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Jungkook didn't know.
As much as it bewilders the twenty three year old, he really didn't know. And to think that he's having this realization after this far in his life unsettles him beyond any explanation.
It is safe to say that Jungkook has been with Jimin for almost his entire life. He was two - his mother fondly recalls - when the Jeon family shifted to Busan, and his and Jimin's houses were separated by all but a wall - a wall that was more like a picket fence and less of bricks and mortar. Jimin is 2 years elder to him and needless to say, they've been attached to the hip ever since Jungkook has had any memory. To be honest, he can't remember anything in his life that doesn't have Jimin in it and he knows for a fact that he's been just as much a constant presence in Jimin's life as well.
The transition from diaper buddies to lovers hasn't really been all that surprising to anyone who knows Jimin and Jungkook. In fact, their mothers had an ongoing bet until a couple years back - something that embarrasses Jungkook to this day, much to Jimin's unashamed and amused pleasure - as to when the boys would finally figure out that they are more than best friends and far from brothers.
Very very far from brothers.
So, it's kind of unnecessary to say that Jungkook has had no other relationship other than with Jimin. Jimin is his best friend, his confide, his escapade, his saviour, his guide, his role model, his mentor, his wall, his fort, his favourite pillow, his crush, his boyfriend and his lover. His entire relationship-world consists solely of Jimin and it is absolutely the same the other way round too.
So, it can be justified that Jungkook doesn't know. Doesn't know that what he and Jimin has is very very different from what other partners or lovers have, irrespective of their genders.
Jungkook has had no idea until a couple hours back that what he thought - believed - is a common, given part of a relationship, is actually something extremely rare and precious.
Jimin - his Jimin, Jungkook corrects now with possessiveness anew - has always been open. He has been the more vocal one amongst them two. And he's also been the one that is more patient, more understanding, more guiding, more adjusting and more fore forward between the two of them. Not because Jungkook lacks, but because it's always been that way. Whatever Jimin does, Jungkook does; wherever Jimin goes, Jungkook follows. No questions asked, no doubts aroused. They go hand in hand. It's always them versus the rest of the world. Jimin and Jungkook are always a team. Their own team.
And Jungkook knows.
He knows that Jimin understands. He knows that Jimin doesn't mind. He knows that Jimin knows that despite Jungkook's inability to express himself in words at times, his delayed responses in actions or sometimes the lack there of, Jimin knows that there's no other who can love him the way Jungkook does.
Jungkook knows that Jimin knows. The latter made sure he knows. Always makes sure he understands and leaves absolutely no space for any sort of doubt or insecurity to slither in.
Because Jimin knows.
That while he is a quiet extrovert, Jungkook is an energetic introvert. He is loud only with and around Jimin. He is free and high only with and around Jimin. But even then, there are times he curls into himself. Not because he is uncomfortable - no. But because sometimes it just gets too loud for him, too huge and too bright. So, he curls into Jimin. And Jimin knows. He always does. He understands it better than Jungkook does.
Jimin knows and understands that while his love is sun-shine bright and neon lights, Jungkook's is more of moonlight over the ocean at night.
They're both beautiful in their own ways. Precious, intense and beautiful. Their own ways of loving - loving one another with every last breath and living cell.
They both know that. And they're more than happy about it. Happy that they complement one another in ways that complete them - overwhelmingly so. And so, they treasure it. They treasure their innate selves and the way they love, because what Jimin and Jungkook have will not be as wholesome as it is, if they're not the Jimin and Jungkook that they are, the way they are.
But.
But there are things. Fundamentals - or so Jungkook thought until quite recently. Fundamentals in a relationship, just simple basics. Basics that he didn't know needed to be pointed out, mentioned, looked at and appreciated. Because they're just that. Basics. Something that every relationship has. Or so, Jungkook thought.
He didn't know, though. He really didn't. And ever since he does, his chest feels impossibility tight and heavy.
Jimin loves Jungkook. That's a fact. A fact that can probably be made universal. Jimin loves him and makes sure Jungkook knows. Even after all these years, he makes sure Jungkook knows that he is loved a little more than the day that passed.
Jimin loves Jungkook in a gentle, warm way. Always warm, always gentle, always reverent. Even when he pins Jungkook down and paints him with purple-red proofs of rough love, he is always warm and reverent.
But then there are those simple little touches. Simple and common - almost mundane like. It is those touches - the warm homely ones -, the ones that are just there, without any grandeur but still significant. Touches that can be categorised as a new language because, hell. Jungkook just realized that those touches gently, quietly, consistently reinstate Jimin's love over and over again.
A hand brushing over Jungkook's back as Jimin passes by him towards the kitchen. 'Want some water?'
Fingers ruffling his hair as Jungkook digs into his food. 'Easy, Kookie.' and a fond chuckle. 'Like it? There's lots more.'
Fingers wiping away the extra sauce on the corner of his lips. 'Child.'
Fingers brushing his hair away from his eyes and forehead as he reiterates his day to a tired but smiling Jimin. 'Damn. You've had a rather interesting day.', or, 'Fuck. That's messed up, love.', or, 'Tch. C'mere, baby.', and so on and so forth.
Fingers that massage his scalp and the back of his neck - because Jimin knows Jungkook is tired and would most probably have developed knots - as they idly curl up and watch a movie.
Fingers intertwining with his and squeezing just because. 'Should we get ourselves a cat? Or a fish?'
Fingers against his forehead to check his temperature. 'Hm. Better.', but still frowning.
Fingers digging into his hips. 'So good. Fuck, baby! So pretty.'
Fingers pinching his nose and cheeks because Jimin finds Jungkook dangerously adorable. 'I just wanna eat you up and not in a sexual way, though I wouldn't mind doing that either. But just - you're just - edible. That's what you are, you overgrown Cotton Candy.'
Fingers fisting and tugging at his hair. 'Good God, Kook. Keep going, my love.'
Fingers that tap absently over his abs and stomach as they speak lazily. 'What is that song you've been humming in the Mart earlier?'
Fingers that trace the shell of his ear, the arch of his eyebrows, the apple of his cheeks, the bow of his lip, the slope of his jaw, the column of his neck. 'You are so beautiful, Jungkook-ah. Gorgeous and handsome and all mine.'
Fingers that keep tracing along his skin - sometimes in meaningless circles and sometimes in resolute strokes - as if Jimin draws and re-draws maps of his journeys along Jungkook's mind, body, soul and life. 'What is it, love? Tell me what you want, how you want it and I'm at your service. What do want, Kook-ah?'
Fundamentals, right? They're something that every relationship has. Right?
Palms against the nape of his neck as he is pulled in ever so gently for a good night kiss. 'Shh. Sleep, love.'
Palms that cup his face when he's kissed good morning. 'Mornin', sleepyhead.'
Palms that press flat against his chest when Jungkook struggles to breathe during his anxiety attacks. 'Breathe with me, Kookie. Listen to my voice. I'm right here. Breathe. Okay? Let's breathe together, yeah? Yeah, in. Breathe in, my love. Just like that. Now out, baby. Breathe out. Good. Let's repeat that, okay?'
Palms that press flat against his back, between his shoulder blades when Jungkook feels too filled up with overwhelming thoughts that need to be exhaled. 'Let it out, Koo. I got you.'
Palms that cushion his face when he falls asleep in Jimin's arms. 'How can you be so cute even when you're just...sleeping?'
Palms that run along his body in heat and need and love. 'I need you, Kookie. Fuck, love. You drive me insane.'
Palms that shield his head when there's some spot that Jungkook might potentially bang his head against. 'Watch it.'
Palms that bathe him after a long day. 'Let me.'
Palms that massage his head, shoulders and feet. 'Relax, love.'
Palm pressed on his chest, over his beating heart. 'You make me so happy, Kook-ah. Thankyou for choosing to love me.'
Palms that cover his eyes as Jimin chuckles at an impatient Jungkook waiting to see what his surprise is. 'A surprise wouldn't be a surprise anymore if it is revealed beforehand, Jeon Jungkook. Patience.'
Palms that cup and squeeze his shoulders in reassurance, in a silent 'You've got this. You can do it'.
Palms that slide down his chest and stomach as Jimin rolls down in laughter. 'You'll be the death of me, Kookie! Stop!'
Palms that hold his in warm embrace. 'I'm proud of you, Kook.'
Palms that pat his chest or back softly as he curls against Jimin and yawns, falling asleep. 'Sleep tight, love.'
Basics, right? Jungkook really didn't know how a relationship could be called a relationship if it doesn't have the basics. Not that he knows anything beyond his relationship with Jimin, but hell, these are basics. Right?
A kiss against his hair before Jimin leaves for work. 'Don't skip your breakfast.'
A smiling kiss to his forehead when Jungkook pulls Jimin in for a hug. 'Long day?'
A kiss against his lips when Jungkook comes back home from his work. 'Hello, you.'
A kiss to Jungkook's temple as he curls into Jimin's embrace and hides his face in Jimin's neck. 'All okay, babe? Wanna talk?'
A kiss to his sweaty biceps. 'You're getting thicker, Kook-ah. Not that I'm complaining, but, damn. Too many muscles, you sexy beast.'
A kiss to the side of his head when they cuddle - Jungkook's back to Jimin's chest - and watch a movie. 'You love this movie way too much, kiddo.'
A kiss to his crown when he is immersed in playing video games. 'I'm ordering us some Pizza.'
A kiss to his cheek when he is still half asleep and brushing his teeth, leaning onto the sink. 'Up up up, Bun-Bun.', and a slap to his arse.
A kiss to the back of his neck as he shaves his beard. 'Handsome.'
Kisses to his fingers whenever he cooks. 'You should patent right your recipe, Jungkookie. I'm not kidding.'
Kisses to his eyes and nose and eyebrows and just about anywhere and everywhere on his face, because 'Pretty. So pretty, Kook-ah. Cute and beautiful. And so so precious.'
Kisses to his birthmarks. 'The fuck did this come from? There's no way I could've missed this one all these years. Is it possible to develop new moles?'
Kisses against the pulse at the base of his neck - 'There might be a chance I'm a vampire, Kook. Can't ever get enough of feeling your pulse thump against my tongue. Makes me want to bite you.' And he does. Nibble and suckle and kiss, leaving blooming hickies in the wake.
A kiss to his knuckles at random moments. 'I love you'
A kiss to the centre of his palm. 'I love you.'
A kiss to the inside of his wrist. 'I love you.'
Many many kisses at many many random moments because - just because. And why not?
A kiss to his nose when he laughs out loud, because 'When you laugh like that, your nose gets scrunched up and your lips are pulled round and your teeth - it's just bunny-like, Kook-ah. Makes me fall a little more in love with you.'
Needless to say, kisses filled with passion and lust and need and love all along his body - in spaces and places he didn't know existed, let alone be kissed. Against spots he didn't think he'd be left breathless again because he's been kissed millions of times at the exact same places over the past five years, and yet, would be left panting and reeling and gasping for breath once Jimin is done ravishing him with his sinful mouth.
But also, those other kind of kisses. Just simple, daily, mundane, just because, random kisses. Because, why not?
Fundamentals, right? Basics?
That's what he always thought. Untill this afternoon when he went to meet an old friend of his from his university. It was a simple lunch, catching up on one another's lives. Jungkook was genuinely glad to have reconnected with an old friend who is now his new colleague of one week. After the initial shock and excitement, they've realized that they've got loads to catch up. And so, a Friday lunch, it has been decided.
Jimin and Jungkook had met with Jungkook's friend at the restaurant for lunch earlier in the afternoon. They've talked a little and laughed about, whilst waiting for Jungkook's friend's boyfriend who was running late. Unfortunately, Jimin had to rush back to his work to deal with an emergency and once he was satisfied that Jungkook is fine with it and apologized to Jungkook's friend, he left.
That was when it all began.
Jungkook's friend leaned in and smiled - curious and pleasantly surprised. "Is he always like that?", she had asked - in those exact words.
"Like what?"
"You know. Adoring and touchy?"
Jungkook didn't quite understand what that meant. So, he asked. And thankfully, she explained, or more like, pointed out.
He held the door open for you, pulled your chair. Filled your glass before mine and then his.
His body was always turned towards you, as if he's tuned to you.
And those little touches, Jungkook? Knuckles against your jaw, fingers massaging the back of your neck, hand patting down the hair at the back of your head?
His eyes always attentive and focused upon you. Smile never leaving his lips. Smile so smitten and fond.
How long have you been together for?
And yet he's like that? He always is? Even after all these years? Even after you are committed to one another and live together?
Isn't that how it is supposed to be? Jungkook didn't know. He always thought that that's how it is. That's how a relationship is. That's what a relationship entitles and means.
Clearly, Jungkook didn't know.
When his friend's boyfriend came in a couple minutes later, it began to dawn on Jungkook. Or more like, crash hard against him. It felt like cubes of ice were being dumped over him - over and over again.
Jungkook is aware that not every relationship is the same. He knows that much. That everyone has their own language of communication and love. He just never realized how different his and Jimin's language is.
How...precious.
It wasn't that the couple weren't happy. No, clearly his friend is very happy with her boyfriend and vice-versa.
But.
But there was no 'Hello, you' kiss.
There was no 'You look beautiful, love' smile.
There was no 'Sorry, I'm late' hug.
There was no 'You okay, babe?' fingers against her head or cheek.
There was no...nothing Jimin-like.
That's when it struck Jungkook. It struck him that all those were just that - Jimin-likes. It struck him what his friend meant by 'Is he always like that?' and 'Even after all these years?'
Nothing in his twenty three years of life has prepared Jungkook for the clash of emotions raging inside him. He didn't know how he spent the rest of the lunch, to be completely honest.
Overwhelmed would be an understatement - Jungkook has been shaken to his core.
He asked for the rest of the day off - cuz there's nothing going on in his head beyond 'Jimin. Jimin. Jimin.'
His drive back home was all 'My Jimin. Hyung. Oh, Jiminie.'
He had to blink back his bleary eyes quite a few times and stop himself from blushing and chuckling at other times.
He's got nothing against whatever language his friend and her boyfriend have. But Jungkook knows for a fact that he wouldn't be able to survive - he'd probably wither to nothingness - if Jimin didn't talk to him in his language of kisses, fingers and palms and everything else of Jimin.
Jungkook needs his dose of Jimin's language. He needs it specifically the way Jimin communicates and he thrives upon it when it comes and keeps coming from his Jimin. That realization has Jungkook gasping for breath.
How has he never realized just how much Jimin adores him? Just how much he takes care of him in his own gentle ways - constantly, consistently. So consistently, it has now become mundane to them - more so, to him.
Fundamentals, they've become. Just basics. Just there in the silence without any grandeur. Like a subconscious undertone.
Has he unintentionally taken Jimin's love for granted?
The mere thought chokes him off his breath and he keeps fiddling with his mobile, half wanting to call Jimin and ask him to come home.
He knows.
He knows that Jimin would drop everything and come home if Jungkook asks. And so, he doesn't.
He would wait.
And, he does. Waits in the silence of their flat - in the warmth of their memories filling and rolling off of him in bright, fuzzy blushes and chuckles and smiles and tears.
Jeon Jungkook has fallen in love with Park Jimin, all over again, one more time. He didn't know he could be anymore in love with his man than he already is but clearly, he clearly, just didn't know.
The familiar sound of their flat being unlocked pulls Jungkook out of his thoughts and realizations and emotions. Not startle, just a gentle tug. Jimin-like.
"Kookie?", he hears before he even sees. Something about that voice, or maybe just the fact that it is Jimin's voice calling for him, makes Jungkook tear up. He has had a rather vulnerable day and so he allows himself to crumble at that gentle, warm, homely call.
"Babe?", he now sees Jimin walking into their living room, hands full of groceries.
"Hey.", he manages to croak back and almost slaps himself.
Jimin frowns and stills. Of course, he'd frown and still - Jungkook freaking croaked. He tilts his head very subtly as if he's assessing Jungkook and smiles softly.
"There you are. I saw your car in the parking lot.", he hangs his car keys over the keychain hanger, walks into the kitchen with the grocery bags,
"I'm making our dinner tonight, for having bailed out on our little luncheon.", and comes back out with his hands now free.
There's a lot that Jungkook wants to say. Lot he wants to ask and do and show. But all he could manage to do is sniffle and spread his hands wide, asking for a hug.
A hug is what he needs at the moment. Jimin's warm, tight, squeezing hug, where his hands wrap all around his back, his chin rests upon Jungkook's head that's tucked into his neck and bodies pulled flush. Jimin's hug.
Jungkook asks. And Jimin gives. No questions asked. And Jungkook takes. Takes all the warmth and love and gentleness and adoration and everything between them that Jimin offers to him in silence and his own language - Jimin's language.
Jungkook takes it all.
And finally - finally - allows himself to breathe. The squeeze in his chest is still there, his throat still feels closed and nerves are still jumpy. But at least his lungs aren't burning anymore.
He pulls back a little and watches Jimin watching him with concern colored all over his face. Jimin waits patiently and brings his fingers to thread through Jungkook's hair at the back of his head - 'It's okay, I've got you, baby'.
He waits in silence as he presses a gentle but firm kiss to Jungkook's forehead - 'Whatever it is, take your tine. I'm here now, darling'.
He waits warm and soft with his palm pressed against the middle of Jungkook's back, holding him steady and in place - 'We'll get through this together. Breathe, my love'.
Jimin is talking even when he's silent. Talking in his own language of kisses, fingers and palms. And for the first time, Jungkook listens to it all. Loud and clear.
Love.
Jungkook has fallen a little more in love with Jimin. And so he says it out loud.
"I'm in love with you.", he says softly, letting it hang in the air between him and Jimin.
He brings his hands up to cup Jimin's face and pulls him closer. "I've fallen in love you again, Hyungie."
He presses their foreheads together and chuckles through his tears. "I love you so much, it hurts."
He sniffles back at the concerned 'Kookie' and blinks his eyes, before slotting his mouth against Jimin's. "I love you. I love you. I love you."
And when Jimin feels assured that Jungkook has calmed down, he pulls back, and then they talk. Of course, they'd talk. Like Jimin would let Jungkook even take an extra breath before clearing what all that wet eyed, mushy, fuzzy, adorable, out of the blue confession is about.
And so, they talk.
Jungkook lays it all bare. His love, his gratitude, his overwhelming realizations and peeking insecurities because 'Do I do it enough, Hyung? Why does it feel like it's always you who's giving? I love you, I swear, I love you so much, I don't know what to do. I want to show you too, Hyung. I want to tell you too. I want to give you. How do I do it, Hyung?'
And Jimin laughs. Wet eyes turned into shining crescents. Shoulders shaking as he pulls Jungkook into him and almost squeezes the air out of him. "My baby", he presses mindless, soft kisses over whatever skin he could reach - more with an intention of pressing his love onto Jungkook's skin, to somehow just show and tell and reassure him that he is loved, oh so dearly loved.
Jungkook giggles through the sudden assault of kisses and hugs, his nose and eyes running all messy and wet, but hell. Who cares?
"Hyung", he gasps for breath, from beneath all those lips and kisses.
"Jungkook-ah.", Jimin sighs, sniffling back, chuckling wide toothed. "Jeon Jungkook-ah.", he repeats, pressing his lips against Jungkook's forehead, his hands coming up to cup his face. "My sweet sweet Jungkook-ah.", he squishes Jungkook's face, all smiles and adoration.
Jungkook breaks into a fresh set of laughter, all that tightness in his chest now dissipated and disappeared.
"Whaa-", he mumbles through his squished face.
"Jeon Jungkook.", Jimin blinks his eyes clear and looks at Jungkook in that familiar, fond and warm gaze - his heart all swollen warm and fuzzy.
"I've just fallen in love with you. All over. Once again.", he speaks gentle and fond. Thumb pressed against the corner of Jungkook's now trembling lips, he continues, "I need you to listen to me, Kook-ah. Okay? Listen and never forget, yeah?"
Jungkook nods, tongue tied and suddenly all too overwhelmed, all over again.
"You, Jeon Jungkook, are the love of my life. And I can swear upon my life that there is no one - absolutely, not one person - who would love me the way you do, as much as you do. You might not know it, and you clearly don't realize it, but baby, you too have your language. What was it you said?", Jimin tries to remember the exact words.
"Jimin-like.", Jungkook mumbles quiet, small and hoarse - all shy and mushy.
Jimin smiles wide and nods, pressing a kiss to Jungkook's now reddened nose. "Your own language of showing how much you love me. Kookie-like. Overwhelmingly warm and adorable and real and heartwarming. It's so natural to you - natural to us, it doesn't look like something you're putting some extra effort or attention behind it."
"Really? I do?", Jungkook looks up bambi-eyed, the dead weight that has settled upon his chest now lifting off him.
"Trust me, love, you do. You love me in your own little ways, it sometimes feels like you keep on giving and I just keep recieving-"
"But, that's not true-"
"I know.", Jimin smiles down, warm and understanding, his fingers brushing Jungkook's hair off his face.
"I know. It just feels that way sometimes. Because - maybe because - we are lucky that way? Blessed to have what we have? Because it is you and me? All I know is, there's no one who can love you the way I do and there's absolutely no one who would love me the way you do. And you love me so much, it's so obvious and out there, it sometimes feels like I'm not doing it right - like I'm not doing it enough, not the way you do and deserve."
Fresh set of tears - of relief, realization and love anew, Jungkook sniffles, wiping his running nose over his shirt. "We're idiots.", he mumbles, smiling stupid.
Jimin bursts into laughter at that declaration. "Now that, I can agree upon. Idiots in love."
Jungkook chuckles and snuggles into Jimin's neck, fingers fisted against Jimin's back, tugging at his shirt. "You're getting cheesier by day, Hyung. Very very cheesy."
"My man loves cheese.", Jimin lets out a bark of laughter and wraps his arms around Jungkook, pulling him close.
And Jungkook lets him. He lets him press a kiss to his temple, lets those fingers run through his hair at the back of his head, lets that palm press firm against the small of his back.
He lets Jimin talk in silence, and listens to it all.
'I love you. I love you. I love you.'
Jungkook now knows, he smiles content. And he'd never ever forget.