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Reid was at the end. He was at his breaking point. He was about to fall off the deep end but was trying so hard to hold on.
They care , he told himself. If he talked to them they would be able to help him. So that’s what he did, go to each member of his family.
“Hey Hotch, can I talk to you?” He asked as he stepped into the unit chief’s office. The much older man didn’t even look up from his paper work.
“I’m sort of busy Reid, can this wait.”
No it can’t.
“Yeah sure, of course. Sorry.” He said as he backed out of the room.
He went back to his desk and sat there, trying to focus on his paper work but he couldn’t. I mean, if things happened like he thought they would happen whether or not his paper work was done didn’t really matter.
The young genius saw Rossi start to cross the bullpen floor.
“Hey Rossi, can I-“
“Sorry Kid, I’m late for a book signing.” He said as he stormed out of the office.
Please just wait.
“Oh have fun, sorry.” He responded.
Later that day he was sitting at his desks when Emily came over. She would listen to him, he just knew it. Out of everyone in the team she was always the one who seemed to care the most about him. At least she was always the one to ask him what was wrong.
“Hey Emily, can I talk to you?” She nodded her head and sat down. “Yeah sure Reid, what’s up?” He let out a little breath. Someone cared. Someone cared.
“It’s just that I’ve recently been feeling like I just want to end it-“
“Hang on, one moment.”
Reid watched as Emily got up and walked over to JJ. What seemed like was only supposed to be a quick exchange soon became a 10 minute conversation. Eventually she came back and sat down.
“I’m sorry, what were you saying?” She asked.
Reid just shook his head. If she really wanted to listen she would have stayed.
I need help.
“Nothing, it was nothing important.” Emily just nodded her head and turned to her work, leaving Reid feeling more alone than ever.
JJ hadn’t worked either, she said she was just extremely busy. Every one seemed too busy for him. He tried to understand but he all these interactions just pushed his wanting to do it. But he had to keep trying. It may seem pathetic, but if one person, only one, showed that they cared about him, maybe he would see that his life was worth living.
“Hey Garcia, can I talk to you?” Garcia, who was typing up on her computer, stoped and nodded her head. “Yeah Reid, what is it?” He pulled up a chair next to her and opened his mouth to speak but was stopped by her squeal.
“Hang on. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, but look at this.”
She rummaged through her stuff before she found the object she was looking for. She pulled out and showed Reid and packet of little dinosaur earrings. “Look how cute they are.”
Despite the pain of being put aside for earrings , Reid smiled. “Super cute Garcia.” He said. “So what did you want to talk to me about?” Despite how must he wanted to tell her, he couldn’t now.
She was smiling at him in her uniquely Penelope Garcia way that Reid couldn’t be the one to ruin that. Besides, this would just mess up her day. “Poor doctor Reid” she would say and then be mad at him and he wouldn’t be able to handle that.
I’m depressed.
“Nothing, I was just wondering how you were doing?” He lied. Maybe this was just his fate, to be pushed aside.
It was time to go home. Reid had spent the whole day trying to talk to someone, try to ask for help. But each time it had failed. He was almost surprised that no one came over to
him.
Some profilers they were.
But even so, this was his last chance, his last chance to prove that someone cared about him. But even has he went up to him, he couldn’t help but think maybe this whole day was a sign, a sign to end it.
“Hey Morgan.” He said, walking up to the older man. “Yeah Reid?” He said but he was still looking at his paper work, his last file for the day. Trying to get his attention he started a Reid Rant.
“D-Did you know that people who are suicidal tend to come to their friends and families asking for help. They are really subtle about it, maybe just asking if they could talk, but to them their friends answer determines their actions.”
He was practically screaming for help, but no one could hear him.
“Mmm, that really interesting Kid, but I’m trying to finish this last file.” Reid nodded but then stoped. This could be it.
“But if I could just-“
“Tomorrow ok. I’ll talk to you tomorrow Pretty Boy.”
Tomorrow might not happen.
“Yeah ok, tomorrow.”
He then walked away from his desk and went to leave. On his ride home he couldn’t stop thinking about how no one had paused to listen to him, no one put him first.
Hotch, his father figure, Emily, JJ, and Garcia, his sisters. Morgan who acted as his big brother and Rossi who was like the cool Uncle. They were his family but none of them had stoped to listen. None of them cared.
I’ll talk to you tomorrow.
Morgan was wrong. Spencer Reid never made it to tomorrow.