Archive of Our Own

Tommy was sitting on his bench staring out at the sunset as he listened to Cat. It’d been a particularly stressful day, not for any major reason other than him being more anxious than usual.

The final notes of Cat played as Tommy sighed, removing the disc from the jukebox and heading back towards his dirt home. Before he went in he looked around his area and felt a small sense of appreciation for his land. It was small and a little beat up, but it was his. It was still his, even after everything he’d gone through. It was quiet too. A little too quiet, but Tommy had grown accustomed to the silence. Tommy turned and walked into his home. He placed his disc back into his enderchest and went to bed.

It’d been a couple months since Dream revived him and to be frank Tommy wasn’t doing too well. What little healing progress he’d made was irrelevant the minute Dream killed him. Tommy was deathly avoidant of touch and he was as quiet as a ghost.

Tommy would prefer not to sleep. Sleeping reminded him of the void and he feared that when he would wake up he’d be near to drowning in the middle of an ocean, like he did when he was in Exile. Puffy had told him he had to sleep, though, and Tommy listened to Puffy, so he did his best, and even if he only slept one hour he’d tell her he slept the whole night so she would smile at him and tell him she was proud.

-

Ever since his revival, the other SMP members wouldn’t stop talking about bringing back the dead. Some talked about pets, others talked about people.

When he was in the afterlife Tommy had seen familiar faces, faces he preferred never to look at again. Except Mexican Dream, he was as lovely as he’d been when he was alive. Tommy spent months screaming and crying nonstop, but Wilbur would always yell at him for it, so he stopped. And because he stopped making sounds in the afterlife he stopped when he was revived too.

He’d gotten a little better though.

Weekly community meetings were something new Puffy organized. She said it was to keep conflict at a minimum and to keep everyone updated on news. The first one was held the night after Tommy’s revival.

Tommy sat in the corner with Tubbo and Ranboo while he listened to Sam, Puffy, and Phil argue about his revival.

Sam and Puffy argued that Tommy was not to blame for the events that led to his revival, while Phil argued that if Tommy could be revived so could Wilbur.

Tommy listened numbly as Phil argued about wanting his son back and since Dream did have the revival book, then everyone should be allowed to bring back someone. Tommy didn’t want Wilbur back, but he never spoke up, too used to being shut down and yelled at for voicing his opinion.

“Let me talk to Dream, Sam. You said we have to schedule a visit to the prison? Well I’m scheduling one right now.” Tommy watched as Phil and Techno rose and left the community house. They never once turned to look at him.

Tommy was left with a bitter taste in his mouth at their conversation. Tommy, against everything his instincts told him, had run up to Phil when he and Techno arrived to hug him and to seek comfort. Phil was someone he’d always viewed as a father figure, Tommy clinging onto the rare moments when Phil used to treat him like a son. Tommy wasn’t sure when he had stopped.

Now Phil hadn’t even known of Tommy’s death and revival until this meeting, and all he had said to him was “oh really?”

Phil didn’t care for him, but he did for Wilbur. Tommy thought about Phil missing Wilbur for weeks but never missing him.

-

It was a few weeks later when Tubbo showed up at Tommy’s door sweating and panting. “He’s back, Tommy! Wilbur is back!”

“What? No, he can’t, Dream wouldn’t revive him, Puffy said he wouldn’t!” Tommy stuttered.

It had been a weird day. The sky was gray and the clouds stormy. The wind was chilly and harsh.

“I saw him,” Tubbo stared at Tommy with wide eyes, “he looks older. I came running as soon as I saw him to warn you. He and Phil and Sam were leaving the prison together. I- I don’t know what to do. I didn’t see which way they went, but they might pass by here.”

Tommy was about to respond when he heard voices approaching. He pulled Tubbo and they crouched down by Tommy’s door. Tommy heard Phil laugh at something when their footsteps slowed.

“Tommy still live here? Is he here?” The footsteps approached and Tommy closed his eyes.

“He does, but we should head home first so you can wash up, make a good impression, right?” The footsteps retreated as the person, Wilbur, hummed.

They continued walking and Tommy let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding.

Tubbo looked at him with wide eyes, “he was gonna come.”

Tommy simply nodded. He leaned his head back on the dirt and sighed. When Tommy had been revived everyone had treated him differently, looking at him as if he had grown another head. But Wilbur was getting along with Phil and Sam . Sam had sworn to protect him and instead of doing that had left him in the prison with Dream to die . Now he was laughing with Wilbur of all people.

A million thoughts were running through Tommy’s head but the one that stuck out the most was how it wasn’t fair. Wilbur was getting a smooth revival when Tommy’s was the exact opposite.

-

The next day Tommy was sitting in front of his home with Tubbo and Ranboo watching Michael run around. 

They were all too busy listening to Michael squeal and clap happily to hear the footsteps approaching. 

“Tommy! Tubbo!” Tommy froze. He’d recognize that voice anywhere. Tommy peeked over his shoulder to see Wilbur standing behind them. He looked different but familiar. He wore the same brown trench coat he wore when they were exiled and he looked significantly less dirty. His hair was covered in white streaks.

“Hi.” Tubbo responded curtly.

Wilbur waved his arms around as if to say hello?! “It’s me! I’m back! You guys don’t know how incredible it feels to breathe in this fresh air!” Wilbur held his arms up and spun in a circle as he took in a deep breath. It’d been so long since he’d smelled anything besides cigarette smoke. Now there was the crisp, cool air mixed with the fresh scent of trees. Wilbur decided this was one of his favorite smells.

Letting out a deep breath and smiling softly he looked to the group in front of him. Two of his boys stood in front of him and god, had he missed them . “Tubbo, Tommy, my boys! How have you two been?”

Tommy stared at Wilbur in anger? Shock? He was having trouble figuring out what he was feeling. This wasn’t… Wilbur. At least not the Wilbur he knew before his death. This Wilbur was awfully relaxed and calm.

Not receiving a response from either of them, Wilbur took their silence as his cue to hug them. He stepped forward with open arms to hug Tubbo, “Tubbo, come here-”

“Get the fuck away from him.” Tommy stood immediately and put an arm in front of Tubbo and subconsciously stepped forward.

Wilbur stared at him for a second. For a second Tommy thought he would breathe in and slowly tell him to move out of the way. None of that came. Instead Wilbur frowned and stepped back as if he’d been burned.

“Tommy… I’m not going to hurt Tubbo. I haven’t seen him in years .” Wilbur looked at him sadly.

“Well-”

“I know what you’re thinking, but I’m not the old Wilbur that everyone hated. I’ve changed, man! I’ve been dead for over 13 years, I’m not just gonna come back and revert back into my old ways,” Wilbur said, frowning.

Tommy frowned. He wasn’t sure how to approach this situation. He knew how to talk with Wilbur when he yelled because Tommy could just yell back, but now Tommy didn’t know what to do.

He looked at Tubbo who looked just as confused. Ranboo just stared at the man. Tommy and Tubbo frequently mentioned a “Wilbur” but he’d never met him. Tommy described him as evil, cold, and lacking empathy, but the man standing in front of him didn’t seem like any of that.

Wilbur looked behind Tommy and Tubbo to look at Ranboo, “I’ve not seen you around either! How many new people have joined since I’ve been gone?”

“That’s Ranboo.” Tommy answered quietly.

“Ranboo? Interesting name,” Wilbur gasped when he noticed the little ball in Ranboo’s arms. “Who’s this little guy?” He stepped closer to Ranboo to look at Michael. Michael was tucked into Ranboo’s neck, hiding. “Hey there, little guy,” He smiled at him.

Ranboo spoke up, “this is Michael. Mine and Tubbo’s son.”

“ Son?! ” Wilbur laughed, “I really have been gone for a while. Wow. So much has changed.” Wilbur looked around Tommy’s area.

Tommy continued to stare at him. He didn’t know where Wilbur had slept, but he didn’t really care. Probably in Phil’s house. Tommy turned to Tubbo, but Tubbo had moved to be closer to Ranboo. He took a deep breath as he felt his chest go tight. He didn’t know what to do.

“Will you leave?” Tommy asked.

For a millisecond Wilbur looked hurt, but his face quickly changed into a more passive expression. “If that’s what you want.” He said quietly.

Tommy avoided his gaze as he nodded.

He turned and sat back down to watch Michael. He ignored the steps that grew quieter.

Tommy sat quietly the rest of the night, listening to Tubbo and Ranboo’s conversations. Neither of them brought up Wilbur and Tommy was grateful for it. Once Michael started wobbling around sleepily Tubbo and Ranboo stood. Tommy smiled at them as he bid them goodbye. He missed the sound of chatter and squealing. It was a distraction from his thoughts and now that both were gone all Tommy could focus on was his thoughts.

Tommy was having trouble getting them in order. Wilbur looked and acted different and it put him off. When Tommy spent a few months with him after Dream killed him, Wilbur was distant, having to drag Tommy with him wherever he went, not because he wanted to, but because Tommy wouldn’t stop clinging to him. He didn’t like Wilbur, but it was either him or Schlatt (his choice was obvious). Wilbur played solitaire night and day, only stopping to smoke a cigarette or to tell Tommy to “shut the fuck up and stop crying.” Tommy didn’t make much noise after that.

Tommy laid in his bed as he thought about Wilbur. He had white streaks in his hair, just like Tommy, except where Tommy had one streak Wilbur had many more. “We’re so similar, Tommy” Wilbur had told him a few nights before he was revived. He’d smiled at him as he said it. Tommy had felt sick then and he felt sick now. We are not similar, Tommy thought as he stood to find a mirror. He grabbed his sword. I won’t be like you, I won’t be like you Tommy chanted as he cut the white out of his hair.

The sword fell to the ground as Tommy stared at his reflection. It’d been so long since he properly looked at himself. His white streaks were gone, leaving the front of his hair chopped up and messy. He was awfully pale. His blue eyes were dull enough to be considered gray. 

He didn’t realize he was crying until a tear drop hit his wrist.

-

He decided to walk around the SMP and see what people were up to. He walked down the prime path towards the community house. The sun was shining bright today. It felt good on his skin. He stopped in front of the river by Punz’s territory and closed his eyes. The sun warmed his face and the light breeze ruffled his hair a bit.

He continued walking until he heard muffled noises coming from Puffy and Niki’s flower shop. Peeking through the window he saw Wilbur sat at a table with Puffy, Sam, and Phil. Tommy frowned as he watched them. Tommy was put off by how everyone was laughing and smiling. No one had their guard up… they all looked… relaxed. Tommy chewed on his lip as he continued watching.

He couldn’t hear anything so he pushed himself even closer to the wall, but he failed to notice the flower pot next to him. As he moved closer he knocked it over and it fell with a loud crash. Everyone’s eyes moved towards the window he was standing by. Tommy’s eyes widened as he quickly moved away from the window and ran to the community house. He heard Puffy shout at him, but he continued running.

Tommy spent the rest of the day sitting on one of the community house walkways with his legs in the water. He kicked his feet gently at the fish that swam by.

He took the long way home that night.

-

Tommy managed to avoid everyone for a solid 3 days by staying on his land and farming his carrots. It was the most peace he’d felt all week. It was nice and quiet. Until it wasn’t.

Tommy was sitting on the floor staring at the flowers he’d received from Hannah and Ranboo when there was a knock on his door.

He decided to ignore it. He tried to, but to no avail as the person kept knocking.

“Tommy? It’s Wilbur.” Tommy froze. He turned to the door. Wilbur probably couldn’t see him through the door’s windows because he was on the floor, but Tommy didn’t want to risk it. He crawled forward down into his basement. He sat in the corner of the cold room until he heard the knocking stop. It stopped for a while then it started again.

Tommy tried to ignore it as he wandered around his basement, but it wouldn’t. stop. Tommy let out a frustrated breath as he stomped up the stairs and ripped the door open. “ What?! ”

Wilbur jumped back and let out a small breath. “Finally! Were you asleep?”

“No. What do you want?”

“Tommy, it’s me! Big brother Wilbur! Aren’t you happy to see me? I’ve missed you!” Wilbur let out a big smile.

“I don’t want to see you.” Tommy said curtly.

At that Wilbur looked affronted and a little upset. “Why not?”

Tommy stared at him. “Why? You blew up L’Manberg! Our home . You hurt Tubbo and-and Niki and m-” Tommy cut himself off sharply, “-you betrayed us! Now you’re back like it’s nothing?! We were doing just fine without you, so leave! ” Tommy shouted, breathing deeply.

Wilbur ran his fingers through his hair. He said nothing for a moment. “Tommy, I-”

“Shut up. Leave.”

Wilbur looked genuinely hurt at that. It took everything in Tommy to not take back his words and apologize. It wasn’t him who needed to apologize.

Wilbur was about to speak when Tommy shut the door in his face.

Wilbur stared at the door that had just been slammed in his face. He had come to apologize and to talk. Wilbur was ecstatic when he’d met Tommy in the afterlife, but he never showed it. He was angry at a lot of things and he took it out on Tommy when he shouldn’t have. Wilbur had changed, he really had. He wasn’t here to cause destruction or cause anyone more pain. He wanted to be around people again and to be back with his family.

After he’d met with Phil they’d talked for hours. Wilbur was never angry with Phil for killing him, so their conversation centered around getting Phil to believe him. Techno had gone off on a vacation and wouldn’t be back for a few more weeks. He’d come to talk to Tommy and to get his little brother back, but he’d failed.

He decided he’d catch Tommy on a good day and apologize then.

-

Tommy didn’t think life was fair. Good people always receive the worst punishments. He was a good person, right? Puffy told him he was. He tried to be. So why was Wilbur laughing and getting along with everyone? Why was he smiling and not in prison? Why was no one angry at him and cussing him out the way Tommy wanted to? Why was Tommy watching from a distance, nails creating crescents into his palms, body shaking from the cold and from anger and frustration? Why was Tommy the one stuck with trauma that wouldn’t leave him, that unconsciously led him towards cliffs, that caused him to lash out and push everyone away? It wasn’t fair.

Tommy looked at Willbur with a scowl when he smiled at him. While Wilbur laughed, Tommy cried. When Wilbur was revived Phil took him in with no questions asked, but when Tommy had forced himself to reach out for support all he received was a laugh and a hand on his back that led him to the door. It wasn’t fair.

When Wilbur grew frustrated and yelled, everyone around him was gentle and did their best to calm him down, but when Tommy did the same everyone yelled back and told him to go yell somewhere else. Life wasn’t fair.

-

Tommy continued to avoid Wilbur. Everyone noticed that Wilbur had made amends with everyone, including Tubbo, except Tommy. It wasn’t their business, but they all noticed the effort Wilbur was putting in. Tommy ignored their stares.

Phil knew both of his sons well. Tommy had always been brash, loud, and stubborn, though not so much anymore, so when he noticed how upset Wilbur was that Tommy still refused to talk to him, even after a month since his revival, Phil decided to help him out.

Phil would talk to Tommy himself.

He, Wilbur, and Techno (having returned a few days prior) planned a surprise visit to Tommy’s home. Techno suggested they wear their matching Antarctic Empire suits.

-

Tommy was expanding his farm when a familiar voice called out to him, “Tommy!”

Tommy looked towards the prime path and saw Phil coming towards him with Techno and Wilbur behind him.

Tommy instinctively took a step back as he asked, “what the fuck do you want? Can’t you tell I’m busy?”

Phil sighed, “Tommy, mind your manners, please. ”

Tommy stared at Phil, then looked behind him to stare at Wilbur and Techno. “Why’re you all dressed like that? You look like a bunch of fuckin’ pussies.”

He’d spoken to Tommy once and Phil was already on the edge of losing his patience. How had Tommy’s endearing loudness turned into a headache inducing loudness? He motioned for Wilbur to step forward. He pushed him forward. 

“Tommy, I really think we should talk.” Wilbur said softly.

“I don’t owe you shit, bitch.” Tommy pushed past Wilbur to head inside.

“ God fucking dammit, Tommy! ” Tommy's eyes widened as he froze, the hair on his arms standing. “Why are you so stubborn?! Sit and talk to him!” Phil shouted.

Despite the fear creeping up his back and the sinking feeling in his stomach, Tommy shouted back. “ Fuck off! I don’t want to talk to any of you, especially you! ” He pointed at Wilbur. “You’ve hurt us and it’s not fair that you get to come back and have everyone welcome you with open arms! I’m doing just fine without you in my life, and I’d like to keep it that way, so you can all just leave!” Tommy was on the verge of hyperventilating and there were tears in his eyes but he blinked them back. He turned to go inside.

“Don’t you think WIlbur has suffered too?” A quiet voice supplied. Techno.

Tommy felt his grip on the door handle tighten as he swallowed thickly. They didn’t get it and they probably never would. He turned slowly.

Wilbur saw a look in Tommy’s eyes he’d never seen before. “Tommy?”

Tommy was so tired. So tired of trying to be heard and seen. What little energy he had to fight back was completely gone.

Phil expected Tommy to start shouting like he always did, but the shouting never came.

Tommy looked down at the ground as he sniffled quietly. He was tired of fighting. “Just leave. Or stay, I don’t care, just leave me alone.” He stepped into his home and leaned against the door.

One single tear drop fell down Tommy’s cheek. He quickly wiped it away. No more tears.

WIlbur hadn’t expected that sort of reaction from Tommy. He looked at Phil and Techno to find both of them just as surprised.

“Huh. Well we heard the kid, let’s get going.” Techno said, shrugging. Wilbur looked around the area until he spotted what he was looking for. “You guys go ahead, there’s something I have to do.”

Phil was about to speak up when Techno grabbed his arm and led him down the path with a shake of his head.

Once they were gone Wilbur walked towards Tommy’s bench. The lights in his house hadn’t gone out just yet so WIlbur knew he was awake. He sat on the bench and reached into his inventory for the one item he’d started carrying around since his revival. He popped it into the jukebox and closed his eyes as the disc started playing.

Wilbur was so lost in the music that he didn’t hear or feel the creak of the bench as someone sat by him. As the final notes of Cat played Wilbur opened his eyes and noticed a fluff of blond hair from his peripheral vision. He let out a small smile.

“Where did you get this disc?” Tommy asked quietly.

“Sam gave it to me. He found it and figured I would like it,” Wilbur looked over at Tommy. He was looking down and fidgeting with his hands. “I was going to tell him to keep it until I remembered there’s someone who really values this disc.”

Tommy chewed on the inside of his lip. Should he trust Wilbur? The atmosphere felt calm, gentle. Wilbur had done so many bad things, but he was still his brother, and from what Tubbo had told him he really had changed. He wasn’t aggressive or rude.

“Tommy I-” Wilbur sucked in a sharp breath, “-I understand if you don’t want me around. You have your reasons and I understand them. But before you cut me off for good I’d like to apologize, if that’s okay. After this I’ll leave you alone for good. Please.”

Tommy said nothing so Wilbur took that as his cue. “I blew up L’Manberg because I… I had to. It wasn’t to take it away from you, or Tubbo, or anybody! It was nice at first, having something to protect and fight for, but it wasn’t worth dying for, and I realized that too late. I built it so that we could have a home . The place or buildings didn’t matter! What mattered was that we were safe and together . Once we were neither of those I realized I needed to get rid of what caused us to separate.

“I wasn’t okay for a long time, and neither were you. I did things I shouldn’t have, and there’s no excuse for them. Despite my intentions I still hurt everyone. I realized that in my attempt to make you all see what I was seeing I got lost,” Wilbur sucked in a breath. “And I hurt you and-and everyone, and I was left with nothing. I didn’t protect you. I sent you out to fight a war when you were a child! I let Dream kill you twice! ”

“Tommy,” Wilbur bent down to meet Tommy’s eyes. “Nothing you have ever done has ever been your fault. I am so sorry. For everything. I’ll sit here and apologize for every individual thing if you want. And you were right, we do look like a bunch of fuckin’ pussies in these outfits.” He let out a small smile.

Tommy met Wilbur’s eyes for the first time and saw sincerity in them. In his eyes he saw the brother he used to know, one that looked out for him, one that he trusted. He saw the brother he missed.

Against his better judgement Tommy threw himself at Wilbur and wrapped his arms around him. Maybe the unrequited trust he put in people got him into trouble, but it’s also what led him to his family. Maybe, just maybe, this time would be different. Maybe Wilbur was currently doing better than Tommy, but that didn’t mean Wilbur’s healing would prevent Tommy’s. Maybe together they could both heal.

Yeah, Tommy liked that idea.

-

It took awhile for Tommy to let his guard down around Wilbur, but Wilbur’s openness to share everything with him made it easier.

They frequently walked around the L’Manberg crater, sometimes just the two of them, sometimes with Tubbo. They talked a lot.

After Wilbur’s initial apology they had fallen asleep on the bench to Cat playing quietly. They sat on the bench a few times after that. Tommy was afraid one of his favorite spots would be ruined and taken from him, like they always did, but as the weeks passed and Wilbur continued to prove himself a changed man, Tommy’s bench didn’t feel the same without Wilbur.

Tommy still wasn’t on the best terms with Phil or Techno, but that was okay. With Dream in prison and his discs safe in his enderchest Tommy no longer felt rushed. He took each day as it came, and he knew that one day his relationship with the other side of his family would patch up.

His mental health had gotten significantly better. Once Wilbur apologized it was like a weight was lifted off of his chest. His next therapy session with Puffy was spent crying and discarding all of the leftover weight. Living was easier after that.

Ups and downs still came. Sometimes he still woke up feeling like he was drowning and sometimes he still walked too close to the edge of a cliff, but he was doing better.

The jealousy he felt over Wilbur’s smooth revival faded and he was able to see that Wilbur hadn’t had the smooth transition he thought he had. It brought some comfort to know Wilbur was struggling just like Tommy.

Where Wilbur struggled Tommy helped him and where Tommy struggled Wilbur was there. He was always there and this time it didn’t scare Tommy.

-

Tommy was sitting on his bench listening to Cat, as he watched the sun go down. The bench creaked as someone sat down by him. Tommy didn’t have to look to know who it was. He smiled.