Work Text:
Buck thought that the moment from Eddie getting shot to finally getting him in the ambulance, was the worst and longest moment of his life. But he was wrong…oh so very wrong.
Buck sat in Chimney’s usual seat in the ambulance at Eddie’s head, keeping compression on his boyfriend’s bullet wound. Even though Eddie had a morphine drip, he was still in a lot of pain. He lost a lot of blood and his arm hung uselessly at his side. Buck didn’t know how many times he apologized to Eddie, never taking his eyes off his own hands, who were coated in Eddie’s blood.
“I’m c-cold, Evan.”
Buck’s head snapped to Eddie’s face. A lone tear streaked down Eddie’s handsome face. He looked really pale and had a blue hue around his eyes and mouth.
Buck bent down and kissed Eddie’s forehead tenderly.
“I know, baby. We’re almost at the hospital. They’re gonna take care of you. Just stay with me.”
“I love you.”
Buck paled even further. The doors suddenly opened and the EMT’s from the other firehouse took hold of the gurney to pull Eddie out.
“No, don’t say it like you’re gonna die. You’re gonna be fine, baby. Don’t you dare die on me now!” Buck followed the EMT’s, doctors and nurses into the ER. But Eddie didn’t reply to him, he had lost consciousness.
Doctors and nurses were shouting orders left and right. No one noticed Buck standing there, blood soaked and shaky. They thought they had time. Buck wasn’t done yet. Eddie wasn’t done yet. They weren’t done yet. Even though they’ve been together for almost two years, they still had not enough time. They had talked about marriage, a new house, a baby, maybe even a pet.
Buck was brought back to the present when he heard more shouting.
“We lost his pulse.”
“Start chest compressions. Get me a crash cart.” A doctor shouted. There were shouts for meds and the defibrillator. They quickly intubated Eddie and the crash cart was brought over.
And while they tried to bring Eddie back, Buck just stood there in shock. Eyes wide, pulse racing. They needed more time.
After a couple of minutes of chest compressions, defibrillation, meds and ventilation the doctor looked up and was about to call time of death.
And that’s when Buck suddenly felt a shiver running down his spine and through his body. He felt a presence at his back and a caress at his shoulders.
“Wait. Please. You gotta try again.” Buck pleaded with the doctor, who looked at him in sympathy.
“Listen son –“ The doctor starts, but Buck desperately persists. In the background there was still a nurse doing chest compressions on Eddie. Keeping his heart pumping. Keeping him alive, keeping his brain alive.
“No! You listen. He’s a single father, to an amazing little boy, who already lost his mother. He’s a decorated war veteran, who saved I don’t know how many lives. He’s a firefighter who just saved a kid from his abusive mom. He’s got friends and a family that love him so much. He’s my everything. I-I can’t lose him. So please, just try one more time.” Buck’s voice cracked at the end.
Buck’s eyes were brimming with tears. The presence he felt increased. Buck couldn’t describe it. The feeling. It felt like Eddie. The feeling Buck had whenever he was near him.
The doctor looked at Buck and nodded once. There was something about that young man that the doctor couldn’t place. He didn’t know if it was the way the young man talked about his boyfriend or the look in his eyes, that made the doctor agree with him. Sometimes it couldn’t hurt to try one more time.
“Okay, give him another round of Epi and charge the paddles to 300.” The doctor ordered. A nurse administered the Epinephrine and charged the paddles. The doc placed them on Eddie’s chest, shouted “Clear” and everyone took their hands off Eddie.
Shocks went through Eddie and also through Buck. His eyes widened. The presence Buck had felt at his back, suddenly went through him. Eddie’s upper torso raised up from the shocks and suddenly there was a slow beep from the heart monitors, that continuously got stronger.
“We’ve got a pulse!”
Buck’s whole body sagged in relief and he let the tears fall.
“Get him to the OR, stat.”
When they tried to move past Buck, his hand shot out, stopping them. He bent down and kissed the corner of his mouth, whispering an “I love you” in his hear, before they took him away.
Buck watched them race down a hallway towards an elevator. He didn’t notice that he started to sway on his feet.
“You okay son? Are you hurt?” The doctor who treated Eddie, asked him kindly. Buck looked at the older man with wide eyes.
“No…uhm…I’m fine.” Buck didn’t actually know if he was fine. The edge of his vision suddenly went dark. A darkness closing in on him. Eddie was alive, he was stable-ish. He could let go…for now.
And then everything went dark.
Buck slowly came back to consciousness. He looked down in confusion. He was in a gown. IV needle in his now clean hand and EKG cables coming out of his gown. And suddenly everything came rushing back. Eddie getting shot, the ride to the hospital, his boyfriend flat lining in the ER.
He sat up with a gasp, looking around wildly. His eyes fell on the other bed in the room.
Eddie. He had more color in his cheeks. He wasn’t intubated anymore. His shoulder was bandaged. There was a blood bag next to his fluids on the IV stand. The beeping of the heart monitor was steady and strong. Just like the man lying on the bed. Buck let out a shuddering, relieved breath.
The door opened and the doctor from the ER came in with a nurse. The nurse checked on Eddie and the doc came to his bedside.
“Mr. Buckley, glad to see you awake again.”
“Call me Buck, please. How’s Eddie?”
“First let me introduce myself. I’m Dr. Miller.” The doc reached out his hand for a handshake, which Buck returned. “And let’s talk about you for a second, before I update you on Eddie’s condition.”
Dr. Miller took a look at his EKG and ordered the nurse to remove the electrodes and IV. He took a seat at the edge of Buck’s bed.
“You collapsed in ER. After seeing Eddie flat lining in the ER, along with the trauma of seeing your boyfriend getting shot, you had an adrenaline crash. We gave you a sedative, hooked you up to fluids and monitored your heartrate. We called your sister, since you’re well known in this hospital, instead of your emergency contact for obvious reasons. You were out for a couple of hours.”
Buck nodded along with Dr. Miller. Then his gaze went to Eddie.
“And what about Eddie? Is he going to be okay?”
The older man smiled at him. “We’re hopeful.” That was not something Buck wanted to hear. “He was stable-ish when they took him to surgery. Eddie lost a lot of blood. The bullet almost shredded the brachial artery and brachialis nerve. They needed to repair it quickly, but his heart couldn’t take the prolonged surgery, had they also tried to repair the nerve. Surgery on a damaged nerve is delicate and intensive work. It’s going to be a balancing act in the next couple of days. We can’t wait too long to repair the nerve and risk damaging it beyond repair or going in too soon and risk damaging his heart. For now, Eddie is fine. He’s breathing on his own, we’re giving him blood transfusions and we’re monitoring him very closely.”
Buck let out a shuddering breath. This was a lot to take in.
“Can I sit with him?” Buck asked tentatively and looked longingly at his boyfriend. The doctor smiled at him and patted his knee.
“Of course. He should wake up soon. Do you want to see your family? The whole firehouse is outside.”
Buck gave a small smile. “Not yet. I’d like to be alone with Eddie for a moment.”
The doctor nodded and left the room.
Buck got up from the bed and went to Eddie’s, sitting down on the chair by the bed. He took Eddie’s hand in his, the one that was not injured. Buck brought the hand up and kissed Eddie’s knuckles tenderly.
Not knowing what else to do, Buck started humming. They recently saw a TikTok video of Matt Cooper’s new Song “Ain’t met us yet”, who said it was the wedding song of 2021. They fell in love with it immediately. Especially Eddie. He was obsessed with the song and insisted on playing it at their wedding, even though neither of them had even proposed yet.
One night they were slow dancing in their living room to the song. When the last refrain played they looked deeply into each others eyes. It was like they tried to look into each others souls. Eddie was never one to talk about his feelings and yes, he was emotionally constipated at times, but for Buck he tried. Eddie told Buck, that he never loved anyone as much as he loved Buck. That the love he felt for the younger man was a forever kind of love. An all-consuming love, like Jack and Rose, like Belle and the Beast, like Jamie and Claire.
And Buck did not cry. No, sir, he did not. (He totally did).
Buck came back to reality when he felt Eddie’s hand twitch. He shot up and loomed over Eddie. The older man’s eye lids fluttered. Buck stroked his other hand, currently not holding Eddie’s, through his boyfriend’s hair.
“Eddie? Baby? Come on, open your eyes.” They opened a fraction. “There you go. Welcome back.” Buck bent down and kissed his forehead.
Eddie snuffled and smacked his lips. Buck fed him some ice chips and took his hand again.
“What happened?” Eddie croaked out. So Buck told him everything. With each word Eddie got more alert and aware of his surroundings.
And when Buck told his boyfriend how his heart stopped beating and Dr. Miller about to call his time of death, Eddie’s eyes got impossible wide.
“Oh my god. I…uh…I remember a bright light. First I was floating above my body and then there was a bright light. It was so beautiful, Buck.” Eddie whispered, his voice full of shock and awe. “I wanted to go to the light. I could see my abuelo and Shannon was there, calling for me. But then there was an even more beautiful sound from behind me.” Eddie looked at Buck, his gaze so full of love. “It was you, baby. Your heartbeat. It was racing. That bright light got dimmer, the more steps I took towards you.” Tears spilled over Buck’s cheeks.
“I could feel you.” Buck admitted. “There was…I don’t know…I felt a shiver racing down my spine. And there was a presence behind me.” They both looked at each other in shock.
“You remember that song from TikTok?” Eddie asked after they processed what they just admitted and Buck scoffed.
“You mean that song you want to play at our still imaginary wedding?”
“What if I don’t want it to be imaginary anymore?”
“What?” Buck’s voice cracked.
“You brought me back, Buck. I was ready to go to the light, but you brought me back. Hearing your heartbeat. It grounded me, it tethered me. I don’t want to ever be without you. Just like in the song.” Eddie pulled Buck to him and the younger man rested his forehead against his boyfriend’s. Eddie started to sing quietly and horribly off key and yet so perfect.
“Like when Jack told Rose that she's the one
Like when Cinderella fell for that prince at the ball
Like when Johnny asked Baby for one more dance
And Noah asked Allie to take his hand
Like when Beast saw Belle the very first time”
Eddie looked into Buck’s eyes. “’Cause that’s what loving you is like, Evan.” Eddie whispered the lyric from the song.
And the only thing Buck could say was, “Yes.”
The rest could wait. They had all the time in the world now.