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When Tony opened the door, the last thing he was expecting to see was Peter Parker gripping Loki’s arm and grinning a smile that said he already got what he wanted. Nope, not happening. That was Loki. Tony slammed the door shut.
“J, what time s’it?”
“8:30 in the morning, sir.”
Parker. He knew Tony was more likely to give in to dumb ideas if he was tired, and mornings were prime sleep deprivation time. Anything involving Loki would only end in disaster. Or an alien invasion. “Coffee. I need coffee.” Coffee meant energy meant no early morning concussions or broken ribs. He didn’t care how fast Peter healed. Coffee took three minutes.
Peter had Loki with him.
“Jarvis, get ready to deploy Reindeer Games’ countermeasures.”
Whiskey took an extra minute or so.
Tony opened the door again. This time Peter was sticking one hand to the wall and one to Loki’s back. Loki was trying and failing to walk away. They both froze when they heard the door. “Hi, Pete,” Tony muttered from behind his coffee mug.
“Mr. Stark!” Peter exclaimed. His hand flew from the wall, sending him crashing into Loki and knocking them both over.
“Get off, you oversized infant,” Loki growled. Tony watched with amusement as the two untangled themselves.
“Mr. Stark!” Peter dragged Loki up to the doorstep. Tony watched him warily. Thor said he was good, and Peter adored him, but Tony needed at least 3 character references to trust someone’s redemption arc, and Loki was one short.
Also he maybe still held a tiny bit of a grudge for that whole wormhole snafu.
Peter decided to start rambling. “You know how Harley’s dad wasn’t there and you sort of stepped in? And how my parents are dead and you helped me? And Nebula’s dad is Thanos and you love her.” Oh no.
“Well,” Peter drew the word out and made jazz hands at Loki. Oh, fuck no. But Peter had that face on, that stupid hopeful face, and Tony had to at least hear them out or that face would turn into his even worse disappointment face, and Tony would give in anyway. Peter elbowed him and whispered, “Tell him.”
“I tried to kill him, multiple times, why would—“
“Loki you gotta.” And Peter turned the puppy dog eyes on Loki. Oh, man. The Norse god of trickery and magic—an almost-all-powerful centuries-old demigod—couldn’t even resist Peter. He fought valiantly, but denying Peter when he had that face made you feel like you were kicking a puppy. Even Loki, it seemed, wouldn’t kick a puppy.
“I still don’t see—“
“Yes, I know, and we’re going to talk about that,” Peter cut in patiently, patting his shoulder. “Now tell him.”
Loki scowled at the coffee mug in Tony’s hands. “I’m adopted,” he bit. Peter nudged him and motioned for him to keep going. “Odin was—“ Loki cut off and looked away again. Oh, man. No, no no nonono. Tony was doing that thing where he was feeling.
Odin—literal, honest to god, actual mythological Odin—was a shitty dad. He could tell; Loki was acting too much like Tony did when he talked about his dad. Because they raised you, and objectively speaking you had a good enough childhood, and you can’t hate them, but assholes are assholes and they can’t help but leave marks on those around them.
“Just the parts you’re comfortable with,” Tony encouraged.
“Well, I did try to conquer your planet, and—“
“Odin locked them up in prison and didn’t even let them out to attend their mom’s funeral, and New York wasn’t even their fault! That mind stone brainwashing thing works on Asgardians too! And Thanos was behind everything and he used Loki and he hurt them a lot and then Odin hurt them worse and he even neglected them as a kid, and that’s not even starting to mention—“
“You two want to come in?” Tony asked, partially because Peter hadn’t taken a single breath through that whole rant and if he passed out, better it be where pillows and blankets are readily available, and partially because Loki was starting to look even more uncomfortable. Loki glanced at Peter, who was pouting a bit that he’d been interrupted, but it was necessary.
Stage one in the Tony Stark Guide To Accidentally Adopting Kids was to let them know you accepted them. So first thing Tony needed to do was subtly let Loki know he supported their pronouns and get them somewhere they’ll be comfortable. “I’m sure they wouldn’t mind sitting down, right, Loki?”
They glanced at him suspiciously. “I offered you a drink once,” Tony continued. Loki watched him through careful eyes like a hawk. “Offer still stands.” A few moments passed, and Tony got a nod. Yay, progress!
Peter beamed and started dragging Loki to the sofas. Tony waited until he was pretty sure they were out of earshot. “Jarvis?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Cancel everything I’ve got today. I’m gonna adopt that kid so hard.”