Chapter Text
Its been six months since she was taken from him, but the pain was still there as if it happened yesterday. For Oliver, it did just happen yesterday. Every night, it was the same nightmare. They were having dinner one minute, and the next, he was fighting off bullets and she was struck with one in the chest. Sometimes, it felt so real that the nightmare felt like it was still going. It was still going.
Oliver walked through the cemetery, flowers in hand. He walked through this cemetery once a week that he could walk to her with his eyes closed. The guily washed over him as it did every morning when he woke up. He knelt down in front of the tombstone and gathered the dead roses from the week before, and replaced them with fresh flowers.
Seeing her name on the tombstone was surreal, Felicity Meaghan Queen. Beloved daughter and wife. Lost too soon, forever in our hearts. He always found it odd, the sayings families would leave on the gravestones. The funeral home had asked him what he wanted the stone to say, "Three sentences max," they told him. Oliver laughed at that, how could he summarize Felicity's life in three sentences or less when Felicity, herself, couldn't contain herself with three sentences or less. In the end, he left that to her mother. It didn't matter what that tombstone said; all he wanted was his wife back.
A hand distracted him from his short reverie. He stood up and sighed, "Thea."
"I saw your car in the lor when I was driving by," she said, her tone sad. "Weekly visit?"
"Yeah. Replaced the flowers. What's going on, Thea? Come here to check if I was going to show up at the therapist's office?"
She nodded, "Busted. Ollie, you look terrible," she said after a breath.
"That's what happens when your wife dies."
Thea laid down a single red rose and followed Oliver to the lot, "Ollie, it's been six months. I don't expect you to be out celebrating, but you don't look like you've been sleeping or eating. You need to take care of yourself, Felicity would want that."
Oliver turned to stare down at his no longer kid sister. "Thea, what do you want from me? I am going to a shrink because last week you begged me to. I lost my wife, Thea. My wife. At a bullet that was meant for me. Can you really blame me if I can't sleep at night knowing that? Knowing that the man who murdered my wife is still out there? I'm sorry if I'm not the man you want me to be six months after, but I am trying my best."
Thea dropped her gaze, "Let's just go see the shrink, okay? And after, we'll go get dinner. I don't know who I want you to be, Ollie. I just want my brother back."
He wasn't sure what he was expecting, but this was definitely not it. The couch felt good underneath his palms, and despite the setting sun, there was a lot of natural light through the window.
"Mr. Queen? Mr. Queen. Shall we get started, or do you want to caress my couch a little more?"
Oliver smiled and clasped his hands together, "Yeah. Sorry. So, how does this all go? Is it like what it is in the movies? We chat about our feelings?"
Dr. Kim smiled and stared at Oliver for a few seconds. "Thea tells me in her session that you've been having a hard time. How about we start there?"
"Okay," his voice chipper. "Six months ago, my wife was murdered. She was shot in the chest during our anniversary dinner. Three years of marriage and poof, she's gone. So, yeah, I've been having a real hard time."
"I'm sorry, Mr. Queen. Losing someone close to you can be extremely difficult. It can't be easy, especially for someone like you."
"Someone like me?"
"Your name is pretty popular the last few years. Being marooned on that island, witnessing your father's suicide. Your mother's death. And now your wife."
"Felicity," he whispered. "So now what? You let me cry until I feel better?"
"Actually, I want you to tell me about her. What she was like, what she looked like. Her favourite things, her least favourite."
Oliver narrowed his gaze, "Why?"
"Colour me intrigued about the woman who stole Oliver Queen's heart."
He sighed while Dr. Kim just sat on her chair waiting for his response. It wasn't that he didn't like talking about Felicity; hell, it mght actually make him feel better. It was talking about her with a stranger that scared him. For years, he knew she was too good for him, he didn't deserve her. So what if all of these didn't make him better, but made him worse?
"She was beautiful," he said softly. "Like no one I've ever met. An IT girl at my father's company, who would've thought, right?"
"Tell me about your first meeting."
Oliver leaned back and took a deep breath. "I needed help with my laptop. Spilled a latte on it. Or at least, that's what I told her." He smiled at the memory. "I walked in there, handed her my laptop and asked her to recover data. She just looked at me, her blue eyes waiting for me to tell her the truth." His smile dissipated, "She was always able to tell when I lied. Anyways, she worked her magic, like she always did. She could crack any code."
Dr. Kim smiled, "Sounds like a smart woman."
"She was. Smartest out there. But not in a cocky, arrogant way. She just was, you know? Beautiful and smart, killer combination."
"Was it love at first sight?"
"No," he laughed. "My girl, she was smart, but not very social. Felicity, she tended to babble," he laughed. "Always saying inaprropriate things. When we got closer - as friends, I mean - we were doing this job together. She told me she loved having me inside her. Stupidest thing. Even to strangers, she was able to thoroughly embarass herself. Talking herself into loads of trouble."
"How did she take you dating history; I'm sure that couldn't have been easy."
Oliver sighed and shook his head. "That was something that I loved about her. She didn't care. I mean, I'm sure she did care - She's a woman, afterall - but she never once judged on that. Especially the Oliver pre-Island days, you know. But this one time, with Sara. Felicity felt..." he paused to search for the right word, "left out. She put herself in danger just to feel like she mattered. Felicity was always important to me. Even when I was with McKenna and Sara; Felicity was always a priority."
Dr. Kim could see she was losing him to his own thoughts. "And what about Felicity? Did she have any male suitors?"
"She had a few. She was able to turn heads whenever she dressed up." Barry and Ray sprung to mind. "I guess you could call me over-protective."
"Tell me about the moment you fell in love with Felicity."
"Falling for Felicity was different. She was different than all the women I've been with. I don't know about the moment I fell in love with her, all I know is that the second she was in danger, I would've gladly gave my life for her. On our first date, she asked me to tell her a secret. It came out so naturally, I trusted her with every fiber of my being. And the day I proposed, I told her it was a mistake to say yes."
She laughed, "That's unconventonal."
"Felicity looked at me, kissed me and said the only mistake was for her to try to live without me. I still remember the day we got married. Seeing her in the dress, walking down the aisle - she looked like something out of the heavens. Her hair was down, and her mother walked her down the aisle. She was so beautiful. And then we said our vows. She promised me that I would never be alone again. I promised her I'd keep her safe." Oliver rubbed his face and groaned at the feel of his tears on his cheek. "I failed her. I killed her."
"Mr. Queen, can you tell me about the day she died?"
"It was our three-year anniversary. I told her I would meet her at the restaurant 'cause I had unfinished business. She was there when I arrived and she was wearing red. It was the colour of the pen she had in her mouth when we first met. Every year she woud ask me to tell her that story. We were having dinner when the first shot went down. We looked at each other; I got up, threw the table and grabbed for her. It was an instinct, my reflex. She held onto me and we were almost at the door when the gunman was in front of us." He paused. "I pushed Felicity behind me. I fought him, but there was another one behind me. Felicity jumped in front and he shot her. I watched her bleed out, held her hand. The ambulance wasn't fast enough. She was already gone by the time they got there, DOA they call it. A week later, I buried her."
It was quiet for a few minutes, moreso for him. "Mr. Queen, I think that's enough for today. Maybe you can book an appointment for another session next week."
Oliver nodded, grabbing his jacket before heading for the door.
"Mr. Queen? You loved your wife, it's clear for anyone to see. And if I gathered anything from what you told me, she loved you."
Thea was waiting for him outside, and just as she promised, they headed to Big Belly Burger for dinner. He remembered Felicity complaining about his obsession for this place, blaming him for the few extra pounds she gained when they would eat out. It felt like today was a day of memories for him, but unlike the last six months, it didn't hurt as bad.
That night before going to sleep, he looked at their wedding picture on his nightstand; his arms wound around her tight, his lips against her ear and a blissful smile on her face. He remembered he was whispering I love you to her when the photographer took their photo. "I love you," he said out loud, before closing his eyes and drifted off to sleep.
It was the same nightmare that woke him up; his breathing coming out in gasps. It was already morning, although it felt like he was asleep for less than hour. His alarm clock was blaring, and he reached for it to turn it off, facing the photo he stared at right before he fell asleep the night before. Another day, he thought.
Oliver got out of bed and made his way to the kitchen to turn on the coffee as he did every morning, but to his surprise, the coffeemaker was already on. He brushed off the off feeling in his chest, assuming Thea used her key to check up on him. He opened the front door, but the driveway was empty, except for his car. Oliver re-entered the house and locked the door before heading back upstairs. The bathroom light was opened, with steam seeping out from underneath the door. He opened the door and heard the shower, "Thea?"
He wasn't prepared for what he saw when the shower curtain opened. "Good morning, handsome. Want to join?"
Oliver had gone through a lot - five years of being on that island, watching his father commit suicide, watching his mother being murdered, fighting countless villains. But nothing was as shocking or surprising as seeing his dead wife in the shower. "Felicity?"