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Attention to details wasn’t really Rin’s forte, yet he always caught himself mulling over a new discovery, every time he came over.
It didn’t happen very often, but with swimming season coming to a finish and the approaching end of semester finals and university entrance exams alike, the four Iwatobi swimmers plus one honorary fifth member of the club found that group study sessions were the perfect balance between spending quality time together and keeping track of their responsibilities. And without meddling sisters, energetic younger siblings or distractions of any other kind, Rei’s apartment seemed like the ideal place for these meetings—and a small blessing for Rin, who made sure to casually arrive at least half an hour in advance. They didn’t really get to meet like this much otherwise, just the two of them.
Today had been no different, and the novelty to earn his attention this time was the four-cornered kotatsu set up in Rei’s room—or, more specifically, the surprising lack of vibrant colors or outrageous patterns on the blanket poured over the table. It was a simple, checkered dark blue fabric—and knowing Rei, he may have looked up color theory and what shades work best in creating a calming environment suitable for learning activities, but Rin was under the feeling this was the household kotatsu. Or maybe that was his daydreaming tendencies talking; there was something decidedly romantic about sharing warmth with the person you like, under the family kotatsu as though the Ryugazakis had welcomed him into their nest…
Mental slap. This was no time for his delusions! The others would arrive any minute now, and if they ever saw the kind of adoring look he shot at Rei when the other boy wasn’t paying attention—or worse, if Rei himself saw that—that would be it, end of the line for him. The idea that he had feelings for the guy he used to hate was still very new, very weird, and he wouldn’t know what to do with himself if the secret was out. He did at least think he was doing a good job about it, as the only other person who had figured it out was Sousuke, whose biggest comment on the matter had been little more than an offhanded remark of acknowledgement.
(He did once advise Rin to just tell him, and that he “shouldn’t cry in front of the Ryugazaki guy if he says no,” to which Rin kindly responded with a kick to the shin. He really questioned his choice in best friend, sometimes.)
With a shake of his head, Rin tried to train his eyes back on the textbook before him, but somehow that pair of rubies kept flickering over a little further, to the blue-haired teen across the table. He was gorgeous when he looked so serious, focused, and it was maybe the effect of their first real memory still taking its toll on him even after so long, but that was the expression he loved— no, liked, liked – most on Rei. It was a fated meeting that changed everything, the shooting star that guided him in the darkness, and Rin wondered if he could ever fully show him just how grateful he was for having him in his life, just how much he wished they could always be together…
“…-san? Rin-san?”
“Ah—” As it turned out, that distant voice calling out to him wasn’t just part of his delirious scenarios. Just how long had Rei been trying to get him to snap back to his senses? “Yeah?”
“Do you perhaps need a break? You almost looked as though you’d fallen asleep with your eyes open for a second…”
“No, I’m fine,” He needed a break from his stupid heart, that’s what. “I just saw you scrunching up your eyebrows there. You don’t want to get early wrinkles, do you?”
“O-of course not!” He flapped a hand about, as though that could erase the terribly harmful effects of prolonged frowning. Another minute for composure later, he added, much more quietly this time. “I just… Didn’t think you’d notice…”
The surprise wasn’t so much that Rin had detected that slight change in his rival-slash-friend-slash-crush’s behavior — he seemed to be developing a strange kind of Rei-radar (a Rei-dar, Rin patted himself in the back for his sharp sense of wit and pun abilities) as of lately – but, instead, that his completely made up justification had, in fact, turned out to be true. The heavens must be smiling down upon him that day.
“It was hard not to,” Not entirely a lie, either. Craning his neck, he peeked over the table to see what kind of academic abnormality could curb Rei’s genius, and the sight of Western-style prints told him all he needed to know. “English, huh? Need any help?”
Rei took another minute or so pondering over this offer, and Rin really couldn’t blame him for being wary of this unprompted show of generosity – he often gave the younger boy a hard time about his pronunciation, but he wasn’t the type to joke and tease when serious lessons were involved. He hoped Rei could at least trust him with that much.
“Actually,” He finally pushed his textbook over to Rin, the faintest hint of pink on his cheeks as he pointed out the source of his troubles. “I can’t really figure out how to say this word.”
When Rin moved over for a better look, the sentence staring up at him had his face drained of all color. This had to be an omen, and not a very good one at that.
“Cupid,” He said in fluent English, before proceeding with the entire sentence— he might as well, as long as he was here. “Cupid sometimes runs out of arrows and only shoots one person instead of two.”
“Amazing…” Rin wasn’t used to being on the receiving end of Rei’s sparkly, shimmery look, yet there it was, fixed straight at him. It must be nice, being in Haru’s fins. “Thank you. Rin-san’s English is truly in a league of its own.”
Rin’s only response was a half shrug and a smile, a genuine display of modesty that wasn’t as rare these days. It was one thing to bicker and banter when it was about swimming and Rei retorted with sassy remarks of his own, but there was no way he could boast about his skills at the face of such a heartfelt compliment. It was a nice feeling, though, to know his admiration for the younger boy was mutual, even if nothing else was.
A sigh welled forth at that reminder, and before he could realize it, Rin was thinking in loud and clear English. “Cupid’s last arrow, huh…”
“What about it?”
“Ah?”
“Cupid’s last arrow?” Rei said in Japanese instead, tentatively, not wanting to risk any potential embarrassment. “What about it?”
“A-ah, that was—” He cursed every higher power he believed in for not giving him a proper place to hide, so averting his gaze would have to suffice. “It was nothing, really.”
It was clear from that fleeting narrow look that Rin had done a poor job at convincing him, but Rei acknowledged his right to privacy with a nod and a glance down his notes. He kept his distance, in ways that Rin’s biased perception assured him were different from his usual behavior around his Iwatobi friends – and it was natural, really, that their shared time would hold greater importance to him, that he would expend greater efforts in getting the truth out of them – but Rin couldn’t help feeling a hint of disappointment that Rei just didn’t care enough to press him for answers.
Or maybe, he would realize upon later introspection, he was simply being way too sensitive over an honest-to-goodness attempt at giving him space. He still had a lot of growing up ahead of him.
“I was just—” He gave in with a sigh. “I was just thinking about that metaphor, that’s all.”
“Oh,” That pair or amethysts didn’t so much as flicker up when Rei spoke, which Rin took to mean a pointed lack of interest before the other boy went on. “I admit it was a strange quote to use on a lesson plan about Valentine’s Day. Vocabulary additions aside, I would have opted for something more appropriate, along the lines of lasting bonds and relationships.”
“But it’s not always that simple, is it? Sometimes… sometimes things don’t work out the way we’d like.”
“Eh?”
“Falling for someone or not, that’s not something we can choose,” This time, Rei did look, only to miss fleeing red by a distant second. “And sometimes we fall for the wrong person. For someone who will never look at us the same way we do…”
Lost in his pathetic reverie as Rin was, he could still somehow feel Rei’s eyes on him, wandering and searching for an explanation that would never come in full. Any smart person would know Rin spoke from experience, and seeing as Rei highly qualified for that position, it couldn’t be the meaning of those words he was pondering over. Was he maybe trying to figure out who was it that Rin had feelings for, or perhaps think of good advice to give? Or did this sudden revelation come crashing down upon him with so much force that it tore through his mental fortress and reduced it to a million kiddy building blocks?
The disjointed speech that would follow made the latter a perfectly valid hypothesis, Rin concluded.
“Rin-san, is that— I mean, are you… Is there someone you—”
“Yeah,” He offered Rei’s words a mercy kill, praying the heavens would be as generous and strike him mute that instant. Alas, they continued to fail him. “There’s someone I like.”
Rin could all but hear the building blocks rattling up in that toy box Rei dubbed a skull, and he buried his head in his arms as the best course of action to evade any pleading looks for reconstruction help. Instead, what he avoided wasn’t judgment or a call for elaboration, but something else entirely, something he wouldn’t have been able to name accurately through his blurry vision even if he hadn’t gone into hiding. Something that was most certainly the feeling of sadness, though Rin would’ve guessed it as empathy at best and condescension at worst, nothing else.
“Right,” Said as though he had just now realized the sun rose every morning, his voice faltering for a fraction of a second. “Of course there’s someone you like. It’s Rin-san, after all.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“A-ah, I mean no offense,” Rei forced a smile, and that was enough to soften the scowl Rin had shot him first. “It just… It sounds like the kind of thing that suits you. Rin-san is a romantic maniac, right?”
“I’m not!” He was definitely offended. “Besides, what does that have to do with anything? People don’t even have to like romance at all to fall in— to have feelings for someone!” Then, in a lower tone: “Not that you’d understand what that’s like.”
“But I do understand!”
Rin felt his heart hit the bottom of his stomach, but the empty hollow in his chest still hoped against hope that this was just another instance of Rei acting indignant over having his capabilities questioned. “Wait, you— you do?”
“Yes,” He gave a short nod, much more cautious this time around. “I, too, have someone I fancy.”
There was the sound of shattered glass and pieces crumbling again, and though Rin wished he could evade the sight of disaster, there was no escaping his own insides.
“Ah,” Brevity is the soul of wit, and sometimes a trusted ally against broken voices. “Sorry. You just… didn’t strike me as the type, I guess.”
“I suppose I can’t blame you. I didn’t think I was the type, either.”
A dozen anvils couldn’t match the weight of the silence that settled between them.
That was it, truly the end of the road for Rin. Before, he had the selfish comfort of knowing no one else would win the object of his affections in his stead – Gou had once slipped Rei’s claim that he was above love when the elder sibling made a (not so) indifferent comment about his sister’s sudden interest in the four-eyes, and Rin may or may not have feared the boy would have to be labeled “Matsuoka Magnet” for a moment – but now he had to live with the prospect that he might one day have to muster up inhuman strength to smile at the sight of Rei arm in arm with his significant other, the very image of happiness. Because of course he was just waiting for the right moment to confess (and probably researching the theories of dating, in the meantime), and who in their right mind could ever reject him? It was only a matter of time until he could find his happily ever after.
Rin, on the other hand? He was an over-the-top romantic with flawed people skills, a dangerously sharp smile to intimidate anyone he ever laid his eyes on and an obfuscating sort of obliviousness to let the few brave souls willingly faced with potential lip damage slide by unnoticed. He would wind up childless and married to his trophies, perhaps surrounded by an entire litter that would only like him marginally better than Rei ever did.
Cat bites and claws would not sting as bad as this preemptive rejection did, he was sure about that.
“Well, I guess you’re in luck, then,” He forced a sob into a chuckle, to a questionable level of success. “Cupid probably found your match way before he ran out of arrows with me.”
“That’s complete and utter nonsense.”
“Geez, Rei, do you have to shoot me down even when I’m trying to be supportive?” How great, an inadvertent rejection joke. Heavens weren’t smiling down upon him, they were laughing. “It’s just a figure of speech, yeah? I know you think this Cupid stuff is ridiculous and all.”
“I do think it’s rather naive to blame a mythological figure for any feelings of love, yes,” He admitted, pushing up his glasses in ways that sheltered his eyes from view. “But even if it were true, I don’t think being Cupid’s last arrow is something that should be able to stop you.”
As much as this afternoon had been unexpected revelation after unexpected revelation, this one took the cake.
“Huh?”
“Well, that’s… That’s the kind of person I think you are.”
It wasn’t without some effort that Rei let their eyes meet again, his hands curling into resolute fists on the table. That beautiful, shimmering look was back, and more than the unprompted show of high esteem, it was the special sort of wet glimmer in his irises that really took Rin off guard. Or was it the clouds in his own eyes blurring his perception?
“Rin-san is the kind of person to dream big and make his wishes come true. Even if it feels like it’s beyond your reach, even if there’s one chance in a million, you never stop chasing after it. I’ve always… truly admired that about you.”
“Rei…”
“You’re a highly driven person, sometimes obstinately so. No matter how bad the odds are, you’ll make them work in your favor, somehow. That’s why I think this is nonsense; if Cupid were real, and he was down to his last arrow, Rin-san would be just the person to try and find a way to make it happen, regardless. Rin-san would absolutely not give up. Even if you had to share a single arrow with the person you like.”
Rei’s last sentence was punctuated with a strained smile, the sound of holy harps and the glow of a thousand halos, only half as big as the number of tears Rin refused to shed. For all that Rei had tried to motivate him through drive and ambition, a part of him felt like his goal was even further away now. How could a mere mortal earn the affections of an actual living angel on earth?
“Sharing a single arrow, huh?” He repeated, idly, only midway through his heavenly ascent. “I guess that would make it even more meaningful…”
“That sounds more like the Rin-san I know.”
Furtive crimson met shy purple, and before either could realize it, they were smiling through their eyes, soft and genuine.
When all was dark, sometimes a single spark was all it took to cast light upon the umbra again, a tiny glimmer of hope to lead him back to the right path; to Rin, that was what Rei’s words had meant, and it was amazing how he always had to come to his rescue, over and over, even when the unsuspecting enemy was Rei, himself. But he was a protagonist in his own heroic tale of romance, and as far as Rin was concerned, that would be the version worth publishing; his would be side material at most, crumpled scraps of paper salvaged from a trash bin.
And though that might go against his every self-preservation instinct, Rin wondered for a moment about the identity of Rei’s Chosen One, his would-be rival in love, had he ever believed in that concept – love was not something to compete over, but to earn and nurture instead. Surely that person had to be something out of the ordinary, to be able to win over the affections of that romantically uninitiated nerd. An insurmountable obstacle to climb, that would be, but the harsher the battle, the greater the prize.
Rin never did back down from a good challenge.
“Ah, but that might be kinda brutal, too, huh?” Realizing he had been staring for much longer than he’d kept track of, Rin offered another chuckle, assumed one-sided longing replaced with cool nonchalance— or at least he hoped. “I mean, I’d have no bow or anything, so I might as well have to stab them with the arrow.”
“Added to your teeth, I could only feel sorry for the pains you’d inflict upon the poor soul you ever laid eyes on.”
“Hey!”
“Well, just think about it for a second!” It was odd to see Rei getting worked up over such an inconceivable scenario, but he did have quite the fruitful imagination. “Imagine what it would feel like to be metaphorically and literally bound through your chests for life! That’s not even taking into the account the odd angle of entrance for the arrow to pierce through both hearts at once, and even assuming a lengthier shaft, you two would still be awfully close—uncomfortably so, I’d reckon!”
Why are you talking about angle of entrance at a time like this, Rin mentally hissed, suddenly questioning his sanity and his bad life choices. “Why does that matter? If it’s with the person you like, being that close shouldn’t be a problem!”
“Perhaps to you it wouldn’t be one, but did you ever stop to think about the other person’s preferences? The considerate thing to do would be to at least ask first!”
“Yeah, well, I think it’d be just a bit weird to try to act all casual and ask if they’d be cool with being stabbed through the chest, now wouldn’t it?”
“Must you always go all out like that?!”
The longest three seconds of staring flashed by before their twitchy lips gave up the fight and erupted in full laughter, wheezing at their ludicrous self-indulgence and shedding the occasional tear over puerile quarrels of the past – and Rin may have felt tempted into further silly debauchery, but any talk of perfect bodies was left forgotten, much like any doubt he still had over his choice of crush. His heart hadn’t picked a bad one at all.
“Well,” Rei started, pulling his glasses off by the rims so he could wipe at the corners of his eyes. “I suppose we may have gotten a little carried away, haven’t we?”
“Yeah. Guess you went all out, too, huh?”
“Hmph,” Once his red frames were back on his face, he gave them a little push, smirk to match Rin’s. “I didn’t think you would have a problem with that.”
“Not in the least, no. But as far as I recall, we’re supposed to be studying here. We’ve spent enough time on this talk, right?” He was careful not to call it a waste; it wasn’t, selfish and biased though that conclusion might have been.
“Ah, right,” Self-consciousness crept onto his cheeks in the shape of a rosy flush, and he tried to hide it under the pretense of checking his watch. “But you did come early, so we haven’t terribly deviated from our schedule. In any case, everyone else should be here any moment n-”
As though spellbound by a magician’s words, the doorbell missed its cue and rang a half second too soon, to the performer’s stuttering dismay and his assistant’s amusement. If asked, Rin would reassure him, tell him there was plenty of magic left in the room, so long as they were kept away from the scrutiny of a crowd.
“That must be them!” He almost jumped to his feet, one knee avoiding the edged corner of the table by a stroke of luck. “Please, wait here for a minute, Rin-san, I’ll be right back.”
“Yeah, sure. Guess I’ll try to make some room over here in the meantime.”
Stopped in his tracks, Rei gave him his profile, hand still on the doorknob. “Some room? What for?”
“What do you mean, what for?” Rin leaned over to pat the empty cushion by his side. “This is a square, four-seat kotatsu, but there are five of us. Damn, Rei, you’re supposed to be good at math, you know.”
“Five—” Ignoring the friendly jab at his capabilities for once (which alone should have been clear indication of incoming doom), he started mumbling under his breath, eyebrows knitted close, like he was struggling to run basic calculations in his mind. “Rin-san, Nagisa-kun, Haruka-senpai, Makoto-senpai and— eh—? Eh?”
“Oi, Rei?”
“Ehhh?”
“You didn’t…” He tested the waters, careful, somewhat incredulous of what he was about to suggest. “You didn’t possibly forget to include yourself, did you?”
In hindsight, perhaps Rin gave him a little too much credit; he should most definitely have prepared for the Jurassic screech that would greet him next.
“I can’t believe this!” The four-eyed carried on with his parade of dramatics, head tightly clamped between his fists. “I spent so much time planning out every single aspect of this study session to make sure all of you would be warm and comfortable here— I even researched the perfect snacks to provide us with just the right amount of calories to produce heat and energy, yet not so much that it would make us lethargic and unproductive! How could I overlook such an elementary detail? How?!”
Maybe because you were too busy being a high-maintenance weirdo, Rin thought, but chose benevolence over snide remarks, truthful though they may be. It was at times like these he valued Rei’s company even more; that idiot butterfly made him seriously feel like the sane, reasonable one in this friendship.
“Look, it’s going to be fine, okay? Just breathe and go answer the door for now. Four seats or less, we’ll figure something out.”
With a nod that reflected nothing but uncertainty (and perhaps a hint of gratitude), Rei pulled on the doorknob and twisted it open, brain already racing with a million apologies - yet still just aware enough to take notice of the voice calling out to him before he could cross the threshold.
“Rei?”
“Yes, what is it?”
The color of his face posed as a worthy rival for the shade of Rin’s hair, and for a moment it looked as though the kotatsu was a waste of warmth.
“It’s gonna be awfully close, but… Would you mind sharing one with me?”
Somewhere in his already crowded thoughts, Rei registered a certain resemblance with a speech he had offered earlier, a delirious talk of love-inducing cherubim and polite requests for one-time only piercing through chests; between that and Rin’s refusal to meet his look, he wasn’t so sure that wasn’t just another betrayal of his mind. But whether that was nothing more than a simple solution for a seat number problem or another daytime delusion about love and shared arrows, it didn’t really matter. His answer was one and the same.
“I would really like that, Rin-san.”