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Theo leans back against the bed, lazily lifting his eyes as he looks at the screen, watching as Liam’s character fires at the enemy before moving back into hiding. The beta’s eyes are glued to the screen, his fingers flying on the controller, and Theo’s eyes roam his face once before settling back on the screen.
“Hey, you good?” Liam mumbles, nudging Theo’s arm with his own and Theo stiffens. It’s casual, just Liam being his overly tactile self, but Theo’s mind doesn’t let him forget the years of learning that touch isn’t good, that it means there’s always something that someone wants for it. A double-edged sword that always ends up buried in his stomach, twisting viciously when he tries to escape it.
Liam’s arm stays pressed against his and Theo’s eyes drift down, running over the strip of his forearm that brushes the beta’s, skin against skin, and Theo swallows slowly before shifting away from him.
“Fine,” he answers, turning his head back to the TV in front of them. Liam’s attention is still on the video game, and he’s grateful that it is, doesn’t think he can handle having those blue eyes on him at the moment, wide and searching, cutting into him the way that only the beta can.
But Liam doesn’t seem to get the hint about why Theo moved away and shuffles closer again, his shoulder pushing into Theo’s. “No, you’re not.”
Theo stills but slightly shifts again, but apparently he isn’t as subtle about it this time, because Liam hits a button on his controller and tosses it to the side. And Theo can see it coming, can hear the questions and the curiosity that he doesn’t need to get into right now, doesn’t need to get into ever, so he clears his throat and starts to stand up.
He doesn’t get far.
Liam’s hand wraps around his wrist and Theo’s fist clenches as his grip tightens. “Let go,” Theo grits out, his throat dry.
(The rough glove grips his frail wrist tightly, and Theo isn’t strong enough to pull himself back, away from them and their scalpels and needles and everything he never wanted, though he twists back and forth to try and escape anyway.
“Theo Raeken,” they say in ominous unison, and Theo’s head swivels in a wordless no. But he doesn’t have a choice, and they drag him forward to the operation table.
“Let go,” Theo spits out, but he’s nine years old, doesn’t have the strength, the power, the control, and it’s a losing battle.
A losing battle that leads to a losing war that leads to a lost heart. [Not that Theo had one anyway, or well, had one that’s his.]
But it all starts here, with Theo getting strapped to the table, with no way out.)
“Let,” Theo snarls, twisting his wrist, “go.”
Something on his face and in his voice must’ve clued Liam in, because the beta’s brows furrow before he loosens his grip, and Theo snatches his hand back, shuffling away.
“Wait, Theo—”
“I’m gonna go,” Theo cuts him off, his voice a little cold. He feels a chill fall over his body, feels a little like he used to every time the Dread Doctors strapped him down to the operating table, and he squeezes his eyes shut.
(He feels the shackles around his wrists and ankles, cold and heavy, keeping his arms and legs lodged against the table; feels the harsh drag of their gloves on his bare skin, probing and prodding; feels the sharp edge of their favorite scalpel, pressing deep into his skin, pulling his skin back and leaving a trail of red behind; feels the shiver that runs through him once before settling firmly in his stomach, and all of a sudden, he feels nothing at all, even though they keep going, because they never stop, he’s learned that by now.
The shackles still hang heavy, but Theo learns to stop feeling them.)
“No, wait,” Liam starts, reaching out for Theo, and Theo flinches—he doesn’t mean to, thought he had enough control over that by now, but apparently he doesn’t—back slightly. Liam recoils, eyes widening in horror as he stares.
Theo hates the look in the beta’s eyes, and the way Liam’s mouth tilts down, his lips parting in a silent something.
“I’m sorry,” Liam whispers, his blue eyes pinning Theo in place, even though all he wants to do is push himself to his feet and get the fuck out of here.
But he stays.
“Please, don’t go,” the beta murmurs, though he doesn’t try to move forward again, and Theo feels the skin of his forearm prickle again, as if reminding him what happened. “Can we—can you—”
“No.” Theo’s voice is quiet but firm, leaving no room for argument and Liam’s hand spasms a little, still hanging in between them. Theo’s never dropped his mask as much as he has with the beta, but there were things that he can’t say out loud, things he won’t say out loud, and this is one of them.
Liam swallows thickly before his gaze drops to Theo’s arms, folded over his chest. “Can I… can I have your hand?”
Theo freezes. “What?”
“Just let me—” Liam shakes his head, exhaling harshly, but his voice goes soft as he speaks again. “Can I please just, I won’t hurt you, I promise.”
(Promises don’t mean a lot to Theo.
His father promised him that he’d come to Theo’s third-grade talent show, his mother promised him that his weak heart didn’t take away anything from him, Tara promised him that their parents loved him just as much as they loved her.
The Dread Doctors promised him that Tara would live, promised him he’d get the control he never had his entire life, promised him he wouldn’t be weak anymore. Promised him that he’d only have to do this one thing for them.
The only promise he can remember not being broken is Kira saying that his sister was waiting for him. It wasn’t a promise, but it kind of was, at the same time. A promise of the agony and the guilt and the mind-numbing pain that Theo would face.
Theo’s learned that promises don’t mean anything, unless they promise something bad.)
But Liam’s staring at him, with that raw expression on his face, and Theo can’t bring himself to snap at him about what he thinks about promises. His hand trembles slightly when he uncrosses his arms, resting it on the floor beside him, and Liam breathes out slowly. The beta lifts himself onto his knees and closes the distance between them, keeping his eyes on Theo the whole time.
His hands are so fucking gentle when he lifts Theo’s hand, cradling it between his own, and Theo’s breath hitches. Spikes of sensation travel up his arm, and it almost sends Theo back to the gloves and the shackles and the needles, but then Liam runs his fingers over his palm, and Theo’s jolted out of his memories, because nothing in his past has ever been that soft.
“What—” Theo’s breath catches when Liam’s fingers trail down to the tips of his fingers lightly, “are you doing?”
“Shh,” Liam mumbles quietly, lifting Theo’s hand, and Theo tenses when the beta’s lips brush his palm. “Just let me do this for you, okay? I won’t hurt you,” he murmurs against Theo’s skin, and Theo gapes at him. “Please.”
“Lia—”
The beta folds his fingers in and Theo breaks off, his voice getting stuck in his throat. The kisses against his knuckles are just as soft, Liam’s lips just barely touching his skin, but the touch is there and Theo can feel it.
(Theo collapses onto the cold ground, wincing as his back hits the stone wall behind him.
The pack the Dread Doctors had sent him to were ruthless and Theo had known that before he entered their territory, but knowing about it doesn’t make the alpha wounds littering his body hurt any less.
His breath is shaky as he tilts his head back against the wall, but when he looks back down, his eyes catch on his hand. Knuckles sliced open and bloody, skin stitching itself up slowly, because he’s a chimera, and normal werewolves have enough trouble with alpha wounds, but he’s worse.
Theo wipes some of the blood off with his shirt, but the cuts haven’t closed, and his knuckles stay red, dripping onto the floor. And he stares at them for a few more seconds—the vivid color a stark contrast to his pale skin in the dim fluorescent lighting—before closing his eyes and exhaling.)
“Stop,” Theo mutters, tugging his hand, but Liam keeps his hold on his wrist tight. “Liam, stop.”
Liam’s gaze snaps up to meet his and he lets go quickly, and Theo tries to ignore the way his hand is trembling in the air. The beta’s hands hover below his and Theo inhales sharply, feeling a little dizzy with the fact that Liam had listened.
He had listened.
Theo stares into Liam’s eyes for another moment, before letting his hand go limp and watching it fall into Liam’s hands again.
Liam’s eyes widen momentarily but he catches Theo’s hand easily, fingertips pressing into Theo’s palm. Hesitation shines through in his expression but Theo presses his lips and looks away, trying to swallow past the lump in his throat. Liam seems to understand, because he doesn't try to catch Theo’s attention, instead bringing his hand back up and pressing delicate kisses down Theo’s fingers.
His lips brush over the thinly stretched skin on the inside of Theo’s wrist and Theo’s head whirls back. Liam’s eyes are already trained on him as he leans down, the kiss against his wrist more insistent this time. “Okay?” Liam asks gingerly, and Theo doesn’t think he can get his voice to work, so he nods slowly instead, his eyes glued to where Liam’s lips are touching his skin.
He can feel Liam’s gaze on him, but Theo doesn’t meet his eyes, keeps his eyes fixed on his wrist and watches as Liam’s hands caress his hand gently while his lips graze his skin. Liam seems to have realized that Theo has a thing about him holding his wrist, because he doesn’t do it this time, keeping his hands on the back of Theo’s instead.
The beta’s mouth slides up a little to the bottom of Theo’s forearm and Theo’s breath hitches again.
(Theo should’ve fucking known that the Doctors wouldn’t let him rest, not even when he’s away from them.
A strangled cry escapes his throat as the alpha grabs ahold of his arm and simply snaps the bone so easily. “First lesson, chimera,” the werewolf drawls. “You’ll never be as strong as one of us. You’re weak, and nothing you do will change that.”
Theo’s arm is crooked and he feels it start to heal slowly, but the alpha grins wickedly before swiping a leg and knocking Theo off balance. Theo hits the ground hard, landing on his broken arm and he screams at the sudden pain that rushes through his body.
“You’re young,” the werewolf smirks, sadistic delight lighting up his eyes as he stares down at Theo. “You’ll heal.”)
Liam’s fingers travel up his arm, the touch leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake and Theo shivers. There are no scars on his body from the years he’s spent with the Dread Doctor—supernatural healing takes care of that—but Liam’s touch still feels like it’s stitching up the parts of Theo that he can’t see, parts of him that have been ripped apart for years now. Feels like healing.
Theo’s throat closes up when Liam’s lashes flutter against his forearm, tickling the sensitive skin. “Liam,” he croaks out, and the beta lifts his head immediately, concern shining in his eyes, and Theo’s eyes sting. “I—I can’t—”
Liam’s brows crinkle even as understanding dawns on his face, and he moves a little closer, keeping his hold on Theo’s arm loose but emphatic. “I’m not gonna hurt you,” Liam repeats for the third time and Theo’s breath shakes loose out of his lungs. The beta slides one hand up Theo’s arm, resting on his shoulder, and Theo feels frozen, feels something twisting roughly in his chest. “Can you trust me?”
Can you trust me, not do you trust me, and although the difference is slim, Theo knows what it means. Because Liam knows that Theo does trust him, has for ages now, from somewhere between being the bait and but I will fight with you, but this—this isn’t the same thing. Can you trust me—
—about this, Liam doesn’t add. And the overwhelming realization of how much Liam understands about him, how well he knows the things Theo never says out loud churns in his gut, a leaden weight settling in his stomach.
“Yeah,” Theo breathes out, voice hoarse and barely above a whisper. Liam’s eyes brighten, and he squeezes Theo’s shoulder lightly before shuffling even closer, leaning down and kissing his way up Theo’s arm. By the time he gets to his shoulder, Theo knows he’s trembling, both from Liam’s selfless affection and from holding himself back from surrendering to his instincts and pushing the beta away.
Liam suddenly swings a leg over him and Theo jerks back from pure shock, his back colliding with the bed. But the beta shushes him gently again, presses it into his shirt, presses light kisses on the curve of his shoulder right after. And before Theo can say anything, Liam grabs his other hand and brings it up to his lips.
The heavy weight on his lap fades into the back of his mind as Liam repeats the same process on his other arm, turning his wrist to the side as he kisses it softly. Liam’s other hand moves up and down on the arm he’s not kissing, the steady touch lighting something under Theo’s skin as he takes a deep breath.
Theo’s breath stops in his chest when Liam brushes his mouth against the collar of his shirt before hooking a finger into it and tugging it to the side. The beta’s lips make contact with the skin on his shoulder, nearly at the bottom of his neck.
(Theo chokes, blood gurgling in his mouth as he convulses. He wants to scream, the agony in his stomach unbearable, but he can’t.
The Doctors don’t pay him any attention as they work, holding his skin open as they dust more wolfsbane into him. Theo spasms, his upper body twisting off the table uncontrollably, and rough gloves immediately land on his shoulders, shoving him down harshly onto the table.
Their tight grip at the juncture of his neck and shoulders is nearly as painful as everything else, and Theo tugs at his restrained hands. Something twists inside of Theo and he screams, past the blood in his mouth, every breath excruciating.
They’ve done this experiment once already, but the failure of the first trial didn’t diminish their hope that it would work the second time around. A chimera that’s immune to mountain ash and wolfsbane is what they want, and they were going to try over and over again to make it work.
Theo’s body cries from the torture, but he can’t do anything but screw his eyes shut and try to pretend he can’t feel anything.)
Liam’s hand glides up his shoulder, moving to cup Theo’s neck, fingers splayed on his back. His next kiss moves closer to his collarbone, and Theo’s hands clench uselessly as Liam presses his lips across his collarbone, moving from one side to the other slowly while keeping his finger hooked in his collar and dragging his shirt out of his way. “You okay?” Liam murmurs into Theo’s skin, lifting his head slightly to meet Theo’s eyes.
And they’re so close, so blue and expressive, that Theo feels a sudden urge to lean his head down and drop it against Liam’s forehead. But he holds himself back, swallowing hard as he nods, almost imperceptibly. Liam continues, his touch leaving heat flaring on Theo’s body, in Theo’s body, and Theo lets out a quiet sigh when Liam reaches his other shoulder, gently nuzzling his nose against it.
The beta’s cheek presses into the side of Theo’s neck, and it tilts back automatically, before Theo can stop himself, and Liam’s shaky exhale makes Theo shudder. Arousal fills the air, the heady scent making Theo’s mind a little fuzzy for a second before he breathes out again.
“Liam—”
The scent lessens, like Liam’s tamping down on the chemosignal, and Theo’s head lifts, trying to meet the beta’s gaze. “No,” Liam says into his shoulder, soft but still unyielding, keeping his mouth pressed into his skin. “I don’t—that’s not why I’m doing this. Not now, okay?”
Theo nods again, although his hips still twitch slightly when Liam turns his head into his neck, his nose grazing the hypersensitive skin.
And he thinks it’s over, waits for Liam to pull back, and he does, but only to shuffle back on Theo’s thighs a little, and he bends down to press his lips right below Theo’s collarbone. And then continues down.
Theo’s eyes fly open as his pulse spikes, the light pressure on his chest right above his heart drawing a strangled choke out of his throat. “Liam, stop,” he rushes out, the words a little slurred. “Stop.”
Liam drops his forehead against the top of his chest, breathing heavily, and Theo’s hands move up, about to push Liam off. But then Liam shifts, rests his palm against Theo’s heart, firm and warm.
“M’sorry,” Liam whispers, rubbing his palm against Theo’s shirt a little. “I’m sorry.”
(Theo blinks awake, his blurry vision slowly focusing as he stares up the top of the metal container. The same one he’s woken up in since he first got dragged down here, and Theo doesn’t know long ago that was. Time is a construct that simply doesn’t exist down here, and Theo has accepted that a while ago, somewhere between please, stop and you don’t have to stop.
The morgue is just as cold and filled with the smell of rot and death as Theo remembers, the blinking lights above him casting shadows all around him.
He knows what’s coming, would be foolish to even try escaping it, so he doesn’t, just stands there in the room, waiting for the inevitable. Tara doesn’t disappoint, pushing the doors open not even a minute later, a bitter chill flowing into the room with her.
Her eyes are gray and dead, latching onto him at the back wall as she moves towards him, her every step dropping another stone of dread in Theo’s stomach. Her lips twitch when she stands in front of him, pausing and tilting her head to the side, as if she’s searching for something.
“You don’t have to st—”
Theo’s strangled gasp echoes in the small room, fire exploding in his chest as Tara’s hand twists. Her fingers grasp his heart tightly, squeezing once before just holding it. Theo tries to breathe—it doesn't work—and he stumbles back against the frigid wall, choking when his sister tugs a little.
His heart is ripped out a second later, leaving a gaping cavity in its place, and Theo stares at the bloody organ in Tara’s hand, dark red liquid dripping from her pale skin onto the floor. His body hits the ground a moment later, blood pooling all around him, and Theo’s eyes close.)
Liam tilts his chin up, kissing Theo’s pec, and Theo shuts his eyes, claws elongating automatically as his control wavers, memories flooding through his mind. The chill from before starts to climb up his body again, Theo’s hands shaking as he feels it move towards his chest.
“Tell me to stop and I will,” Liam says before angling his head to press his lips above Theo’s heart again, and Theo freezes. The beta doesn’t relent, continuing his trek around Theo’s chest, and one of his hands moves to the bottom of Theo’s shirt, fingers toying for a few seconds before slipping under and gently rubbing against his side.
The chill dissipates instantly, though Theo doesn’t have much time to think about it, because Liam presses a hard kiss against his chest before turning his head to the side and nestling his cheek against Theo.
His thumb still strokes small circles into Theo’s skin and Theo focuses on that rather than Liam’s head against his chest, above his heart. But Theo never told Liam to stop and the realization sends a shiver down his spine, moon-eyed as he stares at the wall opposite of him.
“Theo,” Liam voices and Theo blinks, the haze in his mind slowly fading as the beta straightens up, both hands coming to cup his neck. “Okay?”
The answer should be no, because Theo can’t remember the last time any touch even a tenth of what Liam just did had been okay, but the word gets stuck in his throat. But the answer isn’t yes either, and Liam’s eyes flicker back and forth across his face.
“Theo,” he repeats, makes it sound like a question and an apology and an answer at the same time, and Theo’s eyes dart up, green and blue clashing. “Do you want—”
“I’m sorry,” Theo slurs, the words slipping out of his mouth before his brain catches up with them, “M’sorry, Liam, I’m sorry.”
“Hey, it’s okay, Theo,” Liam consoles, his hand caressing Theo’s jaw and tilting his head up a little. “It’s okay.”
Theo’s breath is ragged, but then Liam leans in, and it shudders out of his chest when the beta’s lips brush the bridge of his nose.
“It’s okay,” Liam says again, the movement wringing another shiver out of Theo. His eyes flutter close when Liam kisses his nose again softly, moving up slowly and leaving gentle pecks up to his forehead.
The beta’s touch stays light, stays so fucking tender that Theo feels a mounting pressure at the back of his eyes. Liam’s lips graze his temple, the hand on his jaw sliding back a little to curve around his head, thumb moving across his ear.
And Theo’s chest is already wound so tight, feels like it might burst, but then he feels Liam’s nose brush his eyebrow, his soft lips skimming his closed eyelid, and Theo completely stills. His breath feels like it’s punched out of him and his lashes are wet when Liam repeats the same thing on the other side.
Theo pants out a quiet sigh that morphs into a sob halfway through, and the tear spills from his eye before he can hold it back. But Liam is so fucking gentle, presses a kiss against the tear running down his cheek, and another silent sob wracks through Theo’s body.
“M’sor—”
“Shh,” Liam mumbles against another tear, kissing as many as he can, and Theo feels him delicately wipe away the ones he doesn’t with his thumbs. “It’s okay, Theo, you’re okay.”
Theo doesn’t feel okay, and he’s sure he doesn’t look it either; his hands shake with every breath he takes and tremors rack his body, almost violently. But Liam doesn’t move away, seems to move closer, the hands on Theo’s face an anchor that Theo needs, and Theo brings his quivering hands up to cover Liam’s.
Liam brushes his lips against his forehead again before pulling back and Theo lifts his eyes slowly, slightly hesitant to meet the beta’s gaze. But Liam’s looking at him with his face wide open, broadcasting his emotions with no reluctance, and another cry builds up in the back of Theo’s throat.
“I’m sorry,” Liam says, and Theo’s brows furrow, but Liam immediately reaches up with his thumb and smooths them over.
“Why are you apo—”
“I’m sorry that you—” Liam cuts himself off, a soft sigh leaving his lips. “That you never—that you can’t—”
“Liam,” Theo interrupts, not wanting to hear what the beta is trying to say. “Don’t, please.”
“But you—”
Theo presses his hands against Liam’s harder, before pushing off the bed slightly and lifting his head up, resting his face in the crook of Liam’s neck. The beta is warm, and Theo digs his nose into his neck, rubbing gently. Liam’s scent envelopes him, his citrusy soap and the underlying leathery scent calming Theo’s heartbeat, and he closes his eyes, feeling his wet lashes brush the beta’s skin.
And Liam lets him.
He doesn’t push Theo away, just keeps his hands anchored on the back of Theo’s head, carding his fingers through his hair slowly. And Theo doesn’t know why this works, doesn’t know how Liam managed to break through all his walls with his gentle touch and unwavering selflessness, but he did, and another sob racks through his body as he pushes into Liam’s neck harder.
“You’re not gonna hurt me,” Theo murmurs, and he means for it to be definite, but his voice cracks, and it comes out more uncertain and shaky than he wants. Liam’s hands in his hair still for a moment before continuing and Theo feels the beta rest his chin on the crown of his head, nuzzling slightly.
“I’m not gonna hurt you,” Liam whispers, but his voice is steady, and Theo exhales, sinking deeper into Liam’s neck.
“Okay,” Theo says, pressing the word into the hollow of Liam’s throat, a tear leaking out of his eye and running down the beta’s skin, past the collar of his shirt. “Okay.”
Liam pulls him back, hands coming to cup his jaw again, and he stares down at Theo, eyes flitting over his face. There’s an emotion in them that Theo’s never seen before, never known before, and Liam leans down and places his forehead on Theo’s.
“Okay?” Liam asks, and Theo’s eyes close as he tilts his head up.
“Yeah,” he replies, a shiver creeping down his back when he feels Liam’s breath against his lips. The beta tilts his head down, their noses brushing lightly, and Theo’s breath hitches once before Liam’s lips are on his.
It’s light, almost fleeting, but Liam’s lips are soft against his, and Theo tips his head back more, trying to deepen the kiss. But Liam keeps it chaste, one hand moving up to run his fingers through Theo’s hair.
When they finally break apart, Theo lets out a shaky exhale against Liam’s lips, their foreheads pressed together again as Liam strokes Theo’s scalp delicately. Theo sighs, his hand moving up to wrap around Liam’s on his cheek, and a shudder escapes his body.
“You okay?” Liam’s voice is quiet, his lips barely grazing Theo’s as he talks, and Theo feels his hand twitch slightly. He nods his head, the movement hesitant, but he keeps his eyes closed, not ready to know what he’ll find when he does.
But Liam seems to get it, because he straightens his back and gently pushes Theo’s head forward into his neck again. It feels… nice, and Theo’s mind tries to conjure up something, some memory, something to ruin this, but Liam wraps a hand around Theo’s shoulders and pulls him in closer, keeping the hand in his hair, and Theo can’t.
And so he lets Liam hold him closer, his mind blissfully blank for once.