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Apollo stared at his boyfriend in all his short glory.
Hermes drooled as he slept.
Okay, maybe he wasn’t the most graceful, maybe he wasn’t the most beautiful, maybe he wasn’t the most anything really, but Apollo loved him.
Apollo wanted to do something for him.
Speaking of which...
- - - - - - -
“Artemis.”
Her silver eyes faced the floor.
“Artemis?”
She began to braid the dark brown hair of her current appearance.
“Artemis, the best twin sister I could ever ask for, could you please look at me when I talk to you?” Apollo asked with the best pouty face he could muster.
The silver eyes met his own blue ones as she grinned wildly. “Why of course, seeing as you called me the best twin sister you could ever ask for. You’re not taking that compliment back, not a chance.” She kicked him lightly on the shins.
Apollo nodded seriously, before something shiny caught his eye. “Artemis...” He let his expression change to a puppy face, all cuteness and rainbows. “Can I have that skirt?”
“What?”
He pointed at a shimmering dark blue skirt, made out of something like satin. Or silk. Apollo didn’t care much for fabric materials as long as they looked good. That was when he cared. “Could I have that skirt? Please?”
“You’re a god, you can make your own,” Artemis huffed. Seeing Apollo’s wide eyes, she flung it in his direction, saying, “Fine, fine. You can have it.” Artemis frowned. “That wasn’t what you came in to ask, was it?”
Apollo blinked. “No.” He didn’t want to admit it, but he may have, ah, forgotten what he had come to talk about.
“What a pity, you seem to have forgotten.” Damn it, Artemis was as sharp as ever. She’d probably have to take over his role as the god of truth sometime. “Well, since you’re here, I reckon we should throw in a solar eclipse soon.”
“A solar eclipse?”
“Yeah, for the mortals. You know, the thing where you get to take a break and park your chariot while I do the whole glowing thing?”
“Have - have we done your one yet? The moon one?”
“Lunar eclipse?” Artemis chewed her lip in thought. “Eh, you owe me one.”
Holding the skirt in one hand, Apollo grinned. “Okay! Tell me when you want me to take a break! The loony eclair thing that’s yours.” He skipped away through the door of Artemis’ apartment on Mount Olympus.
“LUNAR ECLIPSE, IDIOT BROTHER!” she yelled after him.
- - - - - - -
Apollo checked his calendar. He had one nice day free on Sunday, free from social calls with naiads and nymphs. It was a well-deserved break after that annoying meeting with Zeus scheduled on Saturday.
Gods, how he wanted to slap that thunder-boy in the face.
So, hmm...why not? He could be completely free on Sunday, which would leave him with more time to do other things!
Like hang out with his boyfriend!
Grinning, Apollo twirled around in front of the mirror, marvelling at the sight of himself in the shimmering blue skirt.
Hermes definitely had a hotter boyfriend than he did.
- - - - - - -
Aphrodite kicked her legs as she attempted to hold in a squeal, her perfectly manicured hand covering her mouth. “Really, Apollo? You’re going to? Oh my gods, I have the perfect idea! All we need to do is dress you up in an adorable three-piece suit, and - I have the best ensemble for you, Apollo!”
He waved his hand. “No, but thank you. I have my fashion all sorted out.” Apollo hated it when Aphrodite messed up his style.
“Any time! I’m happy to offer you simply the best makeup services, and I have such a wide collection of fabrics you can choose from!” Apollo wondered what Aphrodite was trying to gain. “Well, what about a romantic dinner? Rose petals! Candles! The beautiful scent of melting wax, vanilla wafting into your nose...” Aphrodite blinked. “I got off track. What about a three-course meal at one of the wood nymphs’ best restaurants?”
The last time Apollo went to a wood nymphs’ restaurant, he vomited his insides out because they accidentally served him some berries that the stomach of his not-godly form just couldn’t handle. He’d rather not repeat that experience again. “Um, no, I was thinking maybe a mortal restaurant? I think that’s more Hermes’ style.”
“Ah, simple yet classy, I got you.” A brochure manifested in her left hand, pink fingernails tapping against the waxy paper. “Here I have simply the finest selection of mortal restaurants in the world - I’m sure there’ll be something that fits you and Hermes.”
“Uh, thank you very much, Aphrodite.” Apollo stood up, lifting his arm off the gilded gold armrest. If he were to be perfectly honest, he loved the chair. He wanted it. But Apollo refused to acknowledge Aphrodite’s taste.
“No problems!” Then, in a whisper, she added, “I’m sure Ares will give you more tips. He’s such a dear.”
- - - - - - -
Ares was busy yelling at dead, mangled bodies and chopping them with an axe to notice Apollo enter his apartment. Blood spurted onto his clothing with each blow. Ares had such a cliché style, it was boring.
“Ares.”
He turned to glare at him. “Waddya want?”
“Aphrodite asked me to get some advice from you.”
Ares’ expression softened at the mention of Aphrodite. “She send ya here wearing that skirt? What a fashion statement that is, I must say.”
“No, I chose the skirt.” Ares’ expression turned to one of approval. Apollo didn’t know whether that was a good thing or a bad thing. “She told me you could point me to some good restaurants.”
“Lookin’ for some’ing gourmet?” He grinned, blood dripping off his axe as he hoisted it over his shoulder. “Why, there’s nothin’ better then the Bloody Hog down the street. In fact, it’s probably ya best bet for anythin’ really - classy or casual, it’s my go to, I’ll give ya that.”
Apollo nodded, slightly afraid. “What do they serve?”
“Ah, ya know, the usual,” Ares said, waving his hand. “Bloody steak, barbeque ribs, they’ve got a real nice bloody gravy - delicious.”
Bloody gravy. Of course it was bloody. In fact, Apollo didn’t even know why he had asked. Ares was an idiot - any good suggestions weren’t going to come out of his mouth any time soon, not unless he was possessed. A possessed Ares would be scary though. Apollo was still rather fond of his limbs. “I’ll, uh, consider it. Thank you!”
Ares flipped him a lazy salute. “Anytime!”
- - - - - - -
Apollo was scared.
Like, really scared.
He knew he shouldn’t be, but when steel-grey eyes were boring into you, well, Apollo figured you had the right to be scared.
Not that Athena was trying to be particularly scary.
She just was.
Then, she brightened, a smile growing on her face. “Apollo, coming to me for relationship advice? Something I’d never think would occur, and I’m the goddess of wisdom!”
Under his breath, Apollo muttered, “Arrogant much?”
“Anyways, hmm...” She twirled the blue yarn around her finger. Apollo eyed the bright blue scarf-in-progress with interest. Maybe he could make an entire ensemble out of the clothes he had taken from the other Olympians. Leaning forward, Athena whispered conspiratorially, “Many mortals would die to get advice from me, the goddess of wisdom. Of course, I’m happy to give it to you, dear brother.”
Apollo decided it was best not to raise the fact that he was the god of knowledge.
“What about a three-star Michelin in the very heart of Paris? I can arrange bookings, but I predict that dear Hermes would prefer something illegal - oh my gosh, there’s this fabulous, trendy restaurant in the most modern parts of Tokyo!” Athena giggled. “Or would a smaller establishment be more to your taste? Say, a café in the rural areas of Sydney?”
Apollo didn’t know. That was why he was here, with Athena. None of them had quite the right feel to them. Too formal, too modern, too cliché...
“How about I send you a list? As the goddess of wisdom, I simply can’t pass up this opportunity to bestow advice upon another god.”
“Uh, sure.” Apollo was feeling a bit awkward with his sister’s constant mention of the domain she ruled over. “By any chance, could I have that scarf when you’re done with it?”
- - - - - - -
Hephaestus burst into flames.
He just did.
One moment, he was most definitely normal and not ablaze, and the next, there were orange tongues of fire licking at the air all over his head.
Apollo found the look quite intimidating.
Next time he wanted anything out of a mortal, Apollo noted, he would be sure to try this aesthetic.
“Really?!” Hephaestus exclaimed, excited. “Like - really?! You’re - you’re gonna plan a surprise date for Hermes!” He grinned like a fool. “That’s super-duper awesome!”
Apollo nodded. That’s the exact reason he was planning to do that. “Thank you.”
“Do you want a light fixture? A new bathroom? New kitchen-ware?” Suddenly, he shook his head. “No, you wouldn’t want that. What about a new set of armour? Maybe a new sword? I could make you a new quiver!”
“Sorry, Hephaestus, but I was just looking for restaurant suggestions.” Apollo felt a bit guilty. He didn’t want to just kill Hephaestus’ happiness.
As expected, the other god’s face fell slightly. “Oh.” He looked down sheepishly. “I’m not really good in that department, as you can probably tell...”
Apollo was feeling really bad now. “No, no! Hephaestus, I’m so sorry! You can make a sword for me if you want.” He scratched the back of his head. “I’m kind of in need of a new weapon or two...”
Hephaestus had already begun sniffling, his eyes filling with tears. “It’s just - I didn’t realise - I’m sorry - nobody wants my stuff anymore - ”
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Apollo said, rubbing his brother’s back soothingly. “I want your stuff. I love your stuff. It’s just that this time I wasn’t asking for the stuff, but I’m always happy to accept the stuff if you want to make me the stuff.” He cringed inwardly for the amount of times he had used the word ‘stuff’. It was embarrassing. Apollo did not possess a very weapon-extensive vocabulary.
“Really? You’ll take my stuff?” Hephaestus wiped his nose on a handkerchief. “Thank you Apollo!”
Apollo smiled in return. He really liked Hephaestus’ stuff, but this time he had come seeking date advice. He hadn’t expected to conduct a therapy session.
- - - - - - -
Dionysus chugged down an entire bottle of Diet Coke before setting the bottle down on the table with a satisfied ‘ahh’.
Apollo preferred it when Dionysus drank wine.
“I know some awesome bars around these parts...they sell so many different ciders, all the best wines...the Black Horse sells the best lager, I remember when the owner asked me for beer recommendations...” His eyes turned misty as he remembered his alcohol-drinking days.
“Any particular bar you’d recommend?”
“Well, as I said, the Black Horse offers only the finest selection of beers...but Welltonhouse has this fine chardonnay that I simply cannot turn down...have you heard of the Pink Pig? They only sell wines from the Barossa Valley, in Australia, but boy are they amazing. Oh my gods, Drink o’Clock offers this amazing pear cider...”
Apollo coughed, startling Dionysus. “Which one is the best?”
“The best?” He rubbed his chin. “I haven’t been to these places in a while, but if I had to...the Masked Mariner is probably your best bet for Hermes. He’ll probably like the food and drink over there.” Absent-mindedly, Dionysus popped a strawberry into his mouth.
Apollo summoned a bowl of whipped cream and began dipping the strawberries into the cream. Strawberries and cream was one of the most heavenly combinations in the world, and Apollo was ready to fight anyone who said otherwise. “The Masked Mariner? Where in the world is that?”
“Hmm...I think Texas? Oh no, I’m thinking Blue’s place...it must be in Berlin! Wait, wait...” Dionysus stared at the strawberries. “It’s in English, so it must be...Adelaide, that’s it! It’s in Adelaide!” He looked up at Apollo ruefully. “I forgot where exactly though.”
Adelaide. Apollo didn’t know if Hermes liked Adelaide or not. Either way, he was grateful for the first viable option that he had been offered. “Thanks pal!”
Dionysus didn’t respond. He was too busy lusting for one glass of champagne.
- - - - - - -
Zeus, the old thunder-boy himself, raised his eyebrows. “You’re asking me? In a serious meeting? Now?”
Apollo nodded.
“To think this day would come...I’m proud of you son, I really am.” Zeus smiled sadly. “During the years when Hera and I were on better terms, I took her to this lovely place in Greece...it was so classic...”
Apollo figured that the place had already been bulldozed so the land could be developed into apartments or something. Out of politeness, he asked, “What was its name?”
Zeus frowned. “I don’t remember clearly. Olive...Olive Branch...no...Olive Leaf? The Olive? Tree le Olive?” He tilted his head towards the ceiling in defeat. “This old man’s losing it.”
If he were to be honest, Apollo reckoned Zeus had lost it ages ago. “Thank you for trying, father.”
“No problem. Always happy to help a kid of mine.”
Apollo didn’t say anything more. He didn’t dare.
Although inside, he really wanted to punch Zeus in the face, kick his shins, and rip that stupid beard off.
Beards were so out of fashion.
- - - - - - -
On the morning of the solar eclipse, Apollo woke to his apartment being flooded with presents. A silver tiara from Artemis, a makeup kit from Aphrodite, a bloody hog’s head from Ares, a bright blue scarf from Athena, two katanas from Hephaestus, two bottles of sauvignon blanc from Dionysus - Zeus must’ve allowed him - speaking of which, a three-piece suit from Zeus.
It was charcoal grey and sky blue - symbolic of Zeus, of course, the narcissistic airhead. Not that Apollo particularly cared about Zeus’ gifts anyways. His father was a complete douchebag. The suit was hideous anyways.
Apollo burnt it.
But the other gifts, he appreciated. Carefully, Apollo placed the wine in the fridge, the tiara on the bookshelf, the hog’s head - it was dripping with blood, so Apollo cauterized it before carefully placing it in a cardboard box to be incinerated, the katanas on his bed, the makeup kit next to the katanas, and the scarf around his neck.
The hog’s head was bloody, and it would be hard to wash out of the carpet, but Apollo appreciated the sentiment, he really did. Ares didn’t often show acts of kindness.
Apollo practised his most winning smile in front of the mirror.
He really did look beautiful.
Now, it was time to show Hermes how beautiful he was.
- - - - - - -
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: HEEEEEEERMEEEEEEES
TheAnnoyingBoyfriend💥: yeah
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: U free rn?
TheAnnoyingBoyfriend💥: maybe
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: Please be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: Hermes
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: Respond
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: REPLY TO MEEEEEEE
TheAnnoyingBoyfriend💥: I have a job u know and I’m pretty sure u do 2
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: AHA
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: THAT’S WHERE YOU’RE WRONG
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: I’M FREE TODAY
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: SUCK ON THAT
TheAnnoyingBoyfriend💥: ...
TheAnnoyingBoyfriend💥: I thought u were trying 2 c whether I was free
TheAnnoyingBoyfriend💥: fyi I am almost free
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: AWESOME COME TO MY APARTMENT WHEN UR DONE
TheAnnoyingBoyfriend💥: done?
TheAnnoyingBoyfriend💥: I am done
TheAnnoyingBoyfriend💥: I just don’t wanna deal with u
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: Oi!!! ( ˘︹˘ )
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: I am amazing and u know it
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: Hurry up or I’ll skewer u with an arrow
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: Hermes
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: Hermes?
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: HERMES
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: TALK TO MEEEEEEE I AM NEEDY
TheAnnoyingBoyfriend💥: ik now shut up then I can finish sending this message
TheAnnoyingBoyfriend💥: Then I can come 2 ur apartment or whatevs
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: Y r u so moody today (╥﹏╥)
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: did u not get ur beauty sleep?
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: come over then we can have some fun
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: I have a surprise for u
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: oh wait shoot I shouldn’t have said that
TheAnnoyingBoyfriend💥: A surprise?
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: forget I said anything
TheAnnoyingBoyfriend💥: U have a surprise 4 me?
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: no no no no no no no
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: u do not remember anything
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: that message does not exist
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: asdfghjkl
TheAnnoyingBoyfriend💥: U have a surprise 4 me.
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: I MESSED UP
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: SHOOT
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: ERASE IT FROM YOUR MEMORY
✨Sparkly~and~Awesome✨: THERE IS NO SURPRISE
TheAnnoyingBoyfriend💥: ...there is a surprise.
✨ Sparkly~and~Awesome ✨ has left the chat
- - - - - - -
There was a knock on the door.
Apollo threw the dark green crotchet pillow he was making onto the floor and snatched a strip of white fabric from the table beside him, before running as quietly as possible to hide behind the door.
The knocking continued.
“Hermes!” he called from the kitchen - Apollo could’ve made a separate self, but he decided to use ventriloquy instead. “You have a key, you know.”
“A key?” came Hermes’ muffled voice from outside.
“I gave you a key, remember! You have access to my apartment!”
“Ah, yes. I forgot.” There was the sound of hands rummaging threw pockets, and the tinkling of metal. “Got it!”
“Now unlock the door.”
“I know how locks work. That’s why I can pick them.” There was the click of the door being unlocked. Apollo tensed in his hiding spot. The door opened, giving him a glimpse of Hermes’ well-worn sneakers, then his jeans. “So, Apollo, what - ”
Apollo pounced.
He jumped onto his shorter boyfriend, straddling his back with his legs, sending Hermes off balance. While Hermes scrambled for a handhold, his arms waving wildly, Apollo quickly covered his eyes with the strip of white fabric, turning it into a blindfold. Soon, his boyfriend was a writing heap on the floor, his hands pinned down by Apollo’s own.
“You traitor!” Hermes yelled, thrashing under Apollo.
“I did accidentally say that I had a surprise.” He grinned mischievously, slightly miffed that Hermes wasn’t able to see.
“Why would I expect this to be the surprise?” He wiggled, trying to shift Apollo’s weight off him. “Get it off! I don’t like being blind!”
“Well, this isn’t the whole surprise...”
“Mean!” Hermes stopped moving. “Not the whole surprise?” He groaned. “Please don’t tell me you’re going to cover me in glitter or something.”
Apollo blinked. “You know what? That’s a good idea.”
“NO WAIT - ”
It was too late.
Apollo had already gotten the glitter.
Then, he teleported the two of them away from Apollo’s apartment.
- - - - - - -
“Where are we?”
“I can’t tell you,” Apollo grumbled.
“Where are we?”
“I can’t tell you, that’s the point of a surprise!”
“Where are we?”
“Shut up, we’re almost there!”
Apollo had teleported them behind a tree, just in case the Mist couldn’t conceal two randomly appearing gods. He guided Hermes out of the shade and into a carpark - good, they were Apollo had intended them to be.
The place Apollo reckoned was the most suited to Hermes’ style.
“You know, I got some real weird suggestions from our fellow Olympians. You should be glad I took you here instead of the Bloody Hog or whatever,” Apollo whispered in his boyfriend’s ear.
“You asked for advice from Ares?!” Hermes began writhing in Apollo’s grasp again. “Where in Tartarus are we?! TELL ME!!!”
Apollo sighed, relaxing his grip. “I suppose I could let you take off the blindfold...”
Hermes seized the chance, ripping off the white fabric, settling into a fight or flight stance, alert and ready.
He looked around.
Blinked.
Turned to Apollo.
Blinked again.
Then, in the most confused, incredulous voice, he exclaimed, “McDonald’s?!”
Apollo grinned, pointing to the curved, golden arches that was the McDonald’s sign. “McDonald’s it is.”
Hermes relaxed. “I mean, it’s better than the Bloody Hog and that sailor place Dionysus loves...” He blushed slightly. “And I do love a good Happy Meal.”
“I knew it!” Apollo shouted, emphasising his point with finger guns. “Your boyfriend knows you the best!”
Smiling Hermes leaned into Apollo’s side. “Is this a date?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Since it’s a date, can I get a kiss?”
“A kiss?” Apollo smiled. “Hermes, you can get a kiss anytime you like, sweetie.”
“Don’t call me sweetie,” he grumbled.
“Hermes, you can get a kiss anytime you like, honey.”
To shut him up, Hermes launched himself straight into Apollo’s face, glaring all the while, but his mouth saying otherwise.
And there they kissed, enjoying the moments that passed, enjoying the feeling of being in each other’s arms, the sky dark around them as the solar eclipse began, the glowing corona above them, all the while under the romantic light of the golden, glowing McDonald’s arches.