Chapter Text

PROLOGUE

It felt like it had been forever since Bertholdt and Reiner betrayed the survey corps, betrayed their friends, betrayed me.

There was no sign of them for a long time, but the penny had to drop eventually.

We were trying to retake Shiganshina, when it became obvious we would have to face the shifters again, hopefully for the last time.

My heart still twinged with pain when I thought about Eren planning to kill or even just capture Bertholdt. I couldn’t admit that to anyone - of course - but I just couldn't help that in my head he was still the awkward lanky guy with a soft spot for everyone, who was always helping people during training; the kind, timid person that I loved getting to know. He was still the one that let me just be myself around him.

I really thought I knew him.

I struggled, but I had to admit it eventually; he wasn't that guy, not really.

Not anymore.

WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE YOU?

As always, I stuck with the other 104th cadets. We'd formed a bond that couldn't be broken, and over the years we learnt to work together seamlessly. 

When Reiner's titan emerged, my heart sank. Did this mean it really would be a final battle? I knew that Armin had mentioned their belongings being scattered about the wall, but I still had hope deep down that it wouldn't come to this. At least not so soon.

Eren fought with Reiner again, and we tried our best to help him, making quick work with our thunder spears, even with tears staining our faces at the idea that he was once one of our close comrades. It didn't matter, we had to protect our home. 

The fight spun in our favour, and for a moment it really looked like we did it!

Until Reiner let out a cry that made my blood turn to ice. I begged it not to be a signal. Please. Please just accept defeat. Don't make me have to do this. I don't want to do this anymore. 

We all spun around aimlessly in panic, between Reiner, the walls, over the housetops.

We saw the barrel soaring overhead.

We saw our lives flash before our eyes.

Bracing for the absolute worst, we maneuvered out of the area; fear seizing our hearts. 

But nothing happened. 

I swung around to see Armin zip over to one of the towers.

Praying it wasn't him , I followed suit with my comrades, landing across the nearby rooftops. 

The pain in my chest intensified to the point of being unbearable. And tears welled up in my eyes pre-emptively.

Bertholdt... Why did it have to be you? 

They yelled at each other for a while, but I was too disoriented and hurt to understand what words were being said.

Maybe if I close my eyes, you'll be gone when I open them. 

I rubbed my eyes thoroughly, smearing my tears and blurring my vision. Still there.

Bertholdt was across from Armin, now atop a house, edging towards him with sword in hand. 

Could Armin talk him down? Maybe if we captured him, we could get through to him! We could- 

Mikasa was behind Bertholdt in a flash, and soon they were facing off. Anxiety coursed through me as they deflected each other's swords, but there was nothing I could do. I stayed frozen to the tiles. 

I wasn't even released when Bertholdt used his gear to escape Mikasa and launch himself into the sky above us. 

Instead I stared up at him, tears streaming down my face. How could you do this to us? Why do I still care so much about you? 

Jean screamed out my name, and I snapped back into action, panicking with my gear for just a second too long. 

We were all far enough away that the initial explosion didn't harm us, but the shockwave knocked me from where I was standing, hurling me across the street. At the very last second, I deployed my gear to save myself from hitting the ground. I swung full force against the building, knocking myself out immediately.