Chapter Text
It was never supposed to end up this way.
Even with all the problems that their families had thrown at them it was never supposed to end up like this.
Lavender eyes met cerulean, neither sure of their intentions any longer. If he were to follow his standards he would have to exorcise her, defeat her as he did every other curse and obstacle in his path. And if she were to continue down this new path of hers… she would need to sacrifice herself in lieu of a life she only saw glimpses of.
“You can still come back.” His voice was soft, hopeful. Not the normal teasing and mocking tone that embodied Gojo, it was edging near desperation. He never ran from a fight but this might be his first.
Her gaze fell away, how badly did she want that. To run into his arms and feel him hold her, the warmth of his lips on hers… the feeling of being Gojo Satoru’s pride. It was her honor for so long and now that they stood opposed her heart did nothing but ache for her to be with him again.
“You know why that isn’t a possibility Gojo, I wish it was… I wish that this drift between us… I wish it wasn’t here.”
With a soft sigh her eyes moved back to his, instantly her cursed energy steadied. Her stance ready to defend against the male in front of her, against the love of her life. And for the first time she could recall, his expression turned sad. A look of pure worry on his features clouded the normal amusement when it came to fighting. Neither of them wanted this.
“Please.”
She could still remember the first time she had laid eyes on Gojo Satoru, or more so- that she was allowed too. Her clan wasn’t included in anything save for the occasional meeting, from a young age she knew that she was hated by all other sorcerers. The looks, the stares, the whispers.
She didn’t understand until later but… when her family had split and half had sided with Sukuna the name was tarnished. It didn’t matter how hard the family worked on repairing that damage now. Tarnished was tarnished in the eyes of the Jujutsu Sorcerers. Especially when it came to power, their clan wasn’t anything spectacular when it came to power.
Even still when a daughter was born and not a boy her mother was cast aside, as was the next woman unable to give her father a son. After her younger brother was born they finally were allowed to gather at the revered meeting she had heard so much of when she was young. At five years old it was everything to her, especially when her world had been confined to the estate and the occasional visits to the school where her mother now resided.
It was funny to think of how their relationship began, where they had really started.
All because she had angered her father that night.
She had asked why she wasn’t allowed to train like her cousins or any of the other children.
The bruise on her wrist and cheek were answer enough for even her at age five. And so she hid, away from the laughter and adults, the whispers and stares. Along with a plate of cookies she had stolen from the kitchen, she had already been punished. There wasn’t much else her father could do to her, besides he was too drunk to notice her misbehaving anyways.
A plate of cookies on a cool summer night, if anyone had looked out on the balcony then they would’ve seen a sad little girl. Tears still half wet on her cheeks, mouth full of cookies… and a white haired boy sitting next to her. For the first time in both of their lives, neither knew of the other. Neither had an expectation of how they would be treated.
They were just children. Gojo Satoru, the strongest jujutsu sorcerer in the making. Future head of his family, revered and wanted by all… felt at ease. And the little girl who always felt so out of place, so hated by everyone who ever laid eyes upon her finally felt normal.
That night there was only a hint of the Gojo she would come to know and love, mischievous and laidback- a little (very) arrogant . They only briefly introduced themselves before devouring their plate of cookies. Then running to the kitchen to steal whatever else they could find. Giggling and panting in the grass with stomachs full of sweets and candy. Lavender eyes met cerulean for the first time, and she felt safe. A feeling that would become familiar every time she stared into the expansive of his eyes. Every bit as enchanting as the person behind them.
She hoped to see him again but knew better, the birth of her little brother while important did nothing to raise their status. It only gave them a brief feeling of normalcy, and so she went back to her routine. School, training, the garden… her room… staring longingly at the stone gate keeping her from the outside. Until finally he returned, striking blue eyes and a big grin.
He visited her every chance he had, at first it was a secret. He explained that his technique allowed him to warp anywhere, so there was no real issue- they spoke of how they hated their families, how they wished they could just play all day. They did when they could, the forest on her family estate was their home, they spoke of their friendship to no one. It was the one thing the both of them had that no one could take away from them.
Childhood gave way into their early teenage years, her excitedly showing him how she had been practicing her jujutsu. His teasing smile before finally letting his facade fall away, he wasn’t Gojo Satoru with her. He was only Toru. No matter his burdens she listened as though she had some understanding of what it must be like.
“I know that because I have Six Eyes… Limitless, Infinity, all that… Everyone expects me to be the strongest. And I know I am, I know I already am. But the use of my technique…” He paused, Gojo already was uncharacteristically vulnerable even for them. He seemed to be considering his words before finally looking up at the clear sky. He looked exhausted, at thirteen he already looked more worn than most adults did. “The headaches are unbearable… I need to sleep so much to even use it for more than a few hours. And I can feel everything. I… what if I can’t control it.”
It wasn’t a question for her, and if it was she wasn’t sure how she would begin to answer it. Her cursed technique was far from that of Gojo’s, she barely got to use it much less train as hard as she knew he did. Carefully her hand reached out towards his, brushing her fingers over his before glancing up at the sky alongside him. “You are the strongest, but the burden of the entire world isn’t on you. You already have mastered infinity haven’t you? Besides… you’ll always have me waiting for you.”
It was a week after that night that Gojo Satoru met with her father unbeknownst to her. The deal, she found out later, would entail her training to be a sorcerer begin officially. And her lessons to become a housewife would end for now, she would attend Jujutsu Tech. And in return Gojo promised a marriage that would bring her father money tenfold.
The next time they met she hugged him, not many things rendered him speechless. But seeing her arms wrapped tightly around him, tears pricking in the corners of her eyes… that did it. Gojo realized then that he was falling for her, though his feelings wouldn’t be made apparent for a few more years.
With her abilities finally being put to use, they saw less of each other. He was already starting to take on missions even before his enrollment at Jujutsu Tech. And she focused hard to catch up on what she had missed. They still texted each other, but the drift began before long. And suddenly she dreaded the idea of high school.
Because while she had been accepted into the school because of her ability, her tuition was paid for. It was a technicality. It was because of her connection to golden boy. Without that she would’ve been married off to some older man willing to settle for her and her clan’s name.
Yet when he showed up on the night of her birthday, a small box in hand. All of that fear had melted away. It was easy. They laughed, his teasing, her soft flushed cheeks… the way he relaxed around her like no other. It was that night she realized that she had feelings for him.
A chance encounter had morphed suddenly into this.
An inexcusable attraction between two souls that were meant to stay separate. Gojo with his infinite power and pride, all his wealth ready for a life that would never really be that difficult. And her, the sad first born daughter of a disgraced clan. She had no future after she graduated, she would be a housewife. Her days of pretending with the snow haired man would end and reality would begin again.
She knew what the others thought of them, golden boy and his charity case. Every girl in the school stared at her as though she had stolen something that had they had owned from the start. His line of one night stands was as impressive as it was saddening. Despite it being her he always came back to at night, never was their relationship clear. Yes she dressed his wounds, yes they spent every moment they could together. Yes when his technique was overused did she let him collapse in her room. She watched over him, his head in her lap while they spoke in soft whispers. No facade between them, just two teenagers in love neither yet willing to admit to the other.
To her he would always be Gojo Satoru, an idiot boy who was far too attractive for his own good. The same one who had introduced her to who would be the only other person to treat her as a real person besides Gojo. Geto Suguru. Soon their duo became three, he even joined some nights when she took care of the tired silver haired male. Another rare person allowed to see past the mask of ‘the strongest’. They evened each other out perfectly, Gojo who knew far too much of his own strengths. Geto who seemed to be a little too strict on certain rules where Gojo was lax. And her, optimistic, soft spoken, but prideful to boot.
The top three students even in their first year, it wasn’t something anyone had really expected from her and Geto at least. Yet they both had blown through expectations that everyone had set for them. Especially her, it was almost sad to her teachers how her talent had been wasted for so long. Her talent in taming shikigami’s, as well as her hand to hand combat was unmatched. Her recommendation to Special Grade came nearly as quickly as Gojo’s, and soon the both of them were regarded in the same manner. Albeit one with a sort of awe and the other of fear.
They still had not made clear the terms of their relationship by the time tragedy decided neither had, had enough. The death of her grandmother had sparked her return to her prison for so long, despite it all she didn’t have a bad visit. Yet as she returned home from the funeral she was helpless as curses struck. Her little brother and sister dead, her father just as quickly following. Just as the special grade was making its way to her, it stopped as if paralyzed by something she couldn’t see. Disappearing as fast as it appeared.
The sole survivor of her clan, she would come to find out.
The numbness that resided in her chest was eating away at every inch of her being. The loss of Geto still fresh, followed by that of a family she was never close to. Yet like she was there to comfort him so many times, he was there for her. Gojo arrived so soon after she was allowed visitors that she wasn’t sure he had been to any other place. His arms tightly around her while he made sure she was still there.
It was that winter they had spoken the words needed to confirm officially what they were. A particularly difficult special grade curse had over exerted Gojo’s technique and now he barely could find the strength to do much more than speak and soft broken rasps. It was winter, the snow was falling serenely as they sat in their usual spot on the roof. Her head leaning onto his shoulder, his uncovered eyes staring at her empty hand. Until finally his hand found hers, fingers lacing together as though they were made to do so.
They were the strongest after all.
Her discovery of her ability to use Doubled Reflection only served to prove that point. With minimal effort she was able to master that and finally her name and Gojo’s were the two thought of when it came to the most difficult of missions. He was stronger, everyone knew that. But the gap between her and the closest sorcerer to them was large enough to group her only with him.
Years passed and they remained the same, ever in love and ever close. Eventually the time came for them to teach, and they did so together. As they did most things.
Where he went she followed and vice versa, though missions was the one place they parted ways. She knew if she came along with him, Gojo would only focus on her and keeping her safe. No matter how well she was able to take care of herself, he would always worry because she was still weaker than him.
Throughout everything they still were the closest at home, the rare times they would spend together. Him with his blindfold off, arms wrapped around her waist, peaceful smile on his face while she cooked. The same cool rag to his forehead when he overused Six Eyes, the same lips pressed to his whenever he needed reassurance that she wasn’t in it for his name.
“You may be the strongest, but you still are just Toru to me. The playful boy with pretty eyes who stole cookies with me.”
“So you admit I’m pretty?”
Her eyes rolled playfully, a smile still on her lips. “Only your eyes…”
When the name Sukuna first was mentioned out loud her skin pricked, senses sharpened as if he was ready to claw through her chest then and there. Megumi had been sent to secure one of his fingers, he would supervise if things got difficult. Never had things been so tense between them before, and Gojo instantly knew when he returned that a conversation needed to be had.
Yet that never happened. Instead she came to him, panicked as they voted on whether to sentence Yuji Itadori to death or not. And for the first time in their history the strongest two were divided, as she voted to execute the pink haired boy. Her reasoning wasn’t voiced but everyone thought the explanation was simple enough. In the past her family had been on the wrong side of history, this time she didn’t want that to be the case. If only that were it.
In the nearly fourteen years of being together, and the five of them being engaged. Never had they fought like they did that night. Yet if she were to divulge the truth he might never return, this may be the end of her and Gojo. And that thought alone was enough for her to keep her nightmares to herself.
She couldn’t pinpoint their exact start, maybe when she was freshly a teenager. And at first they weren’t nightmares. It was another life, one lifetimes ago when the world was far older. But much like this one she was underestimated, she was just a pawn for her family yet again. Despite her strength and willpower she was sold off to the Zenin clan. Though on the way to what would be her new home, the place where she would marry and die. Her carriage was attacked by curses, she never arrived.
The nightmares still didn’t start, she wished they did. Especially when she realized what she was reliving, she knew the moment she laid eyes on the massive form of the man that would become the King of Curses. She was reliving the memories of Kokona Sato, the traitor of her clan. The one who fell in love with a monster, the reason for so many deaths.
Her behavior didn’t change with Gojo as she witnessed her past life falling in love. Sukuna wasn’t alive anymore, he was sealed into fingers. And she was in love with Gojo, she was happy with him. Her nightmares started however when she witnessed Sukuna falling in love with her. And when suddenly she felt like she wasn’t alone when she was. Or how when her family was killed… the curses stared at her as though there was a ward keeping them away from her.
Yet every time her silver haired sorcerer came home she smiled, hiding the truth while she danced with him on the roof. Speaking of plans they might never get to considering their schedules these days.
Gojo had hoped that her meeting Itadori would change her mind, instead the nightmares worsened. Cold sweat, panicked frenzy, shaking, no amount of reassurance from him could calm her. Not when he was real, not when those feelings were so vivid and bright in her chest. It was as though there were two parts of her screaming for control, one who had been hidden so deep for so long… and the other that could barely sleep anymore.
As his worry grew, her need to know the truth only intensified. Logically she knew she shouldn’t do it, she should avoid the cause of her confusion. Yet as she asked the young boy to switch with the curse she felt excited, that part of her from the past that longed to see him was excited.
Sukuna regarded her like a fragile doll, fingers running over her hair and chin before finally and carefully lifting her chin up. “Just as you asked for pet… the reincarnation technique is flawless. You should be proud of yourself. As soon as I have my body back it’ll be you and I again, we can rebuild it all.”
She threw up as soon as Itadori was gone. The contents of her stomach littering the lawn of Jujutsu Tech. Her head was fuzzy, she wanted Gojo. She wanted him to hold her like she did him when Six Eyes was too much. She wanted him to cradle her in his arms and tell her that it was going to be okay, she wanted to kiss him until she forgot her past. She wanted to elope with him, wedding traditions be damned… and the smallest part of her yearned for the past. Of how when her own technique in the past overwhelmed her… how Sukuna would cradle her, four arms tightly wrapped around her while he whispered soft stories into her temple. Her fingers tracing the tattoos that branded his arms and chest.
If the memories had ended there it wouldn’t have ended up like this.
She had shoved her emotions away, her and Gojo had fixed the problems that had arisen. And they were back to the simplicity that was being the strongest two. It was springtime, somehow they had both been given a week off. A rare opportunity to plan their wedding, a rare opportunity to spend with each other.
It was in his arms that it happened, the memory that changed their future. Still sweaty and high from their orgasms, her head pressed into his chest. Her eyes fluttered shut, drunk on the high of being Gojo Satoru’s. Until suddenly she was back in the past, though this time there was a noticeable difference. The weight in her back and hips was off, as she glanced to assess it she understood.
Kokona Sato sired Sukuna a child.
The memories continued on their path, a happy Sukuna. Gentle only ever with her, the worry in his eyes as he watched her grow each week. And then finally the send off, he was needed to fight off the sorcerers. He was going to leave his wife and growing child, but only for three days time. He would return and then they would move to the northern temple, it was safer and more secluded.
He never saw her alive again.
The sky was red, the curses meant to protect her fell easily. She recognized the technique, she knew that style. Her eyes widened in shock as a man with silver hair and blue eyes walked into view. Gojo, his family name was Gojo. There was no mistaking that. The past her didn’t fight, she was sure of her actions. She would come back to him, and he would come back to her. The man slammed his palm into her jugular, the pain shot through her senses. She shut her eyes.
When she opened them Gojo Satoru was yelling at her, shaking her worriedly as he held her close. She didn’t react, instead the tears streamed down her cheeks as she cried for a child she never carried. For a life that never had a chance to be lived, and then… she told him the truth.
She wasn’t sure how she ended up here. Her heart pounded as she dodged another attack, she couldn’t keep this up forever. Her attacks couldn’t hit their target, she knew that far too well. She was tired. She had been for years, she had been for centuries.
“Please stop. We- we can go home, I won’t-“ He begged as another of her shikigami began to swarm him. Attempting to distract him to give their master time to escape, yet in an instant his hand caught on her wrist. Lavender eyes meeting Cerulean, strongest and his pride.
She wanted that, to go home with him. To forget what she knew, to pretend like she didn’t have this other part of her clawing it’s way out of her chest. For the first time since she had met him, her eyes darkened. Her stare turned hard, she didn’t see Toru. No longer was the man in front of her the smiling boy who sat with her on the roof. He was Gojo Satoru, the golden boy of Jujutsu. And he was in her way.
The shock in his eyes was enough leverage to get her wrist out of his grip. And instantly her foot connected with the back of his shin, knocking him down before she sprinted to gain distance. She wouldn’t get another hit off like that, that was sheer dumb luck.
“Nine tailed fox, rise and destroy.” As soon as she spoke the shikigami rose, turning its focusing on the wavering form of Gojo. His expression still pleading as his warped behind her, pulling her into a headlock.
“Don’t make me do this. Don’t make me kill you, those are just false memories. We are real, I’m real- please. I- I have so much I want to do with you- to tell you-“
“Let. Me. GO.” Her voice strained, her entire body trashing in his grip while her shikigami released. She was so tired, she wanted to be held- just like before- her body relaxed as her tears started. Soon her body began trembling, and suddenly the small space of infinity closed. The feeling of his warmth flooding her senses as it began to rain around them.
They stayed like that for twenty minutes, until finally her shame caught up and she pushed herself away.
No.
She had done it, she had done what everyone else had done to him his entire life. She looked at him with those same eyes.
Her limbs felt like lead as she stood, ignoring his pleas before she warped away.
Maybe she was a monster.