Chapter Text
Jae Hoon always felt like he was the weird one out at home.
It al started when he was young. He didn't have a lot of warm and happy memories with his family, he never received hugs or praises like his siblings got. These days, his family didn’t even celebrate his birthday anymore.
His stepfather never seemed to forget that he wasn’t his son. When he talked about Jae Hoon to his wife it was always “your son” and never “our son”. They never thought he noticed when he was younger, but he did, and when he grew older, they even stopped caring if he overheard them, having arguments about him right where he was standing.
Whenever his parents fought, it was almost always because of him. One day he even overheard that his stepfather wanted to sent him away to an orphanage.
And it wasn't just his stepfather, even his own mother always looked at him weirdly, never giving him the easy smile that she had when she looked at his brother and sister.
Sometimes, he whished that he could just run up to his parents and hug them, just like Jae Min always did, but the looks he received when he was younger always made him retreat and now he didn’t even try anymore.
His mother had always looked so uncomfortable when she touched him, keeping the moments brief and giving him a nervous half-smile.
And that was why he was here now, by the rabbit hutch of his school. The bell for lunch hadn’t rung yet, but the teacher never seemed to care that he was in class or not. The teacher never liked him much, always being very skittish around him, like a mouse.
He enjoyed these free hours when no one was around. That way he could play with the rabbit without anyone judging him, feeling how soft the fur was and how he could feel the heat and heartbeat of the creature while holding it close to him, without it trying to push him away or feeling like he is doing something wrong.
Some days there was a man near the rabbit hutch when he was there, these days more often then not. Jae Hoon guessed that it was probably someone who took care of the animal. Normally that man always stayed quiet and Jae Hoon ignored him, not wanting to loose the comfort of the animal. But today the strange man started to talk to him.
“Haven’t you wondered why the bunny is getting this big?” the man asked, his face was unreadable to Jae Hoon, like most people's faces actually.
“It’s probably fat” Jae Hoon answered easily while holding his hands to the rabbit’s stomach.
“Perhaps it’s pregnant, they can get quite big with all those little bunnies inside” the black clothed guy said, crouching near Jae Hoon.
“Mmh” he answered back, not looking up, just petting the rabbit. The man put a hand on his shoulder, a friendly gesture he had seen a lot of grown-ups to with their children.
“There is a way to find out.” The man said softly. Jae Hoon looked up, interested to find out more about this rabbit.
“You’ll need to open it up though”. They guy took out a pocket knife and pointed it at the bunny and then held it handle first to Jae Hoon.
Jae Hoon took the knife and looked at it, a part of him doubting this man.
“Is it okay to do this?” he asked, his voice even, not wanting to show the man that he dared to not believe an adult.
The man looked at him with an unreadable expression “What do you think? Do you want to find out why it got bigger?”.
That’s right, how else was he going to find out. This isn't being bad, otherwise the man wouldn’t have handed him the knife. He should trust grown-ups to know better then him, that’s what his parents said, that he just had to listen to them.
Jae Hoon cut open the rabbit and the amount of blood that spilled out of it took him a bit by surprise.
“Look at what Jae Hoon did”,
“Did he just kill that rabbit?”
Suddenly all around him were voices. He hadn’t noticed it when class ran out and everyone went outside, but now he was surrounded by other children. He looked up to where the man had been, but he was gone.
Jae Hoon suddenly stood up, dropping the knife to the ground, and walked away, not showing any emotions on his face.
They called him a monster again. And it hurt.
He killed the rabbit he played with. And it hurt.
That evening, when school ended, his stepfather had to go to his teacher and have a talk.
Jae Hoon had hoped that the school would've called his mother instead, she never tattled on him to his stepfather, knowing the man's temper.
After the talk his stepfather was pissed. He gave Jae Hoon a dirty look and told him to follow him home and to not say a word.
Jae Hoon followed from a small distance, hearing his stepfather calling his wife to complain about the shame he had to go through because of her son. Jae Hoon knew he was in for something big at home, but he kept his face blank.
Making excuses never worked before, so why should he try now? He tried to ignore the feeling of his stomach knotting in nervousness and fear.
The moment the door of the house closed behind Jae Hoon, he could feel the first fist connecting to his face, throwing him to the ground. He stood back up again, looking at the floor. His stepfather kept on hitting and slapping him, even when mother came home with Jae Min and Jae Hee.
She saw the situation and quickly herded the younger children to the playing room and tried to stop her husband, but he wouldn’t stop. She understood why he was mad at the boy, and she was feeling bad about this as well, but at this rate he would kill him.
A small part of her sometimes hoped that one day Jae Hoon wouldn't wake up after a beating.
She kept on fearing that one day she would have to keep her end of the promise and kill the child, seeing his disturbing behavior. But still, she didn’t want her husband to keep on hitting him, especially not where their children could see.
The beating only ended when Jae Hoon couldn't stand up anymore and his world went black.
“Get that monster out of my sight.” He could vaguely hear his stepfather saying.
When he woke up again, he was lying in his bed, most of the obvious wounds were bandaged and his mom was rubbing ointment on some of the smaller bruises. He felt sore all over.
“Mum” Jae Hoon said, his voice sounded pained.
His mother looked at him with sad eyes, always with those sad eyes, sad and a bit scared. Of him? He hated the way that she looked at him, just as if he really was a terrifying monster to her.
“Why do you keep doing things like this Jae Hoon?” she said sighing. Jae Hoon didn’t answer and just looked up at her, trying to search her face for a correct answer.
His mother held a shiver back. How she hated that emotionless stare of his. She looked away from him, not being able to withstand that empty gaze.
She sighed “go to sleep, we’ll talk about this tomorrow”.
Jae Hoon laid down, but he didn’t sleep.
He knew this, they would talk, he would promise to not do it again and then something would happen and his stepdad would get angry again.
Why couldn’t he be like normal people, understanding what is right and what is wrong without thinking. Why was it wrong to find out some things. Why did the man hand him a knife then? was it some kind of test? And why does his stepdad keep on calling him a monster? Was there no place for Jae Hoon to get some love and affection?
Perhaps he should test it some more. Perhaps if he takes something away that his parents loved, would that make space for him? It didn't need to be a lot of love. Or would that make him even more of a monster?
What do they like? Jae Hoon thought, perhaps the fish or Choco?
But the more he thought it over, the more he realized that it was never going to work, he would never be loved by his stepfather, or even by his mom.
Perhaps it was better for him, and them, that he just wasn’t here anymore. The idea formed. They didn’t want him. Perhaps it was better for him to go.
He laid back in bed and waited for it to get dark. He made sure to pack as many clothes as he could in his backpack, and afterwards he snuck down the stairs. Jae Hoon opened his stepdads wallet and took all the cash that was in there, and also the cash in his mothers purse.
He heard them watching TV, talking about what to do with him. He took a quick glance in the living room, trying to see his parents one more time before he left, but they were seated with their backs to him in the darkened room, the glow of the TV casting an unnatural light on them.
He carefully made his way back upstairs, avoiding all the creaky steps, and snuck out of a window.
When he touched the ground, he looked around, to be sure that no one had seen him. He was startled when he saw the guy that told him to look inside the rabbit asleep in a car in front of their house.
That was weird, why was he here? Jae Hoon wanted to take a closer look, but then he heard a noise and decided that he better get away, before anyone notices he’s gone.
It had been a few months now and since then the news had reported him missing, but so far no one had found him yet.
He kept himself to the shadows and lived of everything he could shoplift, which was quite a lot. He had grown a bit as well, and he thought with all the filth and the few inches he got bigger, he didn’t look like his picture anymore, the one they had posted of him on the missing posters, which had already been from a few years ago.
He made sure to keep himself as clean as possible, washing himself in streams, and slept in abandoned buildings. He wasn’t sure he was happier here then home, but he somehow was convinced that his family was, with him gone, even though they pretended to miss him on television. At least he didn’t get beaten around anymore, most of his bruises had faded in the first few weeks of his disappearance.
One day he when he was shoplifting he saw another interview of his family, asking him to return home.
He looked at them, not having seen them since months, and he was surprised by the slight pain in his chest. Perhaps he did miss his mother a bit.
“Hey you, did you pay for that?” someone suddenly asked. He turned around startled, seeing the shop owner standing behind him. He backed away and dropped the bread that he had tucked under his shirt.
He turned around and ran away as quickly as he could.
“Come back here, little thief” the owner ran after him.
Jae Hoon was fast and turned around a corner looking behind him to see if his pursuer was keeping up. He turned the corner and ran straight into a car that was driving past.
The woman behind the steer stopped and stared in shock at the child she ran over, blood pouring from his broken skull.