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He had been at the bar with Reiner and Jean, but they left him behind around 3. Soon after, he was being ushered out by the barkeep. He had tapped the contact he always did, and in only a few moments Mikasa’s Prius rolled up to the curb. As he got in the passenger seat, he noticed she was wearing her pajamas.
“I’m sorry, Mikasa,” he tries to mutter, but it comes out slurred. “You were probably sleeping.” His limbs feel heavy against his sides.
“It’s fine, Eren. All that matters is that you didn’t try to drive home, or get in with someone else.” She doesn’t meet his eyes as she turns onto the highway to his apartment.
Anger wants to burst through the cracks at her lack of confidence in his common sense, but curiosity gets the better of him. “Why do you care about me so much?” he asks genuinely while he looks out the window at the blurring streetlights. She looks taken aback at his bluntness, but keeps her eyes on the road.
“We’re friends, Eren. Of course I care about you,” she explains simply. He remains unconvinced, but instead of calling her bluff, he goes off on a tangent. “I wish you’d let me care about you, sometimes,” he starts before stopping himself. “I mean, I always care about you, but I just… I wish you’d let me show it, y’know?” He waves his hands in front of him in a pathetic attempt to visualize his point. “You’re always doing this stuff for me, and I never get the chance to do the same, I guess.”
Mikasa sighs. “I know you care about me, Eren-“
His brows arch downward as he prepares to reiterate his point.
“No, you don’t! You don’t know how much, at least!” He is much louder than he intended, but he doesn’t really care. After a sharp exhale, he returns to a normal pitch. “It’s just… I love you a lot, Mikasa, and I’m pretty shit at showing it.”
He slumps back into his seat, looking expectantly up at her from the corner of his eye, as Mikasa watches the road with tired eyes. His face falls when she doesn’t look his way.
“I know Eren. I love you too.” She sounds exhausted, the effects of her early morning excursion catching up with her. Eren rolls his eyes and sits back up, pushing his weight against his hands unsteadily.
He sighs, looking away from her. “No, Mikasa. I love you. Like, I’m in love with you. I love you too, but also, that.” He groans, shoving the heel of his hand between his eyes. “Agh, I can’t talk right. You know what I mean. I care about you as a friend and I’m in love with you, y’know?” He falls into his seat once more, already bored with his confession. Idly, he wrings his hands in his lap.
Her eyes widen as he tells her. Afterward, Mikasa’s shallow breathing is the only sound in the cabin. She’s still, face red and shoulders stiff. A moment passes in uncomfortable silence as she idles at the stop light, before a driver lays on the horn behind them. Mikasa comes back to herself and starts driving again, her knuckles turning white from her grip on the wheel. She stares at the dimly lit street, seeing nothing.
“You’re just drunk,” she mutters, shaking her head as she turns on an exit.
He scoffs, putting a hand behind his head. “That doesn’t change anything. It’s beginning to wear off, anyways.”
“You’re gonna regret this tomorrow,” she tries.
“So what? I’ve had these feelings bottled up for like, 8 years. Cut me some slack if I get impatient.”
“Eren, don’t do this,” she says with finality.
That stops him cold in his tracks. The grin on his face slips off, replaced with an expression similar to Mikasa’s. His head feels numb, and his hands feel like they’re full of static.
She doesn’t feel the same.
His face burns, all his attitude burning off. He swallows. “Oh. Okay. We can just, uh, pretend this never happened, then? Okay? Alright.” He stares blankly ahead, mouth feeling dry. He wishes she never picked him up. Even driving home with Armin with his incessant lectures about his drinking habits would be better than this.
Why am I so stupid?
It’s silent for a moment, deafening, until she speaks again. It’s almost a whisper.
“No, that’s...” Her voice trails off. He sits up and looks her in the eye. She avoids his gaze. “We can’t pretend like that, Eren. You can’t take that back.” Her voice is strained, like it hurts to speak.
Somehow, that hurts more than her rejection. The realization that he’s permanently impacted their friendship, broken something that can’t be fixed. For the second time that night, he feels like the stupidest, most inconsiderate person alive.
Why did I have to force this on her?
The engine whirs, wheels still turn, but the air is still. Eren thinks it’s the worst he’s ever felt around her. His mouth opens and closes, trying to find the words to fix this, somehow.
“Mikasa, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-“ He sighs, eyes shutting as he tries to push past the static. “God, I’m so stupid. I'm sorry. I mean, I’ve said that, but that’s all there is. I wasn’t thinking, and I didn’t consider the actual…” he trails off. “It was impulsive. I‘m sorry.”
Mikasa’s eyes seem to focus again then, conflict visible in them. “That’s not what I meant,” she says quietly. “I just didn’t want it to be like this.”
Eren looks up at her, eyes questioning.
“I… I feel the same, Eren,” she tells him at a stop light, exhaling through her teeth. She still won’t meet his eyes. “I just wish you hadn’t told me while you’re drunk, when it’ll just be a mistake to you.”
The numbness in his head remains, but for different reasons. It’s disbelief. His brows furrow as his eyes bore into the side of her skull. His head’s not entirely clear, and he wants to fight this conception she has of him.
Why would it be a mistake to me?
“What the hell does that mean? Don’t pity me,” he says stubbornly. “We can just forget this ever happened. You don’t have to make something up to spare my feelings.” He knows he’s not being rational, but he finds he doesn’t care. The light overhead flashes green on her face, and instead of going straight, she pulls over next to a convenience store.
As she puts the car into park, she unbuckles her seatbelt and turns his way. He’s not sure exactly what she’s doing, and he’s only a little afraid he’ll get slapped. Her dark eyes don’t betray her intentions as she looks at him.
The car is silent once more, save for light traffic going past them on the street, and the ringing of the store’s door bell on the other side.
“Fine. Don’t believe me?” she asks with a hint of challenge in her voice.
Then, she grabs his shirt and pulls him to her. As their lips meet, the only thing he notices is that her lip gloss tastes like cherries. He can’t imagine the alcohol on his breath is any competition. For the first time that night, he’s actually embarrassed at his state. So much so that he’s failing to recognize that Mikasa is kissing him.
As she pulls away, his fears are confirmed. “How much did you even drink, Eren?” she says in a whisper that’s verging on a laugh. Her brows and lips are quirked, and her face is slightly reddened. What just happened finally hits him. Instead of answering her, he asks a question in return.
“Why did you just do that?” he asks in a stage whisper. His tone is almost desperate, mouth agape and eyes wide.
She bites her lip and turns back to the wheel, buckling her seatbelt once more and taking the car out of park.
“To show you I’m not lying when I say I’m in love with you, too, I guess,” she says with a slight smile. It takes him a minute, but after he collects himself, he grins back at her like the lovestruck idiot he is. She interlaces their fingers over the console the rest of the way home.
And as she pulls up to his apartment building, the clock on the dashboard flashing nearly 4 AM, they exchange cheesy I love you ’s and good morning ’s. The smiles haven’t left. He stands at her window as she holds his face and presses kisses along his jaw, a blush coloring both of their faces. Eren finds it’s the best feeling he’s experienced. Finally, she leaves him at the base of the stairs as he gives her a wave goodbye.
As he slides the key into his door, he throws his jacket off and he falls into bed easily. He doesn’t doubt that he’ll have a massive hangover when he wakes up, (he blames Jean entirely) but it’s hard not to look forward to tomorrow.
Before he falls asleep, he impulsively shoots a text to Mikasa.
how does dinner tomorrow night sound?
It’s only a moment before he gets her response.
Only if I get to choose the place.
The three dots pop up again before he can reply.
And I choose that Vietnamese place two streets down from my place. Dress kinda nice. Love you <3
He’s grinning like an idiot again as he types out his last message, the bright screen shutting off as he presses send.
love you too <3 (is that gonna be a thing now? i hope so.) drive safe
As Eren falls asleep, the last thing he thinks about is how for the first time in his life, being drunk did something good for him.