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Simon groans in defeat as the insistent knocking on his door grew in volume, he supposed this was expected from Clarissa won’t-let-Simon-wallow-in-peace Fray. Girl was too stubborn for her own good sometimes. Honestly, he just wanted to wallow in his self-pity for a few more days before going back to acting like everything was fine, but then he had made the mistake of letting it slip to Clary that he’d had a panic attack after his mother and sister didn’t recognize him when he ran into them at the grocery store 3 days ago. Seemed like his family’s memory wipe was hitting Simon harder than he thought.
And of course, Clary had insisted on checking in on him after he ignored her calls for the last 2 days and it seemed like she didn’t get the memo of Simon wanting to drown in self pity alone. So here he was, currently curled up on the sofa in the living room, steadfastly ignoring the increasingly loud knocking on his front door. He hadn’t slept much the last few days, nightmares of his family getting hurt keeping him awake for most of the night. So thanks to that, he now also had a brilliant headache coming on.
He hears the door click and looks up to find Clary at the doorway, a stele in her hand and an unlocking rune on the door handle. Her hair’s pulled into a messy bun with a few paintbrushes stuck through and there’s smudges of blue paint smeared across her cheek and forehead. He figured she probably came straight from her art studio under the apartment she and Jace shared.
He watches as her gaze falls on him and her expression morphs into one of concern and sympathy.
“Oh Lewis…” She sighs as she sits down beside him. He curls into himself even more, tensing slightly as a hand comes to slowly stroke his hair. The gesture has him relaxing and he slowly shifts till his head is resting on his best friend’s shoulder. He knows the place looks like a mess. He’d had a bit of a tantrum after he got back from the store and rage at fate and the universe in itself had his comic books, overturned tables and broken plates littering his floor.
They sit like that for around 10 minutes, His head is in Clary’s lap and Clary continues to run her fingers through his hair as he continues to soak in the contact. The little action brings back memories of his mother. He’d come back home, exhausted from school or band practice and his mom would be there on the sofa, reading some book. She’d smile at him and pat her lap and he’d somehow drag himself to the sofa before flopping down, instantly relaxing as his head came to rest on his mother’s lap. She’d then run her hand through his hair and read to him as he dozed off. He’d usually wake up later to the scent of dinner floating in from the kitchen. That was before everything. Before Clary became a Shadowhunter and before he got killed and turned. Before his mother cast him out and proclaimed that she was not his son. Before she told him he was a monster.
He’s brought back to reality as a hand shakes his shoulder, he turns around to look up at Clary who’s looking at him with concern still written across her face.
“Lewis, you need sleep.” She says, he chuckles, Clary had never been one to beat around the bush. He sits up again, he can still feel Clary’s hand, though they’re on his shoulder now, “Can’t sleep,” his voice is slurred and Clary’s squeezes his shoulder, “Can you try?For me?” He sighs, he’d never really been able to refuse Clary.
He nods and Clary shoots him one of her signature sunshine smiles and the sight has him feeling slightly better. After a tight bear hug and Clary threatening to kick his ass if he doesn’t sleep for more than an hour, Simon’s flopping face first onto his bed, eyes closing almost instantly.
~~~
It’s dark when he wakes up again. The time on his phone shows 8pm which means he’s been asleep for 6 hours. Voices floating in from outside. He vaguely makes out Maia, Raphael and Jace bickering about something. Which doesn’t make sense. Why would they be here?
He holds a hand up to his eyes as he opens his door and a beam of bright light shines on him. After a few seconds of adjusting, he opens his eyes and is met with sight of his normally empty living room now filled with people. Magnus is sprawled out across the couch with his hand on Alec’s shoulder. The archer is sitting on the floor, leaning against the sofa, looking broody as usual. Raphael, Maia and Jace seem to be fighting over some food in the kitchen while Izzy and Clary seem to be fixing some drinks for everyone.
He clears his throat and everyone’s attention turns on him. Clary’s smile brightens a little but Magnus speaks up before she can say anything, “Sleeping Beauty finally awakes!!! How’re you feeling now Sheldon?”
Simon rubs his eyes, “Fine I guess.” Lie. “I don’t feel sleepy anymore.” Truth.
Magnus narrows his eyes and regards Simon and the vampire tries not to fidget under his gaze, the warlock was highly perceptive and Simon wasn’t in the mood to be called out on his bullshit in front of everyone. He felt fine physically. Mentally? He wanted to curl up and not to talk to anyone for a week. It felt like he was just one word away from bursting into bloody tears again.
He decides to change the subject, “What’re you guys doing here?” Alec speaks up from where he’s sitting on the floor, “Clary called us a little after you fell asleep, needed help to clear your mess.” Simon groans internally, he’d forgotten about that.
“Next time, you decide to have a tantrum, please spare your plates. Picking up glass was not how I imagined spending my Friday evening.” Raphael calls from the kitchen. Maia and Jace both snort at that.
“You are literally the most boring vampire I have ever met. What on earth could you be doing on a friday evening?” Jace teases and is rewarded with a scathing glare from Raphael.
Simon considers that. He hears the unspoken “We were worried about you.” What he doesn’t get is why. Why would they care? Simon was more than capable of dealing with these things himself and he’s sure they have better things to do than trying to cheer up a pathetic mundane-turned-vampire who couldn’t handle seeing his family for even a few seconds. So why come at all?
He doesn’t realize that he’d been standing there for an unnaturally long time till Isabelle is guiding him towards the sofa which Magnus has finally decided to share. He catches the warlock studying him and quickly looks away, not wanting to give him anymore clues on just how close Simon is to falling apart.
Raphael and Jace exit the kitchen, finally having solved whatever they were fighting over with Maia in tow. The older vampire shoots him a subtle questioning look and Simon shoots him a reassuring smile that he’s sure doesn’t quite reach his eyes and Raphael nods. Jace ruffles his head in a show of support and Maia squeezes in a hug from behind and it takes all of Simon’s willpower to not flinch.
Soon he’s sitting beside Magnus and Izzy. Clary’s sitting in front of him on the ground with Jace lying on her. Alec’s next to them, head resting on Magnus’ knee. Raphael and Maia are sitting on the other chair, weirdly engrossed in the movie playing on screen.
He doesn’t get it. Why are they here? Surely they have better things to do?
He zones out for both The Guardians of The Galaxy movies and they’re halfway through Deadpool when Magnus taps him on the shoulder and he realizes that they’re all asleep.
He follows Magnus to the kitchen and hops onto the counter, sitting cross legged as the warlock quietly putters around the kitchen.
He watches as Magnus spoon some chocolate powder into a mug of warm blood and mix it. He accepts it as the man hands it over and takes a sip, allowing the warmth to balance him. Magnus is sipping his own hot chocolate (blood-free obviously) and leaning against the fridge.
Simon plays with the hoodie strings.
“You are not fine. In fact, you are far from it.” Trust Magnus to get straight to the point.
Simon sighs and looks down at his cup, “What did you want me to do? Admit that I was seconds away from breaking down because I couldn’t handle the fact that my mother and sister didn’t remember me?”
“Yes.”
His head shoots up, “What?” It’s Magnus’ turn to sigh, “That’s exactly what you were supposed to do Simon. We came here because we wanted to help you. Because we were worried about you.”
Simon feels his throat close up as he slowly slides off the counter and sits down on the ground, leaning against the cabinets, “I don’t get it.” he whispers. He senses Magnus stiffen, "Why are they here? Surely they have more important stuff to handle right? You're the High Warlock. Alec's Head of the Institute. Jace and Clary are like the ultimate Shadowhunters. Isabelle is head of the forensics department and Maia and Raphael both have a pack and clan to run. I'm just a stupid vampire. So why bother with me? Why waste your time with me?"
"Simon is that really what you think?"
Oh no
He looks up, somehow, he'd been so lost in his thoughts that his vampire senses hadn't even picked up on the fact that everyone had woken up and were now standing in the kitchen doorway.
And judging by their expression, they had heard every single word.
Great.
He drops his gaze, unable to meet their eyes. If he's being honest, he doesn't want to see his fear being confirmed in their expression. So he waits. Waits for them to tell him the truth, waits for them to leave.
He pulls his knees up to his chest, he doesn't know why but it helps. He wants it to go away. He just needs them to confirm what he already knows. A hand comes up to rest on his shoulder and he looks up to see Alec kneeling in front of him. Before he can ask the archer what he thinks he's doing, he's being pulled into a lung-crushing hug. The tears fall without his permission and his hands come up to clutch the back of Alec’s shirt. He distantly senses everyone else crowd around them and soon he's being hugged from all sides.
Simon doesn't know how long they sit like that. They don't say anything as he lets everything that'd been clawing at him come out in the form of bloody tears. He cries for the family he'll never get back. He cries for the life he'll have to live for all eternity. He cries for the life he'd never get back, the one where his biggest problem was a grade on a paper that wouldn’t matter 5 years from now.
His friends hold him through all his tears. There's the occasional hand running through his hair and a whispered reassurance every now and then. Even Raphael.
He pulls back and everyone except Alec gets up and takes a step back. Alec however just leans back, looking even more serious than Simon thought was possible.
"Don't ever think that you are not important to us Simon. You're one of the greatest friends we could've ever asked for and I will not allow you to degrade yourself just because you think our jobs are more important than being there for a friend. And I swear by the Angel Simon, if you continue to think like this, I will not hesitate to kick your ass if that's what it takes for you to understand that you matter to us more than our jobs and position."
Simon laughs awkwardly, "Is that a promise?" Alec’s face is still as serious as ever, "Yes."
Jace snorts from where he's now perched on the table, "Nice pep talk Alec." he says, and Simon is now aware of how everyone has now witnessed his mental breakdown. As if sensing his inner turmoil, Clary pulls him into a hug. It's safe and warm and familiar and Simon melts into it.
She pulls back and fixes him with a hard stare that he hasn't seen since he was 14 "Don't think for one second that this conversation is over. We are so talking about this tomorrow."
Simon sees Jace wince in sympathy over her head. He can't blame him. Despite her short stature, Clary can be as angry as a tigress if she wants to be. He is not looking forward to it.
Magnus claps his hands to catch everyone's attention, "As much as I love a good sentimental moment. It is 1 am in the morning and I'm sure Salmon needs more sleep than the pitiful 6 hours he had before. So off to bed you go Sergei."
A round of threats and hugs went around from everyone with exception of Raphael and Jace who both awkwardly patted Simon on the back and told him that he could talk to them if anything happened. Alec had rolled his eyes and ruffled Simon's hair the same way Simon had seen him do to Jace and Max (never to Izzy because God bless the poor wretch who messed up Isabelle Lightwood's hairdo) and threatened Simon again before he sent him off to sleep the rest of the fatigue off.
His eyes told Simon that the conversation was far from over. And Simon was sure that he was going to have to have a long conversation with everyone about all that went down in the morning. And a part of him didn't really want to. But a bigger part of him knew that this was his family now. And he knew that they cared for him, or at least he was beginning to know. And he knew that talking would help.
And if he fell apart on his journey, well… he had a warlock, a vampire, a werewolf and 4 Shadowhunters to help him put himself back together again.