Chapter Text
"Are you sure about that?”
Jaebeom had considered it, the probability of being accepted in the same university as his best friend. What were the odds, with their different grades and majors? He had no expectation, already prepared not to see him daily like he used to. But the universe decided otherwise.
"Yeah, I know it'd be easier for you that way. Besides, you've basically been living with me for months now." Jinyoung chuckled a bit.
Jaebeom was not one to believe in fate. But when Jinyoung told him that he found the perfect studio apartment near the campus and suggested they could live together there, Jaebeom thought that maybe, just maybe, the universe was on his side.
“If you don’t mind then, sure. I’d love to”
It was a bit cold in the restaurant they were eating to celebrate their graduation. But when Jaebeom saw the soft smile on his best friend's face, he felt warm inside. Warm, excited but also hopeful.
----
Maybe the universe was not on his side after all.
Sitting on the floor, his legs fully extended, Jaebeom blankly stared at the cardboard boxes surrounding him. On the other side of the room, Jinyoung was emptying the drawers of his desk, taking every item out one by one.
“Aren’t these earpods yours?”
Jaebeom only shrugged. They had spent the whole afternoon sorting their belongings and putting everything into different boxes. Figuring out the original owner of each object in the apartment was harder than they thought since they shared almost everything. After living together for three years, there was not such a thing as personal items.
Jaebeom shook his head, snapping himself out of his short reverie, and grabbed the permanent marker in his pocket to label the nearest box with his name. It felt strange, to see the room that was once lively so empty. Jaebeom was sentimental and cherished all the memories they shared in what they called their home but he knew he made the right decision not to keep it and move out. Now that he had a steady income and saved up enough, he could finally look for a better place with hopefully a working heater and less ambient noise.
At least, that is what he told Jinyoung when he asked him why he did not want to stay there, but Jaebeom knew that more than the noise, more than the cold nights in the winter, it was something else that motivated his decision.
He knew he needed that to move on.
When they were completely done, the sky had already changed into warmer colors. Jinyoung proudly contemplated their work, while Jaebeom let himself fall on the floor with a sigh of exhaustion. Jinyoung was about to comment on his friend's lack of stamina when someone rang the doorbell.
“Perfect timing…” Jaebeom mumbled without much enthusiasm, whereas the slight spark in his friend’s eyes betrayed his excitement.
Jinyoung opened the door with a smile. As expected, it was Jackson, who brought a van to help with the move. He hugged his boyfriend tenderly before asking him the most important question of the day.
“Are you ready to move in?”
“Um, I don’t know, I’m still unsure, what would you say to definitely convince me?” Jinyoung answered, tilting his head while slightly rubbing Jackson's bare forearm revealed by his tank top.
“Do I really need to remind you of the main advantage of living with me?” Jackson wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and if Jaebeom had not cleared his throat to remind them of his presence, who knew what would have happened. Jaebeom shuddered at the thought.
“Hey, Jaebeom!” Jackson called, finally acknowledging Jaebeom’s presence, already tired?”
Jaebeom quickly stood up and grabbed one of the boxes. “Of course not, we were done a long time ago already. Should we go now?”
Jackson narrowed his eyes, not convinced at all, but eventually picked up one of Jinyoung’s boxes full of books. “Let’s go!” he exclaimed, short of breath, trying way too hard to dissimulate the effort he was making. “This is definitely not heavy at all for me, haha!”
Jinyoung giggled at his boyfriend’s antics and quickly carried one of the boxes too. They had to hurry if they wanted to finish before the sky turned completely dark.
----
After quickly dropping off Jinyoung’s stuff, they headed straight to Jaebeom’s new apartment. Jackson stopped the van right in front of the entrance and let Jaebeom and Jinyoung move the boxes. The small brick building had no elevator but Jaebeom was lucky enough to be on the first floor. Though the façade had an old-fashioned appearance, the inside of his apartment had been freshly renovated, fully equipped and furnished. All left to do was to empty the cardboard boxes.
“I would have stayed and helped you unpack if I didn’t have my boxes to unpack too…”
Jaebeom shook his head. “Are you sure you're gonna unpack everything tonight? Thought Jackson would have celebrated this differently…you know, with what that eyebrow raise was about”. Jaebeom mimicked Jackson’s suggestive eyebrow game from earlier and received a punch on his shoulder as a response. This and Jinyoung’s red ears only made Jaebeom grin even more. Jinyoung rolled his eyes but still opened his arms for a goodbye hug that his friend was happy to oblige. “See you in two days, sleep well”. Jinyoung patted his now former roommate on the back before turning back and walking toward the door. Jaebeom’s smile faded as his best friend walked away.
“Hey, Jaebeom," Jinyoung suddenly turned around one last time. “I’m gonna miss living with you, you know? Exchanging books and clothes, hearing you snore in your sleep-”
“I do not snore,” objected Jaebeom, “and it’s not like you to be sentimental, isn’t this supposed to be me?”
Jinyoung's spontaneous laugh made Jaebeom's stomach constrict, but he still decided to answer playfully. “I’m gonna miss you too but at least you won’t have the urge to hit me from seeing me way too much!”
“You’ve got a point.” The creases around Jinyoung’s eyes expanded as he laughed even more.
“Anyway," Jaebeom continued with a more serious tone, "you know you can come whenever you want right....if things don't go well with Jackson, which I hope not, but you never know...I’m always here for you.”
Jinyoung simply smiled and whispered a sincere “thank you” before leaving the apartment for good, raising his hand as a sign of goodbye. Jaebeom could hear Jinyoung's footsteps walk towards the van and the engine start again. When the vehicle had finally moved away, Jaebeom let out the sigh he had held all this time and ungracefully let himself fall in the middle of the room. He stared at the ceiling and the unique lamp, then the beige empty walls and the cardboard boxes he needed to unpack, but he had no motivation nor energy left.
Jaebeom had lived with his best friend Jinyoung for three years. They shared each other’s space comfortably, accustomed to each other's presence and habits. Things would have stayed this way if a man named Jackson Wang had not come into the picture, barging in Jinyoung’s life unexpectedly and making his way to his heart. Jaebeom didn’t hate Jackson: who could hate him anyway? His friendly, supportive nature and overflowing charisma left no one indifferent, not even Jinyoung. Especially not Jinyoung. And it turned out that his attraction for Jackson was mutual. After they started dating, Jinyoung spent more time at his boyfriend’s apartment. So, when Jackson asked him if he wanted to move in with him after a few months of relationship, Jinyoung naturally accepted.
And that is how Jaebeom ended up living alone, still single, while his best friend was now living with a wonderful man he met at a coffee shop. A man who could make him laugh like no one else could, who made him genuinely happy. Someone who filled a place in Jinyoung's heart that Jaebeom could have never filled.
Because Jinyoung had never seen him that way.
Jaebeom sighed again, got up and took out his speakers from one of the boxes. He felt like his own thoughts were resonating in that empty room, maybe music could help. But his mind still wandered.
All that mattered was Jinyoung's happiness, he told himself. He knew that Jinyoung never considered him as more than his best friend. That Jinyoung surely never looked at him the way Jaebeom looked at him, or wanted to hold his hand and interlace his fingers with his own. Nor he had the urge to kiss him, like on that beautiful spring day, under that cherry tree, when Jinyoung's face radiated despite the shadows of the branches on his face, and flower petals of the same color as his lips covered his hair.
Jaebeom could only repress his feelings and not act on them. Just like when he saw Jinyoung’s back as he walked away earlier, all Jaebeom wanted to do was to tell him that he loved him, had always loved him, but he held himself back. What would be the point really, it was too late and would have made things too complicated. He could not risk losing his best friend and he knew he had to move on. He also knew that one thing that would make Jinyoung even happier was for him to find a boyfriend and be happy in a relationship. “We could have double dates!” Jinyoung had already told him excitedly. “You know I want you to be happy. I really wish you could find someone too....”.
Another sigh.
Since listening to music did not seem to distract him enough, Jaebeom decided to explore the neighborhood and buy something to eat. He sincerely hoped that Jinyoung's wish could come true. That he could meet someone who would make him forget those bittersweet years of one-sided love. Jaebeom was not an optimist, but he thought that maybe, just maybe, not living with Jinyoung anymore could help to at least get over his feelings for him. "Out of sight, out of mind..." he thought without much conviction.
The calm neighborhood and the chill temperature of the night had a soothing effect on him, it made him feel slightly better. Since he had lived in a student residence located in one of the most lively parts of the city before, he was not used to the quiet suburbs and empty streets. But he could definitely get used to it.
Jaebeom stopped by a convenience store to buy instant ramyeon and was surprised to only see a couple of people inside. As he turned around after paying at the cash register, he made quick eye contact with someone - probably a student around his age - who was standing in line behind him. He did not pay much attention to him but soon realized as the guy followed him in the building that this person was none other than his next-door neighbor. He got closer to Jaebeom, ready to introduce himself.
“Oh hello, you must be my new neighbor?” Jaebeom was taken aback by the grin that formed on the guy’s face after that realization. “I’m Choi Youngjae, nice to meet you!” His eyes turned into little crescents as his smile grew bigger.
With his fluffy brown hair, soft features and the large pink sweater he was wearing, Youngjae emanated a soft, almost innocent aura, but his genuine smile and cheerful voice felt warm.
“I’m Lim Jaebeom, nice to meet you.” Jaebeom almost felt bad for answering with such a neutral tone but it didn’t seem to bother Youngjae that much as his grin didn’t falter.
“I hope we'll get along well together then Jaebeom! If there's anything you need, anything at all, just-”
Youngjae stopped himself after he took a quick glance at the inside of Jaebeom’s apartment, still full of sealed boxes.
“I see you haven’t unpacked yet, I can help if you want since it’s already late.” There was no ulterior motive in his tone, just a genuine desire to help. And he did not even show any hesitation either. They just met but he was so welcoming and nice. Maybe humanity was not so hopeless after all, Jaebeom thought.
“No it’s alright I don’t want to bother y-”
“It’s not bothering me!” Youngjae interrupted, shaking his hand, “I promise! You look tired...ah! Sorry I mean, you must be tired from moving out haha…” He slightly laughed to dissipate his embarrassment but his smile was still as bright as before. Jaebeom, rather than being offended by Youngjae’s clumsy words, was touched by his sincerity and kindness. He nodded, accepting his help, and Youngjae looked relieved.
“We can get to know each other a bit this way too!” he said enthusiastically, apparently eager to learn a little more about his new neighbor.
Youngjae wasted no time and stepped into Jaebeom’s apartment, targeting one of the biggest boxes.
---
Youngjae turned out to be more helpful than Jaebeom expected him to be. After about an hour or so, most of the boxes were emptied and each item had found its place, more or less.
Jaebeom was usually uncomfortable with people he didn't know well, quickly bored by small talk and trivial conversations but he found Youngjae's presence quite enjoyable. His clear, loud voice warmed the room like a gentle ray of sunshine in spring.
“So, what made you move here then?” Youngjae ended up asking, sitting next to Jaebeom in the middle of the living room.
Jaebeom froze, caught off guard by the question. As he was trying to avoid Youngjae’s inquisitive gaze, his eyes fell on the cover of the book he just took out of one of the boxes: his copy of “The Great Gatsby”, Jinyoung’s favorite novel.
“I’m gonna miss living with you” Jinyoung confessed hours ago with a pout supposed to show his regret before joining Jackson in the van. ”Liar." Jaebeom had thought bitterly.
Jaebeom shook his head, trying to chase these thoughts away, and looked at his neighbor. He was still there, his eyes glued on him. Initially, Jaebeom didn’t plan to get close to any of his neighbors, let alone open up about feelings he managed to keep to himself all these years. But there was something in Youngjae, in the way his eyebrows were arching slightly downward, the way his brown, curious eyes were shining and some strands of his hair stuck out on top of his head that made him look cute, but also kind-hearted. Because his whole attention was on Jaebeom and he was patiently waiting for an answer. It felt safe . So Jaebeom took a breath and let a bit of his inner thoughts escape.
“Well... I used to share an apartment with my best friend, but then he fell in love and went to live with his boyfriend…” Jaebeom just closed his eyes and sighed for the hundredth time of the day.
Youngjae seemed to catch the drift as his cheerful expression fell. He emitted a low “Oh” and pouted, which was enough to encourage Jaebeom to continue.
“I couldn’t stand staying in our old apartment so I decided to come here so I wouldn’t think about him too much, hopefully….I was stupid to think that we would be together like this for a long time.”
Jaebeom ran his hand through his hair, avoiding Youngjae’s gaze, staring at the floor instead. He stayed silent at first, tracing over the pattern of the wooden floor with his index finger, but then mumbled.
“I thought that seeing him with someone wouldn't do anything to me, and that I would just be happy for him but ...in the end I feel frustrated and stupid and... what’s more frustrating is that I can't talk to him about it…”
Jaebeom did not control what he was saying anymore. He just needed to let everything out somehow. Jinyoung was the one he usually confided in, the one who listened to his problems and complaints. From his ordinary student life worries to his family arguments after he came out, Jinyoung was always there, all ears, opening his arms for a hug, patting his back and scolding him when he needed to. But this time, Jaebeom knew he couldn’t call his best friend for advice. He planned to keep everything to himself like he used to and let time do its work, but after moving out and facing the emptiness of his own place, Jaebeom was tired. Tired of pretending that everything was fine while his stomach knotted every time Jinyoung looked at Jackson with that spark in his eyes that he never managed to get out of him, tired of Jinyoung impatient to see him settled, totally unaware of what he could feel. Tired of the move too, and of this day that seemed endless.
So, without looking at Youngjae’s still, he told him about Jinyoung and about the moment he loved him more than a friend, when six years earlier Jinyoung confessed to him that he was attracted to boys and that suddenly the possibility of being romantically involved with his best friend no longer seemed impossible.
A few minutes passed until Jaebeom finally realized what he was doing. He was pouring out his feelings, maybe in the hope that they would vanish as they escaped from his lips. But the person he told all these things was still a stranger. Embarrassed, Jaebeom hesitantly looked up and finally met Youngjae’s eyes. He had not noticed but his neighbor had subtly moved closer to him, while careful not to invade his personal space. He was facing him, slightly leaning toward, and his gentle gaze did not leave Jaebeom’s face. His expression was completely different from the one he had when he greeted him earlier, yet it felt as - if not more - comforting.
“I’m sorry…” Jaebeom whispered, "you must think I’m pathetic." His lips stretched in a sheepish smile.
“Not at all! I understand! I mean... “ Youngjae looked down for a second, “it must have been complicated for you to keep this all to yourself and.... Unrequited feelings really ain’t fun, I know that….”
Youngjae bit his lips, like he wanted to add something, but instead he got even closer to Jaebeom. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then, with a determined expression, put his hand on Jaebeom's knees and looked straight into his eyes.
“We still don't know each other very well but we are neighbors now, and it's easy to feel lonely especially if you used to room with someone...so let's support each other!" He punctuated his words with his warmest smile, making his eyes crinkle again. Jaebeom noticed for the first time the mole under his right eye. Somehow this detail added to his whole adorableness.
“Wow…” Jaebeom thought, or rather whispered without realizing.
“Wow…?”
“No it’s just….you are too adorable and kind to be real….or maybe you are an angel who fell from heaven or something.”
Now if he wasn’t so exhausted, he would have realized what he just said and how it could have been interpreted. Luckily, Youngjae just stood there in awe for half a second and then he bursted into laughter.
“Oh, trust me, I’m an ordinary human being, at least if my parents didn’t lie to me, and I am far from being an angel, I can be pretty selfish too.”
One of the things Jaebeom loved the most about Jinyoung was his laugh. And what was certain was that Youngjae's laughter was its exact opposite: Youngjae didn't mind opening his mouth wide when he laughed, his whole body expressed his amusement. Jinyoung, on the other hand, was more restrained: his laughter was short, often controlled, and he had a habit of hiding his mouth with his hand most of the time. But above all, he had these unique wrinkles around his eyes that appeared like cat whiskers every time he smiled or laughed hard enough. Nothing could surpass this irresistible laugh, Jaebeom concluded after seeing it many times. Even so, he was surprised to find Youngjae's loud laugh not so unpleasant.
“Oh, so is that a smile I see? So I’ve completed my mission!” Youngjae exclaimed, his chest out, with a proud smile on his face, “I’m glad if you feel better.” Jaebeom couldn’t help but chuckle, amused by his neighbor’s cuteness.
“It's getting late…. Didn’t you tell me you had class tomorrow?” Jaebeom pointed out after glancing at the clock of his living room, “you can leave, you were super helpful already.”
“Are you sure? “
“Yeah, there isn’t much left and I think I’ll just eat and sleep. I’m fine really...”
Youngjae squinted, scrutinizing Jaebeom’s expression, then his face relaxed and he finally stood up.
“I hope so, you looked so down earlier when I saw you in that store.... If you need anything else, don’t hesitate I’m next door!”
They ended up exchanging each other's number and Youngjae reminded Jaebeom that he could contact him any time. “Except on Sunday morning, I might not answer...when I’m sleeping it’s hard to wake up unless you literally shake me or scream right next to my ear….”
This candid revelation made Jaebum chuckle again, which seemed to satisfy Youngjae who said "good night!" before walking to the door. The scene looked exactly like when Jinyoung was leaving hours ago. But this time, Jaebeom’s smile remained. And this time, he was the one to speak first before his neighbor stepped out of his apartment.
“Hey, Youngjae!”
“Wow, do you need me again already?” Youngjae joked after turning around. How could this guy be so adorable?
“I just wanted to say... thank you for helping and also for listening to me….I feel better now…” Jaebeom smiled shyly. Youngjae’s face lit up as if a ray of sunshine fell on him.
“You're welcome! I'm glad I helped you! I hope we'll continue to get along well! Don't hesitate if you need anything, or if you're just bored!“
Youngjae waved one last time before quietly closing the door behind him. Now, only the ticking sound of the clock on the wall disturbed the silence of the room. Jaebeom was still tired, but he felt so much lighter. He still had to arrange everything so it could really look like his home but at least everything was unpacked.
It was only when he noticed the volume of “the Great Gatsby” still lying on the floor that he decided to get up, quickly putting it in the middle of other books in his bookshelf so it could be out of his sight.
Jaebeom replayed this eventful day in his head, how he unexpectedly confessed so much to his new neighbor and how comfortable he felt despite the seriousness of their conversation. Youngjae was not like Jinyoung, who was like home, a familiar place Jaebeom was longing to come back to. Youngjae was soft and warm, like a blanket in winter, but also dazzling like the sun. At least, that was what Jaebeom thought of him after only a few hours of interacting with him. Jaebeom was thankful he had such a good neighbor he was able to get along with despite his usual reserve. Someone as kind and compassionate.
Jaebeom’s phone buzz snapped him out of his thoughts. As if his neighbor sensed that he was still overthinking, Youngjae had sent an otter sticker to say good night. “How cute…” Jaebeom replied with a similar good night sticker featuring a cat instead. He decided to skip dinner and go straight to bed, he wasn't hungry anyway.
Jaebeom didn’t waste any more time. He switched off the lights and threw himself on the bed. When he closed his eyes, he could still see Youngjae’s bright smile floating in his mind. “Yup, he must definitely be an angel.”
With this thought in mind, he fell asleep a few seconds later.