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Minding his own business was how Robin would have described himself when Maria found him. He usually always was, and as usual, she didn’t beat about the bush.
"Can you do me a favour?" She asked as she reached him.
"Maybe,” He said, looking up at her from the log he was sitting on, “Depends what it is,"
"Well I can't tell you unless you promised to do it first," Maria replied impatiently, her hands rising to her hips.
"And I'd have to be pretty stupid to agree to do something without any idea of what it was first, wouldn't I?" Robin pointed out.
"You're always doing stupid things,” She answered dismissively, “That's the difference between us, I always think things through while you just-"
"‘Always think things through?’” Robin interrupted incredulously, “You never think things through! You just dive headfirst into whatever mad idea occurs to you!"
"That is completely untrue,” Maria denied loftily, “Just what evidence have you got to back a claim like that up?"
"Off the top of my head?” Robin scoffed sarcastically, “How about the time you just wandered into Castle Black looking for the Moon Pearls?"
"That doesn't count," Maria dismissed.
"Why not?"
"Because it went exactly to plan. I found out what I needed to know didn't I? You didn't have the pearls,"
"And was it also part of your plan to get thrown into the dungeons?"
"I got out!"
"By sheer luck. Just because you happen to get the outcome you want does not mean you have thought something through-"
"As long as it works, what does it matter? Your ideas never do, do they?"
"The only ideas of mine that never work are the ones involving you, because you’re completely unpredictable and reckless!"
"You see, there you go again, making completely unsubstantiated accusations that you have no way of proving-"
"Oh for god's sake!” Robin exclaimed, reaching the end of his patience, “What? What is it that you want me to do? You're only going to end up arguing me into an early grave so I might as well do it so I can get some damned peace beforehand!"
"Don't swear and don't exaggerate,” Maria frowned, “It's not like I want you to break into a bank-"
"-Oh good-" Robin muttered under his breath.
"-Just my uncle's study,"
He stared at her for a moment. "No,"
"You promised!"
"No I didn't," Robin denied emphatically.
Maria fixed her eyes on him determinately. "You understood the precondition on me telling you was you doing as I asked, so even if you didn’t say the words out loud, you still entered a binding verbal contract, which, in a court of law-"
"I don't care,” Robin interrupted flatly, “I'm not in a court of law and even if I were, any jury would side with me given what I have to put up with on a daily basis trying to keep you out of trouble," He shook his head, "If it’s so important, you do it,"
"Don't be ridiculous," Maria insisted, "A good plan is one in which everyone plays to their strengths and breaking and entering is definitely your area,”
“And what’s yours?” He demanded, “Causing trouble? Battering people into submission with the blunt force of your unreasonable arguments?"
“I will be keeping my uncle distracted while you find a letter,” Maria declared superciliously, “Or perhaps you’d prefer to be caught rifling through his private documents-”
“I’d prefer not to rifle through them at all and I’m not going to,” Robin informed her forcefully, "For Christ's sake, you haven't even told me why it’s so important I apparently break into your uncle's study in the first place!"
"You never asked," Maria shrugged.
"Well this is me asking," Robin scoffed, "Unless that too is a precondition to selling my soul, in which case, I’ll learn to live with my curiosity!"
Maria folded her arms and glared at him. "For Heaven’s sake, would you stop acting like such an overdramatic milksop! I obviously wouldn't ask if it wasn't important and it is. He got a letter at breakfast that he wouldn't talk about!"
Robin raised an eyebrow. "That's all?" He asked, his irritation draining away to be replaced with exasperation, "Well perhaps that’s because it’s none of your business,"
"It’s precisely my business when he's gone and betrothed me to someone!" She retorted.
"What?” This took Robin completely aback, “How do you know that he's done that?" He demanded.
"Because every time I bring up anything close to the subject, he refuses to discuss it," Maria raised her hands and imitated quotation marks, "He just says ‘I'm not to worry about that’ and then immediately changes the subject, which is exactly what happened this morning!"
"That doesn't mean he's betrothed you to anyone," Robin pointed out reasonably.
"You didn't see him,” Maria insisted “I'm telling you; he wants rid of me. You should have seen him the other morning when I rearranged his schedule more efficiently so he could fit more of his tenants in-”
Robin resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Well perhaps if you stopped doing things like that, he might be more likely to share the contents of his letter with you...”
“Oh, I see,” Maria snapped, drawing herself up and glaring at him, “You’re on his side. Well forgive me for wanting know what he’s has planned for my future. I suppose those sorts of decisions, particularly the ones that involve marrying me off to a complete stranger, are nothing to do with me!”
“That’s not- I’m not- I’m not saying-” It took Robin a moment to catch up with this abrupt change of countenance. “Maria, there are no sides here to take. I promise you, you’re worrying over nothing, your uncle has not betrothed you to anyone, definitely not a stranger-”
“Then prove it!” She challenged, her eyes shining with defiance.
“Fine!” Robin exclaimed, springing to his feet, “But if your uncle catches me and presses charges, I swear I am not covering for you in court-”
“Oh well thank you for your faith in my abilities Robin. Perhaps I really should just do it myself after all-”
With a noise of utter frustration and resignation, Robin marched towards the Manor house, unable to help the small measure of pity he felt for Sir Benjamin, and empathy for that man if Maria's ridiculous idea did turn out to be true.
*
Half an hour later, having detained her uncle on the opposite side of Moonacre Manor for twenty minutes, Maria was waiting impatiently for Robin in the Manor gardens. Finally spotting him returning, she stood up from the stone bench she'd been sat on.
“Well?" She asked, the moment he reached her, "What did it say? Did you find it?”
“Oh I found it alright," Robin answered, a surprisingly agitated look on his face, "I could hardly miss something with the De Noir seal could I?"
“The De Noir seal?” Maria echoed in surprise, “It was from your father?”
“Yes. See for yourself,” Robin said shortly, thrusting the letter into her hands, "It's a contract of betrothal, written by my father and your uncle between-"
“Yes, I can see precisely what it is, thank you Robin,” Maria interrupted, her eyes scanning the page before looking up at him, “And you weren’t supposed to take it. Really, and you De Noirs wonder why we suspected you of stealing the Pearls…”
“You wanted proof and so I got it for you!” Robin exclaimed, looking incredibly irritated at this.
“Yes, you’re right, this is proof,” Maria agreed, “Proof that I was right,”
“What?”
“You said my uncle hadn’t betrothed me to anyone," She reminded him, "But he has. So, you were wrong, weren’t you?”
“That’s what you’re focussing on here?" Robin demanded in disbelief, "May I remind how upset you were about the thought of being engaged a mere twenty minutes ago? To the point where you made me break into your uncle’s study?”
“I wasn’t upset about being engaged," She disagreed, "I was upset about being engaged to some foolish oaf I didn’t know. But I know you,”
“So that's it?” Robin asked, ignoring the insult he was sure was in there somewhere, “It doesn’t bother you at all that I’m the one you’re betrothed to?”
“Why would it?” Maria replied with a slight shrug, “If I was engaged to someone else, I wouldn’t be able to see you and that’s the opposite of what I want. Do you have any idea how boring my life would be without you?” Folding the letter up, she handed it back to him, “Now, go and put this back before my uncle notices it's missing!”
Robin, however, only stood there, staring first down at the letter, and then at her.
“What?" Maria asked, seeing the unreadable expression on his face, “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You-” A strange gleam had entered his eyes, "-are mad. Completely mad,” Robin shook his head before taking a step towards her, “Do you realise that I haven’t had a single day’s peace since you arrived in the Valley? How much trouble you're constantly getting me into? You drive me absolutely insane-”
“Robin,” Maria broke in, looking highly unimpressed, “If this is your idea of a proposal-”
He shook his head. “We’re already betrothed,” He reminded her, “So I don't need to propose,”
“Well that doesn’t mean you don’t have to make any effort or that you can start taking liberties and talking to me like that-”
“You’ve done nothing but take liberties where I’m concerned, you treat me like your personal lapdog-”
“I’ve done nothing of the sort!” Maria cried, looking offended by this, “I’ve never once made you do anything you didn’t want to, it’s always been entirely of your own free will-”
“Because if I didn’t do what you wanted, you’d have done it anyway and I swore to myself I’d never let you put yourself in danger again,” Robin interrupted, taking another step forward.
“I can take care of myself.” She huffed, folding her arms.
“Then why do you always drag me into the middle of everything?”
“Well, if it’s such a problem I'll refrain from dragging you into anything in the future-”
“Don't you dare,” Robin ordered, tugging apart the arms she’d defiantly folded together, “Life would be so dull it wouldn't be worth living-”
“I said that first,” Maria pulled a hand from his grasp to prod him in the chest, “Although I suppose it’s an improvement on you insulting me-”
“I didn't insult you,”
“You called me mad!”
“You called me a foolish oaf,”
“Well you are,”
“And you are mad,”
Inches apart now, one of his hands was still holding her arm, the other at her waist. Her own was flat against his chest, ready to push him away, even as they drifted inevitably closer…
“What the devil are you two doing?” Sir Benjamin’s voice cracked over them like a whip. “Stop it at once! You can’t kiss each other- Not in front of me!”
“Why should you mind if we are?" Maria regarded her uncle with some impatience, annoyed at this ill-timed interruption, "You’re the one who betrothed me to him,” She accused.
“Well of course I did, who else was I going to betrothed you to?” Sir Benjamin replied with the same impatience as his niece, “The pair of you are practically inseparable and I’m fed up making excuses for it!”
“Then what’s the problem?” Maria asked, looking at her uncle with raised eyebrows, holding tight to Robin’s scarf as he tried to prise it away from her and step backward.
“The problem is I haven’t told you yet!” Sir Benjamin exclaimed, watching Robin’s futile efforts before shaking his head, as if to return to the point his niece had distracted him from, “How did you find out?”
“Robin broke into your study to find the letter you received this morning,” Maria shrugged.
Sir Benjamin closed his eyes. “Of course he did,” He muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“I did not break into your study,” Robin exclaimed. Finally managing to break away, he shot a reproachful glare at Maria before turning to Sir Benjamin apologetically, “Well, yes, I did, but not by choice, Maria railroaded me into it-”
“Just whose side are you on here?” Maria exclaimed, scowling at Robin.
“The side where I don’t get into trouble,” Robin hissed back.
“And you think that’s my uncle’s?” Maria demanded.
“Good luck, Robin,” Sir Benjamin interjected, sparing Robin a brief look of pity.
Maria froze. “I beg your pardon Uncle?” She asked, turning to look at her uncle with extremely narrowed eyes.
But Sir Benjamin, having held out his hand for his letter, which Robin hastily handed back, had already turned and marched away.
“The nerve of him!" Maria fumed, her eyes on her uncle’s retreating back, "I swear I’m going to-”
“-Be quiet and kiss me,” Robin interrupted.
Maria turned to Robin, her eyebrow raised. “Oh am I indeed?”
“Fine,” Robin corrected himself, “I’m going kiss you,”
“That's more like it...” Maria said with a smile of approval. And before she could boss him about any further, he did exactly that.