Archive of Our Own

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
'Cause they're all wrong
I know better
'Cause you said forever and ever
Who knew?

It’s funny how they foolishly believed without a doubt that nothing would ever come between them. How nothing could ever stop them. That they’d be together forever, through thick and thin, rain or shine, highs and lows – everything and anything. No matter what happened, they’d always find a way to stick it out. There was no hurdle high enough that they couldn’t overcome if they just had each other. All they needed was each other - after all, it was them against the world. That was how it was for them and that was how they believed that it always would be. Nothing would ever change.

Clearly, that was the naivete speaking, for they were still so young and clueless.

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool

Who would have thought that all it would have taken for them to be broken apart was being in high school?

It sounds so trivial looking back at it, because how could high school have such a catastrophic impact on their relationship? But that was exactly where their foundation started to crumble and things between them began to fall apart.

To be more precise, the changes started just before high school, back in middle school – but they were small, barely noticeable at that time. In high school, the changes became too much to be ignored and they had no idea how to deal with it – so they spiralled until they could no longer contain them. Maybe if they tried harder, they could have prevented the fallout...But maybe it was never meant to be.

Why bother lamenting over the what ifs when there was no guarantee that it would have made a difference anyways? Everything happens for a reason. Leave the past in the past and focus on the future. This seems like wishful thinking, especially when you’re still lamenting over the painful reminder of what was lost to the past. Can you really move on when you’re still bombarded by the memories?

How do you cope when the person you thought you knew better than yourself becomes a stranger right before your eyes? They’ve become someone you can’t even recognize even though they’ve been there all along. It’s a change that you’re completely powerless to stop, especially when you yourself has changed as well.

Both of you changed and became different people. As you changed, so did your relationship.

Change is inevitable, but did it have to be so difficult? Challenges are what will make or break a person.

That is what happens in life, things are bound to change - nothing will stay the same forever, because nothing can stand the test of time.

Fate and time go hand and hand with each other.

The thing about fate is that it’s fickle and finicky. You never know what may happen in the future. After all, you can control your destiny but you can’t control your fate.

You may waste time waiting to find out your fate whilst time passes you by.

Time waits for no one and fate is inevitable.

They believed that they were destined to be friends forever, but their fate told a different tale. Their story wasn’t as smooth sailing as they imagined that it would be.

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around

When Jeno and Jaemin first met each other, they were toddlers, barely able to talk and walk but still able to feel that instant connection with each other that resulted in them becoming fast friends. Being bosom buddies at such a young age (and so close in age), they experienced so many of their firsts together because they grew up side by side. Wherever one went, the other would follow – holding hands along the way.

From getting their first boo boo to losing their first tooth to going to their first day of school together. There were so many experiences that they shared together, memories that they would remember fondly for the rest of their lives.

Their friendship was just one of those things that made sense – they got along easily and they liked the same things. Their relationship was simple and uncomplicated, they were just two boys who really enjoyed each other’s company and wanted to spend as much time together as they could.

Meeting someone who matched you so well in everything was a blessing – it was nothing short of a dream come true. They were fated to be friends.

Regardless, it was normal to develop different interests and hobbies after a while, because even though they were so very similar in certain aspects, they were still two different people at the end of the day. Being friends didn’t mean that they had to be exactly alike.

Whilst they were both introverts, that didn’t stop them from going out into the world and doing what they wanted to do.

Jeno was always the more athletic one out of the both of them and extremely competitive when he gets in the zone, whereas Jaemin could barely even muster up the stamina to keep up in any athletic activity and did not have one competitive bone in his body. It was no surprise when Jeno announced that he wanted to try out for the basketball team. Jaemin had noticed him eyeing the practices and brimming with excitement as he watched the games. In fact, it was Jaemin who encouraged him to try out after seeing Jeno admire the sport from a distance for so long. Jeno always had a love for the sport and was always eager to play, so why not go for it?

Sure, it would cut into the time they spent with each other after school if Jeno made the team, but Jaemin wouldn’t want to be the reason why Jeno wasn’t able to do the things he liked – he’d regret it if he held Jeno back from anything.

Jeno and basketball was a winning combination. He not only made the team but he made an amazing first impression. He was the star rookie player, one of the youngest to make the cut.

Jeno shined on the court and his eyes shone even brighter every time he spoke about basketball.  He lived and breathed the sport. There was no way that he wasn’t meant to be on the team and become a star player – both of which he achieved in no time with all the hidden potential he had up his sleeve. Lee Jeno was a force to be reckoned with on (and off) the court and soon, everyone would recognize this.

Jeno wasn’t particularly shy per say, – he was more reserved by nature – but he loved the attention and the appreciation. Being in the spotlight boosted his confidence and fed his ego, slowly breaking him out of the shell he hid behind and groomed him into the charming man he became.

Besides, with Jeno giving his all in his hobby, this gave Jaemin the opportunity to explore his love for photography. When Jeno was out sweating on the court, he was processing pictures in the dark lab. He was learning more about his craft and how to hone his skills. Photography was something he was passionate about and genuinely enjoyed spending his time doing.

There was an art to capturing a scene at just the right moment – forever frozen in time for someone to look back at in awe. Jaemin wanted to take pictures of whatever he could find and keep those memories with him forever. One of his favourite subjects of course was Jeno – snapping shots of him at each of his games and at his practices. Jeno photographed so beautifully – from his expressions to his poses – there was always something so magnetic about his presence that Jaemin wanted to take a picture of it. He could honestly stare at Jeno’s face forever.

Jaemin hadn’t thought much about Jeno being handsome before, but it suddenly hit him one day that his best friend was insanely attractive. Jaemin certainly wasn’t the only one to notice how good looking Jeno was either, he gained many other admirers over time – so much to the point where Jaemin felt like he had to be competing for his attention and affection.

But Jaemin wasn’t worried. He knew Jeno would still choose him at the end of the day over everyone else.

That was another naïve assumption he made the mistake of making.

Their newfound hobbies brought forth newfound friends.

For so long, it had just been Jeno and Jaemin, best friends since they were in diapers. They were still best friends who spent a lot of time together, but they also ended up spending time with other people as well. With new friends, came new interests as well – especially since now their friend circles didn’t overlap. The time they ended up spending together shortened immensely over the following months.

Jeno ended up befriending Yangyang and Mark, two other guys who were on the basketball team with him. Whilst Jaemin ended up befriending Renjun and Jisung – he met Renjun through a shared art class and Jisung because he mentored him after class.

Jeno was already into video games before, but with friends who liked to game as much as he did, he started playing them even more than he did before – Yangyang and Mark would game together after practice for hours on end. Jaemin preferred to be in the kitchen and since Renjun was also pretty skilled in the kitchen, they did a lot of cooking together, finding new recipes to try – and of course, having Jisung be the taste tester so that he doesn’t get left out. He of course, made sure to save a few for Jeno because he wouldn’t want his best friend getting left out of the goodies.

This arrangement worked out for the best since Jaemin wasn’t the biggest gamer and Jeno wasn’t the best cook.

Their hobbies weren’t the only things that differed over time, their fields of study also became a major difference.

Jeno noticed that he excelled in more technical areas in school and had a keen eye for detail, tinkering around with cars was another one of the hobbies he picked up. He was amazed by the car designs that he had seen and was fascinated by the process of building a car from scratch, so he thought to himself that this was something that he wanted to pursue as a career. This was how he made the choice to do mechanical engineering. Jaemin on the other hand, always had a desire to help people and was fascinated by how the human body worked. He enjoyed doing the sciences and learning more about each subject. This was something he could see himself doing because he wanted to be the kind of person who could save someone’s life. He wanted to be the one to make a difference, which was why he decided that he wanted to do medicine.

Therefore, in addition to their hobbies, they ended up spending even more time away from each other and focused on their studies – Jeno spending his time in the mechanical workshop when he’s not at practice and Jaemin spending his time in the labs when he’s not doing his photography.

Their hobbies were put on the back burner for their majors, but so was their relationship – even though it wasn’t a conscious decision at the time.

Puberty was another huge change. Growth spurts, muscles building and their voices deepening – puberty came through and did what it did best. Jeno and Jaemin experienced nothing short of a glow up.

Their bodies were changing and people were taking notice. It was hard not to notice when they were growing into their looks so well. They went from just handsome to tall, toned and handsome.

Jeno’s basketball star status coupled with his brilliant mind and dashing good looks, made him one of the most desirable guys in school and his popularity continued to grow every day.

Jaemin’s looks were nothing to scoff at, he was easily one of the most handsome guys at school, but was nowhere near as popular as Jeno because he mostly kept to himself and his small group of friends. Unlike Jeno, he wasn’t as fond of all that attention. Jaemin preferred to hide away out of the spotlight. He was happy that Jeno was getting the appreciation that he deserved, but he wanted no part in it.

It seemed like the popularity was affecting their relationship, because the more popular Jeno got, the less time he spent with Jaemin. Even when he was with Jaemin, he was so easily distracted by everything else – his mind was far away from wherever they were. Sometimes it seemed like Jeno was looking right through him. It even felt like Jeno was avoiding him at times but Jaemin was reluctant to believe that he would resort to doing that. Jeno was his best friend, what reason could he possibly have to avoid him? It’s not as if Jaemin treated him any differently than usual for him to behave like that. Yet, why did it feel like something was wrong?

As much as Jaemin tried to reassure himself that everything was okay and that their friendship was still as strong as ever, he could see the seams starting to show as things were unravelling right before his eyes.

Spending time together was starting to feel like a chore and it was no longer as fun as it used to be before. They used to be able to have fun even when they weren’t doing anything in particular – now their time together was strained silence instead of loud laughter. Their weekly sleepovers and movie night were far and few in between. Their study sessions were scrapped in favour of studying with their friends or rather, people who shared the same subjects as them. Their nightly calls were no longer nightly, maybe a few times a week at best. So many of the things they used to do together religiously weren’t being done anymore.

Jeno would rather spend his weekends out partying whilst Jaemin would rather venture out to do voluntary work. Their lifestyles were now on completely opposite ends of the spectrum. There was something missing from their relationship and it became glaringly obvious as the days went on.

They used to be so clingy – like magnetic forces that attract – always touching and gravitating towards each other, but now they could barely even look at each other much less touch each other. The distance between them was no longer mental, it was physical as well. They were growing apart more and more each day.

Instead of them trying to communicate, it was all missed calls and unanswered texts because they couldn’t find the right words to say – so they ended up saying nothing. They let it fester, leaving their friendship out to dry. Talking to each other felt like an obligation instead of an actual desire. The driving force to keep them together them was dying because they were being pushed further apart.

At some point, it felt like Jaemin was the only one trying to put some effort into their relationship because Jeno had way too many other things to focus on that seemed more important than making time for his best friend. Jaemin felt neglected, tossed aside and ignored – he wasn’t a child that needed constant attention or validation, but he would have at least liked to not feel as if he was a second option.

Jeno wouldn’t even look at him the way he used to before. He wouldn’t even smile at him the way he did before. He would turn him away and give him empty excuses, leaving Jaemin hurt and confused.

Clearly something was going on with Jeno, but he couldn’t even fathom what it was? He didn’t want to be the one to push, but what could he do otherwise? Jeno barely spoke to him anymore and he was getting tired of being rejected. As much as he loved Jeno as a friend, he wasn’t going to let anyone take him for a fool. If Jeno didn’t want to talk to him, then he would give him his space. Jaemin would leave him well alone.

After a while, Jaemin just gave up and decided to focus on his future. He didn’t want to let the friendship go, he wanted to fight for what they have – but what is the point of fighting when he’s the only one putting up a fight?

He cared, maybe he cared a little bit too much, because he was doubting how much Jeno even cared in comparison.

Did Jeno even care anymore these days?

He had to reassess his priorities, just like Jeno clearly did. It was time for him to choose himself. He’s put Jeno first so many times and for what? Where has that gotten him in the end?

Where did his best friend go? Who was this guy who was giving him the cold shoulder? He couldn’t recognize this person. He wanted the old Jeno back. Unfortunately, in life, we don’t always get what we want. Jaemin knows that all too well, because this isn’t a fantasy.

He needs to focus on the more important things in his life right now, namely his studies. This is a crucial time for him to get his life in order.

Jeno may be smarter, but Jaemin studied harder. He wanted to get into med school and he was determined to do so at any means necessary. He was going to do his best no matter what.

Worrying about his relationship with Jeno wasn’t going to make his dreams of becoming a doctor a reality. So, he set his sights on boosting his GPA and signing up for whatever courses and programmes that he could to push him that bit further.

When the opportunity was awarded to him to spend his final year of high school doing pre-med programme at one of the more prestigious high schools in the country – he accepted it with open arms. This was his dream; he wasn’t going to turn it down for anything. This was the one of the moments that he had been waiting for. He was one step closer to being a doctor.

Unfortunately, it meant that he would have to move away – leaving his friends and his family behind. Moving away was never an easy task, especially since he never thought he’d be moving before he left for university. It was an early start for him in being on his own, but he knew he’d be able to manage one way or another.

He would miss everyone dearly, especially Jeno, but just like how he didn’t want Jeno to put his life on hold for him, he wasn’t going to put his life on hold for Jeno. This was something that he needed to do for himself. This was his time to shine. He had to make this opportunity count.

Ultimately, this move was the straw to break the camel’s back of their relationship because Jeno did not take the news well – understandably so, because Jaemin hadn’t bothered to fill him in beforehand that he applied for this programme in the first place. Jaemin had hoped that Jeno would have taken the news a bit better, but that never went as planned. Jeno felt blindsided by the news and he was furious.

Not only was he furious, he was hurt. He was losing his best friend – or maybe he had already lost him but he refused to believe it.

It led to their biggest fight yet and the one that ended their friendship once and for all. They said some words to each other that they’d never be able to take back. They let out all the hurt and pain that they had bottled up over the past months and threw it back in each other’s faces. After screaming at each other, they went back home to cry their hearts outs, wallowing in their pain and misery.

Even though it felt as if they got everything that they wanted to say off of their chests, there was so much more that was left unsaid – so many words that they were afraid to say to each other that they held themselves back.

Why ruin the relationship even more than it was already ruined?

From that point on, they kept little to no contact with each other – only hearing bits and pieces of each other’s live from word of mouth. Over ten years of friendship went down the drain, just like that. As if it was meaningless in the end.

Though it could never be meaningless to either of them, not with all the wonderful memories they shared and all the time they spent together. Nothing could compare to all of that but nothing could save it either.

It was hard to suddenly lose your best friend, there was no doubt about that – but they both knew that the friendship was hanging by a thread long before that. They were in limbo for the longest while before they eventually broke free and fell into the unknown depths.

Their friendship was precious – it was special, it was unique – it was something they should have treasured more, but instead they chose to let it go and leave it all behind. They had made the mutual decision to cut their losses and move on with their lives.

Of course, it wasn’t a clean cut. How could it possibly be clean when it was all jagged edges, bruised egos and broken hearts?

A friendship like theirs could never end as smoothly as that when so much of their lives had been intertwined. It didn’t feel like the end of a friendship, it felt like the end of a relationship – like an actual break up.

Because how else do you explain why it feels like your heart broke, as if you lost the other half of your soul? How could it be so excruciatingly painful to lose the closest friend you’ve ever had? What can you do the ease the pain inside your heart and quell the storm within your mind?

They were never lovers but their relationship ran much deeper than a regular platonic friendship. They loved each other dearly and deeply, they were kindred souls, they were brethren – but they weren’t in love with each other…At least, not to their knowledge. Yet, what were the odds that they were in love?

Maybe friendship wasn’t enough for them because they were meant to be more? What if they were destined to be lovers instead? What if they loved each other so much that they never realized that they were in love with each other too?

Could it be that they had been in love with each other all their lives, so much so that they never noticed otherwise because it was something that they did without a conscious thought?

Loving each other came as easily as breathing. Shouldn’t being in love with each other be just as easy? If so, then how could they not love one another?

They loved each other so much and yet their friendship still fell apart. Was this a case of love not being enough?

Or was it because they had no idea that their love was mutual so they gave up on it before it had the chance to blossom?

I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything

Since Jaemin had put his all into his studies, Jeno redirected his focus to his studies as well – he left no room for distractions. Jaemin leaving him behind was his wake-up call. His leave was more than a wake-up call, it was a slap to the face. This was the reality check that was long overdue. It was time to get with the programme and get over himself.

If Jaemin was out there achieving his dreams, then he would also make sure that he achieved his dreams too and did his best in his endeavours. Even if Jaemin wasn’t there, he’d still want him to be proud in some way.

Jeno did away with the parties and the popular crowd, only showing up to the major events and keeping contact with his close friends. He was in no mood to entertain them. He thought that they had mattered for a while, but they were so meaningless to him now. It wasn’t the same anymore and he couldn’t be bothered to keep up appearances. Why did he even care this much about them in the first place?

It’s funny how he was so invested in them when Jaemin was still around, but now that he was gone, Jeno couldn’t care less about them. All he wanted to do was hurry up and leave this school so he could start over somewhere new – somewhere that didn’t remind him of Jaemin everywhere he looked.

Jeno could have easily gotten a sports scholarship, but as much as he loved playing basketball and how pumped up he got during a game, that wasn’t his long-term goal. He still has a passion for the sport, but he would rather continue playing as a hobby nowadays instead of seriously. He definitely wanted to study mechanical engineering – he saw his future in engineering, not in basketball. Besides, he knew that athletes had relatively short careers and making it to the big leagues was tough – he wanted something more stable to sustain his lifestyle. He wasn’t fussy, he was content enough to work a 9 to 5 job doing something that can keep him engaged. It puts a lot of strain on the body to be in sports and Jeno would prefer to do a career in a less physically intensive field. He’s picked up his fair share of injuries from playing, luckily nothing too serious yet, but he doesn’t want to take that risk the older he gets.

He’ll continue to play basketball, just not professionally. It’ll be a great way for him to stay fit. He hopes that he can try out for the basketball team at the university, if he ends up making the team again, it’ll make the university experience even better for him. At least he’ll have something else to keep him entertained on campus.

University is going to be a whole new ball game for him – a step up from high school and one step closer to adulthood. He had always imagined that he’d have Jaemin by his side as they started university together – hopefully getting into the same university and becoming roommates – but now, he no longer has Jaemin by his side.

They had even jokingly made plans to go to prom together, but since Jaemin wasn’t there to go with him, he went with one of the pretty cheerleaders who had been crushing on him for a while. He tried his best to enjoy his night, because it was the only time that he’d get to have the whole prom experience. So he went the extra mile – getting a little too tipsy and maybe a bit too handsy whilst making out with his date.

It was a great night, but it would have been better if Jaemin were there with him. Jeno wondered if Jaemin got to celebrate prom wherever he was. He also drunkenly wondered if Jaemin thought of him whilst he was kissing someone else, just like he did with his date. Would their lips taste even sweeter?

Graduation followed along the same vein. Just another event that he wished that Jaemin would have been there for. This was the end of high school for him and yet another reminder of the end of their friendship. It’s the harsh reality that he has to face on his own.

Jaemin’s pre-med programme gave him an in to the full-time medical programme at the university of his choice, whilst Jeno received an engineering scholarship to go to the university of his choice. Ironically, those choices ended up being at the same university.

It seems like the odds might have been working in their favour or maybe it was working against them. Somehow their choices lead them back to each other.

Even though they drifted apart all those years ago, they find themselves in the same place once again. Maybe this was a sign that they couldn’t escape each other as easily as they thought they could or maybe this was a test to prove if they really weren’t meant to be in each other’s lives once and for all.

Who knew?

Stranger things have happened, nothing was impossible. This was clearly proof that their destinies were still intertwined in some way.

However, it would be wise not to hope for too much – not after all that they had been through this last year.

They are not the same boys that they were back then. Age has been kind to them, they’ve both grown into fine young men. Taller, broader and even more handsome than they were before. They’ve matured into their looks and their personalities.

It’s strange feeling so awkward around the person who you used to feel the most comfortable around – the one person who you could have been yourself without any judgement whatsoever - that same person who you swore was your other half.

Instead of going with the flow and doing whatever came to their minds like they used to, they’re second-guessing every movement, every action – wary of upsetting the other because they have no idea how to act around each other anymore.

What is normal when you don’t even know if you still like the same things? How do you act around someone who you don’t even know anymore? When do you stop feeling like you’re walking on eggshells around each other?

Should they ignore each other like the strangers they now are or try to be friendly with each other as if their friendship didn’t dissolve into thin air?

They coincidentally bumped into each other on the day of orientation, not even realizing who it was at first and then doing a double take because they couldn’t believe their eyes.

It’s been a few minutes of them silently sizing each other up, hesitant to break the increasingly awkward atmosphere between them. It’s never been like this before because everything used to be so easy with them, so comfortable and calm, but now it’s tense and stifling. This is an obstacle that they want to get over and done with as soon as possible. But at the same time, they don’t want to leave things as they did before.

Jaemin nervously tucks a stray strand of silky black hair behind his ears as he peers at the blond man before him - looking just as uncomfortable as he feels.

God, why was this so fucking awkward?

“The blond suits you,” he says, admiring Jeno’s lengthy platinum blond locks. He means the compliment; the blond hair makes Jeno glow. He’s always been gorgeous, but he looks stunning in this style.

Jeno runs a hand through his hair in response, “Thanks, I figured it was time to change my look and go for something different.”

That change was just one of the multiple changes that occurred over the past few years. Just thinking about it makes Jaemin feel bitter when he remembers their past.

Oh, how times have changed indeed.

“I guess your looks weren’t the only thing that changed,” Jaemin mutters under his breath, but Jeno hears him all the same.

His gaze hardens and he pokes at the inside of his cheek with his tongue - a habit that he tends to do when he’s annoyed and now, he’s most certainly annoyed. So much for keeping things cordial and casual.

How could he think that this was ever going to be a simple catch up between them? Nothing was ever simple when it came to them anymore – they were long past those kinds of pleasantries after everything that happened between them.

“Are you really going to bring that up now?” Jeno grumbles, “Isn’t that all in the past?”

Why couldn’t they forget about it and move on?

Jaemin narrows his eyes at him and huffs out a humourless laugh. Jeno hates that sound because it is nothing like how Jaemin’s genuine joyous laughs sound – Jaemin’s laughs were the kind of laugh that could put a smile on your face and make you laugh as well. This hollow laugh only makes Jeno’s heart ache.

“It’s easy for you to leave it in the past, since that’s where you left me anyways,” Jaemin snaps, “You left me behind without a second thought.”

That scathing comment feels like a slap to the face for Jeno. He really went there with his words. Jaemin wasn’t holding back his thoughts anymore, so why should Jeno?

“You’re the one who moved away,” Jeno points out with gritted teeth.

“You wouldn’t have noticed me if I stayed anyways,” Jaemin rolls his eyes at him, “There was nothing to keep me here anymore.”

Does that mean that Jeno was nothing?

“I wasn’t enough for you to stay?” Jeno chokes out, the words sound pitiful to his own ears to say.

Jaemin’s eyes soften for a beat, but then his gaze hardens again.

“I wasn’t enough for you to want to continue being my friend, so did it really matter in the end?” Jaemin folds his arms across his chest defensively, as if he’s protecting himself from whatever Jeno has to say next – like he’s expecting Jeno to retort with something scathing that will hurt him even more.

Is this how things are going to be between them now? Worrying about how much they’re going to hurt each other every time they speak. This is what their relationship has deteriorated to. This is the bed of thorns that they’ve made for themselves and now they’re lying in it.

“Why do you make it sound like I never cared about you?” Jeno demands, frustration bleeding into his tone.

Jaemin shakes his head at him in disbelief and sighs.

“Did you really care that much if you could ignore me like that?” Jaemin asks, staring him right in the eyes, making sure to hold his gaze, “Clearly you were too embarrassed to be around me, just because I wasn’t cool enough for you when you suddenly became some hot shot basketball player!”

Jaemin’s raised voice makes Jeno flinch, but he isn’t going to back down about this.

Jeno hisses at him, “Do you think that’s all I cared about?”

“Obviously, since all that popularity got to your head!” Jaemin yells back at him, shaking his hands in the air.

How shallow does Jaemin think he is? Popularity wasn’t the only thing that he cared about. Popularity certainly never mattered much to him in the long run – especially after Jaemin left.

“Jaemin, I have always cared about you, I never stopped!” Jeno pleads with him.

Jeno can see it in Jaemin’s eyes that he doesn’t believe his words, they sound hollow even to himself.

“Well, you could have fooled me, Lee Jeno!” Jaemin cries, his eyes getting teary, “You didn’t care enough to make time for me or to ask me to stay, so why should I believe you now?”

These words make Jeno freeze.

How can he blame Jaemin for feeling like this when he didn’t do anything to make him think otherwise? He did prioritize his popularity over his friendship. He foolishly thought that Jaemin was always going to be there, until he wasn’t there anymore.

“Would you have stayed if I asked you to?” Jeno asks shakily, already dreading the answer.

Jaemin considers him for a moment, peering at him carefully. He chooses his words wisely because he knows that the truth is a bitter pill to swallow.

“That would have been a lot for you to ask of me,” Jaemin answers him, his voice soft, “You know that I wouldn’t have asked that of you.”

It would have been too much to ask for. Jeno would have regretted it if he knew that he kept Jaemin from doing something that he really wanted to do.

“You’re right, that was very selfish of me to ask.”

“It is selfish, because I don’t regret taking that opportunity,” Jaemin explains to him calmly, “This is my dream, Jeno. It would be cruel to give that up and you know that.”

He shouldn’t have to give up his dreams just because Jeno can’t handle his feelings and learn how to prioritize the things that really mattered to him in life. Jaemin mattered, he still matters. How could Jeno ever try to deny that before?

“Would you stay with me now?” the question slips out of his mouth as soon as it crosses his mind.

Jaemin gapes at him, not expecting him to ask that of him at all. Jeno himself is also surprised at his question, but he’s curious about the answer. The timing could have been so much better and so could the delivery, but it’s a question that he doesn’t regret asking.

He never asked Jaemin to stay with him before, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t ask him to stay now.

It’s silent between them for a few beats. This silence is different from before, this is one with budding anticipation.

Jaemin swallows drily, he bites his lip as he glances down at his feet nervously but then he straightens his shoulders and shoots Jeno a loaded look.

“As long as you promise not to leave me behind again,” Jaemin warns him, his tone brokering no room for arguments, “You won’t get a second chance after this.”

Was that a yes? Because if it is, then Jeno will take it!

Jeno doesn’t think that Jaemin understands just how relieved he is to finally hear those words. He has a lot to make up for after all this lost time and he won’t let it go to waste. He won’t let Jaemin down again. He won’t let him go again.

“I promise,” Jeno tells him with conviction, he means it. He will keep his promise.

Jeno raises his pinky finger to Jaemin and the brunet blinks owlishly at the gesture before giggling at him. He raises his pinky too and they entwine their fingers together in their secret handshake – it’s surprising how effortlessly they remembered that after all these years.

Maybe falling back into the hang of things wouldn’t be such an impossible task after all. Even though so many things have changed between them, there are still some things that remain the same. As long as they have each other, they’ll be alright.

After that rocky re-start to their relationship, things fall into place in ways they hadn’t anticipated. There is a familiarity between them, but there is also something novel that adds more layers to their relationship as they figure out how to integrate the changes and make it work. It’s refreshing in a way, because they’re able to learn everything about each other again, but in new ways that they wouldn’t have before.

It’s different of course, but that isn’t a bad thing. Their differences and their similarities are what make their relationship what it is. They have to learn how to embrace the changes and roll with the punches.

It takes a lot of patience and understanding – communication and compromise as well – but they’re getting there, slowly but surely. They’re building their friendship from the bottom up once again.

Seeing Jaemin again and in such close proximity stirs up feelings within Jeno that he thought he had long since buried, but maybe it was impossible to bury something that was so completely ingrained within every fibre of your being.

Jaemin was gorgeous – drop dead gorgeous to be exact. It was hard to look at Jaemin and not be in awe of his beauty. Jeno had never told Jaemin this, but Jaemin was the prettiest person he had ever laid his eyes upon.

Being around Jaemin felt like coming home – probably because Jaemin was his home. There was something warm and welcoming about his presence that always felt so inviting that makes Jeno want to dive into him. There is a charm to Jaemin that Jeno will always find endearing, he finds himself smitten. Jeno thinks that Jaemin is adorable even when Jaemin would rather believe otherwise. He’s completely whipped for his best friend and he really can’t help himself.

From the way Jaemin talks to the way he carries himself, Jeno is completely and hopelessly endeared. How he pouts cutely when he’s sad or annoyed or how his eyes light up when he lays his eyes on something that excites him. Jaemin is such a pleasure to be around. Jeno wants to be with him all the time.

Jaemin was such an integral part of his life for so long, that he became everything to Jeno – to the point where it became a problem. That was the real reason why their relationship fell apart, because Jeno tried to push Jaemin away. Jaemin had always been Jeno’s biggest supporter, he’d been the one who was there for Jeno and yet Jeno couldn’t even give him back that same energy.

Why? Because he was a coward.

How could he ever forget how in love with Jaemin he was before and still is?

Looking back, it was ridiculous for him to believe that he would never fall in love with Jaemin, when Jaemin was everything he could ever want in a partner and more. Jaemin was perfect for him. Not only him, but anyone would be lucky to have Jaemin as their love.

Jaemin was such a blessing in his life and deserves nothing but the best.

Did he really ruin their friendship just because he couldn’t accept his feelings for his best friend? It was such a stupid decision to make because he knew deep down inside that Jaemin was not the kind of person to be cruel to him even if he didn’t return his feelings. However, his pride couldn’t allow him to stand the chance of that happening. He refused to let it get to that point.

It was Jaemin who finally decided that enough was enough and that he wasn’t going to put up with Jeno’s hot and cold behaviour any longer.

He was so worried about ruining their friendship because of his feelings that he ended up ruining it anyways by making Jaemin feel as if he didn’t have any feelings for him. It was like he was bound to screw it all up either way. He really couldn’t win no matter what he chose in the end. Eventually, he was left alone with no more Jaemin in his life and all these unresolved feelings for him.

Should he finally man up and do something about this now? To right the wrongs he committed and be honest about his feeling or to leave this in the past and focus on being the best friend that he can be to the guy who’s been his best friend all his life.

Is he willing to put his heart on the line for real this time?

No take backs and no backing down. It was all or nothing. This was the time for him to make things right.

When someone said count your blessings now
'Fore they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever and ever
Who knew?

For Jaemin, being near Jeno sends a thrill down his spine that wasn’t there before – or rather, not like this. He’s always been so fond of Jeno and he looks forward to spending time with him because he makes him feel things that no one else can. However, this confident and cocky Jeno who somehow manages to leave him breathless without even trying. He makes it so hard to concentrate around him, he can barely focus.

How he looks is so distracting, with the way his arms bulge in his muscle tees and how his abs could give a washboard a run for its money and how his jawline could cut glass. Jeno no longer wears glasses – having done away with the prescription lenses after he did Lasik surgery – but he keeps a pair around for stylistic purposes, maybe old habits really do die hard. He’s not sure how someone can manage to look so attractive with or without glasses. Jaemin may be just a tiny bit more partial to Jeno with glasses just because it reminds him of the days when they used to study together.

He’s come to terms with the fact that he may have developed a crush on Jeno and whilst he may have accepted these feelings now, he’s sure that they’ve been there for years. There is something about Jeno that caught his eye ages ago and he has never been able to look away ever since. No wonder he’s always so eager to take a picture of him whenever he can.

Though for as smooth and suave as Jeno is now, he still has his endearingly dorky moments that never fail to make Jaemin either smile or shake his head. Jeno is still such a gamer and will be deep into his phone playing his games or tapping away at his desktop keyboard as he plays on his PC.

Jeno still has the most adorable eye smile where his eyes crinkle into the cutest crescent moons – it’s actually Jaemin’s favourite feature on him. It reminds Jaemin of the Samoyed that he’s always wanted to have as a pet. Maybe one day, he’ll finally be able to adopt one – and just maybe he’ll bring Jeno along with him when he does so. If they can adopt a pet together and become pet parents, then that would be even better.

It’s nice hanging around each other again. Granted, they’re still not completely comfortable around each other, but they’re getting there. It’s the thought that counts at times like this because it all comes down to the little things in life. What is important is that they’re trying at least. It won’t repair their friendship overnight, but it’s a step in the right direction. If they want to keep their friendship, they have to protect it at all costs – they must treasure it instead of neglecting it like before. They have to nurture it for it to grow and blossom.

Though maybe, they aren’t moving in the direction of friendship…But just a bit further than that into a whole different area. It’s not something conscious at first, just them trying to re-familiarize themselves with each other and yet, they start to get a little greedy…So they push the envelope more and more, to see how far they go as they brush against their boundaries.

Their relationship is continuously evolving and it is definitely crossing the line from platonic to romantic.

There’s no way that they don’t notice the lingering looks and tender touches from each other that weren’t as intimate or seductive as before. Innocent hugs transition into hands sliding under layers of clothing just to graze across warm skin. Watching movies together ends up into cuddling under the cover of blankets.

They’ve always been very touchy with each other, but these newer touches are more deliberate, more insistent, very calculated. Can they really pretend to be oblivious when it’s so obvious that they aren’t as innocent as they used to be? They’re no longer children, they’re two grown guys whose hormones are keyed up enough to recognize the stifling sexual tension that permeates the air between them now. It feels as if they’re at the precipice of something new ready to tip over and take a deep dive into the unknown together. It’s both terrifying and thrilling.

Is it really only the hormones or it is it all of those lingering feelings rising to the surface after all this time? It’s a toss up at this point – probably a little bit of both.

Their relationship wasn’t black and white anymore, it was a mix of grey – different hues and shades. Just a mesh of feelings and thoughts jumbled together that can’t be separated neatly into boxes of platonic and romantic – because to be frank, it’s complicated. Their relationship used to be so simple and so easy – but that was back then, things have changed because they have changed and what they feel for each other has changed.

It’s gotten complicated because things are different now and not in a bad way by any means. Initially, they had resented the differences between them and wished for things to go back to the way they were. However, if it wasn’t for these differences, they wouldn’t be where they are now. They’ve grown and they’ve learned. It’s time for them to move forward, together.

After all, if destiny can reunite them after being apart, it can also unite them as lovers.

Jeno had thought that he’d be able to work up the courage soon to let Jaemin know what was going on in his head, but the brunet beat him to the punch. It turns out that Jeno’s feelings weren’t as unrequited as he thought they were.

Jaemin had been wondering if he was the only one feeling the way he was. He was sure that there was something there between them, but he wasn’t so sure. He still felt insecure at times and he didn’t want to put himself on the spot, but he also couldn’t hold himself back any longer.

“Jeno, do you like me?” Jaemin asks one day out of the blue over lunch – a few months after they reconnected their broken friendship and sparked a new flame between them.

The question causes Jeno’s brain to shut down and then he panics – no doubt, completely unprepared for this conversation and unwilling to put himself through this confrontation now of all times.

“W-what?! Why would you ask me that?!” Jeno blurts out loudly.

Jaemin blinks at his outburst and flushes in embarrassment, not expecting that kind of reaction. Just what was he thinking asking something like that so soon?

“You’re right, it was a stupid question,” Jaemin mumbles, “Why would you even like me anyways? I shouldn’t have asked.”

Jaemin looks so dejected and it pains Jeno to see him looking like that. Why did he react like that? He could have handled that so much better.

“Wait, were you serious?” Jeno asks cautiously, not wanting to upset him any further but eager to know what exactly was going on. He didn’t want there to be any more misunderstandings between them.

Jaemin sighs and glances away from him, refusing to look him in the eye.

“What does it even matter, Jeno?” Jaemin scoffs, “You just made it clear that you think that liking me is such a preposterous occurrence.”

“Jaemin, I – that came out wrong! That’s not what I meant!” Jeno rambles, trying to find the right words to explain himself – or rather how big of an idiot he is. He never meant to give the impression that he thought that Jaemin was unworthy of being liked, especially since he very much likes Jaemin a lot.

Jaemin shakes his head at him, lips jutted out into a sad pout, “I get it, we’re just friends and that’s fine. I guess that’s all that we’ll ever be.”

“Do you want us to be more than friends?” Jeno asks quietly but hopefully. Is this the moment that he has been waiting for?

“What is the point in me hoping for more if it’s never going to happen?” Jaemin rolls his eyes and stands up – quickly packing his things and keeping his eyes lowered. Jeno can see his eyes start to well with tears and the last thing he wants to do is to be the reason that Jaemin cries.

Damn it, Jeno screwed things up once again.

“Jaemin, wait –” Jeno pleads, reaching his hand out but Jaemin slips out of his grip. His reluctance to let Jeno near him hurts more than he would care to admit.

“I’ve got to go,” Jaemin mutters, “Let’s just forget about this.”

Jaemin walks out the door without sparing Jeno a second glance and he bangs his head against the table in frustration. Once again, Jaemin has left him alone to wallow in his misery.

But unlike last time, he’s not going to let things end here. He’s not letting Jaemin go again. He made a promise and he’s going to keep it!

He rushes out the door without a second thought, he’s not giving himself the time to question his decision – the only thing that is on his mind is to make sure that he catches up to Jaemin. He is the only thing that matters to Jeno right now.

Hopefully, he can fix this. He needs to fix this. He can’t let things stay like this. He has to do something about this.

He’s going to do what he should have done years ago – he’s going to confess. He’s not missing out on this opportunity; he has to do this now.

He glimpses the back of Jaemin’s dark head – his gaze focused on the ground as he walks absent-mindedly through the crowd. He speeds up his movements, weaving through people to get to the brunet, he was determined to not lose sight of him at any cost.

“Jaemin!” he screams, startling the guy who is so lost in thought that he doesn’t even notice him. Jeno runs over to him and grabs him by the shoulders, crushing him in a hug – so unbelievably relieved to finally find him and to hold him in his arms. This is the place where he always wants Jaemin to be.

Jaemin doesn’t push him away but he tenses in his arms, unsure as to why Jeno was so desperate to see him. Seconds later, he relaxes his shoulders and embraces Jeno’s hold on him. Even as hurt as he is, he’s not going to deny how comfortable he feels being held by Jeno like this.

Before Jaemin can ask him anything, Jeno starts talking, getting everything that he’s been keeping to himself off of his chest once and for all. He’s done holding himself back.

“I thought that if I was honest about my feelings, that it would ruin our friendship,” Jeno mumbles into Jaemin’s neck, his lips brushing against the sensitive skin, causing Jaemin to shiver with each word, “Turns out that I ruined it by lying about my feelings.”

Jaemin gasps at the revelation, his mind whirring at the implication behind his words.

“A-are you trying to tell me that you like me?” Jaemin asks shakily, hardly even believing what he’s hearing.

Jeno chuckles to himself. Calling it like is much too mild. Like is not nearly enough to express what he feels for Jaemin. It’s way more than that now, he’s sure of it.

“Na Jaemin, I’m trying to tell you that I’m in love with you.” Jeno tells him, finally saying the words he was reluctant to say all these years out loud. It is such a relief to finally get it out in the open.

“You love me?” Jaemin questions quietly, his voice small and fragile.

Yes, Jeno loves him more than anything else in this world.

“I think I’ve always been in love with you.”

Jaemin pulls away to finally meet his eyes – searching for the sincerity in his gaze and when he finds it, he smiles the most breathtakingly beautiful smile that Jeno has ever seen on his face.

God, Jeno is so in love with this man. He is literally in awe of him.

Jaemin cradles Jeno’s face in his hands, brushing his thumbs over his cheeks as they stare into each other’s eyes, “That makes two of us, because I think I’ve always been in love with you too.”

“Will you be mine?” Jeno asks him, “My best friend, my boyfriend, my everything?”

“As long as you’ll be the same for me.”

How many people in the world are fortunate enough to be able to call their best friend the love of their life? Not many, and that’s what makes this moment even more meaningful.

When they kiss, it’s nothing short of earth shattering, a sort of indescribable sensation that fills them with warmth – it feels like puzzle pieces slotting into place as they seal their lips together, just like two souls joining in union. It’s not just a kiss, but a promise. This is their promise to each other, to love each other for as long as they can against all odds. This is the promise they will do everything in their power to keep.

They’re never letting go of each other again. They are in this for the long haul. They were not going to allow anything to keep them apart ever again.

They are each other’s first and last loves.

That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again