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That stupid fucking fight was a bit under their paygrade; he was sure of it.
Another bunch of well-armed mercenaries trying to steal a biological weapon didn’t demand all the remaining troop there, surely.
He and Sam could’ve dealt with it by themselves and it was hard enough, keep that flying ass’ safe, but they had to call the whole troupe and it was just like one of his fucking nightmares.
Cause they were all there in the heat of battle, and he couldn’t fucking concentrate, cause keep Wilson safe was a fucking impossible job already really, and now he couldn’t stop himself from watching for that red clad figure swinging around with panicked eyes as well.
Ignorance was indeed a bliss. Cause he knew, he knew Pete knew how to fight. He could fend for himself just fine, yeah. But being there and seeing it?
It was driving him insane.
He was amazing, jumping to one side to another like and acrobat, shooting his webs with deadly precision, binding their enemies together, taking away their weapons like nothing.
…Making himself a primary target to the fucking assholes.
He was ordered to shoot to subdue, not kill. He wasn’t a killer anymore, so he didn’t intend to, anyway. But he did shoot at the arm pointing a gun to Peter’s back, even though the young man ducked down practically the instant the thug aimed. Shoot at the guy taking point on the other side too and the third behind the truck, while Pete recharged his web shooters tucked behind an abandoned car.
“I’ve got this, Bucky!” – he yelled determinately, shooting his web and binding a woman to the brick wall on the other side. – “Go cover Cap, I’m fine!”
“You’re doing fine sweetie.” – he agreed, but didn’t go anywhere, engaging another one on a very brief and intense hand to hand combat while at it knocking his adversary out cold and taking away his gun and hand knife.
They were good, sure, but he was a fucking super soldier.
“I’m serious Bucky, I’m fine!” – his boy declared, jumping to the wall and taking another enemy with his webs.
“I know you are, sugar.” – he agreed again, shooting at the man taking point on their left to Spider-man’s head. Peter duck again, before the stupid ass could really aim, rolling to the ground on a crouch.
“I have Spidey sense, it’s fine.”
“They’re targeting you as a primary threat, Pete, I’m not goin’ anywhere.” – he said a bit exasperated, while Peter just stopped beside him, taking cover behind a SUV monstrosity too, at least.
“Look out-!” – the boy shrieked when he looked over the metal cover edge to better look around the field, and he took cover with superhuman reflexes, shooting the person who tried to shoot him in the head.
“I’m fine too, Pete. Don’t worry.” – he said calmly, recharging his weapon with quick, certain movements.
But then their cover was taken away by the impact of another vehicle shocking with it in high speed, ending up in flames.
And then, there were six soldiers taking aim at him and Peter and all he could think about was giving his guy cover. So, he covered his head with his metal arm and jumped in front of Peter, shooting back at them as he could, feeling his vest absorbing the worst of the impact of the first bullets that collided with him, while Spider-man shoot series of web grenades and took them both away in the air with impressive force to the top of the nearest building, taking the sniper getting position there too with brutal efficiency, knocking the bastard out cold.
He was that good.
“Whatta hell James!” – he heard Peter ask angrily, his mask eyes making a mimicry of round, terrified eyes. – “You fucking jumped in front of a firing squad?”
“They were aiming at you, Peter!”
“I know! I handled it.” – he boy said defiantly, taking his mask off to glare at him with angry, scared eyes.
“They shot at you! Damn-…You’re hurt.”
“So are you! You’re bleeding!”
“It’s just a single gunshot through the shoulder, it missed all the ligaments, it’s fine.” – the man dismissed promptly, assessing the range damage and deeming workable, pain only a distant, throbbing background noise. – “Let me see your arm, c’mon.”
“Let you see-…? T-that’s nothing! It’s just a graze! You have a fucking bullet in your shoulder!”
“It got through, it’s fine!” – he answered impatiently, extending his metal arm. – “Now let me see it.”
“It’s just a graze! You have a bleeding hole in your shoulder! Jesus Christ-, you jumped in front of me to get shot at, and you still dismissing it all and treating me like a useless-, I cant-… You can’t just do that!”
“I was protecting you!”
“Stop patronizing me! I can take care of myself and you don’t have to go suicidal for that, damn it!”
“You are bleeding Peter!”
“So are you! We’re here, fighting the same fight and I trust you to hold your own! Why can’t you trust me?” – Peter shouted, gesturing wildly at himself with his injured arm, nostrils flaring slightly in anger.
And when he didn’t say a thing back, shaking his head and trying to take a hold of his injured limb to better look at the bloody wound on his arm, the younger only took a step back, slapping his cold digits away from him.
“Y’now what? Fuck you, Barnes. I don’t need a nanny.” – he spitted angrily, putting the mask back on and shooting away his web, and then he was gone again, swinging away from him.
Back to action, where all their enemies wanted to shoot him dead.
.
That battle was a fucking nightmare.
It wasn’t a long or especially hard one, but he couldn’t keep his heart from racing, panicked the whole time, his shoulder wound slowing him down a bit, making him anxious.
And then the battle was finished and Sam was beside him in one piece, thank God, and he could see Peter walking around, but he didn’t come to them. He stayed away, quiet.
Which got everyone’s attention, since usually Pete couldn’t shut up to save his life.
Damn.
“Alright, what did you do?” – Sam asked, looking at Peter from afar as well, making him grimace involuntarily.
“Why you’re assuming it was me?”
“Firstly, because I know you-.”
“I resent that...”
“… and secondly, because if it was him, he’d be circling you like a puppy, giving you the dejected eyes of doom. But nope-, he’s the brooding one and you’re the dejected kicked puppy with a staring problem. So: what did you do?”
“Jumped in front of a bunch of armed mercenaries ready to shoot him dead to give him cover. He’s not happy.” – he sighed. Long and, yeah, dejectedly.
God, he hated his life.
“Y-you what?” – Sam exclaimed, turning back to him. – “Man, what the fuck?”
“They were aiming at him!”
“And your brilliant plan was to be a meat shield? Smart, man… smart.”
“… I panicked.”
“Fuck, Bucky…”
“I’m fine! Everything’s fine. One of their shots got a weak spot of my vest but the damn thing is bulletproof so it wouldn't kill me anyways and the plan wasn't just stand there to get shot at. He’s a bit salty now, but we’re all safe and that’s what matters.”
“You’re doing the shadow thing with him too, then?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Yeah, sure you don’t…”
“Fuck off.”
“Get off my ass then.”
“I have a sweetheart, Sam. Didn’t know you were interested-.”
“Don't get all ‘old man don't know a thing about the future' cheeky with me, you know what that one means, I've been using it with you for the last year.”
“Not my fault you're a reckless idiot.”
“Says the man who tried to stop bullets with his body.”
“Well, takes one to know one.”
“… Jackass. I hope Spider-man chew you up good and spit right back out.”
He looked back at Peter, seated right at the ship's entrance, not looking at anyone and avoiding their general vicinity altogether.
And for the looks of it, he would.
.
They got to the med bay on the Avengers compound, Peter and he, and his sweetheart was still giving him the cold shoulder.
He saw the guy finish being stitched up by a doc and felt a prickling of frustration in the bottom of his stomach.
‘Just a graze’ his ass.
“How you’re holding up there, Pete?” – he asked with a bit of cheek, watching the pale, smooth jaw lock, peeved, but otherwise ignoring him, which made him even more frustrated.
The doc beside him, taking care of stitching his own wound closed asked him idly to not to move, but he couldn’t help sighing.
He shut his trap till they were alone there, before he turned again.
“I don’t get it! Why you're so worked up over it? I was trying to have your back, so what?”
“With your body as a shield? If that’s your idea of having my back, no thank you, I pass! You got hurt like a dumbass cause you're more worried about having my back than watching yours! I can handle myself! I fought killer drones and alien weapons by myself! I fought you already, in case you forgot! So why you keep treating me like I'm useless?” – the red clad one spit it ferociously, refusing to look in his general direction.
“They were closing in on you, Peter, for God’s sake-! They all wanted you dead and were closing in and I panicked! I’m a fucking supersoldier with a goddamned vibranium arm! I made a judgment call!”
“You are hurt because of me now, Bucky! How can you expect me to be okay with it?”
“It’s not on you, it was my call!”
“And my call is for you to butt out and stop acting like I’m useless!”
“It's not that!”
“Then tell me what the hell this is, Bucky!”
“Everyone that I love keeps dying! I watched Stevie die and I couldn't do a thing! My family is gone; I have grand nephews and nieces running around the world that I don't ever even met cause my sisters are dead and we have nothing beside a bit o blood connecting us! You and Sam are everything I have anymore and I'm sorry if it bothers you, but I can't let anything bad happen to you, I can't! I can't lose you too Pete… I can't lose everything anymore. I can't take it.”
He felt bad immediately after his outburst, just for how the sweet, young face of his guy fell at it. Eyes going sad instead of angry. Shoulders dropping low.
“…I'm sorry I yelled at you about it. I am. It's-, it's hard, I know. But that's not Thanos. It's not an alien invasion, or a really high-tech coordinated attack. I've got run over by a train already and came through the other side. I heal that fast. I have my Spider sense; I may even be able to duck the stupid bullets altogether and flip away! I don't think they can do much to seriously hurt me, and I know those things are not rational, but you putting yourself at risk to protect me is not okay.”
“Pete-…”
I thought you got it. But you don't. You didn't think for a second that I already lost enough people too. And it felt like I'd lose you too and I can’t stop thinking about it! About how stupidly suicidal that was. So, I don’t care if it takes a lot to put you down. Or-or how many times you already got shot at, I can’t do this! I-I can’t! I can't handle it. We are partners in this. You have to trust me or I’ll never be able to trust you again too.”
“I-… I’m sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t think. I just knew I’d probably survive anything shorter than a bullet in the head, so I ducked behind my arm, trusted the damned vest and jumped in front of you, cause the only thing I could think about was protecting you, but I didn’t think.”
“…Please don’t do that again. I-… I’ll probably have nightmares about it already and I can’t-. I-I can’t-.”
He had to stand up, going to the smaller man when he heard that wet wobbly quality on his voice and when he turned that soft face with his fingers towards him, his eyes were indeed watering.
“Oh, honey… I’m so, so sorry…”
“Promise me you won’t do it again, please.”
“Shhhh… I promise I’ll not stupidly put myself in danger again, sweetheart. I promise.” – he said soothingly, kissing the tears away from the dark lashes.
“You're a fucking dumbass, y'know that?” – he said unsteadily, one of the tears he was trying to keep at bay rolling down his face.
Bucky promptly wiped it away with his thumb.
“…I'm sorry honey. Didn't mean to scare you.”
“Well, you did.”
“I know…”
“I'm still so freaking mad at you…”
“I know.”
“God, I don't care we're close to the city, you gonna sleep here tonight, you hear? I'll text May to let her know I'll be on the compound for today too and you'll gonna hold me at night, I don't care how much you don't like in here.”
“I don't hate in here, just never felt welcome before. Now I have the memory of when you first came on to me here, begging me to kiss you, dressed in that damn silky robe."
“I like that memory.” – Peter said softly, hugging him tightly while hiding his face on the curve of his neck, all sweet and needy.
“I like that too. You looked so good on that fucking thing, thighs all peeking out and your waist looking so tiny with the rope band tied around it. Felt so guilty, looking at you and wanting.”
“I feel like everything I do with you is beg…”
“You beg so pretty, sweetheart…”
“Make me horny won't save your skin, you know that, right?”
“I know… But it may take your mind out of all of it for a bit and that's all I'm worried about.” – he said back, softly, kissing the crown on his head scenting the salty smell of clean sweat mixed with shampoo.
“Nice try, but you're stinking of gun powder, Buck.” – the young man said back, burying his face again against his neck, and the soldier’s breath caught at his throat at it.
The fucking nickname Stevie gave to him.
Jesus…
He almost couldn't breathe from how much that hurt.
“…Let's clean ourselves up and cuddle on the common room to annoy Sam, what do you say ‘bout it, uh? We can use that ridiculously large TV to watch a movie even.” – he talked quickly to distract himself from the vice in his chest, feeling the smaller body relax against his and nod his head in agreement.
“We could finally start to see The Lord of the Rings, couldn't we? You've been stalling for forever.”
“I didn't want to spend all the time we had together on a movie, sugar."
“It's your fault for actually watching it when we are together.” – Peter stated promptly, nosing his neck slightly with a contented sigh.
“It makes no sense to put something to watch if you ain't gonna do it!”
“Wet blanket…”
“You callin’ me what?” – he turned confused, looking at the chestnut locks still buried on his neck starting to move, making way to warm brown eyes sparkling with amusement.
“You have no idea what that means, do you?”
“Well, by context I can say it's nothing fun.”
“That's the gist of it, yeah.”
“So, you do like to get fresh while watching movies, is it?”
“I don't know, I only ‘get fresh’ with one person and he doesn't understand why someone would put something on to play on the background to make out.”
“Music I get. It's nice, sets the mood. But why would I want voices yapping on the background while we neck?”
“We should try sometime, y'know? Get a first hand experience with it. May even be nice, c'mon… then I'll finally share a first time with you on something."
Good Lord, that little shit knew how to play him like a piano.
“…K, sugar. Whatever it'll make you happy. What wouldn't I do for you?” – he sighed softly, caressing the soft cheek with his fingers tenderly, but when the boy took a tiny breath, clearly intending to give him lip, he added quickly. – “Don't answer that.”
And Peter started to laugh at it. Making his bruised heart go full for a precious moment.
“So, shower, movie and cuddling to annoy the new Cap, that's your plan?”
“Yep.”
“You really want to annoy Sam, Bucky?”
“Yep. I really, really do.”
.
And later, when they were cuddling on the couch with the Shire in all its splendor on the huge screen, he got to kiss his sweetheart all soft and innocent just when Sam was passing by and couldn't hold back the smug smirk at the “Jesus Christ, get a room, you two!” Sam dropped with a huff before sitting down with them, on an armchair.
And at that moment, life was good.
.