Chapter Text
It was sunny the day her mother died.
Grandfather insisted she wear the dour black dress to the funeral, telling her that she had to look respectable for the other families in Karanes, for surely they would all want to know exactly how well behaved her mother had raised her before she had so irresponsibly departed from this life. Bee tuned him out at his ranting that everything had to be absolutely perfectly presented, and instead turned to the mirror to look at her dour pale face, her wide amber eyes that hadn’t seen sleep in three days, and her mother’s dark red hair.
Beatrice Ral, five years old, orphaned daughter of Petra Ral of the Survey Corps.
Petra. Mother.
“Come back, mama!”
“I’ll see you soon my honeybee, I always do!”
“Promise me!”
"Oh Bee. Life is so unpredictable. Save a kiss for me, baby.”
“See you later, mama.”
Bee leaves her bedroom without a second glance in the mirror. She was worried that she might have been stuck there forever otherwise.
“Didn’t even give us a fucking body. Useless. Waste of money and time to be having a funeral for an irresponsible dead woman with no body to bury. Don’t even have control over my damn child’s funeral because she decided to whore herself out to the Scout Regiment. What an absolute waste of a life.”
Beatrice’s grandfather was, to say the least, not pleased at the circumstances that life had doled out for him. Generally a brightly-spirited man, grief had done things to him these past few days that brought out the absolute worst in him. He had taken to mourning his only child’s death in absolute anger, especially when he learned that no one would make an honest woman out of her because she was dead. Dead and gone, leaving behind a bastard child that he had never been too thrilled about in the first place. Of course, he cared for his daughter’s mistake like any good father would, but he was always just cordial with the little girl. Petra had only been 16 when she had had her child and then abruptly ran off to join the military, claiming that she had to catch up to the rest of her peers in life if she wanted to properly provide for her daughter. As hard as he tried, there was nothing Mr. Ral could do to stop her from graduating three years later and joining the Survey Corps like it was her life mission to serve humanity outside the walls.
Five years later, all he had gotten out of that was a dead daughter and the child who hadn’t said two full sentences since her mother died. So he did what grief does best and shut everything out while preparing to lay Petra to rest as best as he could.
“Beatrice, when we get to the cemetery we will have some ground rules. You will not ask about your mother to anyone, especially not the soldiers present. You will not speak unless spoken to, and you will certainly not disobey me. That includes keeping your dress completely clean, do you understand me?”
Bee looked up at her grandfather. “Yes, sir. I’ll be good. Do you think I could--?”
“No questions. Let’s get this over with.”
The two left the house in the village and made their way to the cemetery, the little girl trailing behind, struggling to keep up with her grandfather’s quickened pace. She wanted to hold his hand like he sometimes let her do when her mother was away from home, but she knew that he was in no mood to entertain her now that everything had changed.
“Another thing, Beatrice, before we get there.”
“It’s Bee, grandpa.”
“It’s Beatrice, child. At least honor your mother’s given name for you,” he looked down at her sternly.
Bee gulped. Mr. Ral cleared his throat, ready to speak again.
“Anyway, as I was saying, once the funeral is over, you’ll need to pack. I’m too old and I can’t care for you anymore.”
“What? But mama wanted me to always stay with you while she was gone!”
“Do not question me, child. Your mother went and left us, and if she wanted us to stay together she would’ve been a proper mother to you and stayed home and not gotten herself eaten!” Her grandfather looked dangerously feral at this point, half red and half crying, lashing out at the senselessness of Petra’s death.
Bee didn’t dare contradict him on his mother’s behalf. He was scary, unlike the firm but polite and genial man she had always known. However she couldn’t help but ask one important question.
“Where am I gonna go?”
“Orphanage in Trost, child. Unless one of these fine people at the funeral takes you in. I have your papers with me. As soon as someone else has them I can go and mourn my daughter in peace and alone.”
“Oh. Okay.” Bee remained quiet. The dead and defeated look on her face was apparent to everyone as what remained of the Ral family made it to the cemetery, ready to bury the person that had held them all together for so long. She felt scared and alone, and for the first time since her mother had died she felt angry. Angry at her grandfather for effectively abandoning her and casting her off as a burden, angry at her mother for leaving her, and angry at all of the adults surrounding her, ignoring her because she was only five years old and “oh the poor dear didn’t quite realize what had happened to her mother yet.”
Contrary to what these stupid idiots from town thought, Bee was relatively intelligent for a five year old. She knew her mother was dead, that she had died fighting the things that were trying to kill every human being in existence. The titans. She shuddered. Her mother was brave for going out against those things of nightmare stories. Too brave , she thought bitterly. Her mother was dead and never coming back and had left her. Bee felt ashamed then, for being angry at Petra. Her mother had only been trying to create a better world for her, or at least that’s what she had told Bee every time she came home. But how could she not be sad? Her mother was her world. And now she was gone and had left her daughter behind at such a young age, with no one left inside these walls to give a damn about her. Bee fought back tears at all of these thoughts as the funeral began and the village leader began to say kind words to the families of the fallen Scouts that had hailed from the district.
It would all be over soon, she thought. She stared at her mother’s empty grave, willing time to go as fast as it possibly could so she could run away from everything.
The deadend look in her eyes never left.
Levi Ackerman absolutely did not want to be here.
At thirty-two years old, he knew enough about death and loss to fill five lifetimes, and yet, here he was, reliving more loved one’s deaths all for a useless ceremony that everyone knew was useless. Fake ceremony with no fucking bodies, he scoffed. The disaster of the end of the 57th expedition had taken care of that. But he would do what he felt obligated to do. It’s not like he could actually help the rest of the Regiment capture the Shifter that had killed his entire squad save for him and Eren Jaeger. Instead, Erwin had ordered him to stay behind because he had broken his fucking ankle. Levi couldn’t even have his revenge in peace.
He was contemplating all of this as he glared around him, daring anyone that wanted to approach him to back off. He was going to honor his fallen squad, and then go the fuck home. He didn’t want to talk to anyone here. Especially not the families of the fallen. He’d already failed enough. He squeezed his eyes shut and remembered the way that Eld’s fiancee had screamed, begging him to be lying about his death. He remembers Gunther’s and Ouruo’s families huddling silently around her.
He remembered the Rals. That one hurt the worst of all.
Mr. Ral had come up to him with an energetic but disapproving look, challenging him to disprove the idea that Petra and him were going to get married. That conversation had not gone as Mr. Ral thought it would.
“She’s dead. They’re all dead,” Levi had said, not wanting to stay in town a second longer.
“What? No. No. Captain Levi, that absolutely cannot be true. I won’t allow it!”
Levi shook his head, muttered his condolences, and walked away. He could still hear Petra’s father screaming at him in the distance.
He only looked back when he heard a young voice cry out.
“Mama? Wait, mama!”
Unbeknownst to him before, Petra’s little daughter had been by her grandfather the entire time they had been speaking. Now, the little girl had followed him into the street as he made his way back to the Corps’ brigade. Beatrice Ral had the same shocking hair as her mother - the same hair that had gone flying as he ordered her body thrown from the cart - and the most piercing eyes he had ever seen in his life.
They locked eyes then, tears streaming down the child’s face. Her eyes narrowed, as if to pick at every one of his failures on that mission.
Levi tore his gaze away in shame.
Levi pulled himself out of the memory then, focusing on the ceremony then. The town leader was saying some generic but kind things about the fallen Scouts, and he only paid slightly more attention when the names of his squad came up. He hated to hear the reactions of their families, but only truly dissociated when Petra’s name was mentioned. He pulled himself away from the speech in order to look for her family. He saw her father, glaring and angry, most certainly not the man he had met back when he had to deliver the news of Petra’s death. His eyes slid down, attempting to try and find the child with the fierce eyes he had met as well….
Ah, there she was. And she looked absolutely dead to this world. Her eyes had gone glassy, hands listlessly at her sides. She stared through her mother’s gravesite, life gone from her disposition. Even when Levi had first encountered the child, she had the life of anger in her eyes. Now she just looked alone. Although he had never met the girl before her mother’s death, he remembered that she was all Petra would talk about in between training. Levi knew one day he would meet her, he just wished it wasn’t at her mother’s funeral.
Petra had told him all about her daughter, Beatrice - “Nicknamed Bee, Captain, that’s very important to her” - when she had first joined his squad. He had learned about her struggle with the accidental pregnancy which motivated herself to make something of her life for the child she bore, which is why she joined the military and then the Survey Corps in the first place.
“I’m protecting my daughter, Captain. She’s always the one I fight for. I’ll kill every Titan outside these walls for her if I have to.”
He also learned about her father’s disapproval of the child, but how he was a cordial caretaker while she was on active duty, but she worried that if something ever happened to her, Mr. Ral would not be so understanding of his granddaughter anymore. Levi wondered if this was why Bee seemed so withdrawn at the funeral. Had she not only been suffering her mother’s death, but also her grandfather’s rejection?
Levi’s emotions swelled in fury. How dare that man? Even if he disapproved of Petra’s decisions when Bee was born, she was five years old now. Hadn’t Mr. Ral connected enough with his own family that he had reconciled her birth? According to the body language the small family was currently radiating, Levi guessed not. The little girl was doing her best to seem invisible to everyone, glancing down in defeat every time her grandfather glared at her. His anger rose to the forefront again.
He was reminded of what Petra had said to him, nearly a year ago.
“Captain...I know that this is a big ask,”
“ Spit it out, Ral. What is it?”
Petra’s eyes softened. “Levi. If anything were ever to happen to me. If I die out there, would you make sure that Bee is taken care of? As much as I love him...I don’t quite trust him to care for her after I die. I know it’s a big responsibility. You can say no--”
“Petra,” Levi interrupted, face gentle. “I’ll do it. Can’t guarantee I’ll find a perfect place for her, but we’ll get her there. I’ll take the responsibility.”
Petra’s face lost its tension after that. “Thank you Captain. Truly. It’s the only thing I would regret leaving behind. That little girl is my world. Oh! And I’d be sad about leaving you behind. You and the guys!” she exclaimed hurriedly, embarrassed at her slip-up.
“Sure you would, Ral. Your kid must be something else if we’re an afterthought.”
“Captain!”
“It’s a joke, Petra. I’ll keep this promise. I swear.”
“You’re the best man I know, Captain.”
Levi tore himself away from the memory, looking once again at this little girl who had lost everything. Whether she was preparing herself to be abandoned after the funeral at the cemetery, or if she was being shipped off to an orphanage right away remained to be seen. All he knew is that there was no way he wasn’t going to fulfill his promise to Petra with his whole heart.
Levi steeled his resolve. He knew nothing about being a father or raising a child. But he’d be damned if Petra’s last wishes weren’t personally overseen. After all, that’s how you honored people you loved.
He would bear this responsibility. Bee would come home with him, not be shipped off to a random family or orphanage.
Maybe they could pick each other up enough to make Petra’s loss mean something, in time.
It’s all Levi could do to make things right with the world after she’d left it.