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It was not the same.
His warmth was not here.
His breath was not here.
His arms were not here.
Just this smooth pillow between Tadashi's arms, but it wasn't the same. It was so different that he couldn't sleep. He couldn't sleep because of all this.
Fuck. He missed Kei. So much. Too much.
One week ago, he did it. He confessed to his best friend, who he has been in love with since he was 11. He did it after a Sendai Frogs's match, one they won beautifully, because Kei was so talented, so beautiful when he played volleyball. They came back to Kei's house, and immediately, as soon as they were inside, Tadashi just.. kissed him with all the love he had towards him. Kei.. well, he kissed him back but it was just a half answer, a half kiss. But it didn't matter to the green haired boy. When they pulled apart, Tadashi got everything off his chest.
- Tsukki.. I'm in love with you. I fell in love with you when we entered middle school, you became everything to me. I know we were young but I just knew I was in love with you. And I still am. I became really great at hiding it but I recently realized that.. I wasted too much time. Almost 10 years of loving you, in secret, I can't. I just need to say it. I love you Kei. I don't know if you do, sometimes I think that yeah, sometimes I think that no, definitely no. But whatever your answer will be, I hope you still want me as your best friend. If I can't be in your life as your boyfriend, at least let me be in it as your best friend.
Tsukishima never answered. He just looked at him with wide open eyes, obviously surprised but he didn't say anything. Soon, his expression became.. angry ? confused ? It was hard to tell but he looked away, staying silent. Tadashi just nodded, feeling his eyes getting wet, feeling tears forming in those beautiful green eyes. All he got was a damn silence, was it all he deserved ? Not even a "Shut up Yamaguchi" ? Just silence.
Without any other word, Tadashi left the place and headed back home, crying his heart out, crying like he never cried before. It was so painful. And the pain never left. It has been one week. One week without seeing him. One week without sleeping in his arms like they always do when one of them invites themselves at the other's place. Tadashi's sleep was.. almost non-existent. His pillow wasn't Kei. He just wanted Kei. Another night of cries and just a few hours of painful sleep.
The next day, it was so hard to get out of his bed. But he had too. Because he was in love with Kei. And today, he had a big match, so big that Yamaguchi knew his best friend must be stressed and nervous. He couldn't stay home. Even after.. that. Before being the boy he loved, Kei was his friend, and Yamaguchi went to all his friends' matches. He had to be here to support him. He quickly showered, didn’t take a breakfast, well just a cup of black tea and one apple, but not more. As his makeup he put some eyeliner, some green eyeshadow and that was it. Then he grabbed one of his hoodies, no, Kei’s hoodies. A purple one with little moons on it, similar to the one he wore when they first met, more than 10 years ago. Before leaving, he took the Sendai Frogs plushie Tsukishima gave him after his first match, the one he brings at every match. And then, he left his apartment, ready but not so ready to see this match, but most importantly, to see Kei after a week. It never happened before, since they were childs, they saw each other every single day, even the weekends and during the holidays. Yamaguchi wasn’t used to this, that’s why he missed him so much, he had never been so long away from him, he was the shadow of the Moon, always following him in the dark. Without him, Tadahi was absolutely nothing.
When he arrived, he was still feeling empty. When he saw his team warming up on the court, he was still empty. When he sat down next to Yachi, Kageyama and Hinata after greeting them, he was still empty, so empty. Usually, Tsukishima would have turned around to see them, and would have smirk a little when he would see his best friend, as he always did. But not this time, because they were only seeing his back. He wasn’t looking at them, he wasn’t looking for Tadashi. Because he doesn’t care, said a voice in Yamaguchi’s head. And maybe that voice was right, maybe he really didn't care about him, even after 10 years, he didn't give a damn about him. That made the green haired boy tearing up a bit but he tried not to think about it, hugging just a bit more tightly his plushie.
Obviously, they won.
Because they had an amazing setter.
Because they had an amazing spiker.
Because they had an amazing blocker.
It was an amazing team, not as amazing as their old one, but still amazing. And Tsukishima was happy, so was Tadashi when he finally saw his best friend enjoying volleyball, after all these years. After this idiot of Akiteru who broke Kei's trust in anything or anyone.
Wait.
Oh.
Maybe that was—
Oh damn.
That was the problem.
As they were waiting for their friend outside, Hinata and Kageyama fighting as always and Yachi trying to calm them down, Yamaguchi was getting to the problem. The trust. The lies. The truth. It was so logic. So Tsukishima. It wasn't that he didn't care, it was that he didn't believed it. Yamaguchi knew how insecure Kei was, but he never thought this could happen. This stupid Tsukishima.
And when they finally showed up, Tadashi went straight to Kei's face, saying just a brutal :
- You. You come with me. Right now. No discussion. You're so dumb oh my god I can't believe it, so so dumb.
- Oi Freckles ! Yelled Kyoutani, Y'know I hate this little salty bitch but why the fuck are you saying that, we just won a big match you stupid. He's a bitch but he's far from dumb.
Tadashi looked at his friend, because yes, he was friend with the Kentaro Kyoutani, and then he laughed.
- I know Maddie, but I swear that this man is the stupidest human being on this planet.
- Call me Maddie one more time and I'll—
- Yeah yeah you say that everytime.
And there was Tsukishima Kei between that, exhausted and confused, not knowing what the hell was going on. Soon Tadashi grabbed him by the arm before heading home, leaving all their friends behind completely confused, and sighing a few times because he never thought they would end up in such a situation. Once they got home, Tadashi looked at Kei.
- You sit your dumb ass in the kitchen and don't say a word because I still don't know if I have to laugh or to cry.
So Kei didn't say anything and just sat at the table in the little kitchen of his best friend. Tadashi gave him some coffee with strawberry shortcake and made some iced coffee for himself. They drank it in an awkward but not so awkward silence, Tadashi trying to organize his thoughts. He wanted to be mean and rude as a revenge for all the tears he cried but at the same time he understood. But being mean was Kei's skill, not his. As he finished his coffee, he sat next to him, locking their gaze.
- You could've just told me instead of staying silent. Because as you can see it took me one entire week to finally get it.
- I— Kei stopped, not knowing if he could talk. But seeing that Yamaguchi wasn't saying anything, he continued. Told you what ?
- That your brain was playing with you when I told you that I love you. That when it comes to love, you even have trust issues towards me.
Tsukishima frowned, visibly lost on what Yamaguchi was explaining.
- What ? He said with a sigh.
Yams rolled his eyes before giving him a little smile to tell him to calm down.
- You didn't say anything, and you didn't even text me because you're mad, because you think I'm lying ? That I'm playing a prank on you ? You don't believe that I've been so in love with you for the past 10 years, do you ?
- Don't bring this up, Yamaguchi. He said, almost like a warning.
- Oh but I'm gonna bring this up, you stupid Kei. He answered in the same tone.
And without anything else, Yamaguchi sat on his lap, bringing his arms around his neck. He blushed a little and then put his hand on Kei's right cheek, running his thumb on his lips. Tsukishima was absolutely shocked, wide eyes on Yamaguchi and totally speechless. This, was not what he expected.
- Put your hand on my heart. He whispered.
Like he was hypnotized, Tsukishima did it. Instantly he felt Yams heartbeat being a little too fast. The voice in his head, the one screaming that it was only lies, started slowly to shut up. He felt his own heart beating faster.
- Now, look what you have been doing to me for 10 years. Yamaguchi added slowly before.. kissing him. Again.
This time, he really kissed back. Because he felt Tadashi's heartbeat going wild under his hand. It destroyed the voice completely, it made him realize it wasn't a lie. He finally understood that yes, his best friend was in love with him. So he kissed him like he had always dreamed to. Running his free hand through this soft and beautiful green hair, devouring this amazing mouth so passionately that for a second he thought he was losing his mind, because kissing Tadashi felt like heaven.
When they pulled apart, Tadashi was surprised to see Kei's eyes filled with tears. Tsukishima never cried, or almost never. Seeing it was quite heartbreaking and Yamaguchi couldn't handle it. He cupped Kei's face in his palms and looked at him tenderly.
- I know and I understand what you're thinking, he started, but I swear I'm not lying, I never lied to you Tsukki. You can trust me I promise, I'm not gonna hurt you, I'm just gonna love you whatever you like it or not. I spent one week away from you, one week crying because of how much I missed you, I promise I won't ever walk out your life. I've been here since the beginning and I'm gonna be here until the end.
It was enough to make him cry. To make him hug Yamaguchi so tight while letting his tears fall down his cheeks.
- Tadashi.. I.. I'm sorry.. I never meant to hurt you.. I just didn't know how to react, I couldn't believe it.. how can someone so amazing as you could love me.. You know.. the first time I saw you.. you were crying because of your bullies.. that day I made a promise to myself, to never let you cry again.. yet I did.. I'm sorry.. You don't even know how weak I am with you, or how much I love you..
The green haired boy just hugged him even more, repeating that he didn't have to apologize, that it was okay. Then, they looked at each other again, very shyly but with a lot of love and passion.
- Tadashi.. ?
- Hm ?
- Be my boyfriend, be mine, let me love you.
- Yamaguchi chuckled and whispered against his lips.
- I'm already yours Kei, since I fell in love with you. My heart only belongs to you, please never give it back.
The blonde nodded before pressing his mouth against his boyfriend's. If love felt like this, they thought that maybe, 10 years of waiting was worth it.