Chapter Text
One moment Zenos had been towering above her, surrounded by flames and screams and the iron smell of blood. In the next, she was still engulfed by much of the same. But instead of Zenos, it was Thancred - standing across from her in the same way that he had after her battle with Ifrit.
Way back then?
“… Oh no. I’m dead, aren’t I,” N’adana thought foggily, as if her feelings were distant to what she was witnessing again.
The ring of fire was still present around them, even with the body of the slain primal limp behind her. The white-haired man stalked towards her, dagger in one hand, grabbing her roughly by the arm with the other and snarling. “You think you can save us? If you couldn’t save Minfilia, what makes you think that a kid like you could-”
“Don’t bring her into this!” N’adana spat back, trying to shrug away his grip, but to no avail. “When she died, Thancred, who was the one there for you? I tried so hard to see you feel better!”
“I wouldn’t have had to if you had died instead of her!”
N’adana cried out, eyes squeezing shut to halt the tears. When she opened them again, this time it was Urianger, surrounded by the bodies of their dead friends. If she focused further, the limp bodies included the Scions who now slept in an unrelenting coma.
As if they were already dead, just like Noraxia, who Urianger held in his arms.
“Thee didst this to our companions - ‘tis thy doing that they have fallen, o’ Warrior of Light.”
N’adana didn’t say anything - she rarely did to Urianger. It was better for her to remain silent, she thought, as he continued to berate her about every single ally they had lost and why it was indeed, her fault. When he mentioned Moenbryda, his voice faltered, though he only criticized her harder once he found his footing again.
She believed him. He spoke what she had been feeling this whole time.
When she looked up again, this time it was Y’shtola that had taken his place. They stood in the Twelveswood, in front of that tree where they had pulled her from the Lifestream.
“N’adana,” her voice chastised, and N’adana flinched at the addition of her tribe’s prefix. She hadn’t heard Shtola call her that since… since before slaying Titan. Her clouded eyes stared at her as if she were piercing through her, seeing the very contents of her soul with that aetheric power of her’s. “Who have you become? What happened to the spitfire girl I had come to know - replaced with a broken hero, so cowardly and meek? Following orders, doing as she is told… tsh. You are not the Warrior of Light I know.”
“I’m still me, Shtola! I’m still-”
The older woman slapped the Warrior of Light, deafening silence falling around them in the normally vibrant forest. “Quiet. Dare you lie to me?”
Her voice shifted just a tinge masculine, and then again the scenery changed, this time the chilling cold of Coerthas. He was shorter than he was a moon ago, back to when they shared the same height during the Dragonsong War. “Why do you lie to me, Adana? Why do you tell me you love me?”
Hearing her true name stung almost as much as the absence of it from Shtola. “I do love you, Alphinaud, just not…”
“Not in the way I want it, I know.” he spat bitterly, “Foolish was I to love someone who can never love someone the way people love them.”
“Alphi, I…” she tried to explain, but the scenery began to change again. Cold snow beneath her boots turned to coarse dirt, the sounds of war droning in the background as her final friend materialized in front of her.
Oh, no.
The scene played out before N’adana could steady herself, forced to repeat what had happened the first time in horrific clarity.
“Alisaie!” N’adana called out, though no sound came out as she clawed at the air in front of her. Her gloves found no purchase on her friend until they were on the ground, with N’adana on her knees and Alisaie limp in her arms. “Alisaie, please! Please don’t - we promised! Please-”
Hien and Yugiri had been there the first time, but now they were nowhere to be seen. The edges of her vision became shadowed and foggy, as if there was no escape from the dark realities she were to face in that moment.
Alisaie’s eyes shot open, the anger on her features palpable as her hands shot up and wrapped themselves around N’adana’s throat. The pain was not distant, suddenly being hit with it like running into a brick wall. “You left me! You left me there, N’adana! Left me in the camp and just went right back to fighting without me! You promised!”
“Alisaie, please. P-please, I-” N’adana cried, nails clawing at fingers bruising her throat. “I didn’t want to leave you, I swear!”
“Liar,” Alisaie spat, “LIAR!”
And as suddenly as she appeared, Alisaie was gone.
It was as if she was floating, the feeling of her boots on the ground, but every other point of her body a static sensation. She stood on a platform of judgement.
Her eyes trailed upwards to meet the gaze of a figure clad in luxurious robes, red and white and gold. “At last, I’ve found you.”
His voice was familiar, but that didn’t matter right now. She went for the sword strapped to her hip, but her fingers refused to find purchase on anything that resembled a hilt. “You!-”
“Please! There is no cause for alarm!”
“Like hells there isn’t! You took my friends, and I- I can’t leave the rest of them!”
The man shifted as he spoke, his staff making a metallic sound against the floor as he shifted. Why was it he seemed so grounded in the space while she felt a spectre? It made no damn sense! “The better path leads you here. To me. I have need of your strength.”
Like hells he needed her! Her friends needed her! “Send me back! You have to send me back!” N’adana pleaded.
“The battle is over. The danger passed. But your work is not yet done.”
“Of course it isn’t, I need to go back and help my friends! Stop keeping me here!”
He ignored her, continuing on his speech as if he had rehearsed it before. “Go to the Crystal Tower. I have left something for you near its base.” Suddenly the circular platform they stood on made sense - the astrological designs on the floor, the shining blue and gold accents in an otherwise void space. “All you need do is find it. I will take care of the rest.”
His voice was calm, steady. Dangerously lulling as the scene in front of her faded.
“Soon we will throw wide the gates… and the path to the First will be yours to walk at last.”
“Ah!” N’adana shot up in bed, sobbing loudly as she tried to ground herself in the soft sheets of wherever she was.
Alisaie was gone - everyone was gone! Sure she was the Warrior of Light, but what was she really without her companions? They covered all her blind spots, kept her in line… how could she ever deal without them? And who was the figure that took them all from her? Why did he want her help so badly?
N’adna wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but suddenly Aymeric was beside her. The impossibly tall, imposing, dark-haired commander was suddenly a soft place to lean on as he gently placed a hand between her shoulders. She heard his voice as if she was underwater, but the soothing lit of his tone made her submersion less deep and she began to swim towards him. “N’adana, it’s alright. You’re safe now.”
He had aided one of her panic attacks before, back on the airship that had rescued them from the Vault, and he did a miraculous job at slowly easing her into a state of shaky coherency. How he did it at that moment in his condition was beyond her, but the fact that someone was here now to ease her worries did help. By the time he achieved it again this time, she felt exhausted, fading back into reality as she felt for things around her to ground herself.
The soft velvet of the comforter. The warm socks they must have put on her feet. The worn calluses on her hands. The feeling of her ears slowly relaxing against the top of her head.
“I… I think I’m good now.” N’adana nodded, glancing up at Aymeric, who still had a hand on her shoulder as he looked down at the young girl with concern.
“Are you sure? Take as much time as you need, truly.”
“Aye, I am, thanks to you. Just had a bad dream is all. Really bad dream.” N’adana sighed, leaning back against the ample amount of pillows that had been left for her. She was sore, and she felt it in the way her muscles relaxed and ached into the sheets.
“Well, if you would permit me, I would update you on the situation at hand.” Aymeric offered, which the girl accepted with a nod. With her acceptance, he launched into the tale of what she had missed. Apparently, Estinien had swooped in and saved her from Zenos’s final blow, which she made a mental note to tell Alphinaud when he returned, as she was sure the younger elezen would be fiercely proud of their friend for saving her. A part of her mind did wander, wondering what would happen if Estinien hadn’t been so timely. Would Zenos have torn her lifeless body to bits, finally sated in besting the Warrior of Light? What would her friends have done when they woke up?
What would Alisaie say when she heard that her friend had fallen?
Out of all of her friends, why was it Alisaie her mind was fixated on at the moment? Perhaps it was because she was the most recent of her friends to succumb to the mysterious illness that now plagued every single one of them. But perhaps it was something else entirely.
Alisaie turned towards N’adana, soldiers from all walks of Eorzea bustling around them and working amongst each other to prepare for the coming battle. “Since the others can’t be here, we’ll have to fight twice as hard. If Alphinaud wakes to find the imperials have won, I shall never hear the end of it.”
N’adana laughs, “Just you? I think he’d kick both of our asses if that ended up being the case.” She adjusted the sword at her hip as she shifted her weight, mirroring the way Alisaie stood across from her.
“No, he’s far too scared of you to even consider it. He knows you would kick his ass.”
The two of them laughed together, though they faltered into quiet as a canon went off in the distance. They looked at each other a moment, unsure of what to say to the other before Alisaie lifted her gaze to the sky. “You know, it’s strange… I thought I would be terrified when the fighting started,” she sighed. “I should be terrified. But with you at our side, I can’t help but feel like everything is going to be alright.”
N’adana’s heart practically restarted in her chest, stopping and whirring up again faster than it began. Before she could say anything, Alisaie continued.
“So please… don’t you dare leave me alone.”
Both of them welled up with tears, but Alisaie pushed them aside to smile. “No matter what happens, we have to survive.” Her hand reached out to clasp N’adana’s, their gloved hands intertwining as the elezen squeezed her hand like a lifeline. “Together.”
She felt broken - torn to utter pieces at the loss of her friend and… what was Alisaie to her? Not just a simple crush, not anymore, no. They had become inseparable in the past few weeks, despite having already been close since their time traveling together in Doma. She tried to shake the thoughts from her brain again, but to no avail. She was utterly consumed with memories of Alisaie.
“Is Alisaie alright?” is all she managed to ask Aymeric.
Aymeric looked down, “Yet to awake, I’m afraid. But, please… concentrate on your own recovery for now.”
N’adana must have looked utterly defeated, because Aymeric reached out a hand and squeezed her shoulder, albeit a bit awkwardly. “Easier said than done, I know.” He spouted some final uplifting words before it seemed as if he remembered something, recognition flashing in his eyes before lifting a finger to his chin. “I just remembered… I was asked to deliver a message as soon as you awoke.”
N’adana looked at him expectantly, as if a silent okay to take said message.
“A reminder that you are not alone,” he smiled, “though many of your allies have fallen. When you are well and rested, you are to return home, where friends will be waiting for you.”
Tataru, bless her.
Aymeric excused himself before N’adana was left alone again. He mentioned something about finding the servant who had been tending to her when she was ready to leave, but the miqo’te wasn’t quite ready to leave the safety of this room quite yet. She curled back up under the blankets, and for the first time in a long while, she took the advice of her friends and slept.