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Xemnas is usually very dominant. Intimidating at the very least. Some (most, really) would even say terrifying . But if anyone knows looks can be deceiving, it’s Xigbar.
Xigbar knows a lot of things, actually. Much more than he lets on. Secrets, mostly. Secrets that would shake the very foundation of the Organization. For example, he knows that Lexaeus is the one stealing all the popsicles out of the freezer, the exact number of times Axel and Saïx have snuck into each others’ rooms late at night in the past month alone, what Vexen really does on his days off. Nevermind everything he knows about their Superior (and man, is that a mindgasm).
Sure, everyone and their Somebodies knows how their Superior can’t resist some good theatrical flair. They’re all in complete agreement that if Xemnas had room for passion in his icy chest he’d be the most unbearably extra out of all of them. But one thing they don’t know about their mighty leader’s penchant for dramatics is what Xigbar considers to be his most precious secret of them all.
It is not the secret of Xemnas’s true goals. Nor is it the secret of Xemnas’s origin. It is not the things they, together, hide from the rest of their group, and it is not the hidden room to which Xemnas disappears every so often. It is none of these, though they truly are all precious in their own right.
In fact, Xigbar’s most treasured secret he’s collected over the years is that Organization XIII’s untouchable, domineering, terrifying Superior just so happens to be the most thoughtful, respectful, and kindest man in their little operation. Though, that’s pretty much limited to the one day a month Xemnas chooses to utterly destroy Xigbar with unrestrained affection.
In the simplest sense? He, and he alone, knows just how much Xemnas prides himself on his date-planning.
He goes all out. He sometimes likes to woo Xigbar with whiskey-infused chocolates and a bouquet made up of both their favorite flowers, just because he can. Every date is different—they might stay in for a movie, go bar-hopping across the worlds, there have even been a few picnics. There are some constants, though: Xemnas’s self-composed poetry, rose petals strewn on the bed and in the post-romp bubble bath, and Xemnas dressing in his finest, regardless of what plans he’s made (which, Xigbar is unashamed to say, he finds so endearing. And sexy. That’s important, he thinks) to name a few.
But Xigbar’s favorite date-night tradition? Xemnas always cooks for their dates, be it a drunken 2am snack or a whole five-course dinner. He’s a surprisingly good chef for someone who could simply snap his fingers to have his meals brought to him by a subordinate.
The first time this happens, Xigbar is absolutely floored.
“So you can do that, then?”
“Do what?” Xemnas asks as he flips the veggies like a pro.
“Um...cook?” Xigbar’s sitting on the counter by the stove far too close for safety and surely in Xemnas's way, but he hasn’t been scolded yet, and that’s good enough for him.
There’s something about seeing the Superior performing a task so below his status that’s just—
“Of course,” Xemnas says as he reaches across Xigbar for the spices. “Did you think I could not perform a simple task necessary to provide for myself?”
"Heh. Not at all, bossman. Just thought you have the Dusks for all that, right? Doesn't really seem like you'd want to waste your time on such a tedious thing and all."
"It is not tedious to me, II. In fact, I rather enjoy the structure of following recipes. I sometimes experiment with my own creations as well." He spoons out some soup and lightly blows on it to cool it. He lifts it to Xigbar's mouth. "Open."
Xigbar tastes it and is, once again, absolutely floored. Seeing his Superior cook was one thing. But actually tasting his food is something else completely.
Eye closed, he smiles and moans around the spoon. When he pulls back and opens his eye, Xemnas is staring at him with his usual intensity.
“Good?"
"Well if that ain't the understatement of the century!" He laughs before softening his face into a sincere smile. "Don't change a thing, babe. It's perfect."
When Xemnas announces he’s nearly done cooking, Xigbar goes to set the table only to be stopped in the doorway by one of his boss's barriers. As he starts to turn and ask "What gives?", he feels a familiar arm around his waist and a broad chest against his back.
"Don't bother," Xemnas says low in his ear. "Tonight is for you, and I will not have you ruining it by doing anything other than letting me spoil you rotten."
Xigbar leans back against him, closes his eye and chuckles. "Of course. Wouldn't want to upset the boss after all."
"Precisely." Xemnas nips at Xigbar's ear before leaving to plate their food. "Now be a good boy and sit down while I finish up. Relax. You deserve it."
It's rare to see Xemnas in such a giving mood, and Xigbar knows better than to question it. Something about a gift horse, he thinks. As difficult as it is to resist the urge to make some snarky remark or joke, he does as he’s told. He plants himself at one of the Castle kitchen’s not-so-comfortable barstools and quietly waits for Xemnas to finish bringing their plated meals through a corridor, wondering all the while just what the hell his usually stern boss could possibly have up his sleeve.
Xemnas soon returns and places a blindfold around Xigbar’s face to cover his good eye.
Well, he certainly wasn’t expecting this.
"Uh, boss? Y’know if you’re wantin’ to get kinky tonight we should probably wait 'til after we eat. Food will get cold," he says as Xemnas gently helps him to his feet and tugs at his hand to follow.
"Shh. Come."
Xigbar is led through the corridor—without his vision he can only rely on the sound of Xemnas's footsteps in front of him, and trust that he will not let go of his hand.
A slight breeze and the familiar smell of an empty city tells Xigbar they've arrived at Xemnas’s mystery destination. Instead of loosening his grip on Xigbar's hand, Xemnas squeezes it. Holds it just a bit longer. Wait, it’s almost like…is Xemnas...he couldn’t be nervous, could he?
Then he lets go.
Xigbar hears the zipper of a long black coat, tastes the plush lips he's come to crave every second of the day, feels an ungloved hand slide up his cheek and free his eye from its confinement.
The first thing he sees is one of Xemnas’s rare ear-to-ear, eye-scrunching, face-reddening smiles. If Xigbar didn’t know any better, he’d swear his heart skipped a beat or two at the sight. He’s sure it would’ve if he had the capability for it, anyway.
Xemnas steps to the side, and the next thing he sees is—
Oh.
Oh, wow .
He sees the Altar of Naught—a balcony once as empty and lifeless as the Nobodies themselves, now radiant with warmth and life. Every detail is perfect. From the soft glow of the string lights draped between the pillars, to the ivy and wisteria lining the knee-height walls that surround the area. The middle of the balcony houses a round table covered in black lace and candles, and of course, their meal.
But in Xigbar’s humble opinion, the main attraction was the Superior himself.
Beneath his uniform coat, Xemnas had been wearing an elaborate suit—dark grey and black, with a deep purple tie and pocket handkerchief, and the signature organization chains adorning the collar and Nobody symbol-shaped lapel brooch. And gosh, Xigbar has never seen his Superior in something so beautiful.
For the first time in his life Xigbar finds himself completely speechless. And for the first time in far too many years, he feels a calloused thumb wipe away an errant tear running down his cheek. It seems tonight will be a night of firsts.
Xemnas speaks, breaking the silence with his patient concern. "Is this setting not to your liking? We can take our dinner in the dining hall, and I will plan something else for another night if you would prefer.” Xemnas’s hands graze up and down Xigbar’s cheeks in a comforting pattern, as if he was worried Xigbar’s silence was out of unease. “Simply say the word and our next night together will be catered to whatever you desire."
Xigbar clasps Xemnas's hands in his and lets out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Deep inhale. Exhale. Another. A sniffle, and he chokes out a sigh.
"No, no, it's just—"
A nervous chuckle.
"You got all dolled up for me and here I am in my sweats! What am I supposed to think about that, huh?"
Xemnas smiles, places a kiss to Xigbar's forehead and says, "That I find you to be the most beautiful being I have ever had the pleasure to lay eyes on. That you are worthy of my affections regardless of how…” he eyes Xigbar top to bottom then top again like he’s sizing him up, and puts on a playful tone, “comfortably you dress."
"Shit, Xem!" He starts through a sniffly laugh, "Takes a hell of a lot of talent to make a grown Nobody cry.”
“Hm. Then it seems that I possess more power than I initially thought.”
“Ha! Guess so! Anyway, I’m starved. Let's eat before some hungry heartless snatches our food away.”
"Yes, let's." Xemnas wraps an arm around Xigbar’s waist and nudges him in the table’s direction. He even pulls out Xigbar's chair for him like an Entire Gentleman.
As they eat their meal, Xemnas diligently listens to Xigbar ramble on about the food, the decorations, Xemnas’s suit and how unfair it was to not give him any heads up to dress nice to match. Basically anything and everything besides work—that’s a banned topic tonight. “It is our night,” Xemnas had said, “not as colleagues, but as men. Tonight, you needn’t stress yourself with such matters.”
Every so often he speaks up to answer one of Xigbar’s questions, “So what’s the special occasion, anyway?” being one of them.
The answer: “Out of all our comrades, you have been by my side the longest. You are precious to me, II. My dear Xigbar. And though I do enjoy our current arrangement, I figured it was time for me to take you on a real date, years late though it may be. I know it's not much for a first date, but I hope it hasn’t disappointed.”
“As if! I mean as far as first dates go, this one really takes the cake. This is amazing, Xem, seriously. It must’ve taken you forever to set up!”
“It was no trouble. I’d do it again a million times over if it meant you’d grace me with your smile even once.” He reaches across the table to brush his thumb across Xigbar’s cheek before excusing himself to retrieve their desserts.
—
They have just finished eating when Xigbar hears a snap .
Two Dusks appear then, one carrying a large black book, and the other hiding a small object behind its back. Xemnas motions one over and takes the book, handing it to Xigbar in turn.
“For you.”
“Me?” Xigbar is...well, shocked is putting it lightly. “What, like a bonus or something? You do remember that you don’t pay me in the first place, right? Jeez, I knew you were an old coot underneath the abs, but I didn’t think you’d gotten this bad!”
“This is a date, is it not? Do people not give gifts during these sorts of events?”
And he seems...genuinely confused. Huh.
Xigbar eyes the book cautiously before saying, “O...kay then. Jokes aside, this is...a gift. For me. From you, the most Nobody-ish of Nobodies. Who, to my knowledge, has never given an actual gift in his entire non-existence. For just...no reason?”
Xemnas simply smiles—sweetly, and with a patience unmatched.
Xigbar’s not complaining, but he thinks he’s seen more of these smiles in this single night than in the majority of the time it's been since they entered their…‘arrangement’.
“Please, Xigbar. Open it.”
Xigbar gives him a lopsided, if a bit confused, smile before averting his eyes to the book and opening the cover. His apprehension melts into a look of pure awe in an instant. It only deepens as he flips through the pages.
“Xemnas, is...are these…?”
“Us, yes.”
“Wha— How? When?” He scans through the book and quickly notes how the meticulous placement of every detail—from the smallest embellishment to the overall layout—serves to amplify the photos, making them the undisputed center of attention rather than stealing the spotlight from them.
“Since the beginning. The Dusks can be useful for many things outside of their typical duties. Scrapbooking is...regrettably not one of them. That I did myself. But the photos…”
Click.
When Xigbar lifts his head at the sound, he sees the second Dusk removing a printed photo from a camera and handing it over to Xemnas to inspect.
“As you can see, the book is not yet complete. If you would indulge me...it would please me to finish it together. Just the two of us.”
“So what, boss? Yer not askin’ me to be your boyfriend now are you? Never thought I’d see the day,” Xigbar jokes.
He tries to mask his surprise with his best approximation of his trademark cocky grin. He’s...pretty sure it works?
And Xemnas just—
“If you will have me, yes,” he says, even-toned as always. “As I said before, Xigbar, you are my most precious companion. We are a good pair, and so I’m certain this...relationship...will not interfere with our plans. No matter the cost, we will accomplish our goal. But I would prefer to do that with you by my side in any and every way you will allow.”
And here come the impossible waterworks for the second time tonight. A dangerous man, this Superior of his. And, as evidenced tonight, apparently the biggest softie in the entire Organization. Again, not that he’s complaining.
It’s just that it's...ugh, it's not fair . He’s gotten by on dumb luck a few times before, sure, but not like this, never like this. He’s certainly never done anything to deserve another person’s actual affections. Too many lifetimes worth of manipulation and false identities. Too many lies. There’s gotta be some sort of punchline to this. A last-minute takesies backsies, either now or years down the line. There’s no way in hell he’s racked up enough Good Boy Points to trade in for an actual, committed relationship with the man sitting across from him.
If Xemnas knew him, the real him...would he still want this? Want him? Xigbar can keep his own secrets, no problem. He hasn’t let a single thing slip yet. But with every passing day, every night of tangled, sweaty limbs and heavy breaths passed between the two, keeping up the act has become that much more difficult. To add yet another layer of intimacy—
“Xigbar?”
—there’s no way he’s going to make it through this unscathed.
By now the cocky grin has fallen into an open-mouthed stare.
Xemnas takes the book from him and replaces it with his own rough palms. He gives a comforting squeeze that brings Xigbar back to the table, to Xemnas, to the gravity of the proposal he’s just been offered.
Okay, so it’s not as if he hasn’t done this before—though, getting into a more-than-sexual relationship with his boss might bring up some minor issues. Worse yet, knowing his apparently very serious suitor is an alternate version of the person he’s currently supposed to be observing...heh, talk about a conflict of interest.
Four faraway words ring in his ear: ‘Look, but don’t touch.’
Yeah yeah, he knows.
But...he’s pretty sure there were never any rules against having some fun in the meantime. What harm could it do in the long run, anyway? To commit to this? To Xemnas? Look, Xigbar may be a lot of things, but he’s not an idiot. He’s fully (and oh so painfully) aware his potential boyfriend has no future after the upcoming storm. So there’s nothing to keep him too distracted for too long. It’s just a little fun, something to keep him occupied while he waits. Besides, in this state he isn’t at much risk of becoming too attached, right? The old coot saw to that.
Hell, he really really does like this one more than the others. Maybe too much.
He figures that's Future Xigbar’s problem.
“Okay.”
Xemnas’s grip on Xigbar’s hands loosens up somewhat, and his shoulders noticeably drop in relief.
“Okay,” he repeats, with the widest and most genuine smile he’s managed in years. “Yeah, babe. Yes. That sounds great.”
Satisfied with his answer, Xemnas stands and offers his hand to Xigbar. The expression on Xemnas’s face would seem at best indifferent to some, and totally unreadable to everyone else. But to Xigbar…
To Xigbar it sings a heavenly chorus of truth, of a wholeness where before there was nothing but an endless abyss. A fragmented and faded memory that, until this very moment, seemed impossible to restore to even half its former glory.
To Xigbar, it’s an expression of serenity. Of a sunshine sort of happiness forcing itself through the gaps of the shade all Nobodies must stay under. And hopeful in a way Xigbar hasn’t seen in so, so very long. He’s not even sure if Xemnas has yet noticed its light...but Xigbar would be more than content to lose himself to the way it shines through Xemnas’s amber eyes.
But as it is, there is a waiting hand outstretched to him—one he's sure will be the greatest distraction, the greatest fun, of all his lifetimes.
So he takes it.