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The cold was intense that morning, but even so he decided to leave the apartment he had been holed up in for weeks to have lunch at the small coffee shop at the end of the street. The wind made his cheeks constantly red and he felt the tip of his nose as cold as the water in the river below him. Geonhak stood for a few moments on the wood bridge, watching the water that barely moved, and then raised his head to look at the sky, which was gray as his thoughts.
He rested his hands on the cold wood, gripping it tightly and then sighed, watching the white smoke seep from his dry lips. It’s been about five weeks since he quit his old job, but his life had been a tangle of cold gray days long before that. Actually, he believed that the highlight of the past few years had been seeing the shocked look on his ex-boss’ face when he handed in his resignation letter. That look had served as a reward, albeit a small one, for all the shit the man had done to him and for all the excuses he’d made for the co-workers who stole Geonhak’s designs.
However, a month had passed and, after spending a week just relaxing and playing his favorite online game, Geonhak started to rely on freelancing, since his former boss said that no advertising company in Seoul would ever hire him, or any company at all, because he was not good enough and he had been lucky to be hired by them three years ago.
Geonhak took a deep breath and closed his eyes, his treacherous mind going over those words over and over again, along with all the bad memories that haunted him. He had absorbed those words so much that he hadn’t even tried to look for another company. He knew he couldn't go on like this forever, but doubt and fear always won the battle. His heart felt like it weighed tons inside chest and each beat was painful. That feeling was like diving into a very deep, dark and cold sea.
Before he could sink deeper into those memories, an energetic and melodious voice brought him out of that limbo that his thoughts had turned into:
“Excuse me, can you tell me where Dalbit Cafe is?”
When Geonhak opened his eyes, he was surprised by the man who stood next to him, staring at him with dark eyes behind thin, round-rimmed glasses. His cheeks were very red, probably from the cold, and his pink lips, curved in a simple smile, were almost hidden by the big yellow scarf that he wore.
It took Geonhak a few seconds to take in those words, after all, he didn't understand why the boy asked that question precisely to him, since there were other people crossing that same bridge. But he knew Dalbit Cafe very well and, besides, it was his lunch destination.
“It is there at the end of the street. If you don’t look closely you may miss the entrance since it is very small and, depending on the season, it can be hidden by the flowers of the flower shop next door. “ He replied at last. “I’m going there, you can come with me if you want.”
Geonhak wasn't a very sociable person, so he didn't know exactly why he said those words, but there was something about that man — the cheerful voice, the very bright dark eyes or maybe the different choice of colors for the scarf — that made it easy to offer him help, even if he didn't know his name.
“Oh, thank you so much!” the man smiled, a smile that, probably because of all that yellow wool surrounding him, reminded Geonhak a lot of a little ray of sunshine.
A ray of sunshine he hadn’t seen in a long time in his countless cold gray days.
Geonhak smiled back, although very timidly, let go of the wood he hadn’t realized he was still holding and then motioned his head forward, walking slowly until the other started to follow him. It took no more than five minutes to get to the coffee shop, the whole journey made in a silence that wasn’t uncomfortable.
“I would’ve never found it if it weren't for you.” The man said when Geonhak opened the door and they walked into the warm coffee shop. “Thank you, really, my co-worker wanted something specifically from here, but he didn’t even bother to explain how to get here.”
“No problem, now you will always know how to find it.”
The man smiled again and inclined his head before going to the cashier to place his order. Geonhak went upstairs and, while waiting for the food, he couldn’t help but think about that happy stranger and how that small encounter had been a pleasant difference after so much time alone.
When the waitress brought his order — chicken sandwich and a mug of coffee —, a small note came with it.
“It’s from the guy with the beautiful smile and the yellow scarf” He smiled and thanked her, taking the note from the tray and being surprised by the words that were written in it.
“I hope that, just as I found the coffee shop, you will find the answers for the questions that tormented you on that bridge. Thanks for helping me.”
A pleasant warmth spread over his chest. He didn’t expect that strange encounter when he left the house for lunch, but he was very grateful for it and for those words, so different from those that did not leave his mind for so long.
Geonhak put the note in his pocket and looked at the glass window beside him. In the middle of the gray clouds and all the snow that had started to fall again, he saw a ray of sunlight, making him smile and his chest tingled with a feeling of lightness that he hadn’t felt in a long time.
~~~~
This seemed to be an unusual week, since the day after meeting the ‘stranger with the yellow scarf’ — as he named him —, he received a call from an old friend he had met in college and whom he hadn’t seen for a long time. Kim Youngjo was one of the best people Geonhak had ever known in his life, and even though they had spent so much time away from each other, he was very happy with the call.
Until Youngjo said that the company he was working at, a small advertising startup not far from where Geonhak lived, was hiring and the first person he had thought of was him.
“I was surprised when I saw in your profile that you were no longer in that company.”
Geonhak's long fingers almost dropped the phone after those words, but he took a deep breath and told what happened and why he resigned. Youngjo just said that he made the right choice and that he should, at least, take a chance and talk with the owners of the startup.
“You won’t know until you try”
Geonhak laughed lightly, as he remembered saying those exact words to his friend years ago at one of the college parties they went to together, but the context was totally different.
Eventually, he accepted the offer and a few minutes after they hung up Youngjo texted him an address and a time for the meeting. He was scared to death, the words of depreciation, along with the memories of every time he had his work stolen, hovering over his shoulders like a ghost.
But he couldn't go on living this way forever.
He had to start trying.
~~~~
Geonhak didn’t have any expectations when he first walked into the building that Youngjo had mentioned. He had hopes, of course, but deep down he couldn't believe that he could be hired. He was just doing this because he had a great fondness for Youngjo and everything they got through together.
He definitely didn’t expect to leave that meeting with a contract in hand.
“Youngjo told us incredible things about you, Geonhak.”
“We had to ask him to stop talking, because it seemed that the list of qualities was endless.”
“And we are happy to realize that everything he said is true.”
He also didn’t expect to be so well received by the team that he would join from that day on. He didn't expect Youngjo’ tight hug, Dongju’s wide smile and Keonhee’s excited handshake. He didn’t expect the gentle pat on his back from Hwanwoong and, the most unexpected of all, he didn't expect the timid bow from the ’stranger with the yellow scarf’ — which he now knew was called Seoho.
“We are looking forward to working with you, Geonhak-ssi”
~~~~
In the team, Geonhak realized after a few weeks working with them, it seemed that each one had a personal role in addition to the professional one.
Keonhee was the one who always remembered that they needed to eat. Every time they spent the night in the office, he ordered something from one of the delivery apps and made sure that everyone had eaten at least a little.
“How are you going to have energy to finish this one time if you don't eat anything, hyung?
Seoho was the one who always tried to cheer everyone up when the atmosphere was too heavy — which happened when the deadline was too close and they were late, or when the customer changed their mind at the very last minute. Seoho always had jokes, although of very dubious quality, that elicited one or two laughs — sometimes six — that helped relieve the tension.
“Do you know the name of the son of a Worgen and a Gnome?”
“Nobody plays World of Warcraft besides you, hyung…”
“A microworgenism, hehe. And Geonhak also plays WoW, ok, I’m not the only one.”
Youngjo still was the support of the group. The eldest always knew when something wasn’t going very well or when someone needed to talk — and he was always all ears.
“You know you can count on me, right, Geonhak? And say if something is wrong. You are not alone anymore.”
Dongju always had the right advice at the tip of his tongue, he knew how to read the others so easily and always found out about what was going on — sometimes even before the people involved, such as in the case of Youngjo and Hwanwoong, that they both liked each other but took an eternity to accept that.
“You should listen to your heart sometimes, it can give you answers that your mind can’t.”
Hwanwoong was the group’s planner, whether at work or to schedule anything together. He was the one who always kept an eye on deadlines, didn't let them forget anything and, although he seemed a little angry and very demanding sometimes, he was always the first to praise the team and the good work they did.
“It looks like you were the missing piece to finish our puzzle, Geonhak-hyung. Our job got so much easier and better after you joined us.”
When he heard those words for the first time, Geonhak had a hard time accepting it because of everything he had been through at his former job. He didn't expect a job as good as that, didn't expect a team that worked so well together — even in times of stress.
However, as time went on, he started to believe in Hwanwoong’s words.
~~~~
He didn’t expect that, in addition to a job, he would also get friends. He didn’t expect to find his place — not only professionally, but in his personal life too —, but perhaps he did. Geonhak didn’t think he would be able to trust other people after everything that happened. He didn’t expect all that gray to vanish and be replaced by a mix of incredible colours that made his heart rejoice. He didn’t expect personal conversations over lunch, Friday’s dinner at the restaurant that has become their favorite, or meetings on some weekends, when they would go to one of their apartments, almost always Youngjo’s, for what Dongju called “let’s get drunk, but in a fancy way” .
Fancy because Youngjo always insisted on bottles of wine that cost more than Geonhak had the courage to spend.
In these get-togethers, there were some moments, especially when he just got into the company, when he felt a little out of place. And in these moments he would go to the balcony to breathe and put his feelings in place. That night had been no different, and when the group started talking about memories of a time Geonhak was not among them, he quietly withdrew and went to the small balcony of Dongju’s apartment, feeling the cool spring wind in his face.
While watching the moon, which was bright and full, Geonhak found himself thinking about all the changes his life had undergone. He thought about how it all turned out well, how those bad words no longer haunted him, how he was able to work smoothly, trusting that his work would be appreciated and not stolen. He thought about how he had learned so many things, always in the best way.
He thought about how happy he was.
“Geonhak-ah” Seoho’s voice, once again, took him out of his thoughts. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“Why do you always end up disappearing and being alone when we all get together like this?”
The question surprised him slightly, since he knew that they noticed when he did this but no one had ever asked why. Youngjo knew that, if there was something bad, Geonhak would tell him, because now he was more open about things that bothered him, so he didn't ask.
But Seoho has always been the most curious out of them.
“I spent so much time alone and without being able to trust people that, when I joined the company and the team, it was all very strange… very…”
"Overwhelming? We can be quite a group sometimes.”
The two laughed before Geonhak continued.
“Yes and no. It was a very different atmosphere than what I was used to, and I didn’t want to end up ruining the mood by saying something wrong with my sad vibes.”
“But it’s been months, you seem more open and happy, but you still keep doing this.”
“I think it's become a habit.” He laughed lightly. “Sometimes it is hard to believe that my life has changed from what it was to that” when saying the last word, he pointed to the others, who were happily discussing the series they were watching. “After so much disappointment, I didn’t think I would find something like that.”
“I understand that feeling.” Seoho said, leaning on the balcony.
They spent a few moments in silence, just enjoying each other’s company. Being with Seoho had never been difficult, even in the first moments, even when everything seemed overwhelming. Like a ray of sunlight on a cold morning, the presence of the older had always been welcomed by Geonhak, which surprised him since that first day they met on the bridge.
“Seoho, that day on the bridge, how did you know I was going through something?” He asked. This was a question that always came back to make him curious, but he never had the courage to ask it out loud.
"The look in your eyes."
Geonhak looked at the older man with doubt in his dark eyes.
"You had a look that I have seen in the faces of many people I know, people who were going through something." He continued: "I’ve also seen that look in my own reflection in the mirror, so, just as someone told me something I needed to hear, I thought I could do the same to you."
Geonhak didn't expect to hear those words, but they touched him and he smiled.
"Thanks."
"You can carry my mage on a 15+ key as a thank you later." Seoho provoked.
"The mage you just got level 60?" Geonhak asked and Seoho nodded. "Hey, don't you think this is too much as a thank you?"
The tone of his voice was serious, but two seconds later he burst out laughing and was soon followed by the eldest.
"No, I think not ."
~~~~
Being with Seoho had never been difficult, so it was no surprise when they got even closer. At first Geonhak thought he needed to justify that proximity, perhaps with the fact that they worked directly together — being the two designers of the team —, maybe because they have similar tastes and played together almost every night. Maybe because they sat side by side or even because they always had lunch together when the rest of the team wanted to go to that restaurant that neither of them liked.
Until a conversation with Dongju, when he realized that there was no need to justify himself. He liked being close to Seoho, sharing things with him.
“The important thing is, are you happy?”
He paused for a few moments, reflecting on that question. For a long time he didn't even remember what the word happiness meant, but now, five months after he first entered that building, Geonhak could say that yes, he was very happy. Happy with his work, with the friends he now had, and with the apartment that seemed happier now that he had people to welcome there. Glad to have Dongju's company for walks on weekend mornings, to have Hwanwoong inviting him over to visit a friend's dance studio. Happy to be with Youngjo again and to revisit good memories together, for Keonhee teaching him how to cook the basics for a human being to live. And then there was that happiness that seemed a little bigger than the others, no matter how much he tried to deny it: happiness for all the time he spent with Seoho — at work, lunch, game nights, in random cell phone conversations at the end of weekends. The happiness of going together to a game fair that was in Seoul, for sharing theories about the next expansion or next patch of World of Warcraft.
Geonhak found happiness even in Seoho's endless teasing, which usually happened when he started to close himself off in his bubble, and in the small discussions about who would play support in that round of League of Legends.
Seoho was like the sun — especially when he grinned and his eyes closed so much they almost disappeared —, and Geonhak was never sad near all the warmth that he emanated.
“Dongju-ah, I... “ He smiled, remembering the discussion from the night before, about how Ziggs was a mage and it made no sense to use him instead of an ad carry in the bot lane. “I'm very happy.“
Geonhak did not expect it, but yes, he was very, very happy.
“So you don't have to worry or justify yourself, your happiness is what matters to us.” Geonhak smiled even more after those words, his heart beating happily in his chest for everything he had achieved. “Now ... you’ve owed me coffee for a long time, huh?”
“Come on, let's take a break and go to the coffee shop.” He laughed at Dongju's excited reaction and, before leaving through the glass doors of the shared office, he took one last look at Seoho — who was focused on his work — and felt his heart beating a little faster and taking more blood than necessary to his cheeks.
~~~~
One thing that Geonhak also didn’t expect was to fall in love.
Perhaps the signs had always been there, since the beginning, but he had ignored them all. Perhaps every little interaction contributed to that feeling that was growing in his chest. Maybe it happened overnight — which he doubted, but Geonhak had never been in love before, so how would he know?
All he knew was that he started to get a little too anxious when they went out alone, especially to places that looked too much like somewhere you would take your loved one. He, who had never been a fan of physical contact, always longed for a touch, a brush of the hands, longer hugs and, every time he had Seoho’s fingers on his skin, for whatever reason, it seemed like that touch lasted longer than usual, like burning his skin and claiming something.
On the day Seoho straightened his tie before an important meeting with a prospective client, Geonhak almost felt his face explode from the heat. They were so close that he could see in detail Seoho’s dark lashes, his smooth skin and his lips that looked so soft because of the amount of lip balm he used.
That was the first day that Geonhak thought of what it would be like to kiss him.
After fixing the knot on his dark tie, Seoho still spent a few moments holding the dark fabric tightly and stared intensely at Geonhak, first in the eyes, and then his gaze trailed down to his pale lips. However, before anything else could happen, the others walked into the office, warning that the customers had just arrived and they needed to go up to the meeting room, causing Seoho to let go of Geonhak’s tie and sigh.
Geonhak was not sure how he was able to walk into the meeting room after that.
~~~~
Even with one of the designers with his brain not working properly after what happened before the meeting, the team managed to strike a deal with the client: a very prestigious and old flower shop in the neighborhood, which was the one that, sometimes, hid the entrance of Dalbit Cafe with the enormous quantity of flowers and plants. Then, after everything was signed and decided, the team spent the rest of the afternoon talking among themselves about strategies, possible designs and also how the meaning of each flower could help them in that campaign.
One of them in particular caught Geonhak’s attention: the yellow tulip.
“This one reminds me of Seoho.” He said to himself as he drew a tulip in his notebook. He thought he had said the words low enough that only he could hear, but apparently his brain stil hadn’t recovered.
“Hm? Seoho?” Dongju asked, eyes shining with cheekiness and a big smile on his face. “And why, hyung?”
Geonhak, after looking at each member of the team, couldn’t decide what was worse: the smiles, the whispering from Dongju to Hwanwoong or the surprised look in Seoho’s face. He swallowed hard and, before he could think of something to say, Youngjo took charge of the situation and said that they didn’t have much time for that campaign and they couldn't be distracted. Geonhak gave his best friend a grateful look and went back to drawing in his notebook, unable to take his eyes off the paper for the rest of the meeting.
When it came the time to leave the designer was the first one to do so, without much explanation and just saying “see you all tomorrow”. He walked home as fast as he could without running and, when he arrived safely in his apartment, he tossed his bag on the sofa and sat on the floor, taking a deep breath and running his hands through his dark hair.
He was completely in love, wasn’t he?
His phone started to buzz incessantly in his pocket, and when he took it out to check, there were a lot of messages in the group chat — mostly ideas they had after Geonhak left or how they really wanted to go to that restaurant with the best Malatang in the world. He rolled over, deciding to answer later, and when he was almost blocking the phone a notification from Seoho flashed on the screen.
Seoho: geonhak-ah
Geonhak: hm?
Seoho: what did you mean by "this one reminds me of Seoho" earlier today?
Geonhak almost dropped his phone after reading that message. His fingers were trembling and he didn’t know how to say that the beautiful meaning of the yellow tulip — sunshine in your smile — reminded him of Seoho because every time he smiled it was as if Geonhak was being bathed in rays of sunlight. Every time he laughed, Geonhak could feel a warmth surrounding him, like that comfortable warmth of a spring afternoon.
Geonhak didn’t know how to say that, to him, Seoho was literally the sun.
Geonhak: Leona
Seoho: ??????
Geonhak: isn’t Leona your favorite champion in LoL?
Seoho: yes? but what’s that gotta do with it?
Geonhak: solaris? everything related to the sun?
Seoho: really, Geonhak?
No, not really. Yellow tulips didn't remind him of Seoho because of his stupid favorite character in League of Legends.
Geonhak: do you want to play a match?
Seoho:…
Seoho:…
Seoho: yeah
Geonhak didn't expect Seoho to reciprocate his feelings other than the great friendship they had created, so it didn't make sense for him to confess exactly why yellow tulips reminded him of Seoho, right?
~~~~
Seoho tried to come back to the ‘yellow tulips’ matter a few days later, but Geonhak only deviated from the subject. He really thought about telling the truth, however, the fear of ruining what he had built with Seoho was so big that he ended up deciding to keep it all to himself. As much as his heart wanted him to tell Seoho how he felt, wanted the opportunity for more, his mind always got in the way and said that he wasn’t good enough and that it was clear that Seoho felt nothing for him besides friendship.
And, for Geonhak, Seoho’s friendship was more than enough.
He was happy.
Still, he always found himself thinking ‘what if’. Especially on days like this, when they were sitting together at Dalbit Cafe in the morning after an exhausting night at work, waiting for their doses of caffeine that would help both to handle the heavy day ahead. In these moments, Geonhak would like to reach his hand and intertwine his fingers with Seoho’s. He wanted to feel the warm skin of the older one against his, no matter how high the temperatures were with the end of the spring and beginning of summer. He wanted to caress Seoho’s fingers while looking at him with affection and talking about everything — or even nothing.
He wished he could get up, go to him and kiss him softly on the lips.
“Here it is.” The waitress said politely, placing the cups of coffee on their table. Before leaving, she also handed a small note to Geonhak, who was surprised and looked at Seoho before looking back at the waitress and taking the paper.
“Who?” He asked softly, but she had already bowed and walked away. He unfolded the paper quickly and the first thing he recognized was the handwriting, which made his heart start beating like crazy inside his chest.
“ Please tell me, how many pokeballs do I need to use to be able to capture your heart?”
Geonhak looked at Seoho and then at the paper. And he repeated this at least two more times. Then, all color disappeared from his face, because apparently his brain had stolen all the blood from his body to be able to process what was written. And by whom it was written.
And when he understood, he hadn’t any idea what to say.
Geonhak had hoped, but he didn’t expect Seoho to feel the same way as he did.
“H-hy-hyung.” He was not the type to stutter, so that was surprisingfor both of them.
“I got it all wrong, didn’t I?” Seoho mumbled, his eyes, those bright eyes that Geonhak liked so much, widening and shimmering in something that looked too much like sadness. “I’m sorry, Geonhak-ah… I don’t know what…”
Without finishing what he wanted to say, Seoho got up and hurriedly left the coffee shop, without even touching the cup in front of him. Geonhak, now with his brain completely alert and shouting warnings of ‘go after him’, left some money on the table and ran after him.
If it weren’t for all the training he had, he would probably be out of breath when he reached Seoho on the wooden bridge. The same bridge where they met months ago. That same bridge that had been a landmark in Geonhak’s life, as if his life could be divided between ‘before the bridge’ and ‘after the bridge.’
The same bridge where Geonhak saw that sunshine that was Seoho’s smile for the first time.
“Seoho.” He called, standing next to the older man, who was staring at the water below the bridge as if it was the most interesting thing in the universe. Realizing that he would not reply, Geonhak gathered all that courage that he had within him, hidden in the corners of his heart and mind, and reached for Seoho’s chin, making him turn to face Geonhak.
Seoho had red cheeks, perhaps from the running, and that same sad gleam in his eyes that Geonhak saw in the coffee shop.
“None.”
“What?” Seoho whispered and Geonhak got even closer.
“You don’t need any pokeball because my heart is already yours.”
Before Seoho could say anything, Geonhak brought his lips to Seoho’s. He’d already imagined a few times what it would be like to kiss him, but his imagination didn’t even come close to reality. When their lips touched, it was as if a supernova exploded inside Geonhak’s chest, as if all the heat from the sun was running through his veins. But, at the same time, it was as if he was diving into fresh water on a hot summer day, feeling his mind clear like never before.
Kissing Lee Seoho felt like one of the most certain things that Kim Geonhak had ever done.
At the end of the kiss, Seoho had such a beautiful smile on his face that it could light up the entire city on a dark day.
“Your smile.” Geonhak confessed.
“Hm?”
“Yellow tulips remind me of you because of your smile.” He continued. “When you smile, it’s like I’m seeing rays of sunlight everywhere.”
Seoho laughed and brought his hands to the nape of Geonhak’s neck, stroking the short hair, his dark eyes shining brightly, this time with happiness.
"Corny.”
“But you loved it.”
“Yes.” He placed a quick kiss on Geonhak’s lips. “I liked it very much.”
Then Seoho kissed him again and, before he closed his eyes, Geonhak could have sworn he saw the sun shine a little brighter on the horizon. He smiled in the middle of the kiss.
That was going to be a very warm summer.