Work Text:
Yoongi's pen taps against his desk for what seems to be the thousandth time in the past five minutes alone. He pays it no mind, looking down at the watch on his wrist. Irritation bubbles in his chest seeing the numbers stare back at him. Mere minutes since the last time he'd looked up.
He turns back to the novel that he was reading. It was riveting, his coworker had lent it to him before the long weekend, telling him that he might like it. Something about leaving prepubescent boys on an island all alone and seeing how they interact with each other and the surrounding area. So far it was dragging on, but it had just begun to pick up. Yet the unease in his chest, in his mind wouldn't ease.
He gets off the couch and pours himself a cold glass of water, certain that it would help him focus on the task at hand. He could sit for hours at a desk without much complaint, but since the morning, there had been this itch that seemed to sit right under his skin. It wasn't something he could remedy by scratching, nor with a shower. It was permanently fixed to spread through his body until every nerve was shot.
"Yoongi," a soft voice pipes up from next to the male. He turns to look at his boyfriend eyeing him with concern. "Hyung, this is the fifth time you got up to do something in the last twenty minutes." Yoongi's eyes almost bug out of his head. There's no way.
"What?" he asks, not believing it.
"I've been gaming with Tae hyungie for almost 30 minutes and in that time, you've gotten up multiple times. I know that it isn't an issue of focus because if there is anyone who can focus on something for hours without moving a muscle, it's you. What's going on?" Jeongguk, Yoongi's darling boyfriend of 3 years. The gentle giant that had shyly confessed to his then TA with a sample of a song he'd composed himself. Yoongi can always appreciate hard work and originality. It was no surprise to them or their friends when they began dating. They were essentially the same person with minor differences here and there.
"Nothing is wrong Kook-ah, hyung is fine," as if to prove his point, the shorter male reaches up to press his chapped lips against his lover's. "Mmm, is that tangerine?" Yoongi teases, pushing past the fog that had frighteningly begun to envelop his senses.
"You know it is," Jeongguk mumbles against the elder's lips, pulling him in for a deeper, hungrier kiss. And yet, because it was Jeongguk, it was ever so tender. Large hands cupping the elder's cheeks, thumbs caressing Yoongi's cheekbones.
For a brief moment, Yoongi felt okay. He felt grounded in reality. Pulling away, he smiles softly at his boyfriend before gently locking lips again, stealing another moment of normalcy before the fog and itch return.
"You're clingy," the younger notes, pressing their foreheads together as his hands fall to the elder's waist. Yoongi doesn't say anything and rubs their noses together, the grad student scrunches up his nose and breaks into a bunny smile.
In that moment, breathing comes easier. The adoration, so open, so honestly written on the young man's face makes Yoongi pause and admire the silent proclamations of love that exist in his lover's mannerisms.
Marvels in the way that his eyes twinkle a little brighter when he looks at Yoongi. Revels in the knowledge that even after so long, the rush of blood still dusts the apples of the darling's cheeks a stunning pink. Lives for the way the larger hands seek out his, toying with their fingers, clasping them together comfortably or Yoongi's favourite, bringing them up to his lips to press kisses against the palms that hold Jeongguk's most prized possession; his heart. He's breathless when their lips slot together and there's a faint upturn of Gguk's lips, pressing further against the elder's lips, trying to transfer his happiness to his lover.
"Jeongguk-ah," Yoongi fondly murmurs. He doesn't say anything else. He doesn't need to say anything else.
"I love you too. Now let's go and kick Tete hyung's butt, okay?" He giggles, pulling Yoongi back with him.
"You know I'm garbage at console games, I prefer PC games," Yoongi whines, letting his younger boyfriend fuss over him and set him up with a controller.
"You say that," Gguk mutters, setting up his own controller, "but you always demolish me and Tae all on your own." Yoongi doesn't tell him that half the time it's sheer dumb luck. He doesn't know what buttons have what powers. All he knows is how to move and engage in long distance combat.
"I know, I just hope one day you'll take my word for it and stop asking me to hand you both your asses," Yoongi teases lightly. Jeongguk mutters several choice words before he tells Taehyung that they're back on and that it'll be them versus Yoongi as usual.
The unease and the itch beneath his skin has returned and even in his light t-shirt, Yoongi feels unnaturally hot. His head isn't in the game and no matter what he does, he can't get it to focus back in the game. He presses buttons at random, his mind elsewhere, running too fast for him to make any clear connection. It feels like his thoughts drummed up a fog that settles in his brain, blanketing the ability to think properly or even discern if he's making any sense as he speaks to his boyfriend and their common friend.
--
The following day, after a restless night of tossing and turning, of irrational thoughts taunting and tormenting, Yoongi is up at the crack ass of dawn, foregoing his usual coffee for a cup of cocoa. He will feel dead on his feet during the day, but it's better than having his nerves shot and on edge all day. He wills himself to manifest a good day. He thinks that if he prays for it enough, it will happen.
"Good morning," Jeongguk murmurs about 3 hours later. Yoongi turns to him, earphones in his ears and a book in his hand. He gives his boyfriend a tight smile as he makes coffee. Truth be told, Yoongi's head was pounding, the words were swimming on the page and he just wanted to fall into oblivion and maybe never wake up. That would be easier than dealing with whatever this clusterfuck of twisted nerves were.
It would be easier than dealing with the constant dread that clung to him like a second skin, making him weak and feel as if he doesn't have a grip on anything. I certainly don't have a grip on reality. Yoongi thinks darkly, a scoff tumbling from his mouth.
"Is Lord of the Flies that amusing, hyung?" Jeongguk chuckles, stealing an earphone, putting it in his ear as he curls up against his smaller boyfriend. "If I remember my time in Canada correctly, that was a gruesome book we had to read in the tenth grade. Was not my cup of tea." The younger quips, taking a sip of his coffee.
The elder takes a long whiff of the strong coffee aroma, wishing that he could take a few sips. But he knows that if he does, if even a drop of that elixir goes down his throat, his body would hate him. It would hate him for being so careless with himself. And where his body would begin to betray its hatred for Yoongi, Jeongguk would not be far behind in realizing that something is wrong.
"It's something, I'll tell you that much," he scoffs, putting the book down in favour of shifting their positions so that he is burrowed against Jeongguk. The warmth from the younger male was comforting, but not to the point where his mind would stop racing and making him flinch at the smallest things. If the youngest noticed, he didn't say anything, instead, turns the TV on and immediately goes to Netflix.
"Want something light?" He asks, casually flipping through what the streaming platform has to offer. Yoongi's eyes burned with unshed tears. He slowly begins to slump against his boyfriend and nods.
"Something mindless please," he whispers, voice strained. Jeongguk doesn't say anything, he just cards his hand through Yoongi's hair and allows the elder to regulate his breathing as the Gossip Girl opening line played. "This is what you call mindless?" Yoongi grumbles, looking up to see Serena in some kind of verbal altercation with Blair.
"Listen, the drama in this is so petty that even my anxiety takes a back seat." Jeongguk chuckles. The manuscript writer stares at his boyfriend. That's right, Jeongguk also suffers from anxiety, albeit milder than Yoongi. Early on in their relationship they had set up a shared Spotify account where every week, the writer would create new playlists for his boyfriend to listen to. To this day, Jeongguk uses them whenever his anxiety gets bad, shuffling through the lists and picking one for the day. He usually keeps it going on low volume through his AirPods so that they don't interfere with his everyday life.
Keeping that in mind, Yoongi notes to try music later. The unease had ebbed away in favour of the warmth that the grad student provides. Looking up through his lashes, he observes his boyfriend. From the side, Jeongguk is as manly as one can be. Sharp jaw, strong side profile, the hair that drives all the girls (and the gays) wild, falling into his eyes just a bit. He was handsome. The male being observed moved his head a fraction towards Yoongi, smirking as he brings his cup to his lips.
"Enjoying the view?" the ebony haired male huffs and looks towards the TV screen.
"You wish."
"And if I did? Will you indulge me? Tell me I'm the most stunning man you've ever seen?"
"Maybe if you didn't introduce me to Jimin," Yoongi muses. Within seconds the shorter male is pressed against their couch, staring up at his partner, eyes shining with mirth and lip curled in a grin.
"Yeah? Wanna tell me what he has that I don't?" He doesn't even give Yoongi a chance to answer, instead his fingers dig into the elder's sides, making him curl in on himself. Shrieks of laughter left the man's lips as his younger partner continued his onslaught of tickles.
--
Jeongguk isn't dense. You'd just have to look at his double major in music production and economics to know that. More than his academic intelligence, he's known for being observant. Picking up on small things others may have missed and coming to a fairly solid conclusion that has very little room for error. It's coming on the third day that his partner has been acting weird.
Yoongi isn't someone who likes to lounge around all day. He needs to be doing something. Whether that is writing the manuscript for the next news broadcast or whatever the TV broadcasting company wanted him to do. Jeongguk can't say he gets it since he would much rather lounge around and work on himself intrinsically. He's always working on becoming the best version of himself, whether that be in gaming, studies or whatever he sets his mind to that day.
So imagine his surprise when the same Yoongi who is usually bustling about, plucking chords on his guitar, doing remixing on his laptop for whatever new idea that Tae and Jimin have, or crafting something out of wood, is curled up staring out of windows, unable to focus for long periods of time. He gets up and wanders around aimlessly, tips his head back and just lets his eyes flutter shut.
Jeongguk is worried. He just wants to make sure that his hyung is okay. He texts his discord group chat, asking someone to forward their notes to him as he will be skipping class that day. Yoongi came first and he was going to find out why his boyfriend had been acting so off. Part of him wondered if it was just work stress that Yoongi didn’t tell him about, but if that were the case, the older male would hunker down in his office room and refuse to speak to anyone unless his work was done. Instead it seemed like…
He was distracting himself.
It’s like a lightbulb turned on at the conclusion, giving Jeongguk a fairly good idea about what’s bothering his hyung.
“Good morning, Kitten,” Gguk drawls, sitting on the couch and pulling his smaller boyfriend into his arms. The man grumbles and demands that Jeongguk puts him down, but eventually he snuggles into the younger’s person, letting the rise and fall of his chest be his guide. His eyes flutter shut on their own, the lack of sleep the past few days catching up with him. Jeongguk was warm.
So warm.
A hand runs itself through Yoongi’s hair and for the first time in three days, the incessant alarm bells in his head become muted, the itch under his skin gone. It’s like he’s on a floating cloud crafted by his boyfriend. The silence around him is penetrated by the younger’s soft voice.
“Yoongi, how’s your anxiety?” He asks gently, not wanting to make his boyfriend uncomfortable. The man stills before he realizes that the gig is up. He has to confront his demons. He makes slow work of it, taking deep breaths, letting his heart rate slow. All the while, his lover doesn’t let up the soft touches, the gentle carding through Yoongi’s hair, the grounding arm around the elder’s middle.
Finally after what seems like hours, Yoongi tells Jeongguk everything.
He tells the younger how he’d been anxious since he came home from work on Thursday. He had a presentation that afternoon and while the nerves prior to it were normal, the remnant nerves were not. They clung to the manuscript writer like a second skin, eventually slipping below the surface and into his bloodstream.
“It was and is so exhausting,” he admits, burying his face into the crook of Jeongguk’s neck, breathing in his body wash. It was light and floral. He doesn’t know what flower, but he doesn’t really care. His baby was the prettiest flower so it only makes sense that he smells like one.
“You must’ve been out of your mind trying to find comfort. I’m sorry I didn’t notice earlier,” the younger whispers, his lips pressing against the tips of the elder’s ear. Soft, gentle, exactly what Yoongi needs.
“It was horrible up in my head alone,” Yoongi agrees. He lifts his face, feline eyes locking with doe like galaxies. His bun. His flower. His darling masterpiece. “You, you were the only thing that made it tolerable,” the elder tears up, a watery laugh bubbling up his throat. It’s not that he hated being vulnerable, but there haven’t been many instances when he let himself cry in front of his partner.
“Shh, I got you, Baby. My angel, you’re so strong, I love you, I’m proud of you,” Jeongguk murmurs as he cradles his boyfriend to his chest. The elder fists the younger’s shirt, curling and uncurling, the fabric becoming wrinkled under his touch.
Jeongguk doesn’t promise to fix all of Yoongi’s problems, or vow to eradicate everything that induces his anxiety. He doesn’t, because he can’t. It’s not his place. Instead he offers his time, his ear and a safe place for Yoongi to hide away when the world gets tough. He lets his heart fill with anguish as he gently collects his partner’s hurt. Jeongguk lets that hurt linger in his chest momentarily before he soothes it away by searching out his comfort in his person, his Kitten.
Jeongguk has his bad days too, and when they hit, Yoongi is there with all the things his boyfriend needs and attends to him in the same way the younger does with him.
They weren’t perfect, they are far from it.
They will stumble and fall; it’s life. It’s human.
With every flaw and every strength they love each other; without question, without hesitation and most of all, with the utmost patience.