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“Put on the suit.” Tony growled.
Clint was confused, completely and utterly confused. Tony and Steve were standing in the middle of the common room, virtually nose to nose, in some sort of angry standoff while Pepper hovered looking concerned.
“You want to go?” Tony challenged glaring up at the taller man.
“Only if it’s someplace with candle light.” Steve taunted, smirking. Tony spluttered, his anger mixing with confusion and from what Clint could see, a bit of arousal.
“What that hell is this?” Clint asked carefully.
“Ask Captain Lothario,” Tony ground out.
“You wanted this, you asked for this, you agreed to this. It’s not my fault Pepper liked it more than you thought she would, hell it’s not my fault you liked it more than you thought you would.” Steve shot back. Dread started to curl low in Clint’s gut, please let this not be what it sounded like.
“I agreed to a one-time thing, a single night between the three of us. You going after Pepper, seeing her, kissing her, behind my back wasn't part of the deal.” Tony spat poking Steve in the chest.
“Pepper and I are friends, it was one kiss on the cheek. I wasn't asking her for more and you saw that. So what are you really afraid of Tony? That I’ll want more from her, or that I won’t want more from you?” Steve challenged.
“Stop, stop it right now.” Pepper demanded pushing her way between them.
“Tony, I love you. I’m not going to leave you for Steve, and you,” she continued whirling on Steve “don’t pretend you aren't just as in this as he is. You could have said no, but clearly you wanted to be with both of us so stop acting like this doesn't mean as much to you as it does to Tony.” Pepper scolded.
“What about you? If you hadn't gone all erotic with that damn Capsicle Popsicle, I never would have even entertained inviting Steve to join us.” Tony deflected angrily.
“Well if you’d been able to take the joke Clint played on you like an adult instead of sniggering like twelve year-old, then maybe Steve and I wouldn't have teased you to get you to snap out of it.” Pepper retorted crossing her arms over her chest.
“So wait, it’s my fault you had threesome?” Clint asked, bewildered by how this got turned back on him.
“Well, you did start calling them Capsicles.” Steve said with a shrug.
“Hey, I made a joke, you’re the one who stuck his dick in Tony Stark.” Clint snapped. A long moment passed where no one denied that Steve had in fact done exactly that and Clint started to turn a little green. “Oh god, I didn’t need to know that.” Clint said with a grimace. At that moment, the elevator doors opened Natasha, Bruce, and Thor walking into the room.
“Oh thank god, Nat please knock me the fuck out.” Clint begged no longer wanting to deal with this situation. Natasha shrugged and raised a fist, ready to do exactly that, when Bruce stopped her.
“Maybe we should find out what’s happening before we go knocking anyone out.,” he said looking around at the other three people involved.
“Steve fucked Tony.” Clint declared bluntly. There was silence, with lots of confused blinking before Bruce spoke again.
“Fucked him how?” Bruce asked slowly as if he really didn't want an answer.
“Literally, he literally fucked Tony, but not just Tony, Pepper too.” Clint announced distraught. Thor’s face was slowly darkening, Bruce had squeezed his eyes shut and was pinching the bridge of his nose, Natasha looked startled.
“Literally?” she questioned, just to be sure.
“Yes, Steve inserted his penis into their bodies. He literally fucked them. They had a threesome and now there’s some sort of pissing match going on over Pepper and Steve’s intentions toward the two of them. I’m traumatized, I need an adult.” Clint said ending on a whimper. Then, before anyone could move or comment, Thor’s arm flashed out and grabbed Steve by the neck hauling him into the air.
“Tell me this is a lie, tell me you have not betrayed the Lady Darcy in this manner. For if you have besmirched her honor and abused her trust, you shall answer not to a team mate but the future King of Asgard whose sister has been wrongly used.” Thor snarled, giving Steve one hard shake. Clint moaned and sat heavily down on the couch, rubbing his hands over his eyes while Pepper and Natasha tried to pry Thor off the sputtering Steve, who was turning an alarming shade of red. Which is of course when Darcy and Jane showed up.
“What the fuck, Thor put him down!” Darcy yelled hurrying over to smack at her self-appointed big brother until he dropped Steve with a thud. Steve lay splayed on the floor, sucking in air and trying not to flash back to years of asthma related trauma. Darcy dropped to her knees concerned.
“Steve, are you okay?” she worried running a hand over his throat.
“Do not concern yourself with such an unworthy deceiver as this, we have all been fooled by his unassuming demeanor but he has done you a great wrong.” Thor declared, glaring down at Steve.
“What the hell are you talking about?” Darcy demanded to know.
“Steven has betrayed you as his lover and taken on a sexual relationship with both Tony and Pepper.” Thor told her sounding pained.
“Wait, what? You’re hooking up with them too?” Darcy asked looking at Steve. “Can I watch?” she continued, grinning down at him before he could answer. Thor looked confused, and Clint let out a whimper.
“I do not understand.” Thor said looking to Jane for clarification.
“Okay, I really feel like this has gone too far.” Pepper said looking at Tony, who was leering at Darcy.
“You can join in if you want sweetheart.” Tony offered with a wink, ignoring Pepper.
“Thor, Steve and I aren't exclusive. We’re friends who have sex sometimes, it’s cool. No betraying happening here.” Darcy told him smiling.
“I believe I understand, I once had such an arrangement with Fandral. It was quite satisfying and only deepened our friendship. My apologies Steve, I mistook the situation.” Thor said inclining his head toward Steve.
“Fandral? Really?” Jane asked surprised.
“Wait, so no one cares that there are threesomes and possibly moresomes happening?” Tony asked pouting.
“I care if you’ll stop talking about it, please for all that is holy stop giving my brain mental images.” Clint begged. Steve climbed to his feet and helped Darcy to hers.
“This kinda got out of hand.,” he told her sheepishly.
“Wait…is this the plan to embarrass Clint you were talking about?” Darcy asked.
“Plan to what now?” Clint asked, his head shooting up and hands dropping to his sides.
“To embarrass you, because you started the whole Capsicle thing with the popsicles. That led to Tony snickering at Steve and…well things kind of snowballed from there.” Pepper confessed.
“But not the sex kind of snowballed, because there wasn't actually a threesome.” Tony interjected, causing Pepper and Steve to smack him on the back of the head. “Ow! Brutality, Stark abuse!” Tony said darting away from them to hide behind Darcy.
Bruce tipped his head back with a sigh, he didn't need this crap.
“I…” he began, shaking his head as words failed him. Giving up he walked away and stepped onto the elevator Jarvis so kindly had waiting. Jane tugged the still confused Thor away, promising to explain it all when they were alone. Natasha was snickering and patting Clint on the head, who looked gob smacked, angry and traumatized all at the same time.
“You suck, all three of you suck.” Clint spluttered climbing to his feet.
“We could play threesome and get back at them.” Darcy offered leering at him and Natasha. Nat looked intrigued by the offer and started to say something when Clint cut her off.
“Not that you aren’t smoking, but I…I have a headache.,” he groaned with a pain sigh before fleeing the room, Natasha snickering after him.
“Well that was fun, special thanks to Darcy for the last second bunt.” Tony thanked her with a flourish.
“Always happy to spread chaos.” Darcy said with a grin and a bouncing curtesy.
“That’s why you are my favorite non-Pepper person in this tower.” Tony replied before letting Pepper lead him away.
Steve sank down onto the couch with a sigh.
“So, did you have fun storming the castle?” Darcy teased curling up next to him.
“Things spiraled out of control really quickly.,” he commented wrapping an arm around her shoulders.
“You involved Tony in a plan, of course it did. You’re just lucky the violence was short lived.” Darcy pointed out.
“From now on you’re my only partner in crime.” Steve told her kissing her temple. They fell into a comfortable silence for a long moment before Darcy shifted and looked up at him.
“Hey Steve, wanna go commit a felony?” she asked wagging her eyebrows at him.
“Lead the way doll,” he agreed with a grin. They stood and headed for the elevator.
“What would you have done if Clint and Nat had said yes?” Steve asked as they walked into the lift.
“Guess that depends.” Darcy said smiling up at him slyly.
“On what?” he wanted to know.
“The chances of talking you into that us, Tony, Pepper foursome instead.” Darcy teased with a smirk.
The End