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Mackenzie Smith stood outside, mentally preparing herself like a soldier before combat. The outside of the building was decorated in banners and posters of varying shades of pink and red, advertising different clubs’ personal candy grams, or in the case of the glee club, serenades, for a special someone. Students rushed about handing out or receiving heart-shaped cards. Girls proudly wore their boyfriend’s varsity jackets like medals of honor, and guys had their arms slung around them like they were a sports car to show off. It was Valentine’s Day, a day of love for everyone at Eagle Valley High School.
Everyone, except Mackenzie.
For her, it’s a day of dread. No, it wasn’t because she was bitter and alone. Although, knowing that nobody was going to be sending her any flowery valentines or heartfelt serenades didn’t make her anymore amicable to the holiday. It also wasn’t because she hated how corporations have commercialized the holiday, though that’s the reason she always clung to if someone asked her. It’s because Valentine’s Day would forever be the anniversary of one of the worst days of her young life.
When she was younger, she had a best friend. Her name was Penelope, or Penny, as Mackenzie had liked to call her. While the other girls were watching My Little Pony or Barbie Dreamhouse, they’d been watching criminal minds and CSI Miami. Mackenzie had wanted to be a detective and Penny had wanted to be a forensic scientist. They had a habit of sneaking around town solving “mysteries,” like who stole Mrs. Jennifer’s chalk or who really ate Matthew’s homework. The adults found it to be entertaining, but their peers had found them to be annoying snitches. They’d been social outcast, but at least they were social outcast together.
That all changed that fateful night of February 14th.
The two had been having a sleep over, acting out their favorite Nancy Drew novel when Penny said she heard a noise outside. Ever the detective, Mackenzie had dragged her outside to investigate. She remembered looking through her dad’s garden, hearing a noise, and then nothing. Her memory went blank. The next thing she remembers is waking up in a storage unit with blood on her hands. She’d screamed for help until her voice went raw. It took the police days to find her, and even longer for them to find Penny. Or, rather, Penny’s body. They never caught the killer. The only witness they had was her, and she’d been unable to remember anything. Even if she could, it’s not like she would’ve been able to help them. That day had broken her. She’d spent the next year in a mental hospital, unable to speak or move. Her psychiatrist said it was a psychometric reaction related to her repressed memories from the horrible day. This was her first year back amongst the town after he stint in the mental hospital, and in the ways of social status, not much had changed.
In the time that she was gone, the other kids had manifested their own versions of events. They’d said that she was the one who killed her best friend, that she was so torn up with guilt that she tried to kill herself, which is why she’d been in the hospital. It wasn’t true. However, the hyperactive, shared imagination of Eagle Valley’s teenagers hadn’t seemed to care. She’d earned the nickname Killer Kenzie. It’s why instead of being decorated with hearts and roses, her locker is decorated in yellow caution tape. The smell of Coco Mademoiselle that wafts from the locker along with the lack of creativity, tells her that the person who did this to her locker can only be-
“Aw, Kenzie,” she grits her teeth at the obnoxious voice of her favorite tormentor, Lillian, “did no one get you a Valentine gift?”
The thing that Mackenzie hated about Lillian is that she couldn’t just be an outright bitch like a stereotypical mean girl. Unlike most Queen Bees, Lillian didn’t secure her reign of terror over the ninth-grade class by being mean to her peers. Instead, she did her best to appear nice and compassionate, coating her cruelty with a sugar sweet smile.
Mackenzie decides to answer her question with another question. “Did Theodore get you one?”
Theodore Lambros was one of the most popular guys in their entire high school, an impressive feat for a ninth grader and newcomer. It was well-known throughout the school that Theodore was Lillian’s crush. A crush that refused to date her, not that it was her fault. Lillian is a beautiful girl. Her long blonde hair cascades down her back in nice neat curls. She has bright blue eyes and an award-winning smile that had most of the boys eating out her hand—a few of the girls too.
In contrast Mackenzie was no Lillian. That’s not to say that Mackenzie is ugly. She was just plain. Her tawny brown hair hung straight down her back. Her eyes were a similar shade. She was also very small. Not in the petite way that Lillian is, but in a resembles-a-mouse sort of way. Mackenzie didn’t think she’d be winning a beauty pageant anytime soon unless defined collarbones suddenly became attractive. That’s probably a factor as to why Mackenzie had zero valentines and Lillian has a cute tote bag that’s overflowing with cheesy decorative cards.
However, in that large barrel, she doubted there’s one from Theodore for one reason only: Theodore refused to date anyone. He’d had several hookups, short-term and long, but he’s declared repeatedly that he has no intention of dating anyone. A declaration which only made him more desirable to the female population at Eagle Valley High School, Lillian included.
“Actually, he did.” She holds up the heart-shaped card with wings, like it’s an Olympic gold medal.
“He got everyone the same one,” Mackenzie replies in a dry tone.
That’s only partially true. Theodore Lambros has handed one out to every person in their school, except her.
Unfortunately, that’s not a hyperbole. She knows that everyone has gotten one except her because Theodore made a big deal of announcing that he’s giving Valentine’s cards to everyone. The Valentines were heart shaped with wings, and they were invitations to his Valentine’s Day party, which had somehow changed into a going away party at the last minute. Theodore was a refugee and had been living in Eagle Valley with a foster family for the past year. A couple days ago, his mom had appeared and told him they were going back to their home country. Thus, the theme of his party had changed from love and moved instead in the ‘goodbye forever’ direction. It was supposed to be the biggest party in Eagle Valley history. It’s not like Mackenzie wanted to go, but he had invited everyone, including the creepy kids who hung out in the library playing Pokémon. It’s not like she cared about social standing, but figuring out the library kids ranked higher than her was huge blow to the very small ego she had left.
Lillian’s friend Tiffany is quick to come to her defense. “Theo doesn’t have time to send specialized cards. He’s going back to his home country today with his mom, but he did promise Layla that he’d write to her. So, yeah.” She nods her head at the end like what she said is an indisputable fact.
“Anyway,” says Lillian curling one blonde lock around her finger. “I’ve gotten multiple cards from admirers—secret and otherwise—and Mindy’s boyfriend gave her a serenade this morning in front of the whole school. We just feel that because we’ve been given so much, and you got so…” She gestures at Mackenzie’s pathetic locker. “Well, nothing really… we should give a little back.” Lillian then proceeds to hand Mackenzie a valentine that reads, ‘You’re under arrest.’ There’s probably supposed to be a cheesy slogan on the inside saying, ‘you’ve stolen my heart,’ but all it does is remind Mackenzie of her vandalized locker and dead former best friend.
“There, it matches your locker.” Lillian smiles waggling her fingers for goodbye with a cheery smile.
Mackenzie’s throat burns with unshed tears. She wouldn’t let herself cry. Not here, not in front of everyone, whose eyes she could feel boring into her back. She would never give them the satisfaction of knowing their jokes go to her.
Instead, she swallows thickly, pushing her emotional turmoil to the back of her mind and then rips the caution tape off her locker, crumbling it together with Lillian’s stupid card. Most days, she did her best to be strong. But today? Maybe it was the anniversary of Penny’s death or maybe it was Theo’s stupid party, but she can’t seem to keep herself together.
She throws the card and tape out on her way out of the hallway. Out of the school, really. The school would call her parents and they’d continue to poke and prod around her mental state like she’s one bad day from another psycho-symptomatic paralysis and then her therapist would bring it up at their next session, concerned and doing her best to pretend that her parents hadn’t pressured her into bringing it up.
As she races into the woods behind their school, she doesn’t think about that. She focuses on the immediate release from the hellish start to her day and heads toward her secret spot.
The town was called Eagle Valley because it was situated between two mountain ranges. Mackenzie’s favorite spot is just inside one.
Behind the school, there’s a small path that leads up one of the smaller mountains that surround the school. She follows the path all they up, just around the top, then veers off to the right behind a blueberry bush. There, a few feet in, is a tiny rock clearing. The treetops surround it, blocking it from view from high schoolers below while giving her an exceptional view of everything and everyone. It also has the bonus of being so far removed from everything that it’s one of the few places she can go to actually forget her life. It’s nice and quiet and peaceful.
She takes in deep gulps of the mountain air, loving the way it clears her sinuses, removing the pressure of tears. She takes another deep breath, and just thinks.
There’s a tiny buzzing, a hum, that always played in her mind whenever she was reminded of Penny’s death. It began to play now, drowning out the peaceful mountain sounds. Forcing her unwillingly into the past.
Her and Penny walking into the forest. Her friend, bouncing with excitement and a magnifying glass, trailing after her. A strange noise. She turns around-
STOP!
The image changes to her, staring down at her own hands, covered in blood. All her clothes soaked through with it. Screaming out for help, and none coming, for days.
STOP!
The police telling her they found Penelope’s body. Her sitting in the mental hospital unable to speak or move, trapped in her own mind.
STOP!
Breathe, the calming voice of her psychiatrist speaks from the recesses of her mind.
Mackenzie forces herself through the breathing exercises Dr. Skian taught her. In and out, in and out, at a rapid pace, catching her breaths up with her heartrate, forcing her body to link into the present. She forces herself to think about the now, about the way that woodpecker is aggressively tapping on the tree, the way the wind is blowing her hair around, the way the sun is warming the air around her—of anything but today and its meaning.
She thinks about Merston Academy.
Next year, she’d finally be able to audition for Merston Preparatory Academy, a prestigious school for prodigies. It didn’t specify what prodigies exactly, but every year, their students went to top colleges. She knew that if she could get into the dance program, she’d get a ticket to Colorado, 400 miles away from this shitty town and its shitty people. She’d finally be given the chance to be more than ‘Killer Kenzie.’ She could be a normal girl again.
Finally, her mind stops racing. The humming stops.
Only one more year. That’s all.