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Karl spent ages in the Inbetween that day.
He had to. His recent adventure had given him copious amounts of valuable information. He was determined to write it down and remember it all. This information could relieve the entire world of so much pain, cleanse it from the corruption and evil plaguing it.
He couldn’t afford not passing the information over. He needed to be home and fast, and once he finished writing the last of what he wanted into a book in the palace’s library, he dashed down the hall.
He passed clones of himself, paying them no mind and occasionally bumping shoulders. None of them reached out to complain, assuming he was in a hurry. Which he was. The faster he got to the real world and home was better. And he already spent so much time away, he wondered what his loved ones would think once he returned.
He wondered who his loved ones even were.
Shaking the thoughts away before he could start to dwell, he lowered himself into the portal that should have sent him home. It would be fine. He would come to his senses around him, remember everything just as he always had.
He shut his eyes and opened them, white walls of the castle becoming dark walls of brown made out of wood. His brow furrowed. What?
What was this?
None of this was familiar; not the sounds, not the smell, not the look. Why were they sending him into the past or future again? Why couldn’t he go home? Karl trembled, shutting his eyes as he tried to gain a sense of his surroundings. He was laying down on some type of bed, blankets pulled over his body. The blinds from any window he could see were pulled shut, and he grimaced as he caught glimpses of weapons hung on the wall; swords, knives, axes, crossbows all glimmering from the light filtering in.
Where was he? And his entire body went numb at the thought of whose bed he was in, because he was half-certain something just moved behind him, making the bed dip. Karl slowly pushed himself to his elbows, refusing to look at the thing behind him as if he would wake it up at any sudden movement. He tried to move and sit up, but all of his efforts were squandered when the thing behind him decided to wrap heavy arms around him, pulling him back, pulling him closer.
“Stay.” They murmured into Karl’s bare shoulder, and Karl couldn’t help but whimper, utterly terrified. Launched into fight or flight, he decided to struggle, doing anything that could dislodge the sickening grip around him.
But whoever it was was leagues stronger than he was, and it wasn’t until Karl was thrashing that the person let him go of their own volition. Karl dashed off the bed, tripping and falling in his rush. He screamed, seeing red as he plunged to the ground. He crashed shoulder-first into a bureau and heard a symphony of things falling off of the top and breaking at the impact. His hand slipped as he tried to catch himself, but it only ended up leaving him with a gash in his palm.
He winced, and only had the sense and time to turn over and raise his arms in attempts to block an attack, knees pulled to his chest and his back leaned against the dresser. His chest heaved as he waited to be grabbed, assaulted, yelled at, but he wasn’t. Resolving to be stubborn Karl kept his arms raised, his eyes screwed shut. He didn’t want to be here. He wanted to be home, and it frustrated him enough so that he was trembling and that angry tears began to flood his face without warning.
“What the fuck just happened?” The voice above him eventually asked, and Karl went tighter in on himself as if he were making himself small enough to not be seen. The person’s voice was brimming with anger, Karl could tell, but they were also extremely monotone. It was unnerving, and Karl refused to open his eyes. What could he have possibly been doing in that bed? Why was he there? “Are you okay?”
“No I’m not okay,” Karl sobbed, frustrated, “Why were you touching me like that? I only just got here and I--”
“Karl what the hell are you talking about?” They asked, and Karl was confused. How could they know his name? He wasn’t lying, he really had just gotten there. He wouldn’t have… he wouldn’t have forgotten introducing himself to this person, would he have?
Karl dropped his arms, and hugged his knees to his chest. He opened his eyes, and met dark ones above him. Karl couldn’t help but feel an awful sense of déjà vu looking at him. Dark, longer hair, tanner skin, large, muscular build… names came to Karl, but none of them seemed right. James? Mason? John? Grievous?
“Have I been here before?” Karl asked shakily, and he watched as dark brows furrowed. The man lowered himself and sat on the edge of the bed, arms folded in his lap. He looked tense.
“What do you mean have I been here? Of course you have.” The man replied, and that wasn’t as helpful as Karl had thought it would be. “Baby, are you okay?” He asked, and Karl shaked away the tremors that shook through him at the name. This man wasn’t going to be any help, he needed to figure out what he did the last time he was here.
“Um, do I have a room here? Or like, a place where I write stuff down?” Karl asked hopefully, knowing it was a shot in the dark. The man rubbed at the back of his neck, blowing long strands of dark hair out of his face.
“I don't think so. There is one place, though,” He murmured, before asking, “Karl, what’s going on?” The man put his hands on his thighs and squeezed as if to physically stop himself from moving. Karl frowned at him. He didn’t have a good answer, and he seemed like a nice enough guy. What happened here?
“Can you take me there? I’ll explain everything.” Karl promised, and it was a white lie but a necessary one. If this man led him to a notebook, he was hoping to find something that jogged his memory. Anything that could help him out here, and give this poor guy some peace of mind.
The man raised a brow. “I mean, of course I can, but why can’t you? You’re in there all the time.” He said, and Karl gave him a wry smile, preparing himself to tell another lie.
“Just want you there.” He breathed, and Karl watched as the man sat up straighter, his shoulders relaxing a little and his eyes brightening. It made the guy feel better, and Karl figured it might be worth it to get on his good side, no matter who he was. “Can I, um. Can you get me a shirt first, please?” Karl asked, and the man tossed him another confused look before rising to his feet. They were both shirtless, Karl in shorts and the other man only in boxers. Karl sternly kept his sight above the waistline.
“Here baby, they’re right in here. Move a little to your right.” He murmured, and Karl cautiously abided, paying acute attention to his hand as he moved. He’d deal with it later, his thirst for knowledge and the panic for his life were greater than his pain. “You want a shirt or a hoodie?”
“Hoodie, please.” Karl murmured, and Sapnap nodded before unearthing a big one. It looked comfortable and extra soft, full of bright and vibrant colors. Distantly Karl noted that if this man really already met him, then he probably would have picked out his favorite hoodie. And judging by the feel of it when the man softly handed it over and he slipped it over his head, it probably would be if Karl was going to stay here for long. The man held out his hand, and Karl carefully put his uninjured hand in his, letting him pull him to his feet.
His palm was warm.
“You have a room to yourself in the basement down the stairs and a ladder. You’ve never let me down there though, don’t know why.” The man said, and began to lead Karl down a winding staircase, the ceilings high and the architecture exquisite. This place was nice, it was everything Karl would have ever wanted in a house of his own. It made him want to go home even sooner.
They came to a stop at a trapdoor. “Down there. Do you want me to go with you?” The man asked, and Karl bit his lip. That might not be a good idea.
“That’s okay, I’ll be right back,” Karl said, trying to pretend that he knew what he was doing. He was down up to his armpits before he looked back up at the man, worriedly looking down at him. “Thank you.”
“Anything for you, Jacobs.” The man sighed, and Karl closed the trapdoor over top of him. The room was dimly lit, and Karl squinted as he descended the rest of the latter. Posters filled the room along with several notebooks sprawled about on counters. It looked like he had hit the jackpot. Without looking at the posters he picked up a notebook and sighed in relief at the sight of his own handwriting. Most days it felt like all he could trust was his own handwriting.
This certain notebook was detailing his travels to the Lost City of Mizu, a diary entry he felt he wrote ages ago. Slowly, the memories faded back. And he was sure he had gone into the future in this one. When he lifted his eyes from the book he began to recognize more; posters of familiar faces, similar diaries everywhere, all around the room. It looked like all of his information and findings were… right here.
He wrote and collected and kept everything… here.
Karl never used to be this clumsy, but he couldn’t help the weak feeling in his knees that caused him to fall, crashing into a bookcase and sliding down until he was sitting on the floor, eyes glassy and seeing nothing. His eyes started to tear, and he grabbed fistfulls of his hair. He was home. He was home all along.
And Karl remembered nothing.
Overhead he heard the trapdoor fall open with a bang, and the man from earlier fell down the latter as if he were a firefighter on a pole, jumping down with ease and hurrying over to Karl. He kneeled over him, and Karl would have been thankful for the distance the man kept if he weren’t currently beside himself.
“Baby? What happened, please I don’t know what’s going on with you, do you have a fever? What’s wrong, please.” The man was pleading with him, and Karl shook his head, willing for this to not be true. There was no way he just didn’t remember everything. He started to sob, and flinched when the man laid his hand across his back. The man pulled away and sighed, waiting as patiently as possible.
Karl pulled at his hair and swallowed down tears. Okay. If he had been here before, if he really lived here, maybe this guy would be of some help.
“What’s your name?” Karl asked.
“Sapnap.” The man replied easily, and Karl sighed. He liked that name.
“I-I never told you before but sometimes I struggle with memory loss. It happens every now and then and I just--I don’t know.” Karl sputtered, and Sapnap’s face softened. “I don’t know where I am, I don’t know who you are, I don’t know if I’ll remember--”
“Oh baby, is that why you didn’t want me touching you? Is that why you needed help down the stairs?” Sapnap asked carefully, voice thick with sympathy, and Karl felt more tears well at the kind words. The idea of being someone’s baby, being Sapnap’s baby, made his heart hurt. Not because the name made him uncomfortable, but because he couldn’t grasp the emotion behind it. He felt nothing, and he desperately wanted to.
“I’m sorry.” Karl gasped out, and Sapnap shook his head.
“Don’t be. I’m gonna help you through this, okay? It’s ‘cause I love you, we’re gonna figure this out.” Sapnap said, and Karl put his hands over his eyes. He couldn’t return any of Sapnap’s love.
“You don’t understand. It’s all my fault, I should have never gone. I should have never gone.” Karl repeated, and Sapnap crossed his arms over his knees.
“Gone where?”
“Everywhere, messing with time, I just--I was learning, and I was trying to do good by everyone, and i wanted to make a difference, and it just--”
“Baby slow down, what are you talking about?” Sapnap asked, and Karl returned his hands to his hair with a groan.
“Look at the books. They explain everything.” Karl choked out, and after hesitating for a minute Sapnap did as he said, rising to his feet. He padded over to the rest of the notebooks and began thumbing through pages. The first few pages went by slower, and the other pages faster, faster, faster until Sapnap was tearing through each notebook, paging through fast enough that he might rip one.
Karl kept his hands over his face when Sapnap returned, lowering to sit next to him. They sat in silence for a while, Karl stifling sobs, before Sapnap spoke.
“I don’t care,” Sapnap started, his voice cracking. “I don’t care that you travel like that. I don’t care about it at all. All I want,” Sapnap said, taking pause, “Is for you to be safe and for you to be okay.” He said. “Can you let me help you?” He asked, and Karl nodded slowly. He let his hands fall from his hair timidly, and jumped at the intake of breath next to him, opening his eyes to find the source.
“Fuck, Karl, what the hell happened to your head? Did you hit it?” Sapnap asked, and Karl leaned away, crossing his arms over his torso.
“What?”
“You’re bleeding, when did you do that? Can I touch you? I wanna make sure you’re okay.” Sapnap asked, already rising to his knees even though Karl said nothing. He nodded slowly, and tried not to remain perfectly still as Sapnap’s hands dragged across his scalp, parting his hair every which way to search for the cause. “How’d this blood get here?” Sapnap murmured, and suddenly Karl remembered his hand. He raised it, his entire palm red. Sapnap gasped.
“Come on, let me fix that up for you. I don’t want it getting infected.” He said, and rose to his feet. He offered Karl a hand, and hesitantly Karl took it again in his right. “Go up first, I’ll catch you if you fall.” Sapnap ordered softly, and Karl did as he said, carefully starting up the latter. At his feet he could see he was leaving a mess, notes and books scattered across the floor from his fall earlier. He looked away and started up until he was on the first floor.
Sapnap closed the hatch and gestured to a room in the corner, leading Karl over there. Out of the windows Karl could see enormous structures, beautiful and enchanting. He could hardly believe he lived here, that this was all supposedly his. He needed to learn--remember--it all.
Sapnap led him inside the bathroom, and Karl sat down on the toilet, hooking his heels as Sapnap went digging through their medical cabinet. He pulled out gauze and antiseptic, closing it with an elbow. He dropped the items to the counter and turned on the sink.
Karl got the sense to run his hand under it, and when he cringed with a whine Sapnap pulled his hand away, carefully drying it with a towel. Sapnap lowered and sat down on his knees in front of Karl, still carefully holding his hand. Karl watched quietly as Sapnap unscrewed the alcohol and set the cap aside before pouring some of the liquid onto another towel.
“This is gonna hurt, baby. Are you with me?” He asked, and Karl squeezed his legs together, obediently holding out his hand, the other one tight in his lap. He was stupidly nervous, and Sapnap was stupidly nice.
He had to focus on something, anything. Anything but Sapnap, admittedly beautiful and lovely and amazing and wonderful. He landed on a silver ring on his own finger before he could decide on anything else, and he saw stars. He whimpered at the burn, cringing away from it as Sapnap gripped his hand tighter, ensuring he cleaned it all. His hand pulsed and sizzled and eventually, finally, it was done. Sapnap murmured him praise and Karl sweltered under it, blinking his tears away.
“Good job, hon. You did good, now we just have to wrap it.” Sapnap explained below him, and Karl nodded. He watched as his hands worked, carefully covering his palm in the gauze before tearing it off with his teeth. Karl caught sight of more silver, and caught Sapnap’s thumb in his injured hand before he could pull away.
“Your ring,” Karl started, staring at it. “Does it match mine?” Sapnap looked up at him, staring at him with wide, sad eyes. Karl swallowed. “Were we married?”
“I’m your fiancé.” Sapnap whispered, and Karl shut his eyes again, forcing his tears not to come. He couldn’t afford to come to terms with what he lost. They sat like that until Sapnap pulled away, screwing the cap back on and putting the materials back into the closet, quiet. “Is there anything that would help jog your memory?” Sapnap asked, closing the cabinet. “We could go walk around, see if you recognize the town. We can do whatever you want.”
“Can I wash my hair?” Karl asked, and Sapnap’s eyes flickered to the dry blood in his hair.
“Want me to do it?” He asked, and Karl shook his head.
“I still have a hand.” Karl said, and he looked hurt but eventually Sapnap did leave, shutting the door behind him.
For Karl it still didn’t matter that they were fiancés. It changed nothing. Karl didn’t feel anything for this guy other than deeply kneaded attraction. But Karl didn’t feel like he could stomach continuing things where they had left off. He needed time to work up to wherever they were. And he was terrified that it would crush Sapnap, but he didn’t have a choice. If he could have begged for his memories back, he would have done so already. But he couldn’t. And he couldn’t fake intimacy either.
He leaned over the tub and began to wash, bracing himself on the tub with his bad hand. He didn’t realize how difficult it was to wash hair one-handed until he had to do it. After a few minutes of struggling Sapnap finally knocked on the door.
“I have a towel for you, can I come inside?”
“Yeah.” Karl called, and Sapnap entered and shut the door behind him. He laid the towel on the ground next to Karl, but decided to hover.
“If you need anything, let me know.” Sapnap said, and Karl paused. He reached over to turn off the faucet, and Sapnap patiently waited.
“Could you dry my hair?” Karl asked, and Sapnap’s face softened.
“Course, Jacobs.” Sapnap said, and swiped the towel up from the ground. Karl rose to sit on the edge of the tub, and looked up at Sapnap as he leaned over him, toweling off his long curly hair. It was achingly domestic. And Sapnap was so willing to help that it made his head spin. Had Karl really gotten so close to this person that he was willing to do anything?
Out of habit Karl surmised, Sapnap pulled away and let his hand trace down the side of his face before freezing. He was judging Karl’s reaction, but Karl made no effort to lean or push the hand away. He just sat there until Sapnap pulled away altogether.
“I made you waffles, I hope mine are still your favorite?” Sapnap asked, and Karl shrugged.
“I don’t think my tastes changed. I’m sure I’ll like them.” Karl said, and followed Sapnap out into the kitchen. The food looked great, and Sapnap watched leaned against a counter as Karl took his first bite. It tasted like heaven, and it must have showed in his face because Sapnap started laughing.
“Good?” He asked, and Karl eagerly nodded, stuffing the rest into his face.
“Thank you.” Karl said, his mouth still full, and Sapnap snickered.
“Anything for you, Jacobs.” He said, and once Karl was done he took his plate and washed it wordlessly. “You still feeling up for a walk?” He asked, and Karl nodded. He slid out of his seat and walked until he was standing beside him, awkwardly rubbing his arm. He peered outside of the window to try and catch another glimpse of the outside. Just how much had he forgotten? And when would he start remembering again? Would he ever remember?
“You’re okay,” Sapnap interjected, pulling Karl away from his thoughts. Karl blinked at him in surprise, and Sapnap continued, “Whatever you’re worrying about, you’re okay. I’ve got you, I’m not going to let anything bad happen.” When Karl didn’t say anything, dumbfounded, Sapnap gave him a wry smile before explaining, “I can see on your face when you’re upset.”
“Oh.” Karl murmured, and Sapnap turned off the faucet and dried his hands.
“I think it might be best if we walk the whole SMP. Our kingdom, Kinoko Kingdom, is newer. But maybe if you see the history of the land it might jog something.” He suggested, and Karl shrugged. He had no idea what would help. And even if he did he forgot it.
“Whatever you think would be best.” Karl murmured helplessly, and Sapnap took a deep breath.
“I’m going to go get suited up, you can wait here.”
Karl watched him leave before blurting, “Won’t I need armor?”
Sapnap grinned at him. “With me, no one’s ever laid a finger on you. You’re going to be okay.” He promised, and slipped back upstairs toward their bedroom where Karl had seen all of the weapons earlier.
Karl waited patiently, deciding to be nosy and open up drawers, the fridge, cabinets. If this was his house he might as well figure out where everything was.When Sapnap returned he was covered head to toe in armor and weapons. He looked alarmingly comfortable too, as if it was all a second layer of skin. He moved with ease and practice, and Karl had a feeling Sapnap wasn’t lying when he said he’d be protected.
They started outside, side by side.
The walk went faster than Karl would have liked.
Sapnap was trying to explain everything, starting from the beginning. He described the prank wars with a man named Ponk, how a kid named Tommy got involved, and then the revolution of L’Manburg led by Wilbur. He described how he, Sapnap, George, and Punz squandered their efforts before resorting to a duel, and then a trade of discs, for L’Manburg’s independence. Around that time, Sapnap said, was when they met and then got engaged.
An election for a L’Manburg leader took place, with a man named Schlatt becoming president. Wilbur started another nation called Pogtopia and then there was a festival, and then soon a coup, where their side reigned victorious. L’Manburg survived but not for long. After Tommy, the kid from earlier, got exiled he joined with a man named Technoblade who had been a key player in the coup. Tommy then left the man to rejoin Pogtopia, encouraging Techno to turn to Dream and destroy the entirety of L’Manburg because of a demolished community house.
Sapnap said this as they passed by, mentioning that it had since been prepared.
While that was happening Sapnap said that they started a country themselves called El Rapids. Soon, however, that fell too. And then Karl’s head was spinning; there was a confrontation, Sapnap’s best friend was tossed into jail, an Egg began to take over the server, Tommy died and then was brought back to life, then Wilbur…
Karl remembered none of it.
They came to a stop at the crater of what used to be L’Manburg, and when Karl voiced his misgivings at the loss of his memories, Sapnap turned to him with sympathy.
“When we fought this morning, I thought I did something. I was so scared that I did something to hurt you. And when you didn’t know me I thought you hit your head, I... had no idea you lost your memory. I don’t know what that’s like,” Sapnap said. “I’m sorry.” He finished, and Karl hugged himself.
“I don’t know what to do. I was so excited to come home and share everything I learned, but it was like I was dropped in another place in time. This isn’t home for me,” Karl tried to explain. “I don’t know you like I used to.” He said, and Sapnap fell silent next to him. Karl couldn’t imagine how it felt for him. Maybe it felt similar. Sapnap lost his fiance, and Karl lost his memory.
“Karl, I want to do whatever I can to make you happy. You might not know me, and that’s fine, but I can’t leave you. I want to make things right, I want to be there to help you. I still love you. And I want to keep loving you, if you’ll let me.”
“You’d be okay if I stayed with you? Even if it wasn’t in the same room, even if I’m like this?” Karl said, gesturing to himself. “Would you be okay if we… tried again?”
“All I see out of this is that while we lost everything, I get to fall in love with you all over again. I get to experience life with you, and start to love you just as I did before. You were the best thing to ever happen to me, Jacobs, and I’d want nothing more than to stay by your side, even if this happens all over again.” Sapnap said. “I love you, Karl.” He said, and instead of tears Karl began to smile.
He hardly knew the man next to him. He hardly knew where he was, who he was. It would take time and they would struggle, Karl was sure of it. And while Karl had started off sure that he would be mortal enemies, Sapnap seemed so genuine and ready to help that Karl began to worry less and less. He was still cautious around the man, but he felt that he would be okay. No matter what happened, Karl was certain he’d be okay.
He reached over for Sapnap’s hand, and took it in his. Karl squeezed, and Sapnap squeezed back. “I think I love you too, Sapnap.” He murmured, and they fell into silence.