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It all started with an innocent kiss on the cheek. I say innocent, but when I think about how long I had wanted his lips on my skin, I don't feel so innocent anymore.
Cas, having just watched some sappy RomCom (that I pretended to ignore) asked me, "Dean, why did that man keep kissing that woman on the cheek? I do not have experience with kissing, but I thought most humans do so on the mouth?"
I briefly froze, trying to word my response in a way Cas would understand. I decided to tell him, "I didn’t watch it, man, but that's what friends do when they're close. The dude kisses the chick to show he cares about her a lot. That’s what they do in movies.”
He responded, “I think I understand now, Dean.”
Then, before I knew what hit me, he was leaning in to kiss me. I leaned back quickly and practically yelled, “Whoa, man, what the hell are you doing?”
Cas stared at me for a moment, tilting his head to the side, and causing an involuntary hitch in my breath. He always looked so cute doing that. Wait, cute? I so did not just think that. But he really is totally cute when he does that. Like a baby bird, staring at his Momma bird flying from the nest. Wait, wait, did I just imply I was Cas’s Momma? What the fuck? I need to stop thinking NOW.
“Dean?”
I suddenly saw that Cas had moved much closer to me, and was staring at me with concern. I hadn’t realized that I had mimicked his head movement and was staring at him in the way he had been doing to me.
“Dean, are you alright?”
“Yeah, Cas. Just thinking is all.”
He paused for a moment, then took a deep breath and asked, “Dean, why did you pull away from me?”
“Cas, man, were you trying to kiss me?”
“Yes, Dean, on the cheek. You said friends kiss one another on the cheek to show they care.”
I stared at Cas in slight shock before doing a mental facepalm. I should’ve known that he’d immediately act on what I said!
“Dude, I said they do that in movies!”
“Was this film not representative of real life, Dean? I have observed many humans over the millennia and films such as these seem similar to my observations. You told me humans act on their emotions to show they ‘care’. I find myself experiencing more…feelings as I continue to remain on earth. Should I not do these things because I am an angel of the Lord?”
A slight blush started to creep up my cheeks as I realized that Cas wanted to show me physically that he was experiencing human emotions. Fantasies started to play in my head about kissing Cas for real, but I had to immediately shut them down. Feeling the heat in my cheeks and the twitch in my pants, I decided it would be best to stare at my feet.
“Well, Cas… Ummm, I’m not sure what to say.”
“Dean, are we not friends? I have always believed us to be close friends. Am I wrong?”
I could hear the anxiety in Cas’s voice. Looking up I could see confusion and sadness warring on his face. He bit his lip nervously as he waited to hear my response. I groaned internally at the picture he was painting in my head. Stop biting your lip, Cas, and bite mine instead! Don’t kiss my cheek, kiss my lips! I want them pink and swollen as proof of how much you care, not a kiss on the cheek!
I took a breath and steeled myself for the ‘We’re just friends’ routine that I had to focus on.
“Of course we’re friends. We’ve been friends for a long time, man.”
“Then why did you not let me kiss your cheek? Should I not do that?”
“I gotta tell ya, I was not expecting you to do that. We’re both dudes, and dudes usually don’t do the cheek-kissing thing.”
“Dean, you know I am not ‘a dude’ as you put it. As an angel, I am genderless. Have we not discussed this before?”
He was doing the head tilting thing again and I couldn’t stop a small smile quirking up the edges of my mouth as I took in the adorable sight. Adorable? Get ahold of yourself, man!
I sighed. “Yeah, we have.”
“Then what is the problem, Dean?”
“Um, I dunno Cas.” I paused and then Sam came into my mind. Before I could stop myself I said, “You and Sam are friends. Would you kiss Sam on the cheek?” I held my breath, hoping for a resounding NO.
“I guess I could do that, Dean, but I have not truly thought about it. Sam is my friend, but you and I share a more profound bond. Did you not tell me that when friends are very close is when they kiss on the cheek?”
“Yeah, Cas, I did…”
“Then what did I do wrong, Dean?”
Cas had such a perplexed and hurt look on his face that I caved. “Nothing, Cas. You’re good.”
“So, may I kiss you on the cheek to show my affection as your friend?”
That last word just cut me to the bone. I was so desperate for Cas to share my ‘much more than friends’ feelings, but I couldn’t push that on him. I burned with such need that I quickly decided that his lips on any part of my skin was preferable to nothing.
“Yeah, go ahead.”
Cas leaned in and gently kissed my right check. I gave an involuntary sigh, wishing it could last so much longer than one measly second.
Hearing my sigh Cas asked, “Did I do that correctly, Dean? You sound dissatisfied.”
“Naw, Cas. I’m fine.”
“I am not sure that I am happy with the result, Dean. May I kiss you again?”
“Um, if you want to.”
This time he leaned in and softly kissed my left cheek. He pulled away too quickly with a confused look on his face.
“You okay, Cas?”
“Yes, Dean. I am fine. I am just confused. I do not feel like I am doing this kiss correctly. May I try one more time?”
“Yeah, okay.”
Cas leaned in one more time, but instead of my cheek he went directly for my lips and placed a fleeting, chaste kiss on them.
I pulled back in shock. Internally my thoughts were racing in circles. That had to be only in my head. There’s no way Cas just kissed me on the lips! It’s not possible. He didn’t know what he was doing. He just wanted to show me he’s my friend. But he did say that he knew humans normally kiss on the lips. What the fuck does this mean? Gah! What the hell do I do now?
I decided to take the cowardly route and say nothing at all.
Cas looked at me with that fucking head tilt again, and I barely caught myself before I kissed that confounded look off his face. He didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t mean it like I want him too.
“Dean, did you like that kiss better?” he carefully asked me.
I stared at him blankly, and he quickly began speaking again.
“I found I enjoyed that very much. Those cheek kisses did not seem right, but the kiss on the lips felt much better.”
I couldn’t hold back any longer. “Cas. A kiss on the lips does not mean the same thing. People that are only friends don’t kiss on the lips, dude.”
“But the cheek kisses were not right, Dean. I much preferred the kiss on the lips. It made me very happy when I did that.”
Tentatively I asked, “Cas, do you want to kiss me on the lips again?”
“Yes, Dean. I think I would enjoy that.”
Silently rejoicing in my head, I leaned in this time and slowly covered his lips with my own. The gentle press made him freeze for just a second, then he responded, showing inexperience, but willingness, too. After that I just couldn’t help myself. I kissed him harder, and put my hand on the back of his neck. Cas met my lips in a dance just as hard, putting both hands on my back. He seemed dazed, and slightly disappointed, when I pulled away to breathe a minute later.
Even though he didn’t need to, Cas was inhaling deeply, almost as if he was out of breath. “Dean, do any other friends usually kiss like that?”
“No, they don’t. Only people who are more than friends kiss like that.”
“I think I care for you as more than a friend, Dean, because I want to kiss you on the lips again.”
“Cas…”
“Dean, just shut up and kiss me.”
I did as he asked and lost myself in the joy of his mouth. Amazingly, I discovered during the next thirty minutes that Cas was indeed a lip-biter.