Chapter Text
The first thing Carlos thinks before passing out in the middle of his shift is 'I hope my soulmate is having a good day.' Considering that thought is immediately followed by searing pain up his right hand and arm, he figures his match is probably having a rather shitty day.
The pain hits his inner elbow and suddenly Carlos is half delirious and on the edge of consciousness. The last thing he thinks is 'Jesus FUCK please let his soulmate survive whatever the fresh hell this is.’
The next coherent thought that Carlos has is more of a memory come back to life. He's in Church with his Abuela and he's 10 years old again. It was a random, too hot Sunday in August. Carlos remembers every detail. This is the day he learnt about soulmates. Or at least this was the day he first cared about soulmates.
The priest had been wearing black jeans with a black shirt and black cowboy boots. Carlos remembers thinking 'How has this man not passed out from heat stroke?’ The priest told the story like it was precious, like the story itself was a miracle come to life.
"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. And God saw that light was good. And so He separated the light from the darkness. Thus, there was evening and there was morning and this was the first day.
On the second and third days God created the heavens and all the land and all the seas. And God said "Let the land sprout vegetation, plants yielding seed, and trees bearing fruit, in which is their seed.” And so the earth brought forth vegetation, plants, and fruit trees. And God saw that it was good.
On the fourth day, God looked up into the heavens. He said "Let there be lights to separate day from night. And let them mark out the seasons and give light to those on Earth." And so the sun and all the stars were created to rule over the day and over the night and it was good.
The fifth and sixth days bought with them the creation of living creatures of all kinds. He filled the seas and the skies and the forests. He made butterflies and whales, dogs and lions, giraffes and bees. And God saw that it was good.
God then looked upon his creation and thought it beautiful. He thought that others should enjoy the world and so He created humans in his own image. But God was a lonely being and He did not wish others to be alone. So, He created humans with four arms, four legs, two heads, and two hearts. God blessed them to always have one another. And God looked upon all that He had made and declared it good.
But, many years later the humans betrayed God in the Garden of Eden. They ate the forbidden fruit together. God became so enraged by this betrayal that He tore his creation in two. Creating new creatures, each with two legs, two arms, one head, and one heart. He threw them from the Garden in his anger and bid them never return. But soon God was lonely again and came to regret his decision.
In a bid to amend this great wrong, God blessed humankind with soul marks. Each half of a whole would share a mark at the place where they will touch for the first time. And all pain shall be shared between the souls so that the burden may be carried equally."
Carlos - who normally zoned out entirely when he was at Church with Abuela - had been enraptured. The marks and pain didn't show up until you were 18, but he spent years after that day at Church imagining where his mark would be and being extra careful not to injure himself.
At 10, Carlos thought the mark would be on his palm. This was mostly because his father always shook people's hands upon meeting - never mind that his parent's marks were on their hips. In the summer he fell over and cut his leg. He felt so guilty for causing his match pain that he made himself sick. No matter that the connection wasn't active yet.
At 12, he thought maybe the mark would be on his back. He would obviously hug his soulmate hello, right? That March he broke his arm falling off his bicycle and didn't go on it again for the rest of the year.
By the time he was 15, Carlos had started to think that maybe his soulmate would be a boy instead of a girl. He tried not to think about meeting him, he didn't want to upset his parents.
When Carlos came out to his parents at 17, he wasn't expecting a parade float and rainbow socks, but he still wanted something. Any kind of reaction. He would have taken yelling over the nothingness. He stared at his fathers razor blades for too long before the thought of his soulmate shook him out of it.
By the time his 18th birthday rolled around and the ethereal blue mark began to faintly glow through the skin above his left elbow, Carlos wasn't sure if he was excited or terrified. Exactly two weeks later he woke up feeling wrong and couldn't keep his eyes open. The doctor at the hospital asked what he had taken and when Carlos said nothing the man's eyes shone with pity.
When he joined the academy at 20 and learnt that everyone has to cover their marks while on shift, he breathed out a sigh of relief. Without ever making a decision that he can recall, Carlos has taken to always hiding his mark. The continued silence about his sexuality puts him on edge. Maybe once he has moved out of his parents place he won't hide as much. Not long after he qualifies he gets punched in the face by a perp. The ugly bruise that blooms across his cheek reminds him that he has someone who's meant to be on his side when he feels alone. He finds himself holding his left elbow, right over the mark, more than once over the next several years.
Now here he is, at 26, passed out in the middle of the bullpen, still no soulmate in sight. The pain in his right arm is only getting worse. It feels like a flame is eating through his skin, right to the bone. When Carlos wakes up in the hospital 4 hours later they tell him its soul pain and to just take some tylenol when he gets home. He does just that but it doesn't help and Carlos is left feeling useless because his match is clearly severely injured and he can't do a damn thing about it. He doesn't sleep that night and the pain doesn't fade until six months later.