Chapter Text
Beomgyu just wants a long hug.
It wasn’t that he was the clingy type. He just wants one . One, meaningful hug that would last him another day, another week, or even a month. He’s never voiced it out but Beomgyu was almost sure he’s only desperate. And it wasn’t the healthy kind.
It has been scientifically proven that a person needs a solid twenty-second hug in order to release oxytocin, the happy hormone that boosts the immune system and reduces stress.
And; no, Beomgyu may not literally be stressed. But he could be ill though, imputable to his flawed antibodies. He just feels incomplete. There’s a part of him that’s missing which he who-knows-why is so incapable of finding the reason for.
The last few nights of coming home to nothing but oblivion hadn’t been of much help either. It was him and his practically non-existent roommate Yeonjun, who’d simply lock himself in his room after a long day’s work. Too tired to greet his friend in the late evenings whenever Beomgyu arrived home from yet another one of his late, unremitting skating sessions.
But that was okay.
Beomgyu had learned to do the same. He grew accustomed to being or at least trying to be , the only person he needs. The only person to pacify his bothersome deprivation was him and him alone. And in that way, he knew he’ll be more inclined to being his own pillar for strength.
So he hugged himself. Palms around his elbows tight enough while staring himself down the mirror of the locker room as he waited for the friend seated behind him in the reflection of the glass to finish tying his skates.
“Yay! I’m all set.” Hueningkai stood from the wooden bench right after getting the second shoe firm with a smile. “What are you doing? Are you cold?”
“Not at all! Why would I be?” Beomgyu turned around, he let his hands fall to the side again. “Now, where’s Yeonjun?”
“I called him on the phone, he said he’s at the parking lot. We can just meet him here.” The taller one was already pulling him towards the entrance of the rink, ignoring how Beomgyu rolled his eyes at the assertion.
Out of all the places to suggest for Beomgyu to spend a day of his weekend, the other two decided the ice would be a good idea. In his perspective, it was rather a stupid idea — really. As soon as they reached, Beomgyu wanted to just run off to the bowling alley on the first floor and forget about how he had no choice but to give in the previous night after they’d nagged him on it endlessly.
So here they are on the ground.
“Oh, by the way,” Huening held his phone up for Beomgyu to see. “Can you keep it with you for a while? My pockets are a little shallow. Just answer if Yeonjun hyung ever calls or something.”
“Okay.”
It hadn’t been long later when Beomgyu started to wonder if Yeonjun really was already at the parking lot by the time he stepped foot on the ice with Kai’s hand holding onto his for support during the first few minutes of trying to regulate his balance while gliding slowly towards the middle of the rink. “Hyung, wait we haven’t done this in a while, don’t let go. Oh my God, oh my God. I’m going to FALL.”
“No, you aren’t, stupid!” Beomgyu snickered at the sight of the younger hanging harder onto the hem of his sweater the more Beomgyu coasted backward further away from him. “You shouldn’t look down.”
Hueningkai was still only getting used to skating after they began teaching him over the course of four months. Sometimes, Beomgyu attended to his guidance while most of the time not; due to his actual scheduled sessions with his coach. And so the boy is usually left with Yeonjun, who’s more of a nuisance rather than assistance, unlike Beomgyu. “We do this like, every other week but you still keep forgetting that.”
“Right, sorry. Just wait.” Kai rendered with a short giggle, the sudden ardor deducting his constraint and a few more seconds passed before he confirmed. “Okay… I think I can do it alone from here.”
“Alright. I’ll go around the rink a little bit and you have to follow me, okay?” Beomgyu clapped in satisfaction once the other released his hand. “When we get one round down fast enough, I’ll start teaching you a spin.”
“Sure sure.”
One plus side of this was that the rink was barely filled with other people despite the late morning. Or maybe that just mattered to the least of Beomgyu’s concerns. His concentration was double Huening’s, as though it was some sort of life goal to finally be able to instruct him on figure skating in a much more detailed manner than how they’d originally planned.
“I swear if you learn something new even before Yeonjun comes then I will—”
—“HueChoi!”
The sound of a familiar voice resonated half of Beomgyu’s awareness, only if Kai didn’t look over behind him, then he wouldn’t have known of the new character’s arrival. Yeonjun’s hair was shining bright red; it had turned distinctive the moment Beomgyu saw him. The red hair meant the Yeonjun print. And there he was.
Huening waved back at the slinking boy approaching the two of them. “Ah, speak of the devil and he arrives.”
“I heard that you dumbass.” Yeonjun raised an eyebrow. “How far have y’all gotten?”
“Taught him how to do the butterfly spin already,” Beomgyu replied, sarcasm imbuing the tone in his voice while he ran a hand on his hair, leaving the youngest stumped.
“I, what now?” Kai hoisted.
“No way, you did.” Yeonjun layered the previous banter with another. “Show me! I’ve been trying to do it myself.”
“You guys are going to make me cry right now, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Huening began fake sulking at the side and listened as the two bickered their way out of the same topic.
And so the next hour was then spent with eighty percent talking, and the rest twenty percent actually helping the youngest with his spin. A few more errors, trials, and almost falling before finally succeeding in the end and wrapping up with that same new skill for the day.
“Okay now!”
The rink’s free space reduced a little over time and this had Yeonjun calling for the other two from the slight distances between the three of them. “I’ll go around and if you guys catch me under five minutes, then the lunch will be on me. How’s that sound?”
“Terrible. I need a break.” Hueningkai was already strolling away from any possible coaxing for him to join them. He’s done most of the learning anyway. So Beomgyu let him leave to the bleachers and returned to look at Yeonjun with a skeptical smile, his feet gradually gliding faster and faster against the ice.
This should be easy. After all, the title Ice Prince belonged to Beomgyu. He’s undergone it all. Name the competition and he’d most likely answer saying yes, I’ve competed here, I’ve competed there, or anything similar to that. From national championships to being an international qualifier, he’s attended all of them.
A qualifier, yes. He only ever crested to that extent, barely making it into the Olympics over something so trivial.
Erase, erase. Beomgyu does not like to talk about it. He didn’t even want to think about it. Inevitably though, his declining mind sometimes finds a way to make him look back at that same memory; unwanted but either way can never be ignored.
After a little fracture on his ankle during practice just a day before his program in North Jersey, Beomgyu already knew he wasn’t going to make it. The pressure of accepting the thought that he no longer deserved to be called the Ice Prince anymore has even built this large cluster of lowering self-esteem and defeat as soon as his name was called to step into the rink for his most-awaited performance.
Still, Beomgyu tried.
He’d endeavored that one, last appearance in front of a big crowd. Even later on gained a sense of hope that he would still hold the medal at the end of it all after observing his competitor's movements so closely at the monitor; searching for any and every flaw he could find just to feed that pinch of buoyancy in him.
But that was only before the announcer revealed a different name for the winner at the final segment, his prospect shredding into pieces and thrown down a black hole under the span of three unfamiliar syllables which slipped out of their mouth.
For some reason, Beomgyu’s loss had ruptured more emotional damage than the physical pain clutching onto the corner of his ankle that day. He was having absolutely none of it. All he acknowledged was that he was going back to Korea, taking a short hiatus, and then returning to much-strengthened training sessions. The normalcy he tried to run away from getting right back at him as though it had been waiting all this time.
So perhaps he shouldn’t have underestimated Yeonjun. The boy was just as skilled. To put it dramatically, anyone could mistake him for a fine performer. If it weren’t for his random Ina Bauer attempts being almost as effortlessly stunning, too, then maybe nobody would assume he’s an entrenched figure skater like Beomgyu was.
“There are just more fun things in life other than figure skating, you know.” was always and the only response anyone would receive if they’d ever ask why Yeonjun has never considered entering real programs to start off a good path and take skating into the next level. The explorer type, you may say. He’ll do one thing and do another beneath three seconds. Another Yeonjun print.
“You’re so slow! Ah, you’re getting even slower!” The red-haired teased, rotating his head every now and then to check whether Beomgyu was yielding speed or not. “With that speed, do you wanna just chat for a while then?”
“No hyung, I need that free meal.” Beomgyu drifted closer than before, chest leaning much forward. “What talk, though? We live together but I haven’t seen you at all yesterday.”
Yeonjun narrowed his eyes on him. “What do you mean you haven’t seen me at all yesterday ? I was literally with you the whole day.”
“What?” Beomgyu could only pause for a while, letting the force linger underneath his blades until he began to slow down, confused. “What are you talking about?”
“You’re starting to scare me, are you okay?” Yeonjun countered. And by the expression he pulled for Beomgyu, the latter could tell he was rearing with uncertainty.
“Ah, whatever, talk later.” He flipped the frown with a little smirk, discerning how Yeonjun was slowing down, suddenly sidetracked. “I think you should speed up a little, hyung.”
Obviously, Yeonjun wasn’t going to let that happen. Collecting him, that is. The moment it had met with his awareness, he swiftly avoided even getting the cloth of his jacket touched by Beomgyu. Hair disheveled all over his face after a brisk turn. “I’m not that stupid.”
For the record, Beomgyu wasn’t sure whether what he heard was right or not. Whether Yeonjun knew what was going to happen next or not. Because a line of laughter from the older one ensued right after his said line, a yell and his finger pointing to the opposite direction from where Beomgyu took a turn as well.
“Beomgyu! Your phone!”
What phone? Mine’s in the loc— “Fuck.”
With that occurrence, the mood involuntarily embittered. Beomgyu’s eyes instantly searched for Hueningkai somewhere in the bleachers before watching out for the phone that slipped out of his pocket; and to his relief, the boy was nowhere to be seen. Thank God.
“Aren’t you going to take it?” Yeonjun began whisking himself towards the abandoned item lying against the ice with Beomgyu following him from where he was positioned. “I’ll go get it myself, you can stay there.”
“I’m closer, it’s fine.” Beomgyu riposted, although that wasn’t enough to persuade the older one.
From the same juncture, another person had arrived to pick up the phone. And this pushed the two of them to meet at the edge of the rink, Yeonjun slowing down behind the faster Beomgyu reached after insisting on the move in the end.
Oddly enough, he again verily wished it wasn’t Huening at all and instead just some random stranger wearing a jacket way too similar to be misconstrued for his friend. After all, the features of the boy became much clearer, the unnatural hair color hiding below the hovered hood made it easier for him to realize it surely was someone else, height slightly constricting the closer Beomgyu approached him.
Beomgyu just needed to know if the phone was still working. That was his first instinct out of the several more floating at the back of his mind which he ignored. Though, conclusively, it wasn’t so successful; as soon as the other boy lifted his head from hunkering down to grab the phone, a peculiar familiarity had welled over him.
“Kang... Taehyun?”
His voice sounded way more primitive than it should have. That wasn’t really part of the plan.
To be frank, there was no plan. Taehyun could only give a small smile while handing over the phone to him, perhaps allayed by the fact that Beomgyu remembered him.
And Beomgyu did remember him.
How could he forget? When Taehyun was the person he once observed ever so sharply create art on ice during the very last competition he attended? When Taehyun was the person he lost to and the person he pragmatically lost his title Ice Prince to?
There was something in that silence between them that made everything fall sour.
Conjuring up the same setback Beomgyu always wanted to just delete from his past was what made his mood immediately grow dire. Eyes laced with grimace against Taehyun’s the moment the boy started to speak.
“That’s a pretty scar.” Taehyun pocketed his hands into his hoodie, unknowingly worsening Beomgyu’s spirit.
Sounds quite salty but if Beomgyu had the chance to change his clothes into something different with longer sleeves, he honestly would. He had this self-proclaimed grisly scar at the back of his right hand drawn in between the rift of his thumb and index finger. The dim outline contrasting with his pale skin. He quickly pulled away, the brim of his sweater covering up his entire hand.
However, if anyone else would say so, it really was more of a ‘pretty’ scar. It had the mere shape of a tiny four-leaf clover, often easily miscomprehended for a tattoo if not viewed from a nearer perspective.
Still, Beomgyu felt uncomfortable about it. Not even sure how he got it in the first place, and so, he couldn't explain well whenever someone asked how it happened, when it happened, or why he got this so-called horrid scar to begin with.
“No, it’s not.” He opposed, completely forgetting about the little favor. “Who are you to tell me that?”
Taehyun was left dazed at that, relieved to find Yeonjun arriving at his rescue from behind the other.
“Hi, you’re Kang Taehyun, right?”
Yeonjun curved a friendly simper even when Beomgyu started skimming away towards the entrance of the rink where he finally spotted Huening watch everything from afar. “I’ve heard of you for a bit when Beomgyu came back home a couple of months ago. Didn’t think I’d meet you like this in person but, late congratulations on your win, by the way.”
“Thank you.”
Eventually, the mentioned person had skidded far enough from Taehyun and Yeonjun, allowing the red-haired to speak again in a much more comfortable manner this time.
“I’m so sorry, and actually, thank you!” Yeonjun raised an apologetic smile. “He just really hates it when people mention the scar on his hand.”
“No, it’s alright.” Taehyun was already withdrawing from the conversation, his skates bringing him towards the rear. “I think I shouldn’t have brought it up either, so, I’m sorry too.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
And with that same gesture, Yeonjun allowed himself to take his exit early enough before it grew into something unwanted. Leaving Taehyun floating still above the ice far away and joined the other two outside.
Beomgyu shot Yeonjun a rough stare before looking at Huening again the moment he spoke. “Ah, lunch is on me hyungs, it’s okay.”
“Great, let’s go.” Beomgyu deadpanned.
For reasons unknown, he wanted to quickly get out of the rink as soon as possible. Mind wrenched with the thought that Taehyun might be watching him, beaming him down just the same as how Beomgyu did back then, too. He couldn’t see if he was right about his assumptions, but Beomgyu was sure he could feel it.
He felt that stare. As though he had no escape from it until he decided to completely cut off every single connection there was in the presence of the cold that was Taehyun.
Perhaps, Taehyun really was looking. Beomgyu felt the need to confirm his intuition, so he decided to spare a glance to the right, partially hoping he was wrong if they met eyes again.
However, he was correct. And that had him pushing for their exit even faster.
❄
“You know, you didn’t have to be so pressed about it. The person literally meant no harm.” Yeonjun poked at his bowl of fries swimming in a pool of melted cheese. “He was being nice.”
“Well, you know how I get annoyed about it, though. Are you seriously siding with that person right now?”
Just one more edgy gaze from Beomgyu to Yeonjun. And Huening, the eyewitness sitting in between them, was almost sure he’s only waiting for the older one to strangle the latter down the floor at this point. He stabbed the fork against the paper bowl so harshly it made a little hole at the bottom corner, Beomgyu’s frozen stance pending before Yeonjun decided to do nothing more but sneer at him.
Beomgyu coughed, eyes falling elsewhere. “Okay... fine. Maybe I said it on impulse,” a pause, “sorry.”
Hueningkai didn’t let the stillness linger too long, elbowing Beomgyu. “But seriously, though. Are you good lately?”
“Yeah?” His answer had fallen as a short question instead. “Why?”
Beomgyu’s lying, isn’t he?
— I don’t know either, hyung. I think so.
“So, you both are just gonna keep mouthing words to each other in front of me without sharing what it is. Okay, I see how it is.” Beomgyu nodded at the direct conclusion he made himself, pretending to ignore the rest of whatever was happening at the very moment even though he was still waiting for them to say something.
“No, because!” Huening intervened, a peal of questionable laughter pitching in. “I don’t know? Isn’t me skipping class for you yesterday just to chat and play the switch, odd enough to be a reason for me to ask this, though?”
“Right! And!” Yeonjun prepped his additional reasons. “When you asked if we could stay home for the whole day, I just agreed because it was raining so hard outside. And then the next thing I saw was you walking around the house looking here and there like we were in a museum or somethi—”
“—YEAH! I really wouldn’t have known what to do. I’m just glad Yeonjun hyung was there with me.” Hueningkai pretended to shiver, he’s smiling though. “It was a little bit… creepy.”
What?
Is ‘confused’ even the right word for this?
All Beomgyu could remember from the day before was him spending his time in the arena where he’d usually practice on his skates until he could no longer feel his legs; or until he felt the weight of his body levitating into the frigid air, lifting the last of his energy somewhere far away. The episodes of him walking in or out of his shared home with Yeonjun are totally nowhere to be found in his mind.
“You guys are scaring me…” was all Beomgyu could say, just to fill up the empty sound waves crossing the atmosphere. “I was at the arena for over twelve hours yesterday.”
Do you think he’s stressed?
— Wait, oh my God, Kai, that’s quite possible.
Beomgyu rolled his eyes, able to perceive the words the other two mouthed again. “I’m not stressed, I think I’m just, like, a little worn out these days.”
“You sure that’s only ‘a little’?” Hueningkai quipped with a sneer.
“Shut up.”
“Well then, we gotta find a way to fix that quickly.” Yeonjun proposed, humming before resuming. “Maybe we shouldn’t have skated today at all. Never suggesting ice skating as a way to relieve stress, then.”
“Damn, so we’re just going to abandon my skating progress like this?” Hueningkai alluded.
“No! Of course not,” Beomgyu raised. “I’ll be fine in a few days, don’t worry,” he’s bluffing now, “we’ll get me back to normal.”
Definitely.
To flatten any possible curves of misunderstandings, Beomgyu was not the problem. He might be out of it, but he isn’t the issue Yeonjun and Hueningkai wanted to palliate.
It was plausibly his irregular state of mind which needed a bit of fixing. And this, unfortunately, was braced by the fact that he inwardly still could not understand what his friends were talking about. So, he just had to comply with what they said.
For now. When Beomgyu finds his own reason, or reasons, later on, he might as well gladly pick a debate on it himself in the future.
Though that kind of sounds quite far off the sketch, for now, again.
Five minutes of delving into the same absurd idle talk that the two had primed about, Beomgyu gained a new matter to deal with under an unexpected phone call with his coach in the middle of having his food. Instantly losing his mood to even finish the few bites left off his burger it even made Yeonjun notice the frail ire piqued on his face.
“What’s wrong?”
“Coach wants to see me at the Subway nearest the arena in the next hour.” Beomgyu informed them, sighing. “And that’s deadass in twenty minutes. He must think I’m supersonic or something.”
“But isn’t today your day off?” Huening rendered, eyes marginally sharpening from the little inconvenience he knew Beomgyu was about to suffer.
“Yeah, well, not to him, I guess. This isn’t the first time he’s called me for a meeting off sched anyway, so I’m kinda not surprised anymore.” Another sigh before hopping off the stool. “I’m leaving now.”
“Want a drive there? It’ll be faster.” The red-haired offered, and Beomgyu declined right after him.
He shook his head. “I’ll arrive a bit late on purpose to annoy him back.”
“You’re evil.”
Honestly, the day was only starting to get more devilish. Towards Beomgyu alone, to be more specific. When he arrives home later on for sure all he’ll want to do is to lie down and pass out in a flash. He was beginning to feel the exhaustion overwhelm him, starting from his lower legs climbing up languidly. And it was so, so infuriating.
Even more so, upon getting off the bus to walk to the said location, he received a few texts from the same person who called earlier.
coach jung :
what time are you arriving? the meeting just ended.
i’ll be writing down the summary of it all down here so that you won’t have to ask me again later, okay?
but still, you have to come. i’m not the only one waiting for you right now
“The hell is he saying.” Beomgyu muttered below the increasing annoyance, the wait prolonging more than it should’ve on the ellipsis appearing every now and then on his screen. Still, he walked slowly, just a few more meters away from the destination.
coach jung :
you’ll be having a regular 2-week training session with a former winter olympics nominee. we’ll be assessing you both, but focusing on you more, since i’m trying to push you in as a representative for the ww championship this upcoming season too.
there will be two tests, one before and one after the entire session ends to compare your previous results with the second outcome so that we can see the changes.
it’s only for 2 weeks so we have to make the most out of it! besides, the test won’t be affecting your overall performance, so it’s okay; there’s not much to worry about it
but that doesn’t mean you can take it lightly, i would like to see some improvement.
A former winter Olympics nominee was probably the only phrase Beomgyu placed his full focus on among the rest of the information provided. There was absolutely no way it was who he was thinking about.
Kang Taehyun.
It was a given that he did not leave a good impression on Beomgyu just this morning. Forsooth, whatever day it could be, he’d still loathe him to pieces; rooted from that one last day he was able to perform in front of an audience.
But Beomgyu always knew Taehyun as a winner, not just a nominee. And that made his tide of concerns ease out, knowing well it was close to impossible anyway right on time when he pushed the door of the Subway open to see Coach Jung nearby with a boy sitting across from him, assuming it was the person he talked about in the chat.
Beomgyu lowered his head slightly, with a sincere smile etched up to his cheeks. “Looking forward to working with you! I’m Choi Beomgyu.”
The male rose from his seat at the greeting as soon as Beomgyu lifted his gaze back to normal to meet eyes with him. The former winter Olympics nominee was in fact, also the winner of the last Grand Prix Beomgyu ever so hoped it wouldn’t be.
His brain must've short-circuited for a hot minute he mixed up the two events together.
“I don’t know if you remember him but, meet Kang Taehyun.” The coach ushered.
Neither of the two skaters were smiling, though. Exchanging repulsive welcomes in chorus instead.
“You again?!”
“You again?”