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Kaoru pushed the pasta from one plate to another grimacing at the mess on the table and his hands as he tossed the plate atop the others in the grey plastic tub. Teenage boys were disgusting. Had he ever been so sloppy? Memories of late night trips to the family restaurant on a bad side of town floated through his mind and he smiled to himself. Kojiro had been. But Kaoru, even when he was doing the absolute most to be an embarrassment to his family, had always carried himself with a certain grace lent from a childhood of tea ceremonies and etiquette classes.
He stole a glance across the table to where Kojiro was peeling a noodle off the back of a chair. “Teenage boys are disgusting.” Kojiro stole the words from his mind and gave them shape the way he always did.
Kaoru chuckled low in the back of his throat. “You were just as bad. Still are.” The noodle flung from Kojiro’s fingers and flopped against the back of Kaoru’s hand. He wrinkled his nose flicking it off to land on the plate with the rest. An hour ago he might have flicked it back. And Kojiro would have thrown another at his face this time. Then they would have dissolved into a food fight. But Kaoru was tired and he had been enjoying these quiet moments alone with Kojiro more and more. They had plenty of time just the two of them, but it was these specific moments. These times after the din of a room full of lively conversation, after the boys left and their youthful joy remained behind like a miasma. Laughter still echoed in the restaurant, etching itself into the walls and tables and Kaoru’s bones.
The first time he noticed it was in the hospital when the boys had come to visit. All the boys, even Shadow. Kojiro had excused himself from the cramped room while the others filed in and gently teased him for not ducking. He could feel the worry radiating off of them but also the energy. The relief. When they left the room still smelt of cheap cigarettes covered up with dollar store cologne. He hated the smell and it reminded him of Adam. Of hiding behind convenience store and sharing smokes so that their mouths had an excuse to be on the same thing. But in that moment he relished the scent and the feelings left behind in the quiet when Kojiro came back and sat in silence next to him.
Tonight though there was something else in the room. Langa and Reki had been off. There was a strained feeling in the air, refelected in their eyes, when their hands accidentally brushed or when Reki leaned over Langa to grab a piece of bread. It was there when Reki was waving his hands talking to Shadow about loosening his trucks and Kaoru caught the way Langa watched him. He knew that look too well.
Kaoru worried his lip between his teeth as he mulled it over. He filed into the narrow kitchen snagging a glass of wine Kojiro must have poured him in one hand while balancing the tub of plates in the other against his hip. Kojiro was already elbows deep in soapy water so Kaoru propped his hip against the sink and handed him soiled plates with one hand while he sipped with the other.
“Do you think Langa and Reki were behaving oddly?”
Kojiro’s hands stalled in the plate he was washing while he met Kaoru’s questioning look. “Ah, I think they might have been a little high.” He brought pinched fingers to his lips. Bright bubbles of soap sloshed down his arm so Kaoru handed him a dry towel. Which he threw over his shoulder before returning his hands to the water. He looked almost contrite, as if he were in on a secret. Of corse they were stoned and of corse Kaoru knew what they got up to. They weren’t subtle about it.
Kaoru pulled the fan from his waist and clicked it open and closed a few times before fanning himself and in-turn Kojiro who had a drop of sweat trailing down the side of his throat. He tried to think of a tactile way to broach the topic with Kojiro. “Not that. They were... strained? Cautious around one another. It’s, unlike, them.”
Now it was Kojiro’s turn to think. He turned toward Kaoru, propping his hip on the sink, a mirror image. Kaoru looked away under the intensity of his scrutiny while he dried his hands. “Huh. You think they are fighting again...” he left the question open, leading, guiding.
“No. No, not really. I think it’s more than that. I think Langa might be interested in Reki.”
“Interested like-“ Kaoru nodded wishing Kojiro would look away. Wishing he would get the picture, the problem, without Him having to spell it out. He nodded.
But Kojiro was either being intentionally obtuse or he was just dumb. Either way he still didn’t seem to get the problem because he grinned and reached for his glass on the racking above the sink. “Okay, I mean, that’s fine right? Young love.”
Kaoru finished his glass and plucked Kojiro’s from his hand. “It would be fine, but Reki is straight.” At Kojiro’s blank stare he went on, “and Langa is not.”
“Really. You think ... I’m sure they’ll... wow.” Kojiro was at a loss for words so Kaoru handed him back his glass so he would have something to do with his his mouth.
“I think we should have a talk with them.”
“Together? Why are you meddling?” Kojiro spoke around a mouthful of wine and a dribble escaped his lips. Kaoru wanted to wipe it away but settled for stealing the glass back.
“It’s not meddling.” At Kojiro’s pointed look he admitted, “not exactly. They just need... help.”
“They are good smart kids. They’ll figure it out.”
Kaoru raised a brow at that. Good. Yes. But smart? “We are adult men in their lives. They look up to us.”
“Their dads-“ Kojiro started then stopped. “Ah, yah. I get you. I’ll text Langa, see what they’re doing after school tomorrow.” He was already reaching for his phone.
“I’ll take Langa. You take Reki.” Kojiro opened his mouth to protest so Kaoru beat him to the punch. “I get Langa because we-“ are gay and I know what he’s going through in a way you could never hope to imagine “-speak English.” He finished weakly hiding his face with his glass.
“Yah ok.” Kojiro grabbed his phone and started typing but there was hesitation in his tone. He was letting Kaoru have this way, as he always did.
Kaoru tapped Carla and with a quick command sent his own text.
With clean up done and no other excuse left to stay, Kaoru left for his own apartment. Not even bothering to turn on the lights he stalked in the dark to the bathroom then a chair by the window where he curled into himself and into memories. Memories of him and Adam and Kojiro and how much he wished when he was young there had been someone to talk to about this stuff. But there hadn’t been. There was no point in dwelling on it and yet he sat alone in the dark until the first rays of sun broke the horizon.
————————-
In another room the blue light of a phone screen broke the darkness.
“Who is it?”
“Cherry. Weird. Who texted you?”
“Joe. He wants to chat tomorrow after school.”
“Huh. Same.”
“Ugh god, they knew were stoned. They probably want to have ‘the talk’.”
“Uh.”
—————
Kaoru got there early. Not super early, but he should have known that Langa would run late. So he sat in the busy cafe alone at a table furthest from the counter and furthest away from prying ears as possible.
He swirled the tea in his cup and realized he was nervous. Which was stupid. He was just having a talk with a kid, but he knew the topic was going to be intensely personal for him and while he and Langa were friendly they weren’t exactly friends. It was his own idea that brought him here. His own meddling. But still, looking across at the empty seat made his stomach flip.
The only person he had ever spoken to about any of this was Adam. He couldn’t think of him by his given name anymore, it still stung, only Adam. It had been his skill and passion that attracted both Kaoru and Kojiro to him, but it was that something-else that Kaoru had recognized behind his eyes that really pulled him in.
At first Kaoru thought maybe because they were both playing the same disappointment game with their families. And maybe Adam looked at other boys, especially him, a little too long, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything. He was bright and flamboyant, but that didn’t have to mean anything either. Then one day they got to the skate park and found him behind the half-pipe with another skater. The other boy stood hastily covering the shame that painted his face bright red, but Adam took his time zipping his pants back up and adjusting his still hard cock. ‘Gross’ Kojiro had grumbled, but Kaoru was hooked.
The chimes over the door jingled. Kaoru let out a breath shaking the cobwebs of past memories free, wishing they weren’t sticky with morning dew and a sleepless night. Laguna scanned the room spotting him almost immediately. With a quick smile he trotted to the table and slumped into the seat propping his board against the wall behind him still sweaty from his ride over.
“What’s up man?” He asked his eyes sliding around the room pausing on a table of girls who had their phones out not so subtly snapping pictures of them. Langa rolled his eyes and Kaoru bit back a laugh.
“Coffee? Tea?” Kaoru pushed his chair back and stood. He needed the time ordering would offer to sort his thoughts.
“Coffee. Iced. A little bit of cream and the raw sugar. Thank you.” Langa reached for his wallet but Kaoru held a hand up and stepped away to the counter.
He had a bullet point list he had made when he should have been working for this conversation.
- Establish that he is safe and that I am a safe person to talk to.
- Gay? (Hopefully he wouldn’t have to explain what that meant.)
- In love with your heterosexual best friend?
- ....
He honestly didn’t know where to go from there. That was where the conversation was sure to tear him open. That was the part he was so nervous about.
When he returned to the table Langa was typing a message on his phone, long agile fingers moving entirely too quickly over the screen. He looked up when Kaoru put the iced coffee on the table and politely put the phone on the surface face down.
Kaoru settled and met his curious gaze. Langa was difficult to read. Kaoru couldn’t tell if his wide blue-green eyes were reflecting an earnestness or just absolutely nothing.
He must have taken too long to start talking because Langa shifted in his seat and looked away. “If this is about last night...” the group of girls nearest them burst into a fit of giggles. Likely just ill timed giggles, but Langa flinched at the sound.
“In English if you’re more comfortable.” Kaoru offered and Langa lit up. “I wanted to have a talk about you, you and Reki.” He continued in English.
“Yah I’m sorry. We don’t do it much, it’s so expensive here and it know it’s like illegal illegal. We won’t do it again.” They would. But that wasn’t what Kaoru was there to discuss.
“See that you don’t.” He said anyway because it was the responsible thing to do. Langa slumped further into the chair and sipped his coffee loudly. Petulant but contrite. “Ah, but that’s not exactly- what I wanted to- you like-“ Kaoru ran a heavy hand down his face. His bullet point list suddenly as empty as Langa’s stare.
“Would Japanese be easier...” Langa tried.
“No no. I have an interview next month in New York and need to practice anyway. No. I wanted to talk about- Ah, sometimes boys like other boys. Romantically, sexually...” So cool, so mature, Kaoru thought to himself as he absolutely flubbed this entire conversation.
Langa’s brows drew together and he put the cup down slowly and for a horrible moment Kaoru thought he had been mistaken. Langa wasn’t gay, he didn’t have a crush on his best friend, he wasn’t a new generational mirror of he and Kojiro. Then there was a spark in Langa’s eyes that Kaoru hadn’t seen before As he learned against the table.
“Are you asking me if I’m gay?” No, he couldn’t read Langa. Was he annoyed?
Kaoru let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Yes. I had assumed, but if that is incorrect then I apologize.”
Langa laughed and a little shame settled in Kaoru’s heart. He had been wrong, seeing things where he wanted to, projecting.
While he couldn’t read Langa it seemed like Langa didn’t have the same problem. His laughter cut off abruptly and he caught Kaoru’s gaze as it dropped to the table. “Cherry. Hey. Yah, I’m gay.”
With a shuddering sigh Kaoru went on, “I wanted to talk to you about- I’m- me too. If there is someone you like-“ the bullet points were all blending together. What a mess. Anxiety licked at his heels and he wondered why he thought he would be capable of this. His language was the smooth edges of his art and the sharp spines of his tongue, and there wasn’t room here for either.
Langa reached across the table and put his hand on Kaoru’s where he gripped the teacup hard enough to break it. “Hey Cherry hey. I’m so sorry, I can’t return your feelings. I have someone I like and you’re a little, uh, mature for me.”
Kaoru felt the blood rushing to his face as his eyes snapped back to Langa’s. The boy’s smile was soft and kind. Mischief danced in his eyes. Kaoru realized what the boy was trying to do, and he was grateful for it. He straightened his spine (when had he let his posture curl in on itself like that?) and reached his free hand across the table to slap Langa without any force or sting. “Cheeky brat.”
“Sorry. You just looked really nervous. It’s ok, it’s not like a secret or anything. I mean, I’m pretty out about it, like to my mom and friends and stuff.” Langa settled back in his seat and did look really comfortable with the topic, which allowed Kaoru to settle in deeper himself.
“That’s good, that’s good.” Something in Kaoru’s tone seemed to intrigue Langa because he cocked in his had to the side.
“Are you not out?” The phrasing was odd and Kaoru struggled to infer the meaning. “Out of the closet. Does anyone know that you’re gay? Have you told anyone?”
“Adam. My parents.” Adam had been natural. His parents...
His parents were old and traditional and had raised their only son to understand his obligation to carry on their old proud family name and old proud family traditions. They weren’t wealthy like Adam’s, it wasn’t political aspirations that drove them, but they were a dying bloodline.
After years of small disappointments, the piercings, purposely flubbing entrance exams at the prestigious high schools, the small cherry blossom tattoo behind his right ear, the skateboarding, the swearing, the hair, it was this final disappoint that pushed them over the edge. After the forth or fifth marriage interview Kaoru couldn’t take it anymore. All those small disappointments hadn’t been for his parents they had been for him. He thought maybe if he was comfortable with the looks they made and the clucking of their tongues he could take this one too. But they hadn’t even looked at him. They had simply turned their backs and that was the last he had spoken to his parents.
“Joe?” Langa was asking.
“He knows.” Kaoru waved off determined to get back in track. They weren’t there to talk about him.
Langa slurped his coffee loudly shaking the ice around in the cup. “But have you told him?”
“Have you told Reki you’re in love with him.” Petty, out of pocket, but Kaoru was annoyed. Mostly with himself, but also how this conversation was going.
Langa snorted coffee and Kaoru sat back with his arms crossed, satisfied with the reaction.
Langa grabbed napkins to wipe up the coffee he spit on the table. “Sorry sorry. I thought we were here to talk about how it’s okay to be gay. Not ... that.”
“You shouldn’t tell him.” Kaoru blurted.
That drew Langa up short snd he looked up slowly, brows drawn in again. “What?”
“Friendship is important. Sometimes your feelings can be,” Kaoru struggled for the right word, “a burden.” He finished in Japanese.
“A burden.” Langa repeated. “I think that, I think that if someone is your friend, and you have spent a real long time being friends, you should tell them how you feel. And who you are. They are your friend for a reason and you love them for a reason. I think that if you handed them something as fragile as your love or as important as your heart, that they would take it gently, even if they couldn’t return those feelings.
“If you love them it’s because you trust them right? And even if maybe you don’t all the way you at least trust yourself to know that you wouldn’t love someone who would break something so fragile.” Oh, those wide earnest eyes didn’t look so empty anymore. They were bright and cunning and hit a target Kaoru didn’t know was there but took his breath away anyway.
“You don’t know what your talking about.” Kaoru lied while the wheels that made up his perceptions slowly turned and situated themselves into new shapes.
“Yah, just a dumb kid right?” Langa pushed away from the table and scooped his skateboard. “Thanks for the coffee. And if you ever need to talk about anything I’m here Cherry.”
Kaoru sat alone at the table until long after Langa was gone and his tea cold. Fucking kids these days.
—————-
The rush of dropping in still made his heart jump the same way it had the first time. Muscle memory took over as his board slid over the smooth concrete. It had been awhile since Kojiro had been in a bowl, most of the skating he did these days was downhill at S on the hardly paved track. It was nice, he was going to have to bring Kaoru here sometime. The park was way more equipped than it had been when they haunted this place 10 years ago.
Alone in his thoughts of Kaoru and days long gone he startled when he heard the clatter of another board scraping against the coping. Reki dropped into the bowl with him which normally would be considered rude but the kid was good. They slapped hands in passing and kept skating up and around the sides, along the rail, low key showing off but always aware of where the other was.
He figured talking to Langa would be his onus, their situations mirrored one another after all: in love with their best friend? Check. More scared of telling them than literally anything? Check. If Kaoru was right anyway. But he could see why Reki had been Kaoru’s choice. He could see their parallels in the way they skated. The kid was considerate, always keeping his distance and taking only the space he needed.
Kojiro was glad for the activity. His therapist said that the activity helped him work off energy so he could focus and he got the feeling that Reki was the same. So they skated until the sun got low and he tried to think of how to talk to the kid, young man he supposed. He really hadn’t thought much through and all Kaoru said was that he thought Langa had a crush on him. He figured he would take another page from his therapist and simply supply him with a place where he felt safe to talk it he needed to.
He didn’t talk to his own father much about things like feelings. It wasn’t until he was an adult, years removed from his childhood home where things like emotions were treated like a thing men should bottle up, that he decided to seek a therapist.
The catalyst had been a girlfriend who dumped him because he was ‘afraid of commitment’. He was fine with that, but she was a psych major and on her way out she read him for filth.
“You act macho to mask your emotions.” Which was fair.
“You use your emotional trauma as an excuse to be emotionally unavailable.” Which was probably true.
“You are afraid of commitment.” Which wasn’t really right when he thought about it. More accurately he was in a lasting pattern of seeking emotional fulfillment from Kaoru while he used women to seek physical gratification. And his therapist agreed.
She had been trying to get him to bring Kaoru in for a couples session for awhile now. ‘We aren’t a couple.’ He would tell her. ‘He is the longest lasting and most important relationship in your life. Maintaining relationships is important even if it just with a childhood friend.’
The sun was getting low in the sky and the nip of autumn dusk setting in so Kojiro parked himself on the edge of the bowl, grateful that they had it to themselves, and waited for Reki to join him. The younger man took the hint and sat beside him taking messy gulps of water and wiping the sheen of sweat from his brow with his headband.
“You wanted to talk, man?” Reki’s legs swung nervously against the side of the bowl and Kojiro wondered if he ever ran out of energy. Ah, youth. When he didn’t go on Reki filled the quiet on his own. “If this is about the other night at dinner- I mean we’re young and do dumb stuff sometimes and Langa is from Canada and I guess it’s like legal there or something.” He scratched his head meeting Kojiro’s eyes. Contrite.
Kojiro paused for a moment trying to make sense of what he was talking about. “Ah yah. No worries. Just try to be more discreet. Miya looks up to you guys you know.”
Reki laughed and settled in more comfortable knowing he wasn’t about to get a lecture. “Miya doesn’t look up to anyone that brat.”
Reki’s phone buzzed in his pocket and Kojiro caught a glimpse of the screen when he pulled it out with a muttered apology. Langa, bookended with snowflake and heart emojis. His face lit up as he typed a quick reply, smiling slyly to himself then tucked the phone away. Maybe he did have more in common with Reki than he thought.
“Langa?” Kojiro asked even, though he knew the answer, and smiled to himself as he watched Reki’s face flush deeper than it had from the physical exertion of skating just a moment ago. It took effort to school his face and not let the knowing smile paint his lips that he knew would shy the kid away from opening up.
“Langa’s a smart guy huh?”
Reki laughed and ducked his face into his shirt under the guise of wiping away sweat to cover the bright flush of his cheeks. “Yah I guess. His grades are pretty average though.”
“He seems cool. Popular?”
“Uhhuh.”
“Amazing on a board.”
“Yah well he’s been snowboarding his whole life.”
“Handsome.”
Now Reki’s eyes snapped to him narrowed, bordering on accusatory. He wondered at how Reki just wore every thought and emotion so freely on his face. “Yah.” His tone was defensive.
“Does he have a girlfriend?”
His eyes blew wider for a second then his brows drew in. “Look Joe, I respect you and everything, but Langa like JUST turned 18. He’s still in highscool man. Don’t go full Adam on me.”
It was Kojiro’s turn to go wide eyed. “Full Adam?” He muttered mostly to himself before the reality of the accusation settled in. He smacked Reki firmly on the back of the head for that one. “I’m not trying to- you thought I was- God! Kids!”
He ran heavy hands down his face and tried to order his thoughts a little better. This was a disaster. When he finally dared a glance at Reki the kid was smiling knowingly so he smacked him again for good measure.
Kojiro figured this conversation was a wreck so might as well just drop the tact. “Look punk, Kaoru told me to sit you down snd have a talk. I just want you to know that I’m here to listen if you ever need adult advice or whatever.” Bright trusting eyes looked back at him and he took a long swig of his own water to give himself something to do. There was a lot of pressure in being the one who had their shit together it seemed.
“So Cherry’s the top huh? Damn I owe Miya lunch.” Kojiro stammered and the water going down his throat was redirected thought his nasal passages exploding from his nose and lips. He felt his face flush. Was it getting hot out here?
“What?” He stammered as he wiped his face with his shirt and tried to pull himself together.
“Miya says Cherry’s the top even though he’s like soft and pretty. But I figured you’re a macho kind of guy and the ladies and stuff. Figured you’d be the pitcher if you know what I mean. But like it’s cool, no judgment here. You ok? Man you look kinda pale.” Reki leaned in to pat his back reassuringly.
Kojiro shook him off. Kaoru was going to kill him if he heard how poorly this went. “No ones the top. It’s not like that with Cherry. And it doesn’t work like that anyway. Sex isn’t so one dimensional.”
Not that he hadn’t thought about it. Typically with men he took on that role and enjoyed it. But even in his imagination he couldn’t see Kaoru being pleased with always being the one on the receiving end. And he was throughly enamored with the idea of being fucked by Kaoru.
“Ah, well damn. Now I owe Miya and Shadow lunch.”
“Why are you all betting on me and Cherry’s- you know what? Never mind. If you ever want to have a talk about your love life and Langa or anything like that I’m here.” Kojiro stood gathering his board and water, too flustered to go down this road anymore with this kid.
————————
Kojiro flipped the sign to closed and hardly turned around when the door swung open. Kaoru had to have been waiting. After his talk, if it could really be called that, with Reki he had returned to the restaurant bent on doing something-anything-with his hands. His staff fussed and tried to kick him out most of the night, but when dinner service went late it was him kicking them out and cleaning up on his own while the trouble couple finished their meal painfully slow. Which is how he knew Kaoru had been waiting, it was an hour after close.
Kaoru was in a rare mood. Kojiro watched as he dipped past him with little more than a click of a fan by way of greeting going straight to his normal seat at the bar. Rather than waiting on Kojiro though he reached across the counter and helped himself to an already open bottle of wine and a glass. Then he watched in abject horror as he poured a glass then took a long deep pull straight from the bottle.
“That’s a $250 bottle of wine.” Kaoru’s met his eyes defiantly and took another pull.
“Kojiro.” Kaoru finally said with a determined finality in his tone. It was more than his usual pushy-ness. He seemed almost mad. His hackles were up like a cat ready to swipe.
It had been a long day. Kojiro thought he was done being unsettled. The skating then work had cleared his mind which he now found scrambled all over again. The conclusion he had come to was that he was going to tell Kaoru his feelings. He had already looked up flights to Bali and pulled Kaoru’s schedule. There was a good time for both of them in about three months to steal away.
But now was good too:
“We need to talk.” They echoed one another and Kojiro could have laughed.
“I’m gay.”
“I’m in love with you.”
They both spoke with a shared breath. Their words bounced around the room.
“What?” They echoed again in harmony. The world slowed and Kojiro sat heavily in the chair beside Kaoru.
“I said-“ they both started at the same time, but Kojiro gestured for Kaoru to go ahead.
“I’m gay.” The defiance was slowly seeping out of him as his brows drew together.
Kojiro was dumbstruck. He laughed. He shouldn’t have, but the way Kaoru tensed at the sound drew him short. “I know that.” His hand was hot against his face as he covered his eyes to escape the raw earnestness written on Kaoru’s
“I’ve met your boyfriends!” It came out too sharp, almost argumentative. He hadn’t meant for it to. But the way Kaoru had said it, as if it were some grand admission... “Adam. That fucking tool with the stupid name.” Maybe there had been others, but those were the ones he knew for sure. God, he fucking hated that guy. Rich and poised and deadset on keeping Kaoru a secret when Kaoru deserved so much more.
“Akira. And he was a tool. I just- I’ve never told you.” There was something broken in his tone that made Kojiro look at him again, really look. It was so rare to see Kaoru with his defenses down. Not vulnerable, but something close.
“Oi. Kaoru no. I’m sorry. Thank you for telling me.” He reached for Kaoru’s hand on the bar, but Kaoru pulled away under the guise of picking up the glass. “Why only now though? I’m sorry if-“
“You said it was gross.”
“What? When?” He tried to remember, but came up blank.
“When we caught Adam that-“
He sighed and pinched his own cheek, then Kaoru’s for good measure. “It was gross because he was getting head behind the half-pipe then pushed that guy away like he was trash. Damnit you are so dumb for someone so smart. I’ve been with men you idiot. I’ve been in love with a man for as long as I can remember.”
“Me?” His voice cracked. He sounded small and hopeful and Kojiro realized he hated seeing Kaoru like this. He couldn’t understand how anyone could see the love of their life like that and think it was romantic. Moving slowly he pulled Kaoru’s glasses off, his eyes were too glassy, tears waiting for the right moment to fall. His own fell first.
“Yah, you, dummy. Remember in middle-school, before I had that big growth spurt and you were bigger than me? My mom got me that bike from the second hand store? And that kid a year ahead of us recognized it as his bike? Him and his friends laughed and you swooped in and kicked his ass? Then stole a bunch of spray paint from the hardware store and we spent all weekend painting it? Since then.” He wiped at his own cheeks then Kaoru’s which were still dry. But then he had always been the cry baby out of the two of them.
Kaoru was silent for a moment, swirling the wine in the glass, probably choosing his next words to lessen the impact of his rejection.
“Remember when you found that disgusting feral cat? Tch, you cried so much when your mom said you couldn’t keep it because you lived in an apartment. You were such a baby.” Kaoru paused and Kojiro wanted to protest. They had both found that stupid cat and wanted to keep it. It wound up living at Kaoru’s in the end. In fact, Kaoru’s cat now was the progeny of that fleabag. “It took forever for us to trap her. You were so patient, so kind. She bit you, scratched you, we ran out of bandages patching you up. But you never left her. It didn’t even cross your mind. Since then Kojiro.”
“Since then...” he didn’t need the words. Tears fell hot and heavy down his cheeks. When his lips found Kaoru’s they tasted of salt and wine and years.
When he could breathe again, breathe his own air instead of Kaoru’s, he whispered against warm wet lips, “You never said anything.”
Kaoru pulled back enough to meet his stare with his hands still cupping his cheeks tracing his jaw with nervous thumbs and he let everything into his his eyes. Open. Bare. “I didn’t want to burden you. You deserve everything Kojiro. You deserve marriage. You want kids. And I-“
Kojiro’s brows drew together. “Kids?”
“A boy and a girl. A boy to play soccer and a girl to skate with.”
“I said that when I was like twelve!” Kaoru flinched so he took the volume down a notch. “No hey, if we want kids we will adopt. It’s not important. Plus, have you spoken to a teenager lately? Terrible.”
Kaoru laughed and started to pull away but, like magnets they couldn’t pull apart, either of them. Hands linked on the counter top and thighs touching below like it was the most natural thing in the world, Kaoru signed into his wineglass before taking a sip and handing the rest to Kojiro. “Langa thought I was hitting on him. Then he lectured me.”
“Reki called me Adam.” They both laughed. Kaoru was the most beautiful when he laughed. “Let’s go home.”
————————
Reki pushed the tablet out of Langa’s lap and replaced it with his head leaving Langa to reposition it so they could both see the screen.
“How’d it go with Cherry?” He asked around a mouthful of Cheetos, the light from the screen painted his face in shades of blue and purple that were much more interesting to watch than the skating video on the screen.
“Mm, I feel kind of bad for him. He’s got it bad. He sucks at talking about it though.” There was a little bit of cheese dust on Reki’s bottom lip. It shook a little when he talked and Langa wanted it.
“Yah Joe too. For functional adults they sure are are idiots.” The tablet fell out of Langa’s hand onto Reki’s chest when Langa gave in and bent down to catch the dust with his tongue. Reki reached for the tablet, but his fingers were all dusty too so Langa cleaned those off as well. “If you want chips just ask.”
“Mmm no. ‘M not hungry.” Reki met him half way this time, no cheese dust preamble, just a kiss without any excuses. “Do you think it worked though?” He asked as they pried apart.
“It was my plan. Of course it worked.”
“It was your idea to meddle. The plan was mine.”
“If you say so.”