trying to grab more.
He figures he'll just eat when he leaves. It's no biggie to grab something in the city center, but Marinette comes to him with a finger twirled around one loose, blue lock, and her eyes are soft when she asks, "did you eat?"
Luka cannot help but murmur when he says, "no, I have not."
The girl's face sets in a frown, and his heart pangs at the sight because she looks just as she had when he lost her, and suddenly his stomach gives out. He couldn't eat more if he tried.
But he tells her that she will when he gets home, and when she gives him a hesitant smile, he smiles back.
Luka tells his father that very night that he wants to write a song about getting what you've always wanted.
(It might be too early now but he can always perfect it for when the moment's right.)
Jagged understands in his own way.
A few minutes before Luka goes to bed, before he loses his courage, he sends Marinette the photo of the meal he shared with his father, just to prove he meant what he said to her.
(He always means everything he says to her. Luka thinks that he's an easy target for Shadowmoth because he is earnestly, tragically, desperately transparent. He thinks he always will be.)
Marinette responds the very next morning with a grinning emoji, and he thinks that, just maybe, they'll be alright.
The akuma is right outside the door, pacing on the roof as it discusses with Shadowmoth what to do.
Marinette grabs his hands in hers. "I don't want you to go," she says in a tone that he doesn't recognize as hers. "You should stay here, with me."
"I can't," he pleads. "I'm needed."
"No, Luka." Her eyes are glassy. "Please, you don't-"
He takes the opportunity to rub his thumb against her skin and marvels at how soft she is. It doesn't last nearly long enough. "I'm sorry, Mari. Ladybug told me that I needed to do this for her."
"Maybe she changed her mind," Marinette croaks. "She would understand. It's dangerous."
"I have to," he says.
The girl looks at their hands and squeezes gently. "Call me when you get home," she says after a moment. She looks up, and his breath catches at the sight of her blue eyes on his. "Promise me, Luka."
"I promise." His mouth is dry, and the words he really wants to say die in his throat.
He isn't ready to say those just yet, not now.
Marinette lets him lead her to the stairwell, and he waits for her footsteps to be but a distant memory when he transforms.
He calls the moment his foot steps on the boat, and she answers five seconds later.
"Luka?"
Marinette places her hands on his cheeks, that super heroine look in her eyes, and Luka can only stare, mesmerized. She is so beautiful and strong, and how did he never see before that-
"I couldn't tell you," she says sharply. Where the words would once cut, Luka just nods.
"I know," he says back to her. "I don't think I would have been able to tell you either." He laughs shakily when he peels her hands from his face just to hold them against his chest. His heart is pounding like a drum. "I just wish the circumstances were different."
Marinette's eyes dim when she repeats, "circumstances."
Luka lets her go when she pulls from him, the polka dot mask only barely covering the red on her face. He sniffles and realizes just then that he doesn't know when he started crying.
"Go home," she says quietly. "Get some rest, and I will be there when you wake."
"But-"
"I've had enough second chances," she says gently. "If I'm not careful, I will use up the one I want most."
His mind goes blank when he nods.
(Jagged would say that this was the moment Luka became a star, this moment of absolute clarity. Juleka would call the theory bullshit.
Luka would call it all a revelation.)
"I made you this," Luka says hopefully, one hand too tight against the wood of his guitar. "I want to know what you think."
Marinette smiles brightly when he starts to play, only for her mouth to drop at the lyrics, and her hands to shake. She cries so openly that he places the guitar by his feet and lets himself tug her to him. Her hair tickles his chin as she buries into his chest and sobs.
"I know," he says on repeat, kissing the top of her head as he does. "I know, I know. Mari, it's okay."
It takes a few minutes for her body to stop trembling, but he never loosens his grip, and he never lets go.
He never lets go.
(And neither does she, not this time.)