Chapter Text
Saturday nights were Remus’ least favorite time, Lily made fun of him relentlessly for this, saying he had to be the only college student that hated the weekend. Remus struggled to make her understand that he needed the structure of the week, a schedule he could follow, and the predictability of it all. Weekends were an unknown, Lily was always with James, or dragging him to some party Marlene and Mary had told her about. It wasn’t that Remus didn’t love spending time with Lily, no one could resist her. Lily was like the sun, bright, beautiful, and making everything near her shine. She was the perfect friend, always including Remus in her plans, bringing him along to game nights with James, or on trips to the gardening shop. Remus could never deprive Lily of anything, so he forced himself to spend time with James. He had no issue with James, he was the earth to Lily’s sun, he revolved around her, and it was mesmerizing to watch. James wasn’t the issue, the issue was his best friend. Sirius Black was the most perfect person on the planet. His beauty was ethereal, his laughter the definition of joy, he was everything Remus could ever want, but something he could never have.
On this particular Saturday night, Remus found himself awkwardly standing in the corner of Peter Petigrew’s living room. Peter was a second-string friend of Sirius and James, he was only there as a sort of servant, he would do anything for the other boys, and in return, they boosted his position in life by spending time with him. Across the room, Sirius was against the wall with some guy draped over him (Amos? Frank? Remus couldn’t keep up with the rotation of men Sirius spent his time with, and quite honestly thought it was for the best that he didn’t). Remus averted his eyes from the borderline pornographic display in front of him, instead trying to find one of the girls.
He finally spotted Marlene, who was apparently quite occupied with her girlfriend is everyone here determined to give a free preview of their sex lives? He decided that the best course of action at this point would be to leave, he wasn’t a prude, but there were some things about his friends that he would prefer to leave to the imagination. He would have to make some excuse to Lily about it tomorrow, if she even realized he had left.
As he made his was to the door, he got a good look at Sirius and- oh God, is that Lockheart he’s with? Dear Lord, everyone’s going to love this “Black and Lockheart lip-locked and in love? What will this power couple do next?” Remus had a deep hatred for the school’s unofficial gossip page, The Howler was the most evocative place to consume media. It was ran by a supposedly anonymous group of students, but it was heavily spectated that Gilderoy Lockheart and Rita Skeetar were the ones behind it. The both had egos larger than some countries, and the amount they both graced the front page couldn’t be a coincidence. Remus tried to avoid all contact with the awful site, but he was weak, and often went to see what Sirius was doing. It was always a poor choice, since there was practically a column donated to the love (or sex) life of Sirius. Remus didn’t know why he continued to do this to himself, it was probably a strange form of punishment for never having the courage to say more than five words to the man.
Remus resolutely turned his head away, stiffly walking to the door and out into the cold October air. Reminding himself that parties were for people who didn’t value their education, so he was just being responsible.
—
The next morning, the infernal chirping of the birds outside Remus’ apartment woke him, immediately turning his headache from pounding to stabbing. He rolled over, forcing the window closed. Why am I on the ground? I didn’t think I was that drunk. Downstairs, Remus found his one clean mug God, I should really do the dishes. He brewed some strong tea and grabbed his laptop. Moving to the living room after the tea was ready. He shuffled aside some books and papers to make room for himself on the couch. He flipped on the TV, putting on the news at a low volume, and opened his laptop, determined to see the post-party edition of The Howler. As expected, the first thing on the website was a picture of Sirius, it had to have been taken from someone’s phone because the quality was awful. The picture showed Sirius sitting on the couch, looking positively bored as someone (probably Lockheart) was kissing his neck. Remus felt a small bit of satisfaction at how obviously unfazed Sirius looked. He skimmed the rest of the site, not particularly caring about anything else he saw, the morning had already turned in his favor, and not even his hangover could dampen his spirits.
Remus spent the next few hours studying, only taking breaks to refill his cup of tea and change the record on the player. He hadn’t felt the need to get dressed, since he knew Lily wouldn’t be dropping in; She always spent her weekends with James, and would only come to visit if it was a Saturday that had an event she felt Remus should be in attendance for. Because of this, Remus was quite startled when he heard a knock on his door. He decided it must be a package or something of the sort that didn’t need an immediate response, but at the second knock, he got up from the couch, grabbing a blanket to wrap around himself as he went to opend the door.
Sirius Black was standing outside, hand poised to knock, and a dazed look on his face as remus opened the door,
“Hey, I’m sorry for just dropping by, Lily gave me your address, and I know we aren’t really friends or anything, but I- wait, did I wake you up?” Remus had moved out from behind the door, giving Sirius the full view of his half covered and entirely too skinny body.
“No, I- I’ve been up, just didn’t bother getting dressed since I didn’t expect anyone.” Remus looked down, now uncomfortably aware of his state of undress.
“I’m sorry, I can come back later, I was just coming to see if you might want to get coffee? Um, that is if you like coffee. Do you like coffee? Oh God, you must think I’m awful for just showing up like this and asking you out, I’m so sorry“ Sirius’ face had been getting progressively darker throughout his monologue, and it may have been funny had Remus not lost the ability to form coherent thoughts. Did he just? Did he just ask me out? Is that what he just said?
Sirius had already turned and started walking away by the time Remus regained the ability to speak, “No, I’m… I would love to, give me five minutes?”
Sirius turned back around, a hopeful smile on his face, “Yah, five minutes is good”.
Remus stumbled back, walking towards his room before remembering he had left Sirius outside, “You can come in if you want, sorry, it’s a bit of a mess”, Remus didn’t wait for a reply as he tried to subtly run to his room. Why haven’t I done laundry in the last week? What am I supposed to wear to coffee? Is coffee some sort of innuendo? Oh God, I haven’t had sex in years. Remus shut down that last train of thought before it could go anywhere, he didn’t have time for a breakdown over his lack of experience when Sirius Black was in his living room, waiting to take him on a date.
After settling on a pair of black jeans and an old knitted sweater, he skittered out of his room, nearly colliding with the other man, who had been studying the pictures Remus had on the hallway wall.
“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry or anything, I just saw a picture of Lily and James, I’d forgotten that you all went to school together.” Remus touched the picture he had been looking at. It was a picture of James and Lily from some point in high school, they had been on a class trip to a wildlife preserve for a biology class, and James had delighted in telling Lily about all the stags and deer.
“It’s okay, I can show you more if you want, or are you ready to go?” Sirius nodded at Remus before turning and walking outside.
Sirius Black drove a motorcycle. This was something Remus had known (and fantasized about) for months, but the hypothetical bike was a far different thing than the very real, very large bike in front of him. Sirius mounted the bike with a grace no one but him could pull off, leaving Remus to try and maneuver his gangly form behind him. Unsurprisingly, Sirius drove at a speed that couldn’t be described as anything other than dangerous. He had yelled something at Remus, but the wind had been far too loud to understand a word of it. He just pushed down his fear and focused on the feeling of having his arms wrapped around the other man. It was something he had dreamt of for months, but never allowed himself to consider as a possible reality.
All too soon, they pulled to an abrupt stop in front of somewhere called The Hog’s Head Inn, Remus had never heard of the place, but that wasn’t exactly an impressive statement, since his forays into the outside world consisted of about five places;
Flourish and Blotts- a nice bookstore that had become somewhat of a home to him in high school.
School- self explanatory.
Honeydukes- a sweet shop turned gay bar that his first boyfriend had dragged him to, and somewhere he and Lily occasionally spent a Friday night.
The Three Broomsticks- a pub he and every other person in the town frequented.
The Blue Mouse- a movie theater that only played movies that were released before the Soviet Union fell.
As they walked inside, Remus immediately felt overstimulated, the room smelled like stale beer and cigarettes, it looked as though all the inhabitants had been there since the dawn of time, and it sounded like the auditory equivalent of watching dust settle.
Sirius walked to a table and turned to Remus, “I’m sorry, I should’ve taken you somewhere nicer… I just, I didn’t want James to know…” He rubbed his arm, looking down. “It’s not that I’m embarrassed or anything, I just… I don’t know“
“It’s okay, I um, it’s okay” Remus couldn’t think of any other way to respond to that statement. What else was he supposed to think? Everyone knew Sirius was gay; there was proof of that almost every day on The Howler.
“What do you want to drink? Shit, do you drink? I know I’ve seen you at loads of parties, but I just assumed-“ Remus cut him off, “I don’t drink very much, just when Lily drags me out. I’ll take a coffee… if they have any.” Remus looked down, suddenly incredibly self conscious, he didn’t want Sirius to think he was boring, “Actually, I’ll have a whiskey”. Sirius smiled at that, nodding and going to get their drinks.
He returned momentarily, and after looking at his drink, Remus felt he had made a poor choice the second he actually had the drink in front of him. He picked up the glass, swirling the drink around and unknowingly pulling his bottom lip into his mouth. He took a large gulp of air before bringing the glass to his lips. It was awful. Just as bad as he’d expected. A moment too late, he remembered that he was supposed to be enjoying this, he screwed up his face into the closest thing to a smile he could manage. After a moment, he saw Sirius looking at him, clearly trying to hide his amusement. “Not to your tastes?” He leaned forward and lowered his voice as if he were telling Remus a secret, “it’s okay, I had him make you a coffee too.” He nodded his head in the direction of the bar, which did in fact have a grimey mug of coffee sitting on it. Remus went to get the cup, which gave Sirius the opportunity to move to a set of armchairs near the fire.
“Sorry, I just wanted to be more comfortable, we can move if you want to…” Remus smiled at the effort Sirius was clearly making, “No, here is great. Thank you for the coffee”, Remus gave him a self-deprecating smile before sitting down in the chair closest to the fire.
They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, Remus would occasionally look up and catch Sirius looking at him, making him blush a deeper red after every glance. After about the fifth time, Remus decided he couldn’t take it anymore. “Not to be rude, but is there a reason you’ve invited me here? We’ve known each other for almost a year and you’ve maybe said a total of twenty words to me.” Remus let out a puff of air, he had said more than he had planned to, and was now incredibly nervous that he had fucked it all up.
“I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have sprung this on you… I just, I just saw you last night, really saw you, and I think I finally realized that I was wasting my time with the others…” Remus couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing, Sirius Black wants to know me? What does he mean he saw me? Please, if there is a God, make sure he didn’t see me staring at him all night.
“Oh, and I saw the way you looked at me, so don’t bother telling me this is one sided.” Fuck fuck fuck fuck, please say he didn’t see- “you know, it’s generally a dead giveaway when someone decides they suddenly need to carry a pillow around>” Sirius winked at him as he finished ending any sense of dignity Remus may have had.
“I, I um…. Fuck… I’m so sorry, I, I promise I’ll never speak to you again… You’ll never have to see me. I’m so sorry….” Remus made to get up, but Sirius had grabbed his hand, “No, I don’t want to never see you again… I, I want to see you all the time… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said it like that… I’ve just never seen someone look at me like that, and I had to talk to you” Remus’ heartbeat had slowed substantially, but he couldn’t quite process what Sirius was saying, “You, you saw me…” Remus flushed, gesturing at his crotch, “and your reaction was to ask me out for drinks? On a Sunday morning?” Remus was somewhere between complete confusion and terror, he didn’t notice Sirius had moved closer until he felt breath on the side of his ear, “…it was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen” His terror had shifted towards something else please no, please say I’m not getting hard right now. Sirius chuckled, still right by Remus’ ear, “How about we take this back to yours? I wouldn’t want James walking in on us…” Remus tuned out the rest of his sentence, only slightly coming back when he felt a tug on his hand.