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Images blur together Into a goldish green as you pass thickets of trees under the barely-there sunlight of the late evening. You can’t help but anchor your hearing on the faint background noises of the empty road even as the bike's engine roars into the night like it’s the only thing worth hearing.
You’ve never ridden one till now and it was just as terrifying as you’d imagine it to be the first time round you were lucky Ethan was the one driving; where anyone else would have complained about the number of stops you ended up needing to take he would only patiently wait for you to work up the nerve to go again during those stops you worried the infected might ambush you both out here his reassurance wasn’t what you’d expected.
Apparently, him and Lawrence had learned that the infected mainly stayed around the cities as their only food source was most often found there. It's probably why he had you walk some distance away from it before you could hop on. Yet you can tell the forests are bound to have their fair share of peril it's probably why Ethan insists the roads are the safer choice.
Every so often You make a mental checklist of the scant belongings in your backpack hoping you have enough for whatever may lay ahead, Ethan wouldn’t have brought you both out here if it wasn't for the best you can trust that much at least. Yet you can’t afford to be lax, Danger is a thing ever-present out here and every plan has the chance to go horribly wrong; you learned that the hard way you both did.
Judy, Zion, Eugene, Lawrence, Harry, Scarlett, Jay, Hailey, and Sue you didn’t get to know each one as personally as you wanted to and a few of them would have been more than relieved if you had never joined their group in the first place, yet you don’t regret your stay with them no matter their suspicions. It's true you wouldn’t have survived long if you hadn’t that you’re certain of but it wasn’t just the promise of safety that kept you there.
It was the company of other people alive, near your age, like you, yet not like you all stuck together within a dilapidated school while carrying the weight of an uncertain future ahead. The resemblance it all held to the mundane life you once lived lit something withing like a sudden rush of blissful nostalgia intoxicating you to the idea, a promise that things could go back to the way they once were with your family and friends having survived the entire ordeal. You don’t know whether to lament or laugh at the naivete of it all to think you’d invest so much of yourself into maintaining such a fragile promise that when they were all gone and it had finally broken you’d have done the same left alone.
you weren’t alone at the least.
As of now, the experience hadn’t left you bitter and jaded you wouldn’t admit to that you’ve just chosen to be a little more reasonable with your chances is all. You know you can’t save everyone but to simply give up on others when it gets too tough isn’t something you could ever come to terms with after all you can’t promise the future but you can at least hope, right?
***
This has probably been the longest you’ve gone without a break your legs have grown stiff from all the sitting and even the initial fear has absolved quite a bit though you don't dare loosen your hold Ethan doesn't object nor look back his sights still planted firmly ahead.
When you do the same his larger build allows you only the one clear view of his back, and yet you could imagine the look on his face that same contemplative look he has when he’s invested in something the changes between it and his usually glazed one are minor yet hard to miss when you know what to look for.
From what you recall it was quite the time investment trying to discern those small changes as Ethan seldomly changed his expression for most things. You don't fully know why you bothered to do so in the first place but in some sense, you think you came to appreciate those rare deviations it really did make the positive ones a lot more special in a way especially when you were lucky enough to be the cause.
You don't know if you’ll have that same luck now but you can at least appreciate how he handles the ride with the ease of someone who's done this time and time again. For all the stories he’s told you there’s still a lot more you don’t know about him.
You on the other hand may as well have exposisted your entire life story to him down to the smallest detail. You don’t think you’ve ever talked to someone so effortlessly before.
It was because he never gave you any reason to hold back there was never any snide to his delivered speech nor any thoughtless judgments or veiled insults. The usual absurdity of someone conversing in such a way should have felt inauthentic to you like the terrible sugar coating of something simplistic, empty, superficial, and ultimately shallow.
You wouldn’t be surprised if Zion, Lawrence, and some of the others saw Ethan that way after all it’s so much easier to look barely past the surface and make assumptions from there. At any point you could of seen him the same way if his concerns weren’t so easily noticed if his efforts weren’t so often felt, and if you’d never gotten to talk to him all those times and see the thoughtful, selfless person he was deep down.
The cold starts to pick up now and as the sun slips halfway through the horizon. You let your head rest against Ethan's shoulder savoring the few ounces of warmth his closeness brings and for a moment he looks back a bit and you barely catch the small glint left in his sea-green eyes by the setting sun; the contrast drawing you in for only a few seconds before he looks to the open road again.
You don’t want to make any more false promises but if in some small way they help you want to at least try.
You focus on the fall and rise of Ethans chest as he takes slow labored breaths. There is no worry of falling off anymore your surprised at how natural it all now feels.
You may never be able to go back to the old life you had but if there ever is a future after this.You want Ethan there with you even if you can’t save everyone you at least want to save someone.