Chapter Text
At 22, Hawks have apprehended many dangerous villains, ran away from stalkerish fans, pissed off many heroes, and talked to his celebrity crush without spontaneously combusting. He thought he had seen and heard everything life has to offer.
He couldn't be more wrong. He wasn't ready for this.
He stared at the suit-clad HPSC employee who had just uttered a sentence so scandalous, he's reduced to doubting his hearing. And he knows, he has excellent hearing.
"Come again" he heard himself say, the disbelief clear in his voice.
The nameless employee sighed and hawks ignored the familiar feeling of unease in his gut, his mind deciding to remind him of the HPSC conditions drilled into him.
(Hawks you're a hero, you are our masterpiece. You should never disappoint us or there would be consequences.)
"Hawks, we want you to go to a concert "
Silence
What the fuck, there's no mistaking it, he heard it right this time, he knows what he heard, but what,
what the fuck?
His expression must be something because the suit guy looks like he wants to kill or in hawk's case, call the trainers from his days here and make hawks feel worthless and scared.
Unconsciously, like a reflex, his wings curled in on itself, trying desperately to protect him from the onslaught of painful memories, but he's hawks, that's not going to break him, he shouldn't show any weaknesses.
(This training is going to make you stronger hawks, so you better cooperate, they said as they clipped his feathers) .
A shiver went through his wings at the memories, of the agony that went with the feeling of metal on his feathers.
"No, stop it! "he told his stupid brain, bringing up stupid memories at a bad time, specifically in front of an HPSC member.
He shouldn't show any weakness, not in front of them.
With a quiet sigh, he forced his wings to flare again, straightened his back, lifted his chin, and fixed his predatory gaze on the smug face of the employee. Who hadn't missed his reaction and is openly smirking at him, daring him to do better.
Fuck him.
He clenched his fist, he knows what he has to do, just obey them and get this over with. It's not like he can say no.
The suit guy drew back the chair and sat on it, all the while maintaining that smug expression like a monkey who stole a treat from a child's hand.
Fucking jerk.
He leaned back on the chair and with the air of a puppeteer started to explain what hawks had to do.
" UA high school stadium will be the venue for a concert this autumn, many popular performers are headlining the event."
The monkey (he should stop calling him monkey his dumb side told him, as he had a bad habit of not knowing when to shut up, it would be a matter of time when he calls him monkey to his face, aah that's a good thought, well_ done brain) looked straight at him, face getting even smugger, probably in response to the dumbfounded expression on hawk's face.
A concert, at UA, maybe the recent villain attacks have caused irreparable psychological damage to the staff.
"The date and the plan haven't been revealed to the public ".
Social media and the press have been very quiet these days, meaning there are no leaks, meaning hawks could be one of the first to know.
" We have decided to not let the heroes participate, there will be heroes but as the audience".
Weird, some heroes are performers and they don't shy away from commercializing their merchandise. They have a job to do, to make the public happy, and to make sweet money out of it. Hawks remembers a performance done for the American hero, Captain Celebrity, it had many pro heroes participating. Though it could have been a major disaster if it weren't for All might. And to be honest some heroes see actual "hero work" as a side business. But hawks can't perform, a few tunes in the bath is all he can manage. So why does he need to be there?
He didn't do anything to erase the questioning look on his face.
The monkey suit guy (don't he have an ID, why didn't he tell him his name, is it because if hawks blew the mission, they could pretend to not have given him any orders. What sort of a shitty mission is this) puts on a serious expression on his face, hawk's eyes zeroed in on the expression, there's something else there, something that vaguely resembles fear, no, it's nervousness.
Interesting
"After All might's retirement, the morale of the world went down, the world commission wants a morale booster, something unrelated from heroics, (translation, they need a distraction, something for the public to focus on ), hence we collaborated with the American public rights commission to put together a performance and UA was selected as the venue since All might's currently employed there".
Now that makes more sense, some heroes believe that the HPSC is a godly entity, no fear, can do whatever they want, and has the power to punish, however, and whoever they want to. While it is true, hawks know the hidden truth. If word of their wrongdoing, with sufficient evidence, reach the World Commission, they would be in some serious trouble.
"The main coordinators for the concert will be the band "Shine" and their staff, who are under captain celebrities label. We got a hint about potential spies masquerading among the performers. We want you to get close to them and find out how much they know. If the spies get any sensitive data, the HPSC would be compromised. "
Hawks see red, his wings automatically spread wide, to its full length, feathers sharpening, hot fiery blood running through his veins because he finally understands. ( he regrets every time he had defended the HPSC, every time he hoped something would change).
The World commission had always been suspicious about the inner workings of the HPSC and had employed the American SC's notorious covert ops to get dirt on them. And the HPSC, being the opportunistic pigs they are, wants him to stop them. Because that's what they had turned him into, a slave with unquestionable loyalty, too caught up in their thread of lies that escape is unimaginable. If the HPSC falls he's damn sure they will take him and other heroes out with it, if he goes rogue, the world will never see him again, his hand is tied and the HPSC knows it.
Even if he is aware of the shortcomings, his animalistic side is still trying to break free, ready to fight, he wants to but he can't, their conditioning had made sure of that. Muscle memory took over, his body going through the motions it had perfected over hours in the training room with the president's voice running in a loop inside his head.
(Conceal, you're not an animal. The public wants a capable hero not a pathetic excuse for a human being.)
He forced his wings to curl back, muscles relaxing, back slouching, the red-hot anger melting away. and he doesn't need a mirror to know that his dilated eyes are coming back to normal. It was only then he realized that the employee had a remote in his hand. His wings tensed again, he knows what that is, if they are going as far as giving a meagre employee the power to tranquillize him (he's not an animal), then they're desperate and if they're desperate then hawks don't have any say in this. He has to do this, has to help them. This could have been his saving grace but the commission has taken every initiative to make sure their prized property has no escape.
His eyes feel heavy, there's a lump in his throat, he turns away from the monkey. There's nothing to say anymore. They both know that hawks is going to do it.
Hawks always had the power.
The useful one, the masterpiece, the beautiful one.
Keigo is the puppet, the slave, the villain's son, the animal.
Keigo never had a choice, he will never be worthy enough to be given a choice.
2 months ago
LA, California
At 24, Touya has made a name for himself. He’s doing what he loves and he did it without his shitty father. He goes by ‘Dabi’ and is a guitarist for a well-known rock band, he’s also a respected actor and very popular with both genders ( if he does say so himself, and yeah he's proud to say that his bands and each of his friend's popularity are higher than endeavour's). He proved him wrong and he can’t wait to go back to Japan and rub it on his face. At least that was the plan, approved by Shoto and Natsu and grudgingly accepted by Fuyumi, before All Might's retirement. He was ready to expose endeavour on the Billboard JP ranking day but Fuyumi stopped him, pleading about how he's changed, about how he's trying to be better, about how he's their father and they shouldn't do something bad when he's changed and other bullshit crap that made his quirk frenzied and uncontrollable. But he relented because he refused to out Endeavor without the full support of his family but he did take out his anger on the expensive carpet.
He should have exposed him, he should have cut all ties with him, including his siblings. He would have been okay with being a villain, anything else, anything but these weird-ass feelings that rise in him at the sight of the no 1 hero Endeavor fighting a villain on international TV.
He wants to rejoice, wants to jump in joy, wants to choreograph a dance with this fight as the music and the charred carpet as his stage (he could see the headlines #Shine’s Dabi Dances to the beat of Endeavor’s Defeat). But he couldn’t move. He doesn’t even remember where he is, he can’t hear anything, there are hands-on him but he doesn’t have the mental capacity to figure out who’s it is, all his attention is focused on the ultra-HD picture of his father lying motionless with blood oozing out of the gruesome wound in place of his eye, with a bioengineered black thing on top of him.
And did he just think of his as his father, no, no, no, no, he’s not, he’s not! he’s not!! he's not going there, he's doesn't want to open up all the memories. But it's no use.
As he sees endeavour getting up, blood covering up half his face and taking to the sky with his fire burning bright, his quirk started acting up. The telltale heat rising in his arms, fire simmering beneath his skin and suddenly he's twelve and in a spinning room with tatami mats, staring up at a monster of a man, who’s bearing down on him, yelling at him to stand up, and his body is trembling while he pulls himself up in shaking hands breathing heavily, struggling to hold himself on the floor that’s slipping from under him. He lifts his chin to see giant orange flames flying at him taking on grotesque shapes, yelling failure!! in a loud booming voice, eyes tightly shut. He raised his arms to shield himself and lets go of the monster that lives inside him, blue flames rushing out with a whoosh to lash at the orange flames. The flames collided with a burst of heat and colour as he heard a loud and terrible scream, filled with so much pain and horror. He’s shaking, breathing heavily, heart beating fast and he wants his mother, his siblings and then there are arms around him, there's a presence next to him.
“Breath, Touya" someone whispered to him, he heard it from a distance but he knows that voice, it's not his mother's, but it is calm and gentle and he lets himself breathe.
“Feel mine, breathe with me, okay” he can do that, there’s a chest behind him, he leans into it, the arms tightened around him.
“Good, now breathe with me as I count, 1”
The voice is getting clearer as he breathed in deep.
“2”
He’s kneeling on the floor.
“3”
There’s the smell of smoke in the air.
“4”
He tries to leave, the arms don’t leave him, breathe on his neck, hair tickling his ear.
“5”
It's tenko's voice, he's holding him. Tentatively he opens his eyes.
“6”
There’re others around him, his friends, his family, their faces worried but encouraging.
“7”
He sees the marble near the tv, or where the tv used to be.
“8”
There are no flames. His breaths even out.
“9”
He’s no longer in the training room
“10”
He’s safe, It’s okay.
With a ragged sigh, he slumps backwards onto Tenko who was still holding him. He didn’t know how long he laid there, minutes may have passed when ten starts to move, pulling them both into a sitting position.
Someone comes and sits next to him, he looks up to golden cat eyes, set in a round face with lips pulled into a frown. Toga slowly places her arm around him.
“you okay, Touchan," she asks carefully, her other hand cupping his cheek, her thumb rubbing under his eyes
It's wet, he’s crying?
“Do you want to talk?” Tenko asks sitting close, still holding him while Toga lays her head on his shoulder, grounding him. And he knows that even if he starts rambling nonsense, they would still be there for him.
“Not now " he replied his voice a little raspy, out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Ten nobbing, his blue ashy hair coming out of his bun.
“well, it would be better for you to get some sleep,” Tenko puts his arm around him using his strength to assist him in getting up. Touya lets him, his mind still in a haze and blinking to adjust his vision. Tenko adjusted his hold on him while ordering toga to get some water. Someone else came by Touya's left side to hold his arm, blond hair coming into his vision, ah it's Jin.
“Yeah, it's me, buddy, don't worry we got you". Oh, he said his name out loud.
The two of them led him to the bedroom and laid him on the bed, it was only when he was comfortably snuggled among the pillows that he remembered the scream. His body turning cold at the memory, he turns his face towards Tenko who was standing by the door. His expression had Tenko doubling back and climbing onto the bed with him, which he only does when one of them is upset. “does anything hurt” he asks using his hand to feel Touya's forehead. Touya grabs his hand and looks into those ruby eyes, the same eyes from when they were children, “who screamed” tenko’s eyes widened at his question then filled with concern and anger, the anger that will always be pointed at Endeavor. He ruffled his hair, still maintaining eye contact and says in a low voice “ you did”.
Oh, so that’s why they looked unnerved. He had panic attacks before but he has gotten better. This is his first one in two years.
“Here, drink some water" Toga handed him a water bottle, when did she get here, though they had seen enough panic attacks caused by his daddy issues and PTSD, they still looked rattled. He hates seeing them look sad especially Toga. So, he took the water bottle.
" Good, now go to sleep okay” Tenko pushed him gently on the bed and his exhausted brain decided to shut down but not before he felt a soft kiss on the forehead. It made him feel safe. Safe enough to forget about his father.
Thankfully for a change this time he didn’t wake up from a nightmare but to the feeling of a clammy hand on his forehead. He slowly opened and met worried black eyes behind square glasses and long black hair tied up in a bun. Of course, he recognized them.
“Dragon mama" the figure above him scoffed at the nickname but her eyes remained worried.
“I am guessing you are good to get up if you use that ridiculous name," Makoto said fluffing up the pillows next to him and helping him up.
" What are you doing here " Makoto sat near him and started to fold his blanket.
" Ten called said you had a panic attack, I was already planning to come here" she hovered over him, smoothing the sheet, ruffling his hair, folding the blanket again. Makoto Tsukauchi is known for her efficiency and work ethic, not for her caring nature. His friend's reaction earlier and dragon mama's odd but sweet behaviour told him that his episode was serious.
" I am fine it was just an attack nothing I haven't handled before" Makoto levelled her famous " done with this shit " look at him, the same exasperated look she has whenever he gets an injury and rejects all offers of help. The last time it happened was during his 6 month stay at the hospital, granted it was a stab wound but it wasn't that bad.
" It wasn't fine, ten said you cried and you lost control of your quirk, Touya. "
ah so that's why he smelled like smoke, that's not good.
" Did I burn something?" he asked, smile sheepish.
" You almost burned down the tv, Sato was faster though, he used his quirk before the fire could reach it"
So that explains the marble. his heart feels heavy again, he remembered what he was watching before he tried to put the tv on fire. he could feel Makoto's hand on his shoulder, forcing him to turn his face to see her expression, she looked like what she's thinking is causing her immense pain.
" Endeavor's alive," she said with a grimace. Touya let out a deep sigh, though he was confused about his feelings toward his dad, he doesn't want him to die. Or he does want him to die, his death could have been easier in the long run, they could be free but Touya hates him so why did he feel so scared at the thought of his father’s death. He doesn’t even know which feeling is the true him, the part of him that wants his father’s attention or the part that wants to see him suffer.
Makoto hand was back in his hair, the other hand holding his chin so that she can look straight into his eyes, her eyes are shining with an emotion he can't name but has seen many times. It's the shine that got her the name " dragon mama"," Touya, it's okay, you are not obligated to care for your abusing father, no one going scold you for wanting to see your old man punished and no one’s going to look at you weirdly if you care about him. It's natural to feel scared when someone from your family almost gets murdered. Right now, you should worry about yourself, okay”.
“Okay “he agreed but it was times like these that he sees his mother in Makoto. An unfair comparison, while his mother was small and frail, Makoto is strong and loyal, she's someone who finds joy in breaking and setting challenges. It was times like these when he thinks of what could have been. If their mother was strong, would they have suffered under endeavour for so long, would Touya and Fuyumi had to take on the role of pseudo parents, would Shoto have that scar on his face, would Natsu had to feel so abandoned, and would Touya had to spend all these times apart from his family? He hates when he starts thinking like this, it's not fair to his mother. Endeavour must have been a terror to live with, still is. Just what-ifs are left, all they could do now is to move forward. That's what his therapist always says and he hates it when his therapist is right.
"Do you want to stay in bed, or want to go out, we can call the others inside if you want" Makoto has fixed her sights on the packets of potato chips lying on the floor, jin's going to face her displeasure now. He would love to see it but the bed is so comfy and warm and he doesn't want to move. He moved to one corner of the bed with the greatest number of fluffy pillows, rearranging the sheet and pillows to make the perfect conference area.
" Inside it is" Makoto shook her head in disappointment but acquiesced by going to the door and hollering “GUYS!!! Come on in “his friends appeared pretty quickly, Touya wouldn't be surprised if they were eavesdropping.
" Touya!!" Toga ran in first, Jin following her, both with golden retriever grins. Tenko stood back a little and Touya could see him exchanging looks with Makoto. Sato was nowhere to be seen. Toga and Jin both climbed onto the bed and propped pillows onto their laps. Tenko and Makoto were less enthusiastic about jumping onto the bed, though Touya could see the question and worry in everyone's eyes. He nobbed to show he's fine, they knew him enough to not probe. They all know what his nightmares and fears are.
“Don't worry Touchan, Endeavor was saved by the number two hero, Birdman! " Toga said back to her cheerful cute dumbo self.
" You mean Hawks, the number two hero Hawks" Tenko said while rolling his eyes at her.
wait he knows that name.
" Wasn't he the cocky hero with red wings who scolded the ranked heroes for not being heroic enough" even though Touya had found his cocky attitude irresponsible it was fun to see him humiliate Endeavor. And just for that, he liked him. But if he really meets him, Touya is sure he will find a way to punch him. He can’t stand cocky heroes.
“Yeah, that one" Jin smiled at him probably happy that he was going back to being himself.
" See I told you Makoto, a pillow party is the best place for an announcement” Toga put her tongue out at Makoto, she was the only one who dared to tease Makoto.
But what is this about an announcement?
Touya looked at Tenko who shrugged and pointed his chin at Makoto, who had caught toga in a headlock.
" Yes, I have an announcement" toga escaped her clutches and landed on Tenko's lap " we have a "concert" demand and do you where we are going?" her eyes shining and grinning ear to ear, she asked that question purely for dramatic effect.
They have travelled to over 60 countries but only one place could bring that much joy to Makoto.
"no way " Tenko had caught on to her expression too.
" are we ...." Toga too
" what " Jin can be a little slow. " oh wait"
" YES!!!!!, WE ARE GOING TO JAPAN!!"
All Touya heard were screams as he got tackled by a puppy pile, but he didn't mind for they are going back.
Back to japan after seven years.