Chapter Text
~.~
Chapter I: The Lost Soul and the Shell
As far as deaths went, it was neither particularly good nor particularly bad — from Childe’s admittedly skewed perspective.
It could still be considered dying in battle, which was far preferable to something embarrassing like tripping and breaking his neck by accident, or wasting away from illness without even the chance to fight back. On that front, Childe was satisfied.
It was just that he’d always thought the battle that would finally, inevitably do him in would be something a bit grander and more unique.
For anyone else, the mission would have been impressive enough, he supposed, but Childe had done several leviathan exterminations during his tenure as a Harbinger. He’d even dragged one home to show Teucer. Going down like this, it was almost embarrassing.
This was what Childe thought as he sank deeper into the cold, dark water, pinned by the behemoth’s bleeding, still weakly thrashing bulk. It had managed to pin him between its limbs, crushing one of his legs and giving him no purchase to throw it off. Even if he was a Hydro allogene, he couldn’t breathe underwater, and his vision was already going out from lack of oxygen.
Going out while fishing, hehe, what a way to go.
It wasn’t so bad...
..........
No, it was definitely still bad. He really hated this!
He hadn’t fought enough! He hadn’t won and proven his might! He hadn’t gone back and shown his teacher what he could do now! He still... he still... wanted to see his siblings again...
Even if he didn’t mind losing, he hated ending like this...! This couldn’t be the path meant for him!
Childe’s last thought was a vicious, bitter string of curses.
~.~
When he woke up, it was bright — too bright, making his eyes hurt even through his closed eyelids. Making an annoyed noise, he tried to hide his face.
...He woke up? He actually woke up?
Eyes snapping open in shock and swelling relief, Childe tried to jump to his feet with an excited exclamation. However, both the motion and the sound were all wrong somehow. Tripping over himself, he faceplanted back into the bedding he had been cocooned in. It rubbed over his face and his body in a way that was also somehow not right.
When he finally managed to squint against the bright light and begin to make out his surroundings, the first thing Childe saw was a pair of furry paws.
Those paws... those paws... seemed to be attached to him.
With a decidedly not-human yip, he managed to maneuver those little brown paws to press against his face. Or rather, against his... snout. A fuzzy snout, big fluffy ears, backlegs with claws that caught against the bedding as he kicked in distracted distress. Even a swishing something behind him that could only be a tail.
It was bizarre and hard to believe. But it appeared to be entirely real and true.
Childe had turned into a small animal.
‘What the FUCK—!’
A furious screech echoed through the brightly lit room, bouncing off the ceiling that faded into white.
Oh Tsaritsa! Oh Celestia! Aaaaaaah!!
Unable and unwilling to accept reality, he spun in a circle and began to scratch wildly at the bedding, as if sufficiently vigorous activity would somehow awaken him from this nightmare.The small basket he had been sleeping in couldn’t withstand the chaos and quickly tipped over, leaving Childe tangled in the increasingly frayed blanket. Without pause, he continued to writhe like a fuzzy snake, yelping madly all the while.
This couldn’t be happening! He couldn’t have turned into some fluffy thing! Even after all the things he’d seen in his life, this was too much!
Aaaah——!
“Oh my! What’s all this?”
Eh?
Freezing in the middle of this ridiculous display, paws still in the air, Childe slowly rolled his eyes to look at the person who had spoken — an old woman, her wrinkled and drooping eyes widened in surprise as she held one hand over her chest. She slowly made her way over, as if approaching a startled animal, and regarded Childe with open concern.
“You poor dear, don’t be scared,” she assured him. “You’re safe now. You’ll be just fine.”
Mm, ahem... Childe’s tail swished once, tentatively.
Right. Gingerly, he rolled over back onto his feet and wiggled until the blanket slid off to pool around him. Folding his limbs under him, he looked up at the old woman with a very obedient expression, as if the scene before had never occurred at all.
Once upon a time, Ajax had been raised properly and taught to respect elders. No matter his personal problems, he wasn’t going to take it out on a nice granny. Eleventh Harbinger or not, to children and the elderly, he would always present the facade of a nice, helpful young man with a ready smile.
Seeing his well-behaved appearance, the grandmother smiled and reached out to stroke his furry head. It felt strange, but not entirely objectionable. It was somewhat like the distant memory of being patted on the head as a child.
“My, you’re quite a good boy, aren’t you?” the old woman praised, her hand rubbing down his spine and her fingers slipping under his chin. “I’m glad to see you’re doing so well. You must have had quite the scare... Be careful playing by the waves in the future, won’t you? The sea is unpredictable, especially for a little thing like you. Next time you might not be lucky enough to wash up on the shore.”
Oh? Was that what happened?
So this little animal had probably drowned, just like Childe...
...He couldn’t wrap his head around it. It was still too much.
He had really died? A great warrior like him? How could that be...
Unaware of his drifting, troubled thoughts and sudden distraction, the old woman continued to gently pet him with an indulgent smile. It was soothing and grounding, in a way, even if the sensations were still just a touch too foreign — the hand too big, the feeling of fur strange. Slowly, his mind began to settle, his mind clearing as the initial panic calmed.
The sound of footsteps approaching made Childe’s large ears perk up, pulling him out of his thoughts.
“Granny Chu?” a young woman called out, stepping into sight from behind a wooden partition. “What was that commotion? Was it that fox you rescued?”
Fox?
Childe eyed his tail, twitching just to remind himself that this thing was really attached to him now. It was fairly thin and striped with bands of light and dark. How was this a fox tail? It didn’t look anything like the foxes back home in Snezhnaya. He’d thought he was a racoon or something.
“Yes, this child woke up in a fright,” Granny Chu agreed, “but he’s quite calm now. It seems he’s doing well.” She smiled again, scratching under his chin. Embarrassingly, Childe’s jaw dropped open and he panted happily, before catching himself. Keh-kehing twice, he pretended nothing had happened.
“Hm,” the young woman made a vague sound. She didn’t approach, only studying Childe with an excessive focus to direct at only an animal. When he stared back, her lips slowly pressed together in a faint frown.
“Miss Bu?” Granny Chu prompted.
The young woman shook her head. “It’s nothing. I just thought that perhaps there was something special about this fox, a reason why it washed up here at the conch lodge, where the Sea of Souls can be heard... But I can’t seem to read this little thing’s fortune. I suppose the fate of foxes isn’t something even a fortune teller like me can discern.”
The conch lodge... For the first time, Childe looked around and took in his surroundings.
His only impression so far had been of a bright sunlight and a high ceiling that appeared almost white in the warm glow. But looking more closely, the “room” they were in was indeed quite strange.
A wooden partition hid from sight what must have been the entrance, and there was a wooden frame around the large circular window high up, but the rest of the interior was formed by a single circular wall in what Childe could vaguely tell was approximately a conical shape. The inward slope of the otherwise smooth pale walls was strangely patterned with several large spirals, which were irregular enough that he couldn’t imagine any builder including them intentionally.
Looking at it, this was probably indeed a “conch” — the giant shell of a long-dead sea monster.
Crates were stacked beneath the window, and his little basket had been set atop one. There were also several clay jugs tucked away nearby. But there didn’t seem to be much in the way of furniture or decorations, not even a bed or a chair.
Calling this a lodge... it didn’t seem particularly suited to human habitation. Childe had seen abandoned hunting cabins with more amenities.
Was this granny really living here? He glanced at her again, taking note of her old, worn clothing.
“Now, now, don’t say such an ominous thing!” Granny Chu carried on the conversation between humans, scolding Miss Bu lightly. “Isn’t it just cursing him to death?”
“Yes, yes, I’m sorry,” the young woman nodded along obediently. “I was just joking, granny.”
Clicking her tongue, Granny Chu assured Childe, “You pay her no mind, little one. You’re no departed soul, are you? You’re alive and well — and so lively too!”
‘You’d be surprised, grandma,’ Childe grumbled, the words coming out as a series of huffs and yips. ‘I’d bet you never thought someone can be both.’
But whether he was alive or dead, he was still here. So he would keep moving forward, as he always had.
~.~
For a few days, Childe took the time to gather his bearings.
Miss Bu, the fortune teller, had only been dropping by to visit, which she did every day. She would sit on the beach just beyond the conch lodge’s opening and meditate — or perhaps just daydream, Childe had no way to tell. She also always brought a small gift of food or some household item from the nearby village where she was staying.
Aside from what Miss Bu brought, the meals consisted mostly of mushrooms and berries that Granny Chu gathered at the foot of the cliffs nearby and carrots and radishes that she grew in a small garden in the conch’s shadow.
When she noticed Childe pawing curiously at the first meal he received, the old woman earnestly apologised. “I imagine a child like you would prefer some meat, but it’s been a long time since I’ve been spry enough to fish. Bear with it for now, little one.”
‘Pay it no mind, grandma,’ Childe had huffed. ‘A true warrior never deliberates unduly over their choice of weapon, nor do they do so over the food they eat. I’m grateful for the food.’
Not that she could understand him at all, but she certainly spoke to him often, and it made her smile when he made some noise in reply.
She was probably... lonely. Aside from Miss Bu, there were no visitors, and no sign of a family or anyone else living at the lodge.
But while exploring everything inside the shell thoroughly, Childe was surprised to find a number of strangely expensive items of foreign make and a collection of crates from Fontaine, Sumeru and even the now closed off Inazuma — even though he was quite sure they were in Liyue. A bit more searching turned up a small box containing neatly folded letters, largely untouched by yellowed with time.
He didn’t get far in his efforts to extract them with his awkward paws, before Granny Chu returned from the day’s foraging.
“Oh, do be careful with those,” she said, gently lifting him up from the box. “Those are from the people that washed up here, like you. Since those contain their good wishes, we wouldn’t want anything to happen to them, you see?”
Except for stiffening at first, Childe didn’t struggle at being manhandled and let himself be placed aside, while Granny Chu carefully closed the box and stoved it away again. ‘Others who also washed up here, huh?’ he mused. ‘Then they must have sent all those things too... If they went that far, rather than them just washing up here, is it actually that you saved them from the sea, grandma?’
Naturally, Granny Chu didn’t answer, but Childe was fairly confident in this guess.
Well, if it was like that, then those people had the right idea.
They in the Fatui always saw to it that all debts were repaid. And that applied to themselves as well.
The beach outside was littered with pieces of driftwood and broken boats. It was also bright and full of color, completely unlike the cold shores of Morepesok. The first day he ventured outside, Childe ended up spending almost entirely jumping in and out of the warm waves and digging up the distinctive blue spiral shells that peeked out of the sand all along the waterline.
Granny Chu smiled when he dragged them back to her, even though on further thought, Childe realized they had absolutely no use to her. He wasn’t a kid anymore, to show off every shiny rock he found, nor did he have interest in being like whichever Fontaine flop had sent her an exquisitely detailed traditional masquerade mask that could only gather sand and dust in a crate of other useless things.
The next day, he went to look for something more appropriate — something that could actually benefit the old woman.
Having grown up in a small village, he knew clearly that a practical gift was the best repayment.
He would have liked to bring her back some fish, but the shoreline was unfortunately simultaneously too shallow for any fish to swim up to the shore and too deep for his little fox body. Even after he walked half a day out along the beach, the only thing he found were several mobs of water slimes, which blinked at him stupidly before beginning to slowly hop toward him. Scowling in annoyance, Childe had quickly hurried on before they could catch up.
Running from slimes... how embarrassing. But now, even the smaller ones were several times his size, and neither his Vision nor any other power seemed to have remained in his body. No matter how he concentrated or pushed, nothing answered his call, and his little claws and fangs wouldn’t do much to protect him.
Everything he’d fought and struggled for was now....
Something scuttled at the very edge of his vision, and Childe’s ears twitched toward it instinctively.
He had never been much for hunting game, preferring his childhood pastime of fishing when it became necessary to procure his own food in the wild, nor was he a stealth operative experienced in stalking prey, but Childe knew enough to remain still and only slowly turn his gaze in that direction. He could just make out a small flurry of sand as something dug into the wet shoreline.
It was a crab.
With that flash of realization, Childe pounced.
The leaping power of foxes was quite good, and he crossed the small with both speed and grace. However, he was unable to dig out the golden-shelled creature in the end, as it managed to burrow too deeply for his paws to reach.
But this singular setback didn’t deter him. It was the opposite — now that he knew what kind of prey could be found here, Childe began to comb the beach with renewed purpose, his small claws and fangs at the ready.
“Hm? What is it, little one?” Granny Chu wondered as the fox walked uncharacteristically close to her legs, almost pressing against her and rubbing off wet sand from his muzzle and belly onto her skirt. She watched with interest as he then moved back to the doorway, clearly waiting. “Do you want to show me something? Well, alright then, Granny is coming…”
What he finally led her to, after much urging, was one of the chipped earthenware jugs that were usually stacked around the conch lodge. This one had been set outside to collect rainwater, but now a strange skittling sound came from within.
“Just what did you get up to, little one?” she wondered, as the fox scrambled up onto the wooden post next to it and pawed at the jug’s wide mouth.
Leaning over, Granny Chu peered inside. Her eyebrows rose in surprise.
“My goodness! You’re certainly a hardworking one, aren’t you?” she couldn’t help exclaiming in praise. “Oh, but dear… we can’t possibly eat this many...”
~.~
For dinner that night, they had crab. And not just crab — Golden Crab, a traditional dish that Granny Chu happily chattered about as she puttered around the firepit of the conch lodge.
“I learned when I was still a girl. I practiced it so many times!” she laughed, the old kitchen knife flashing dexterously. Childe watched from atop a crate nearby, his tail waving lazily. “I wanted to impress my husband, you see. He wasn’t my husband yet, back then, but I already had my heart set on him.”
She sighed wistfully, but time had worn down the edges of her grief — even if she hadn’t said it, Childe could guess that the man was no longer in this world.
“I wasn’t much of a cook, but I was determined. And the feeling of seeing his face light up when he tried it… It’s really something special, to have someone you love enjoy the food you made just for them,” she went on. Smiling at the fox, she added, “I do hope you enjoy it too, little one.”
‘It’s more important that you enjoy it,’ Childe chuffed, scratching stray sand grains off his muzzle. ‘That’s the entire point.’
She wasn’t wrong though. Cooking for his family had always made Childe happy. Seeing his younger siblings’ pleased, puffy-cheeked faces had been the entire reason he’d worked so hard to perfect his initially lacking skills in the kitchen. If there was even one thing he could do for them, then he…
“Ah, I really got carried away, we can’t possibly eat this much,” Granny Chu fretted with a smile, as she scooped the ready meal out of the dented old wok and onto their plates.
It was delicious, warm and rich in flavor. Although Childe had long since learned to eat anything that would fulfill the purpose of sustaining his body, he couldn’t help digging in with a special gusto, despite the lingering awkwardness of eating with a fox’s muzzle and fangs. Settling as always on a woven mat next to him, Granny Chu ate with less ravenous speed but no less enjoyment, her old chopsticks clicking energetically.
“Good, good, it seems I haven’t lost my touch!” she laughed, carrying on a stream of chatter. “It’s been so long since I cooked this dish, or anything complicated like this… I had to replace a few things, we just don’t have some ingredients here at home, but it worked out quite well. I think I’ll take the leftovers to the village tomorrow. It’s been a while since I chatted with the others. I wonder how Old Ling’s grandchildren are doing. Didn’t the oldest get married recently? Time flies by so fast…”
Licking his chops once he finished his meal, Childe sat back and listened to her silently.
He was satisfied with the outcome of his efforts. It was a meager repayment and far less than he would have liked to offer, but Childe knew he had to accept his current limits. There was little a small animal could do, in the end.
But it wasn’t nothing.
After these few days, he had slowly managed to come to terms with his new situation. And once he understood that much, he could begin to think of where to go from there.
He had probably… died. Maybe his soul had just gone adrift and ended up here, but Childe realistically accepted that he had probably died. Tartaglia, the Eleventh Harbinger. Ajax of Morepesolk… that person died.
However, Childe was alive all the same. And as long as he was alive, he would continue to come forward.
Maybe he had been more shaken than he could feel. Maybe he was still that childish at heart. But the only thing he could think of was to go home. He wanted to go home. He wanted to see his family, even if they wouldn’t recognize him.
And maybe he couldn’t hope to conquer the world anymore, or defeat his teacher, or fight for the Tsarista, but at least he could be a soft cute thing for his siblings to hug. That much he could still do. That much he would do, as long as he was still alive.
The next morning, when Granny Chu rose bright and early, packing up the remains of the Golden Crab just as she’d said, Childe accompanied her out of the conch lodge and down to the foot of the path inland. However, he didn’t follow her any further.
‘Grandma,’ he said even though she couldn’t understand him, ‘thank you for everything. I’ll be departing now.’
“Hm?” Granny Chu’s eyebrows rose as she noticed him standing there motionlessly. But even though she could neither understand him nor read his mind, she seemed to grasp his intent after only a moment, and her weathered old face crinkled in a soft smile. “Oh, you’re going now?” she guessed. “Well, take care, little one. Stay safe from now on, alright? Your little life is already short, you mustn’t waste it.”
Childe nodded seriously. ‘I won’t,’ he said. ‘I’ll make the most of it, I promise.’
And he had never failed to keep a promise.
Turning away, he headed resolutely south — toward Liyue Harbor.
~.~