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He expected to have the place to himself when he returned to the Foundry. It was late, and things had been quiet on the site they’d been watching for the latest movement by the Triad.
He’d taken the long way home, knowing it was easier if he came back to an empty Foundry than one where he watched everyone leave. It was those moments when the he felt the shadows pull at his heart, the memories creep in before being swept away by the aching loneliness and the knowledge that the one person he wanted by his side wasn’t there because of his own choices.
What he hadn't expected to find was that very person pacing the length of her desk, all three computer screens lit up with numbers and information. In her arms, she cradled a content baby Sara, big, brown eyes staring up at Felicity in wonder.
Oliver stopped short on the stairs, bow gripped tightly in his hand, as he watched Felicity coo softly to the bundle in her arms, swaying gently with each step she took. Her blonde hair was swept over her shoulder from her usual ponytail, barefeet making no sound as she padded across the cold concrete floor. Her bright green toenails stood out against the grey, and he briefly wondered how long she’d been painting her nails that color - his color.
A wave of longing swept through him so acute and swift that he reached for the railing at his side, clutching it until his knuckles turned white, letting the cool metal bite into his skin, grounding him. His heart lurched in his chest as the memory of her bent over Lyla's bed the night Sara had been born swam in front of his eyes. It had been a heartbreaking glimpse at the future he wanted so desperately, but decided he couldn’t have despite the small voice in his heart telling him otherwise.
He’d convinced himself he couldn’t be both Oliver Queen and the Arrow. The city needed him to be the Arrow. His family and everyone he cared about needed him to be the Arrow - to protect them; to keep them safe.
Being Oliver Queen meant the possibility of someone getting hurt - of losing someone - losing her - and that was not an option in his mind. He didn’t want to live in a world without Felicity Smoak. So no matter how much he loved her - how much is heart and soul ached for her every second of every day - to be with her, he’d let her go, or tried to, in order to keep her safe - to keep everyone safe.
But each day spent watching her move on with her life - without him - made him question that decision.
He wanted so much more than to live in the basement of his father’s old factory for the rest of his life. Protecting the city was his crusade - what he believed was his purpose in life - but the part of himself he thought he’d be able to shut off as easily as he had when he first returned to Starling, refused to be silenced.
It cried out for more - for all of what he never thought he could have - never thought he would have in his life after The Gambit went down.
But then she’d come into his life, and his whole world had changed.
He hadn’t planned on Felicity Smoak. But he was never more thankful for a laptop full of bullet holes. For all the darkness that had surrounded him for the years on the island and off, she brought in a light that had been missing. Life flowed from her and bled into him, reaching into every corner and crevice that he’d pushed his own light and happiness and hope. Being with her brought more than the simple feeling of peace, it made him feel safe, and whole, and loved. It brought him home.
Her love was home; she was his home.
With a soft sigh, he watched her silently from halfway up the stairs as she cradled the baby in her arms, gently swaying her from side to side.
The image she created was one he’d dreamt of more than once. Only, in his dreams, she was holding their child. Her eyes and his nose…
A lump rose in his throat and he swallowed around it, taking a deep breath to try and dispel the heaviness that had come to rest in his chest.
When she turned to make her way back across the floor, she saw him. Her eyes lifted to his and the breath caught in his throat.
Her gaze held his, both of their guards down, and he could see the longing in her own eyes - the sadness beneath her light smile.
Sara made a small noise, her tiny fists reaching out and latching on to a few strands of Felicity’s blonde hair. Tearing her eyes away from his, she whispered something to the child in her arms, soothing her.
Oliver took a deep breath and straightened his shoulders. Descending the rest of the stairs with ease, he quickly put away his quiver and bow, making sure to lock the case before turning back towards her. He found her motioning at one of her computer screens, Sara tilted up in her arms so she could see the numbers running in patterns as she typed something into the computer with one hand. Sara gurgled in delight and Felicity smiled brightly, making Oliver pause mid-step, fists clenching at his sides as he tried to tamp down the emotions running rampant through his body.
After a moment, he found his voice, willing it to remain even as he spoke.
“Does Digg know you’re teaching his daughter how to hack at three months?” he asked, eyebrow cocked in her direction, trying for light and teasing.
Felicity swiveled to face him after tapping another sequence of numbers into the computer, one corner of her mouth upturned as she glanced up at him.
“It’s never too early to learn…besides, i can tell, she’s going to be a tech wizard when she grows up…isn’t that right?”
Her last question directed at Sara who reached out and grasped for Felicity’s chin with her small fingers.
Oliver chuckled softly, shaking his head as closed the remaining distance between them. Gently, he reached out a hand and ran it over the back of the soft purple blanket wrapped around Sara’s tiny frame. He drew in a small breath when Sara turned her head, eyes searching the room as if looking for him.
“I know you don’t like her down here,” Felicity stated softly, “but Lyla was called into ARGUS headquarters and Digg didn’t want to leave until you got back...of course, then we found out there were no more diapers in the diaper bag - which is odd considering that’s the whole point of having a diaper bag - so he had to run to the store, and I told him she could stay here with me…”
Oliver couldn’t keep the smile from his llps listening to her ramble - he’d missed her constant stream of words so much over the past few weeks. There was something about the way she scrunched her nose whenever she thought of anything particularly interesting, or the moment her brain caught up to her mouth. It was all a part of the woman he loved so much.
“It’s okay,” he sighed, “I knew she’d end up here eventually...there’s just so much darkness down here,” he paused, blowing out a breath before continuing, staring at the place where his hand met the soft blanket. “Sara died down her - she,” he motioned to the baby in her arms, “She deserves a life far away from this place.”
He heard her inhale sharply, her body stilling at his words, and he forced his eyes up to her face, tracking over every inch of it before meeting her gaze. The sadness swimming beneath bright blue pulled him closer, his body immediately reacting to her pain.
Her eyes fluttered shut before she opened them again, swallowing thickly.
“Oliver…” Felicity whispered, her voice rough and he saw the unhidden emotions.
“You’re good with her,” he quickly shifted the subject, not wanting to dwell on such dark thoughts - that voice growing louder in his heart - telling him to breach those last few stubborn walls and tell her how much he missed her, how much he wanted a life with her, how much he wanted her - that he chose her.
She closed her mouth, and he could tell she wanted to say more on the other subject, but she made herself let it go for now.
Felicity breathed out a puff of air and smiled softly, eyes shining with a warmth he’d missed as she shifted her gaze back down to the baby in her arms.
“She’s easy to be good with...aren’t you?” she murmured to Sara, whose dark brown eyes stared up at her in adoration.
Tiny fists reached out as she squeezed her eyes shut and yawned, stretching as much as she could in the tight blanket. He was mesmerized by her, and the joy that filled him just by being near her; by being near both of them.
“Do you want to hold her?”
Felicity’s question startled him, and he looked up to find Felicity watching him, eyebrows raised in question, her lips tilted upwards.
Oliver took a step back, holding his hands out. “No, I should go change anyway. She’s happy with you.”
Her brow creased and she watched him with narrowed eyes as he took another step backwards before turning and heading to the bathroom. Seeing Felicity holding a baby, so naturally, was almost too much. His heart threatened to beat out of his chest and he willed the ache to settle as he shut the door behind him with a soft click.
He’d only managed to remove his leathers and slip into his cargo pants when he heard a Felicity cry out. Tossing the shirt he held to the floor, he opened the door and sprinted towards her desk, worry flooding him as he went through every possible horrible situation.
He found Felicity staring wide-eyed at the computer, trying to type with one hand while Sara - red-faced and clearly upset - squirmed and cried in her other arm.
“Felicity?” he asked, coming up beside her.
She turned, relief in her eyes as she held Sara out to him. “Take her. The system I was trying to hack attached a backdoor virus that I need to remove before it infiltrates our system.”
Oliver heard the panic in her voice and quickly reached for the now sobbing Sara. Her cries got louder as she was moved from one person to the next, and Oliver tried to hush her.
He held her awkwardly for a moment, watching intently as Felicity’s stretched out the arm she’d been holding Sara with before bringing it to her keyboard, fingers flying over the keys as she used one foot to slide her chair under her and sat down.
Sara’s loud cries brought his focus back to small child, and Oliver immediately shifted her, settling her in the crook of his right arm. He stared down at her reddened face, large tears streaming down her cheeks as she fussed, tiny legs kicking the blanket around her.
With slow, gentle movements, Oliver brought her close to his chest, resting her over his heart as he rubbed soothing circles over her tiny back. His entire palm spanned her torso, and it took his breath away at how delicate and fragile she truly was now that she was in his arms.
Protectiveness surged through him and he immediately brought her even closer, tucking her head under his chin as he began to pace the room. He spoke to her in different languages, old proverbs and gentle words flowing off his tongue in Mandarin and then Russian. With each word, Sara slowly began to calm, her cries fading.
He wasn’t sure if it was the sound of his heartbeat, the warmth of his skin, or his voice but eventually her sobs stopped completely. Releasing a long breath, Oliver walked over towards the chair across from Felicity’s desk and sat down, still cradling Sara against his chest.
One tiny hand reached out of the blanket and rested against his breastbone; sharp, delicate fingernails scraping over his skin. Seeing her small fingers splayed over his chest caused his heart to clench, that ache that had roared to life upon seeing Felicity holding her earlier, making itself known once more.
He wanted this - this feeling of protectiveness and awe at holding something so small and full of life. This child wasn’t even his and yet he knew he’d do anything to protect her - anything.
Sara’s breathing slowed as she turned her head back and forth against his chest, over the Bratva tattoo inked into his skin. Hot puffs of breath soaked into him, filling him with a warmth that reached to his very bones.
Keeping one hand on her back, anchoring her to him, he brought the other to readjust her blanket as she snuggled further into him.
A sense of peace washed over him and he let his head fall back as Sara fell asleep, content in his arms.
He didn’t realize that Felicity was watching him until he opened his eyes a few seconds later and saw her standing over him - a mix of longing and sadness swimming in her eyes beneath the smile she wore.
“I’d say you’re pretty good with her too,” she whispered, standing up and walking over to him.
Her voice was thick, and he saw her bite down on her bottom lip after she spoke.
Reaching out a hand, she gently stroked Sara’s head, her fingers slipping down her back where they met his.
She gasped softly at the contact, but didn’t pull her hand away. He could see the moment she was about to and moved his pinky finger, linking it through hers and giving it a gentle squeeze.
Her eyelids fluttered shut as she let out a shaky breath.
When she opened them again, she was a bit more composed, her eyes fixed on Sara and not him.
“She’s amazing, isn’t she?” she whispered almost in awe. “So small yet so full of life…”
Oliver couldn’t speak, not trusting his voice as her head bent closer. Leaning down, she pressed a soft kiss to Sara’s hair.
Then, as if realizing what she was doing, her eyes flew up and met his, their faces inches apart.
He heard her sharp intake of breath through the pounding of his own heart. His eyes locked with hers, warm pools of blue staring at him with so many emotions he knew he could easily get lost if he let himself.
Her pinky finger tightened on his, and his gaze searched her face as he searched his heart. He was so close to forgetting everything he said about not being able to be both Oliver Queen and The Arrow. He felt like both of them in this moment - staring at her, Sara in his arms yet surrounded by all things that made him the Arrow.
“I’m not sure how Digg does it,” he finally rasped, eyes finding hers. “Having her yet still going out there every night…”
“He’s still Digg,” she murmured after a moment. “Just because he has Sara now doesn’t mean he’s not the same man who would fight for anyone he loves. If anything, he has more to fight for now. He’s more determined than ever to fight by your side, Oliver.”
Her voice cracked softly and pain like a knife slashed through his heart. Her words hit at something deep within him - a truth he’d been fighting to see but scared to uncover for fear it would turn out to be a lie.
But Digg was making it work.
“He has more to live for…” Oliver finally breathed, eyes taking her in, letting her see how much she made him want to live.
He saw her eyes widen, the slight ‘o’ form on her lips, the gasping inhale of breath before Digg’s voice surrounded them and she jumped back.
Blood pounded through his ears, the feeling of her breath upon his lips seared into his memory.
“I’ve got diapers and Big Belly…” he announced, and Oliver saw the knowing look his friend threw his way as he placed the two bags on one of the metal tables.
Felicity smiled, and they both heard her stomach rumble, “You are my hero,” she told Digg, leaning up to place a kiss on his cheek before turning back to her computers to check on them.
Digg approached him, his eyes flicking down to his daughter and he saw how they softened as he looked at her.
“She was right, you know,” Digg said quietly so only he could hear as he ran his hand over the back of his daughter’s head.
Oliver frowned in confusion before he continued. “She gives me more reason to fight - more reason to live…”
He sighed, shutting his eyes as he let his head fall back, knowing exactly what Diggle was telling him.
When he opened them again, a phone screen was in front of him, and the picture on it took his breath away.
It was from just moments before of Felicity, Sara, and him. Their eyes were locked, fingers intertwined as Sara slept on his chest between them.
“Still don’t think you can be both?” Diggle asked as he walked away, leaving Oliver with the phone and the picture as he scooped up his daughter.
“No.”
His answer was barely above a whisper and he knew neither of them had heard him, but they didn’t need to - they’d already known the answer.
He wanted to be both. A hero, but more importantly, a husband and father - Felicity at his side.
***
Oliver woke from a light slumber to the sound of soft cries drifting over the baby monitor. Sleep suddenly forgotten, he felt Felicity stir beside him, her head on his arm as she murmured his name.
Carefully, he slipped his arm out from underneath her head, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her hair. She mumbled something more and then settled back into the pillows. Grabbing his sweatpants off the floor, he pulled them on, remembering with a soft smile the reason they had ended up there in the first place.
Padding to the door to the nursery, he slipped through it and approached the crib. His daughter’s eyes were wide and filled with tears, her face scrunched up as she wriggled, small arms flailing as she cried in obvious distress.
“Hey,” he cooed, placing his large hand on her stomach, the moonlight filtering in through the window hitting his wedding band. “Shhh…”
Big, blue eyes found his and her expression immediately changed. Two chubby arms reached for him, and he didn’t hesitate, scooping her up out of her crib and bringing her to his chest.
Three months had passed since the night they’d welcomed her into their lives. Three months since he’d been instantaneously wrapped around her little fingers the second he saw her.
Tiny hands grasped at his chest as she snuggled against him. With one hand on her back, rubbing soft, soothing circles, he tracked a small path from the crib to the couch on the opposite side of the room.
He spoke to her in whispers. Sometimes English but also Russian and Chinese. She slowly calmed, her small body relaxing into his.
He could feel her tiny puffs of breath ghost along his collarbone and he knew he would never got over the amazement of realizing that he helped make this tiny human who he’d protect at all costs. The knowledge that both of his own parents had given their lives to keep Thea and him alive was not lost on him. But he understood it so much more now that he had a child of his own. The all-encompassing feeling of love that filled his heart whenever he looked at her, touched her, held her filled his entire being.
He was brought out of his thoughts by the silhouette of Felicity leaning against the doorframe to the nursery, hair in soft waves around her shoulders ash gazed sleepily at them with a soft smile playing at her lips.
“Hey,” he breathed, and her smile widened as she pushed away from the door and stepped into the room.
“Hey.” Her voice was rough and filled with sleep, his large shirt hanging off her shoulders, causing a wave of desire and love to crash over him.
“You should have woken me,” she murmured, stopping in front of them, her hand coming up to gently brush over their daughter’s head.
“You need your sleep,” he replied softly, as he watched her yawn.
Felicity shrugged, blinking her eyes as if trying to keep them open, “I woke up when my personal heater left the bed,” she told him with a smirk.
He huffed, shaking his head.
“She takes after me,” she continued, looking at their daughter snuggled into Oliver’s chest. “She likes her personal heater, too.”
Her hand stroked over the soft tuft of hair once more before trailing down to lace her fingers with his as they rested on their daughter’s back, feeling the strong steady beat of her heart.
He didn’t realize he’d whispered the words until Felicity stepped closer to him and laid her head on his shoulder. “She’s going to end up speaking Russian and knowing the binary code before kindergarten,” she teased, and Oliver’s heart swelled at the thought of her starting school and the years ahead of them.
He wasn’t ready for her to be any bigger than she was right then. Tiny hands splayed against his chest, small enough for him to hold her and protect her from all the bad in the world.
“Stop worrying,” Felicity sighed, “You’re getting your angry face, and it’s way too early for that. You can’t worry about starting school and boyfriends yet...she’s three months old.”
Boyfriends.
His stomach dropped, a wave of possessiveness twisting inside of him. No one would ever be good enough for her, he was sure of it.
Felicity sighed next to him, pressing a kiss into his bicep that immediately calmed him. HIs muscles relaxed as she trailed her fingers against his back, tracing over scar tissue and unmarred flesh with ease and care bringing him a sense of peace that only she could provide.
When he glanced down at her, she’d closed her eyes, her one hand still resting over his against their daughter’s back.
“You should go back to bed. I’ve got her,” he murmured as he bent down and pressed a kiss to her temple.
She frowned, shaking her head. “I’m right where I want to be.”
Oliver’s heart skipped a beat, even after three years of marriage. He loved her so much, and he never got tired of hearing her say words like those.
She’d chosen him, and he’d chosen her. They decided to live their life together. There was really no choice to make.
“Then come here,” he sighed, leading them both over to the couch and settling into the cushions.
Felicity curled against his side, her head pillowed on his shoulder, one hand still resting against his over their daughter’s back.
He listened as her breathing slowly evened out, and gazed down at the the two most important people in his life. He never thought his heart could feel this full. After the the Gambit went down, he was sure there was nothing that could repair the tears and broken pieces of his heart. But with her love, Felicity had carefully bound up the torn parts and filled in the empty spaces. Now, they had a child created out of that love, and as he held both of them in his arms, he knew this was why he had survived all those years. To finally be able to live.