Chapter Text
It’s been four months since I got out of the facility.
‘Don’t position your life in reference to the facility,’ Dr. Renner’s words echo in my mind.
That’s what he told me during our first session. That there are so many other things I could use as temporal markers. That I don’t need to use a period of trauma to define my time.
How should I position my life instead?
Maybe: a year and eleven months since my parents died.
Or: a year and six months since I was brought to stay with the Avengers.
Or: a year and 5 months since I was taken.
How about, it’s December.
December 14th.
The air in front of me is fogged by my breath as I hurry up from the subway and to the edge of the street.
Although I’ve gotten back to training, yoga became part of my daily routine, so I started coming to a studio in the city in October. Renner encouraged me to find ways to get out of the house and keep myself occupied, so this seemed like a good option.
I avoid a dark-looking puddle as I cross the street and slip into the studio’s warm foyer, walking to the front desk while searching through my bag with stiff fingers. I finally find my membership card and scan it, heading into the locker room while slipping the card back into my bag.
“Morning,” I greet the older woman across the room.
“Morning,” she smiles, going back to hanging her black purse on a hook.
I unlock my locker and drop my bag and yoga mat to the bench behind me before shrugging my jacket off. The woman pushes the door open and disappears into the studio, letting the sound of Jenna’s nature playlist seep into the room before the door slowly shuts, leaving me in silence again. After switching my shoes, I hang my bag and shut the locker, tucking my mat under my arm before heading into the studio. The rest of the class is already inside, stretching and chatting quietly as I make my way to my usual spot at the back, greeting a few familiar faces as I pass. When I settle, I grab my ankles and stretch forward, shutting my eyes and taking a few deep breaths. I begin to feel my shoulders relax and the knot in my stomach unfurl as my focus turns to my body.
“Morning everyone,” Jenna greets gently from the front of the room. “We’ll start in a few minutes. Our affirmation for today is ‘I choose to surround myself with positive people who will support me and my growth.’ Think about what that means for you before we begin.”
I run the phrase through my mind a few times.
The team is my support system.
They’ve been amazing since I met them.
I couldn’t ask for a better group of people to be around…
I press my chest further against my legs and let my mind wander to the team.
“Um, hi,” I hear from my right. I blink and look up to see a young woman with her blond hair pulled into a messy bun. “Is anyone going to be sitting here? It’s my first time and I don’t want to take anyone’s spot.”
“Oh, no, no one’s sitting there, feel free,” I smile gently.
“Thanks, I’m Ness,” she greets, laying her mat down beside mine.
“I’m Y/N. Is this your first time in this class or at the studio?”
“The studio. I’ve been doing yoga at home, but I’ve been wanting to try classes because I have no idea if I’m doing anything right,” she chuckles.
“Same,” I nod in agreement. “It’s also nice just to get out of the house a little more,” I add.
“I feel you. My home gym is my living room, so not exactly relaxing when you can hear your upstairs neighbors banging,” she cringes.
“Oh my God, no way! That’s terrible,” I laugh.
“Yah… I can’t think of downward dog the same anymore,” she shakes her head and I have to bite my lip to not let out of bark of laughter.
“And now I have that image in my head, thank you,” I giggle.
“Sorry,” she smiles.
“Alright everyone, let’s begin. Slowly move yourself to child’s pose and take 10 deep breaths,” Jenna calls out.
After an hour, we lay on our backs, and my mind wanders to my mental to-do list.
Pick up lunch from Sandro’s at 12:45
Meet Tony at the tower
Give him a run-down of the nano-tailors
Drop by Michaels for a canvas for Thursday
Call the manager of the band playing at the Christmas Gala
“Alright, slowly push yourself into a seated position and take one final breath.”
I let out a deep breath and roll my neck before standing and calling a quick thank you to Jenna.
“How’d you find your first class?” I ask Ness as we head into the locker room.
“It was really great, it was a lot easier to keep up than I thought it would be,” Ness says, opening her locker and slipping on her jacket.
“Jenna is really great at making her classes easy for beginners,” I nod and tie up my mat. “You gonna come for the Thursday class as well?” I ask over the quiet hum of conversation in the room.
“Definitely,” she smiles. “This is a nice break from the gym.”
“Mhmm, I love cardio, but this is something I can do for myself to just relax,” I agree, lacing up my boots. I pull on my jacket and grab my bag before we make our way out of the locker room and through the studio's lobby. “Are you taking the subway?” I ask as we step into the cold.
Every once in a while, I’ll leave the car at the Tower and take a train. It just gives me a few minutes where I can be completely idle and ignore what’s happening around me.
She shakes her head, “nah, I’m parked around the corner. Where are you headed? If you’re going to the Upper East Side, I could drop you off on my way.”
“Oh, I’m going to Sandro’s on 54th, but I don’t mind taking the train,” I shake my head.
“Don’t worry about it, I’ll drop you off,” she waves me off.
“I’ll grab you lunch then, deal?”
She huffs a laugh. “Fine, what kind of food is Sandro’s?”
We hurry down the block, avoiding puddles and a particularly angry man on the phone.
“Italian. I’m grabbing sandwiches for me and my… boss.”
“Sounds good to me,” she nods. We turn the corner, and she walks towards a black car. “What do you do for work?”
I slide in and tuck my mat beside me. “It’s more of a work study-research-thing, I guess. Right now, I’m working on some nano-tech bots for forming textiles,” I explain.
“Sounds intense,” she laughs. “So, you’re in the fashion industry, that’s cool,” she nods and starts the car.
“Not fashion, what I’m working on is more like armor.”
“Armor? Who do you work for? The Avengers?” She laughs, sliding on a pair of sunglasses.
“I… well, yes,” I nod.
“Oh—no way,” she gasps, turning to me in her seat. “That’s so cool! You should have said that from the beginning! How is it working with them?”
“Busy,” I laugh. “A few hiccups, but overall, a great experience,” I recite.
“And you’re working on their suits?”
“Mhmm, Tony’s been wanting something a little less heavy-weight, so we’re looking into nano-tech as an alternative to the solid metal. Not exactly what I’m used to, but it’s been interesting,” I laugh.
“That’s just so cool, I can’t imagine—Oh my God, wait,” she pulls her sunglasses down the bridge of her nose, revealing her wide brown eyes. “You’re Hybrid. You’re the Hybrid,” she stares, open-mouthed. My hands fist in my lap and I nod hesitantly. “You’re not just working for the Avengers; you are an Avenger! I can’t believe I didn’t notice until now! Holy shit.”
Hybrid was the name some underground media outlet gave me when my story leaked back in September. I still don’t know how it happened, but they know that I was born with abilities to manipulate elements and move objects, and that Hydra took me for experiments and made me into a super-soldier. That’s why they call me Hybrid—because of my mental and physical abilities.
Obviously, whoever chose that name didn’t know the definition of hybrid.
Mainstream media hasn’t jumped on the story thinking it’s a fabrication for views and still hasn’t been confirmed by anyone, but this isn’t the first time I’ve been recognized.
“That’s me…” I say quietly, eyes drifting from hers to the black steering wheel.
“Oh,” Ness says quietly, and I see her shoulders drop from the corner of my eye. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up a bad topic…”
“No, it’s okay… It’s just that before I met the team, I never told people about my abilities, then suddenly random people know about me and my life, and it's... well, strange.”
“I didn't think about that... It must be hard,” she mumbles.
“I’m trying to get used to it, but it’s a big change from no one knowing me, to people knowing everything about me.”
“Well, if you ever want to vent to a non-superhero person, I’m here,” she smiles, “now that your secret identity is no longer secret,” she winks.
I chuckle and nod. “Thanks, Ness.”
She pulls from her spot, and we start making our way across the city. After a half-hour of traffic, we get to 54th, pulling into a spot just as a taxi drives off.
The cold air is like a slap to the face as we exit the car and jump into the sea of people on the sidewalk. “Just down here,” I wave, hurrying down the block. We slip into the small shop, and I smile at the man behind the counter. “Hey Adi, how are you doing?”
“Hey, Y/N, not bad, slow today because Steph’s is having a half-off sale. Si fottano,” he huffs.
“It’s a good thing you don’t understand Italian,” his daughter Lilianna laughs, coming to the counter and placing a white plastic bag down.
“Thanks,” I laugh before turning to Ness. “See anything you want to try?”
“Um, I’m not sure, what did you get?”
“Meatball subs—best in the city,” I smile at Adi.
He raises his chin and nods proudly.
“I guess I have to try it then. One meatball sub please, and can you add some chili flakes?” Adi nods and heads to the back counter to start on the sandwich. I hand Lilianna a fifty and shake my head when she tries to hand me the change back. Adi comes back with the sub and hands it to Ness.
“Enjoy,” Lilianna smiles. “Later, Y/N.”
“Bye, y’all,” I wave heading back to the car.
“I’ll drop you off at the tower, that way you don’t need to walk in the cold,” Ness says, ducking into the driver’s seat.
“You sure? It’s only a few blocks,” I say.
“Get in, Y/N.”
“Okay, fine, thank you. I appreciate it,” I chuckle.
We get back onto the road and turn onto Madison.
“Can’t miss it, can you?” she asks airily, pulling up to the private entrance of Stark Tower.
“That’s kinda his thing,” I chuckle, flashing my I.D. badge at the security guard. She nods and the gate slides open, allowing Ness to drive up to a pair of glassy doors.
“Thanks again for the ride.”
“Thanks for lunch,” she smiles. “See you Thursday!”
“See you!” I call, shutting the door and waving as I walk to the front doors.
I smile at the security guard Hank, and head to the elevator, swiping my I.D. badge and waiting patiently as it drops a few dozen floors. When the doors slide open, I walk in, pressing level 90 before leaning against the back wall, humming along to Rock and Roll by Led Zeppelin which plays quietly over the speaker. When the doors finally open to Tony’s lab, the music that was moments ago a gentle hum is now blasting like I’m at a concert.
“Hey Tony!” I yell over the music. He’s facing away, head bobbing and hands waving across a transparent screen. “Tony! F.R.I.D.A.Y.! Lower the music, will you?!”
The music halves in volume and I let out a bit of a sigh.
“Hey, I was listening to that,” Tony turns, sending me a dead look.
“You’re going to make yourself go deaf,” I chastise. “Breaktime anyways.” I drop onto a chair beside a desk and reach into the bag, handing one sub to Tony and placing the other in front of me. “So, how’s it going?” I ask, eyeing the blueprint on the screen beside us.
“Not bad, I think this mark could work, I just need to finalize the programming,” he nods, taking a huge bite of his sandwich. “Now, tell me about your seamstresses.”
He loves to get me going.
“Nano-tailors,” I say pointedly. “They would be a secondary bot that could mend the suit in real-time,” I explain, taking a bite of my sandwich before standing up and heading to the screen, tapping until I find my files. “Your nanites are great, but they lessen the integrity of the suit because they are independent of each other—”
“Yes, but that’s why I have those stabilizers, they’ll fix that issue,” Tony interrupts, placing his sandwich on the table before getting up and coming to stand beside me, arms crossed over his chest.
“But you still have weak points,” I point to the digital prototype. “The nano-tailors will be proactive in fixing any breaks in the suit, continually reinforcing it.” He eyes the schematics on the screen, moving them around to see their shape, so I continue. “They are smaller than the nanites, so I was thinking they could be inlaid between them,” I enlarge a sample pattern, “meaning they could respond immediately wherever the suit is damaged, and if we put in these tracks,” I swipe to the next image, “they could also be transferred cross-suit if there is significant damage in one region.”
“Hmm,” he hums, eyes scanning the screen. “That’s good. But if we put them in this order,” he says, pulling my sample apart and re-organizing it, “they can be used as stabilizers as well… F.R.I.D.A.Y., what is the suits integrity with this variation?”
“Suit integrity increases by 15% with the nano-tailors in this pattern.”
Tony claps once and nods. “Alright,” he mumbles, pulling various schematics together and tapping things that I don’t understand. “Alright, F.R.I.D.A.Y., can you add these changes into my programming and make sure everything still runs correctly?”
“You’ve got it, boss.”
“Nice work,” he nods before turning back to the desk and picking up his sandwich.
“I know, I’m wonderful,” I smile, going back to the spot I was sitting at earlier.
We’re just finished eating when F.R.I.D.A.Y. finishes running the program. “Everything is a go,” her voice says happily.
“How long do you think fab will take?”
“Should be ready tomorrow by noon, boss.”
“Great, any chance you’re in the city tomorrow?” He turns to me.
“No, I was planning on staying home. I’ll be back on Thursday though.”
“Well, depending on how first tests go, I’ll come out to the Compound. Show off my new suit,” he smirks.
“Sounds good, the house has been quiet without you stomping around the last month,” I chuckle. I check the time on my phone before crumpling up the sandwich paper. “Alright, I’m gonna head out. I have a call scheduled for 2:00 with the manager of the band we have booked for the gala to finally get the damn music straightened out.”
“Want to use the office upstairs?”
“Nah, I still need to stop at Michael’s, and I want to be home before it’s dark.”
“You know there are people who can do that stuff for you?” Tony asks with a brow raised.
“I don’t mind, it keeps me busy,” I shrug.
“Okay… Well, let me know if you want me to hire someone to help out.”
“Thanks, Tony,” I laugh and stand up, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“See you Y/N. I’ll have your car brought around.”
“You’re the best,” I call as the elevator doors close. I lean against the back wall again, music now just a whisper above my head.
I get to the ground floor and make my way outside. The grey Audi that Tony demands I drive sits out front, and a young man in a black suit hops out, holding the door open for me.
“Thanks Jordan, see you later,” I smile.
“Drive safe,” he nods before heading back inside.
I pull onto the road and begin my trek home.
⁂
I pull to a stop at the security hut that sits just inside the Compound’s gates.
“Hello Y/N, how was your day?” Lisa smiles, writing something on a clipboard.
“It was good, thanks, how are you?” I ask politely with a forced smile.
“Good as always. You’re good to go, have a nice evening.”
When I came back, it took a month before the WSC even let me think about leaving the property. They felt it was too big a risk, because even without the influence of Hydra’s conditioning, they didn’t want me having a mental breakdown and going berserk on someone.
Back in September they agreed to let me leave to go to therapy sessions—but only if I had an escort plus an agent to tail us. It took a month to be able to drop the agent, and thankfully now, rather than needing to have an escort, I just need to check in with someone so they know where I am.
And somehow, Renner convinced them to dial back the security at the Compound… something about how it could agitate me. They agreed—as long as he updates them about my status and vouches that I’m stable enough to not need them. They still have to be here and need to know my whereabouts, but the thirty-person team is now down to ten.
Considering what I’ve done, I think I’ve been lucky. Because of the lack of charges and other legal stuff I don’t understand, I was allowed to walk. The trail was completely private, done under the WSC, so thankfully, everything I did wasn’t made public knowledge… although I know there are speculations and stories.
I’m thankful that I haven’t been taken away, but I still feel guilt for what I did to those four patients.
I send her another tight smile before pulling forward, making my way down the long driveway, and pulling the car into its spot around the side of the building. I let out a deep breath and lay my forehead against the steering wheel.
That call went terribly.
I ended up being placed on hold for forty-five minutes before the band manager finally answered, then, he proceeded to argue about the music choice with me for the rest of my drive.
By the time I got off the phone, I was five minutes away from the Compound and thirty minutes from the nearest Michael’s.
That’s a tomorrow problem.
I grab my bag from the passenger side and hurry to the front door, weaving through the halls and heading straight up the stairs. I turn into my room and drop my stuff beside my bed as I flop onto my comforter, letting out a long, slow breath.
That manager gave me a headache.
When we hired him, we gave him samples of the music we wanted at the gala. He agreed. But then yesterday he left me a voicemail saying he felt the band wouldn’t be using their full potential with our song choices, so we had to change them.
I bury my face further into my pillow and sigh.
It’s fine.
It worked out.
It only took over an hour, a missed exit, and a splitting headache to get there.
A knock brings my attention to the door, and I peek behind me. “Hey doll, you seemed a little stressed when you came in, so I made some tea,” Bucky says, walking over with a mug in hand.
“You’re amazing,” I mumble as he places the mug on the side table. I put my hand out and he takes the hint and falls onto the bed beside me.
“Bad drive?” he chuckles as I cuddle into his side.
“No, I just got off the phone with the manager for the band we hired for the gala. He was a total douche and gave me a headache from his stupidity,” I grumble.
“What happened?”
“He told me the band wouldn’t play the music we chose because it would be a waste of them and their talent, and that I just don’t understand real music, and that I should let him speak to the man in charge because I obviously wasn’t understanding.”
“Hmm, and what did you say?” He asks, fingers gently running across my temple.
“That I would pull the band if they wouldn’t play the music we chose, then would publicly and aggressively drag his management skills. What I wanted to say, was something along the lines of how much of a waste of the male species he is, but I thought that might be a little rude…”
Bucky lets out a laugh and I smile a little. “I would have paid to see that,” I feel him shake his head. “You got it all figured out though, right?”
“Thankfully yah, he ended up giving in to our music. It just took forever.”
Bucky nods and pulls me a little closer. “Sorry you had to deal with him, but at least it’s over.”
“Mhmm,” I mumble, tucking my head onto his chest. “What did you do today?”
“Not much of anything, just training.”
“Mmm, that sounds nice,” I yawn, eyes closed and only half paying attention.
“Doll, if you fall asleep, you won’t sleep tonight,” Bucky says quietly into my hair.
“Just a short nap…” I whisper. His chest rumbles as he chuckles before pulling me closer and placing a kiss on the top of my head. “Love you, babe,” I mumble.
“Love you too,” he says quietly.