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Harry was the innocent one in all of this. The only one that Peter really had any regret about, despite him being the reason. If it was possible to spare just one, he wished it could have been Harry, because he was just a boy.
Peter loved him, truly. He loved the way he giggled, the way he insisted that block towers were only made with blue blocks, and was happiest when Peter built them for him. He loved the smiles, and the fact his favourite sweater was one that Peter’s Mum had knit for him.
Peter loved Harry with his whole heart, but he needed to die. And it was best that it happened now, when he was too young to even understand he was alive in the first place.
If Peter was going to regret one thing from this, it was that he would never hear his giggles again.
Lily, despite taking James from him, had never really been an issue. Not to Peter, anyways. He knew Sirius had had a harder time with it, when James had started spending more time with her, when he’d settled down, when he’d stopped spending every waking hour with Sirius, but Peter had seen it coming.
Lily though, Peter liked her. She was kind, even though Peter thought she pitied him. She felt bad for him, maybe for taking James away and leaving him alone, but Peter didn’t mind because James looked happy, and Peter had seen it coming.
Maybe he could have spared her. She had trusted him. She had never been mean to him, even when Remus’ jokes had gone a step too far, she’d never been cruel.
But she pitied him. And Peter didn’t need to be pitied.
He was smart. He’d outsmarted all of them, put together a better scheme than even Remus could have.
And Lily had looked at him like he was weak.
So maybe he felt a little satisfaction knowing that she’d die thinking how she’d been wrong about him.
James had always treated Peter like he was the stupid one, but in reality, it had been James that was the idiot. It was always James. James had trusted Peter since day one but never given Peter any reason to do the same. He’d given Peter every opportunity to manipulate him, and offered him nothing but a smile and an easy laugh in return.
The thing with James, was that for about six months, before Lily had said yes, and after Remus and Sirius had started dating, James seemed to care. James confided in him. About things that James refused to tell Sirius about. Things that Peter dangled in front of James as a way of saying ‘Look, I’d be a great secret keeper, I didn’t tell Sirius you were fucking his little brother! ’
James was stupid to trust him, but he always offered Peter the same smile he gave Remus and Sirius. He’d loved him the same way, even if he thought of him as just a dumb kid following them around.
Peter was sure that when James died, he’d still trusted him.
Sirius deserved it the most, Peter figured. Sirius deserved to rot in that prison for the rest of his life, accused of doing exactly what he’d tried so hard to run away from, not even knowing if Remus was dead or alive. Peter couldn’t feel bad for Sirius, because Sirius had taken everything from him.
He’d been cruel. He’d left him with nothing except a shattered self-image and a feeling of worthlessness. And then he’d gone and ripped the sellotape off his fragile self-confidence and left him bleeding alone. And the worst part was that he hadn’t even noticed.
He hadn’t noticed that he’d broken him. Hadn’t reached out to him, the man he said was his best friend, in months. Hadn’t looked hard enough to see that Peter was the mole. Peter had waved it right in his face, and Sirius had been so caught up in his perfect life with his perfect boyfriend and his perfect brother and his brother’s perfect wife and Sirius’ perfect godson, that he hadn’t even noticed Peter basically admitting that he was going to kill them all.
Sirius had taken one look at Harry and discarded Peter. He’d slipped an infant into the place of his best fucking friend and not looked back.
So Sirius deserved to rot in that prison. He deserved to know he fucked up.
And maybe, just maybe, Harry deserved it too.
There was a moment, right after Peter had disappeared down the sewer, Sirius covered in blood and laughing hysterically on the street above, when Peter thought about killing Remus. He was sure he could have done it in that moment, the adrenaline from his betrayal coursing through him. He could have used the killing curse and disappeared without a trace.
It would have been the smartest move, removing the last person who could figure it out. Because Remus was the smartest, and if he looked hard enough, he’d piece it together.
But Remus had been the one to break Peter, to finally convince him that he was worthless in their little group. He’d hurt Peter the most, and so Peter would hurt him the most.
He’d leave him alone, just as Remus had when Sirius had taken his hand and told him he loved him. Because Remus, for five and a half years, had never ignored Peter, never given him a reason to hate himself, had stood up for him multiple times. But then he’d fallen in love with the basket case, and Peter had been nothing to him.
So Remus would live. He’d be alone, plagued with the idea that the man he’d betrayed Peter for had killed everyone he loved. That he’d never really known him.
And maybe, if he could bring himself to figure out the truth, he’d realize just how much he deserved it for abandoning Peter.