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People around Lee Jeno always say he has the perfect life. He bought his own house at the ripe age of 25. He's the co.owner of a successful Dessert Café Franchise: Sweet and Salty, all around the outskirts of Seoul, the heart of South Korea. He has the money, the looks and an impeccable charm to blend in with the elite crowd. A self-evident 'heartbreaker' as Na Jaemin, his childhood best friend would describe.
Lee Jeno, the heartbreaker of any lady or gentleman who throw themselves at him. Asking for a date, for a fuck, for his hand in marriage which he'd deny over and over again.
Also the same guy who got his own heart—shattered, and trampled into pieces by little-oh Huang Renjun, the closeted emo gay in high school.
Now, standing right in front of him, is the said supposed emo boy, as he orders a plate of chocolate banana crêpes at the register Jeno had temporarily taken over.
"I said I would like to use my card," Renjun repeated; eyebrows raised in his vanilla-coloured vest, faded out jeans, and sporting a two-toned black and blond long hair, while standing hand-in-hand with a 2 or 3 year old child. Honestly, what. the. fuck.
The words escaped Jeno's lips before he could even stop himself. "8 years later and you're still pretending to be a het?" He scoffed. It was rude and really, if you knew Lee Jeno, you'd know he wasn't the type to show anyone a bad attitude. But this was Huang Renjun in front of him, and he loved him with all his heart, emphasis on the past tense there—yet Jeno felt so disgustingly cheated on, and toyed. As if their one year secret relationship in Grade 12 never meant more than an experiment to confused gay little Renjun, whereas to 17 year old Jeno, Renjun had meant the entire world to him.
Renjun's eyes widened, a flash of hurt and guilt glazed over. If he tightened his grip on the child with him, it would only be his and the kid's secret. Jeno was too angry to show any proper manners so Renjun had to act as the mature one. "Let's not do this here, Jeno." Renjun pleaded and it was a look that Jeno was frankly familiar with. This was the same expression Renjun would give him every time he warns him to, "Be more subtle next time, Jeno! Stop trying to holding my hand! What if your friends start suspecting something? Worse—what if they notice and tell my parents?! I'm not ready for anyone to know! I told you! No one can know about us!"
Renjun was a breath of fresh air from his highly demanding parents, and the unconditional love Jeno sought and craved for. But he was also built very fragile. Because as quickly as did Renjun fall for him, is as quickly as he had fallen out of love from Jeno. What's most painful is that Jeno had a front row seat to the unblemished process of how Huang Renjun once loved a Jeno, unloved a Jeno, before choosing to leave a Jeno.
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"It's just all too much for me. You're too much for me, Jeno. I'm so sorry. But I can't—I can't keep trying to squeeze myself into your bubble and pretending like everything is okay. I'm not like you. I'm not strong enough to risk everything for you. We're no good. You're hurting me and I know I'm hurting you too. So please, please, it's selfish on my part, but I think we should end this. No more hiding and no more lying. Let's break up."
Jeno didn't know when he, too, started crying, but he realized his cheeks were wet and tasted the salt water that landed above his lips. "B-but you loved me right?"
Renjun had sobbed in response. "I- loved you so much."
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"Hey Mr.," the child called out with a frown as he tugged on Renjun's hand firmly. He could feel the gloomy aura vibrating from Renjun’s body and immediately took action. "Don't be mean to my dad."
Jeno's attention suddenly switched to the child. Those innocent brown eyes glared straight at him, challenging him despite having a host of such a small but fiery body. He resembled his dad a lot it would seem. Jeno knew then and there that he had lost this argument. He felt utterly defeated. "I’m…sorry," he says in shame. Jeno then willed himself to punch in their order to play civil. "So one chocolate banana crêpes and two vanilla milkshakes. Please swipe your card here." It's been eight long years. He has to move on eventually. If Renjun can accomplish that then so can he. They both live different lives now.
Jeno is a successful business man today, rich and hot, known as a ‘heartbreaker’.
Renjun, on the other hand, is a mellowed-down dad. And there is a copy-and-paste gene of his clutching at his leg.
"Thank you," Renjun whispers after paying for his and his kid's order. "I-" he hesitates but says it nonetheless, "met Jaemin awhile ago, but I told him not to tell you." Jeno momentarily froze at the new found knowledge. "He has my contacts so if ever you want to, talk, and catch up. You can get it from him.” After the father and child walked to their table, Jeno could finally let out the air he was struggling so badly to hold.
His heart stung.
His mind blurred.
He tried his best to avoid looking at their direction.
He called Jisung, one of his staff, to run the cash register.
Wordlessly, Jeno marched into the staff room, his body convulsing. He untied his apron, and threw it haphazardly on the bench before slamming a fist against the locker door in frustration. He tried to muffle his scream of fit with gritted teeth, but wasn’t sure of how loud he was speaking to actually confirm it. “What now, Lee Jeno?! What now?! You waited for him all this time when he never even thought of you! You’re pathetic. You’re a fucking loser. You—“
His phone rings. As soon as Jeno sees the contact name, he answers it.
“Yo Jen-“
”Why didn’t you tell me,” Jeno bombarded.
“What are you-“
“Renjun. About Renjun. And the fact that he has a kid. You kept it a secret from me, Jaem.”
Jaemin’s breath hitched from the other side of the line. “It was—mutually agreed on. He wasn’t ready. And I didn’t want you to meet him if he wasn’t. No matter how much you missed him and wanted to see him. We shouldn’t force him.”
Jeno broke into a cry, all his guards laid down. “He has a child. It’s so wrong. I know it’s wrong but—Jaemin, I still want to be with him. It’s always been him for me. He’s the reason why I never pursued a serious relationship. Why I hate commitments. I was afraid of getting hurt again. And this whole damn universe knows—and they’re mocking me for it—that I only ever loved him. I couldn’t try with anyone else.”
He sounded so foiled and discouraged. It was absolutely maddening.
“My own heart won’t allow me,” Jeno confesses bitterly. “I get it—I know—it only beats for Renjun. Even though he once hurt me.”