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When I was younger I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart and I watched
As he tried to reassemble it
The yelling was something that had always found some way to keep Izuku awake—staring blankly at the ceiling when he would hear his father's deep voice echoing across the apartment, filled with cruel words and a drunken slur followed by a cry from his mom. He'd stare at the ceiling as the yelling would grow quiet as his parents split up into different rooms of their apartment.
He would screw his eyes closed as tight as he possibly could, trying to convince his mind to make him fall asleep once more. Maybe this was where his habit of staying up late to study or analyze some new hero came later on. When forcing his eyes shut didn't work though, he would find himself sneaking out of his room, hoping that for once the floorboards wouldn't creak and the door would be oiled enough to not let out the loud and creepy eerch! that it was prone to doing.
It would never work, but that last night, it seemed his parents were so stuck in their minds that the noises of an adventurous five year old needing to go potty, didn't really grab their attention from their own individual turmoil.
So Izuku creeps through the door of his room and into the hallway. His little feet sticking to the wooden floorboards and coming off the ground with a sound loud enough for Izuku to stop and look at his feet with disappointment.
By the time he looks back up again, finished with scolding his feet, he finds himself looking into the guest bedroom to find his father laying on the bed, his legs hanging down the side. Looking closer, Izuku can see his father’s elbows in the air with his hands buried in curly knots of black, his palms covering his eyes. He can hear the sounds of someone trying to control their breathing and to just be okay.
Izuku knows no better and goes to climb in the bed with his father, listening as he curses the world and the winds it sends him.
It was his last night cuddled against his father's side, trying to cheer him up with rambling about the hero videos Izuku had watched that day with his mom.
In the years following, Izuku would find himself waiting. Anticipating. Entertaining the idea of his father walking back through the door of the apartment without any of the problems that caused him to leave in the first place.
And my momma swore
That she would never let herself forget
Izuku has always known his mother to be stronger than anything and anybody else Izuku knew of, even the heroes he idolized.
His father left them with nothing. No money. There was nothing. And yet, she would find a way to smile at him in the months after, making sure he would never worry and never catch her upset.
She would work odd jobs, leaving Izuku to play at the Bakugou house where Kacchan's mom stayed at home to be there for him. They'd play for hours until Inko would walk into their home, give Izuku the biggest hug and they would go home.
He had no knowledge that his mother was exhausted, that they lived paycheck to paycheck, because that isn't something five year olds worry about. Izuku lives happily in his mother's arms.
One day, Kacchan and his mom come over to play. Izuku tugs Kacchan to his room, wanting to show him the new All Might toy and the new jacket and the new video he'd found with his mom. That lasts a few hours until Izuku gets hungry and Kacchan reflects that need, challenging Izuku to a race down the hallway.
They both stop when they hear sobbing, Izuku hears his mom sobbing. And he freezes, grabbing onto Kacchan's wrist behind him as he listens in.
Inko, sitting on the couch, leans over her knees, her hands covering her eyes, Mitsuki's hand rests on her back, offering her support where it's needed. "I… I can't forget, Mitsuki. I am never going to forget that he left me to deal with all of this… The apartment, the lawyer, the insurance, everything. By myself. How do I tell Izuku?" She lets out a loud sob and Mitsuki's hand gently moves across her back, rubbing calmness into her back.
"Why the hell does he think he can just waltz back into our lives like he wasn't drunk all the time? Like he hadn't cheated and hadn't ruined everything?"
Izuku feels himself tense up more, not necessarily understanding what his mother is accusing his father for, but knowing it's bad. He did something to make mom sad and angry.
He's still frozen when he feels his hand being tugged and can feel himself start to slip as Kacchan starts to tug him out of the hallway too hungry to wait any longer and they both fall to the floor. Kacchan yells something about how Izuku shouldn't have been so goddamn stiff and it wouldn't have happened.
He hears the steps of their mothers walking toward them, Inko sniffing and Mitsuki bristling that her son interrupted. Izuku feels his mom lift him up and when he sees her reach up a hand to wipe her tears he asks, "Mommy, what's wrong?" She smiles that smile that makes everything all better and she shakes her head.
"Nothing is wrong, Izuku. Are you hungry? Let's get you boys a snack, huh?"
He wraps his arms around her neck and hugs her as tight as he can. "It's going to be alright, Mommy." It's just him repeating the things she says when he's having a bad day, but he sees her smile falter before she hugs him even tighter.
When he lets her go, he smiles as big as he can before saying "Let's get snacks now!"
It sparks a laugh and that means everything is okay now. Mommy is happy again.
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love if it does not exist
His ears are ringing.
That's all he really registers.
Until he feels the pain on his shoulder. And then it blossoms and just hurts, but he doesn't dare open his eyes yet, knowing Kacchan isn't anywhere near done trying to blow him up.
If he were to open his eyes, he'd be reminded of childhood Kacchan, the Kacchan he likes. The Kacchan that is—was—nice. The crush he has is minuscule, but is enough that Izuku is aware of it. He hates it. As much as Kacchan hates him.
He keeps his eyes closed even as he can hear Kacchan and his goons retreating, laughing at what they've done to him.
Izuku screws his eyes closed tighter, taking a deep breath and letting it out as he slides down the wall to the floor of the hallway.
He rests. Not like anybody would care if he missed class or was beaten up anyway. The teachers would just laugh. He finds himself sitting there, counting the minutes until the lunch bell rings to pass the time.
When it does, he limps his way to the cafeteria.
His mind locks onto memories that click by as he passes certain tables with groups of students watching as he walks by them. That one with the group of laughing girls dared the one Izuku was known to have a crush on to ask him out. There was no reward besides watching the stupid quirkless boy get his hopes up only for them to be squandered when she started laughing.
The table with the skating kids convinced a new kid to "befriend" him for some yen. He played nice for a week and tried to kiss Izuku before guiltily telling Izuku he was on a bet.
The last memory comes to him as he passes through a hallway to get to the empty classroom he eats lunch in.
He had just gotten lunch and could tell he was being followed before the laughing cut off and he was pushed against a wall, his lunch falling to the ground.
"Stupid little Deku. The fuck do you get off on having a gay little crush on me?" Kacchan. It was Kacchan. And he was angry. Izuku flinched on instinct.
"I… I don't. I don't have a c-crush on you, Kacchan." He managed to get out in a quiet mutter.
Somehow this made him even more mad and the arm holding him to the wall pushed him harder into it. "How many times do I have to tell you to stop using that damn kids nickname? We are not friends. And there is no way in any fucking hell that I would date a stupid quirkless loser like you, Deku!" Kacch- Bakugou only yells this once, but it repeats itself multiple times in Izuku's mind, painting every corner of his brain so he can't forget these words.
When he passes it to eat his lunch that day, he cringes and his feet hurry, wanting to hide away as fast as possible.
Of course there would be no way for someone to love a quirkless person. He's boring. His mom tells him otherwise and says someone will love him regardless, but she's his mother. She has to tell him this. Plus her own quirk is so cool, it's not like she knows.
He doesn't tell her about the bullying. It's one less thing for her to worry about, if he doesn't tell her. He doesn't tell her how lonely he is. How terrible it is knowing that people think liking you is a joke.
He resigns himself to the fact that loving him, loving who he is; it's a joke. It's nothing but something funny for a group of friends to laugh at like he's just an actor in a sitcom.
He knows that if people laugh at loving him now, nobody will truly love him at any time.
— — —
He finds a sort of peace training with Toshinori. It's repetitive and takes his mind off the bullying he faces. He focuses and becomes stronger. When he passed the entrance exam with only a broken arm and the knowledge that someone he hardly knew wanted to be friends, he had a renewed pride and slowly growing hope that UA would be different.
When he runs into the girl who had tried to give him her points for rescuing her on the first day, he finds himself blushing wildly at the fact that she remembered his name and that she still wanted to be his friend.
He's not used to someone wanting to be his friend. And being put into Class 1-A, he's exposed to a lot of people who want to be his friend.
Those friends really like to gossip though. There are days when he finds himself surrounded by his friends and suddenly the topic swings to someone playing matchmaker or someone asking somebody else if they have any crushes.
He feels himself freeze, Bakugou's words playing clearly in his mind and he shuts down any other attempts at including him into the discussion, even after it has ended.
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone
Or keep a straight face
Sitting in class the hour before the Sports Festival begins is overwhelming to a tired mind, a cacophony of loud noises and restless classmates doesn't really sit easy on a sleep deprived mind. Izuku had made the mistake of staying up to finish an assignment for upcoming days and it showed that he regretted it with how he kept his head laid down on his desk while Uraraka excitedly chatters about the Festival.
Her voice is light, but way too energetic. Izuku can tell if the wait goes on any longer, his eyes are going to give in to the way they droop heavy enough he doesn't think his quirk could keep them open. He almost lets them shut, but doesn't. No, in fact, his eyes widen when he notices Todoroki glaring dangerously at him.
The glare itself doesn't feel dangerous, it's just a challenging glare that Izuku's used to getting from Bakugou. The dangerous part in the glare is the helplessness and the way it feels like Todoroki is grasping at every hand hold he has.
Izuku is so confused, trying to decipher why Todoroki of all people looks like he's trying to ask for help.
Right before they're called to leave the room to go to the stadium, he's stopped by Todoroki, whose glare has only gotten more dangerous.
"Huh? Todoroki? What is it?"
His confusion only grows when the glare hardens and Todoroki steps closer. "Looking at it objectively, I think I am stronger than you." He's so hard to read.
"Ye...Yeah? What's your point?"
"Yet, All Might has his eye on you. I am going to beat you." Izuku feels even more confused than before. This feels random, but with how Todoroki has been looking at him today, maybe not. Maybe something like this has been brewing for the week after USJ.
Izuku feels his heart settle on something. He's noticed how lonely Todoroki seems, sitting alone at lunch, avoiding whenever someone approaches him in class. "Todoroki. I don't know what you're thinking when you say you'll beat me, but yeah, you're better than me. I think you're probably one of the most capable in class, I can't afford to fall behind. I am putting everything I've got into today, too."
Something flashes in Todoroki’s eyes and there's a quiet agreement from Todoroki before he pushes past Izuku to leave the room.
Todoroki may not have the aura of someone wanting to make friends, but there is no way he's getting out of it now that Izuku knows there's a need.
It's your power, Todoroki!
In hindsight, that was the best possible worst thing he could have said. It was the best thing, only because it made Todoroki see how much of an idiot he had been by not using the fire aspect of his quirk. It was the worst thing he could have said though because it felt too strong for Izuku to have said to him.
Judging by the way that Todoroki's eyes had widened and he could see a bout of panic settle into his gaze before flames overtook Izuku's line of sight. It was probably way too overwhelming to hear after just confiding something very heavy to Izuku.
And, if Izuku's being honest with himself, the flames were a pretty good indicator of that on its own.
He watches as Todoroki loses to Bakugou on a screen in Recovery Girl's room for the Festival and feels a bone deep disappointment when realizes that Todoroki has already reverted back to just ice. Though, he supposes that it doesn't make sense for Todoroki to be able to use it so suddenly after the panicked use against Izuku.
— — —
"Mr. Aizawa?" Mina's hand shoots up in the middle of a lesson on treating every civilian the same even if they don't exactly match your ideals.
Aizawa sighs like whatever Mina's about to ask is the last thing he wants to hear. "Yes, Mina?" And Izuku can see about five different things she could bring up that would relate to what they had been covering. The main one being quirk discrimination—not even just quirkless versus having one, but the mutant quirk discrimination that runs rampant.
"What about if someone is saying homophobic or transphobic remarks to me or anybody else on the scene?" She says after standing, a challenging look in her eyes as if she's had teachers do just that. Izuku imagines that it's happened before. "Should we just let them get away with saying bigoted things? What can we do in a situation like that?"
Iida—Tenya's hand shoots up moments later when Aizawa hasn't answered the question right away. The latter just sighs and sends a withering look in the class president's way.
"I imagine, Ashido, that it would be wise to rescue the civilian, even if in a certain regard, their words may seem villainous. They are still a person that needs saving."
There's the sound of Bakugou bristling from next to Izuku, who slightly cringes before hearing Bakugou shout loud enough for the entire class to turn to him and for Aizawa's expression to look even worse for wear. "You idiots. Just because we have to fucking save them doesn't mean that we have to be nice about a damn thing."
"While Bakugou isn't necessarily wrong—Ashido, sit down. While he isn't wrong, you still have to maintain a bit of decency." There are the signature crackle and pops coming from beside Izuku that makes him flinch internally, having had practice to minimize the actual action. "There is a code word for when somebody has been giving a hero hassle whether that be from discrimination to directly refusing service from a hero. You should be learning that in future lessons and in internships and work studies."
This line of thought lets Izuku's mind whir, thinking of all the ways someone might face discrimination from a civilian he is saving. There is a lot more acceptance toward a more diverse populace, and the rates of discrimination based on sexuality has gone down in general. But as a whole, the LGBTQ community has its own moments of internal discrimation.
Izuku can count a few times in which he has been privy to biphobia and seen moments of aphobia. It disgusts him to no end, but he honestly wonders if that sort of discrimination would also land under the code word Aizawa had mentioned.
"That's a good point, Midoriya." He hears Yaoyorozu chime in, and is suddenly incredibly aware that he had started mumbling. He moves to cover his face, exceptionally flustered by the fact that he'd mumbled about a topic like this.
"I-I just mean as a bisexual, is there any thing that can help protect me against the kind of discrimination that usually streamlined like typical homophobia would have?"
Aizawa hums and gives Izuku a thoughtful glance that makes him want to shrink back in his chair more. "There very rarely have been reported instances of biphobia on scene. Most of the time when you would be encountering homophobia it's based on the person's preconceived stereotypes they have on the LGBT community. Its hard to tell when someone is bisexual or any of the other sometimes buried identities within the community." It's surprisingly truthful and this time it's Izuku sending a considerate look towards their teacher.
Izuku nods. "So then, what about transphobia?" This time it's a slightly timid Kirishima pitching into the conversation. "What if, like, a trans hero was very open about their transness and the civilian was being really cruel about it?"
Unfortunately Kirishima never truly gets an actual answer to his question, because after it's asked the rest of the class erupts into a loud boom of questions on other sexualities.
It's an awe inspiring sight to see his class be so open and accepting with something like this. To see them so motivated to try and find out how to respond to certain bouts of bigotry and some asking questions about creepy fans.
Then Mineta opens his mouth and says some things that leave an awful taste in Izuku's mouth and makes him wish that the purple headed thing would get one of his balls shoved down his throat and almost reaches over to toss him out of the window.
"Shut the fuck up, you nasty grape shitstain. And enough about the damn sex talk; nobody gives a fuck if you wanna fuck another man." With Bakugou's shouting, Izuku's almost enthusiastic involvement is toned down to sitting in his seat and staring at his desk blankly as the class continues to move around him.
He blinks back into his surroundings the moment that the bell rings. He is still out of it as he trudges his way out of the classroom, barely hearing as Todoroki asks Ochako behind him, "What were some of the… identities that were mentioned?"
He doesn't register Ochako's response, just trying to get to his train without being stopped.
And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance
And up until now I had sworn to myself
That I'm content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk
The dorms are quiet for once, most of them in their rooms to study for some upcoming exams. It leaves the lounge empty minus the two students sitting on the couch looking at each other.
Ochako sits with a leg bent underneath her, her torso turned to face Izuku. Her tank top creases with the movement, the bi flag sitting in the middle of it folding gently so only a little bit of purple peeks out. Her hair is tucked into a little ponytail.
Izuku's head leans back against the back of the couch and he looks like he's cursing the world, his expression scrunched and almost painful. He's warm, his jacket providing warmth to his arms in the cold beginnings of winter.
"So." Ochako starts, her voice containing a slight teasing lilt. "Bi Besties. Shall we start gossiping?"
Izuku groans and sends a small glare her way.
"I'm serious, Izuku. C'mon. Spill the tea." She reaches over to nudge his arm. "Even if it's vague, it's still tea."
He sighs and goes back to staring at the ceiling. It's bland, just a bunch of white tiles lined side by side with the occasional vent that if Izuku really needed an out he could boost himself up and crawl through the vents. "What tea is there to spill?"
"Got any crushes?"
The only reason Izuku doesn't immediately leave at the mention is because they've built up a trust. And Ochako knows to some level that Izuku does not do these kinds of conversations. Which means this is her opening a door with a safety net placed right above the abyss that leads to Izuku's friendless doom. "No." He says simply and bluntly, not wanting to explain any further.
Ochako sighs. "I can't stop every conversation that involves someone talking about a relationship or a crush, Izuku. I can't protect someone if I don't know what I'm protecting them from." Her expression becomes concerned the longer that Izuku glares up at a white tile. "Take your time. You don't even-"
She's interrupted before she can finish that sentence by Izuku sitting up in his seat and looking directly at her. "I'm enacting the Bi Besties Secrets Pact. I swear to god if you tell anybody, Ochako, I will go 100% on your ass."
Izuku watches as fear traces her eyes before totally disappearing in place of a wide smile. "Got it. Wanna go up to my room and we can talk there? The girls know not to bother or listen in."
Izuku just nods almost shyly as if he hadn't just threatened her. They both get up to their feet and following Ochako, Izuku feels anxiety racing up and down his arms as they walk to the elevators. The elevator ride is silent and a tad awkward, but the choking tension filling the air around them is released as soon as the doors open and Izuku can feel the cool air fill his lungs. It feels almost as if he had been holding his breath the entire time he was in the elevator.
Ochako leads him to her room, unlocking her door and holding it open for him, apparently unaware of the way his anxiety is surrounding him, causing One For All to spark at his sides.
Once the door is shut, he feels himself falling onto his back on the bed and groaning. "What the hell am I doing?" He mutters, staring up at the different set of white ceiling tiles.
"Telling me why you're so against romance." Ochako sits next to him, putting one of her stuffed animals on his chest.
"You say that as if it's easy to say and tell another person." He squeezes his arms around the stuffed animal and hides his face in it. He sighs before pulling it away and giving Ochako a look. "So. Um. Yeah. I… Love is." He stutters, unable to get his brain to verbalize everything that's gotten him to despise love .
Ochako hums and keeps a supportive gaze on him. "Take a breath, Izuku." He listens and breathes in deeply, trying to calm the nerves clamming up his mouth.
"People didn't like me in Middle School. If you couldn't tell by how, um Bakugou treats me. I got. I got prank confessions that were jokes or someone had gotten dared. I… I've had crushes before. A pretty girl that fake confessed, a boy who played all kinds of sports…" His voice gets quiet as he trailed off, trembling slightly as he gently murmurs the next thing. "Bakugou."
He feels Ochako cringe, but refuses to look at her as he continues. "My parents didn't have the cleanest of divorces and so I didn't even really have a good image of what love was to begin with. I was friends with Bakugou since we were babies and it… It made sense in my mind to also like him." He stops to breathe again, ignoring the way his heart feels like it's cracking and shattering all over again. "He… He found out. I don't know how. He did and…"
He looks at Ochako to see her expression darken before she's helping him sit up and her arms wrap around him in a hug. They sit there hugging until it becomes cuddling and Izuku feels like he could get past the stuff that happened to him. He feels safe in Ochako's arms.
— — —
A week later he finds himself laying out on the couch as the rest of the class moves around him, doing their own thing. He can hear them all moving and talking but his mind is fixed on one topic. His gaze is blankly fixated on the ceiling tiles.
His ears apparently have other ideas and tune in as Kaminari and Mina pass by the couch. Kaminari is rambling a million miles at a time. "He's just. Mina, he's so nice and cute and hot . He's hot, Mina. And his hair is so cool, like how… how is that purple so iconic, yet could also be very lowkey. Like? Um, hello?" He groans dramatically. "And then he has, like, the strongest quirk ever . Like, who gave him the right to be strong hero materia- Oh fuck. Mina, he's at the door!" Izuku hears Kaminari squeak and probably try to find a place to hide as Izuku watches Shinsou walk in through the doors of the 1-A dorm.
He waves a hand at the tired looking teen and receives a small nod in return. Then Shinsou’s speaking to the blonde who is still within his sight. "Sup, Kami." There's a rush of electricity in the air, luckily none of the lights or appliances go out. "Is Sho- Aizawa in?" Seeing as all Izuku hears next is the sound of two pairs of footsteps going to the elevator, followed by Mina's laughter, he assumes that Kaminari nodded and went with him to go to Aizawa's room. He barely sees Mina sit on the other couch from his peripherals.
It's not the first time someone from their class was able to score a date, but it's the first time that Izuku's willingly been in the room and also paying attention. It's weird, he thinks, how easily Kaminari had exposed how he liked Shinsou. How simple it had been for Kaminari to talk about all of the things that drew him to Shinsou. He's stuck in his thoughts when suddenly he has a face full of an Ochako.
"Hey Bi Bestie." She says as if she hadn't just given him a heart attack. She pulls away and Izuku sits up enough to see her hand entwined with Tsuyu's who stands next to her quietly. It's been a plan of Ochako's to slowly expose him to more relationship things, including hanging out with her and her very much in-love girlfriend.
(Izuku had tried to explain to her that he didn't think being a third wheel would help at all. She didn't listen.)
"Hi Ochako. You guys going for a walk?" His voice is quieter than normal which has Ochako sending him a worried glance. Tsuyu nods, her tongue sticking out a bit.
"Kero. You're invited to come along if you want to, Midoriya." He shakes his head and sends them both a gentle smile, hoping it would convey that he's alright for now.
Ochako nods and reaches over the back of the couch to ruffle Izuku's mess of hair. He smiles a little more genuinely and this seems to be the thing Ochako needs to see before tugging Tsuyu behind her toward the door.
Izuku's eyes seem stuck to the sight of their hand holding, following as they walk out the doors. Acutely, he's aware of the eyes on him from the other couch, but he's so focused on the ache that fills his chest, squeezing his lungs. It's almost like a punch to the gut to see them both so in love and also knowing that he can't have that.
He lays back down on the couch, going back to staring blankly at the ceiling and ignoring how his eyes burn and how his chest never seems to loosen, not letting air out and not letting any air in.
His mind races, going from having awareness of him not breathing to going back to thinking how much it hurts that he can't. That he can't love no matter how much he tries. How afraid he is for someone to love him. How afraid of them finding out about his quirk and how it's not his .
He's so afraid.
Terrified.
He feels the tickle of someone behind his head before he registers that he's staring into a pair of mismatched eyes. When he does take in the face hovering above his, his eyes widen and he feels his face heating up as he finds himself in the same position as he had been moments earlier with Ochako.
It strikes him briefly just how different this actually is from when Ochako was over him. He finds himself staring into eyes that only a few months ago, Todoroki wouldn't have let anybody get as close to him as Izuku is right now.
It's strange.
But darling, you are the only exception
Izuku remembers the moments that Todoroki has essentially mirrored actions that Ochako has taken. The moments that felt like they should've been the same. The moments that definitely don't feel the same.
He's made so many friends, has gathered them like a dragon hoarding gold. Something new and shiny that has taken all of his attention, the platonic energy echoing around him and surrounding like a welcoming blanket.
This is different.
Everything with Todoroki has been different.
You are the only exception
The first day jitters are normal and everybody is feeling them. Izuku reminds himself of this constantly as he walks next to Uraraka on the way to the classroom that is sealing his fate for the next three years. The people in that room will be the people he will be working and learning with for the next three years.
Maybe like with Uraraka, Izuku will get some more friends. Friends that don't seem to care if he's a little strange or peculiar in the way that he mutters.
Strong friends. He wants strong friends.
His thoughts are interrupted when he's gently pushed out of the way by a freezing hand. Izuku watches as someone whose glare is as chilling as his touch pushes past him and Uraraka to enter the class.
"Jeez, what's his deal?"
He finds himself shrugging, his gaze stuck on the boy's back and following him into the classroom. He speeds up his walking enough to tap on the dual haired boy's shoulder, clearing his throat gently. "Excuse me?"
The boy turns to Izuku and he feels himself flinching as the glare brought down upon him is downright dangerous. He shrinks back with an apology.
Uraraka grabs his arm and gently squeezes when Izuku still hasn't moved from under the glare. He still doesn't move, even with that disrupting touch. Only when the other boy scoffs and turns to find an empty seat does Izuku exhale and almost quite literally melt, defrosting without the icy stare on him.
Through the rest of the first day, he feels the icy stare land on him occasionally.
You are the only exception
"God, Aizawa really doesn't let up with training does he?" Kaminari complains as they all file into the locker room one day after an excruciating hero training.
"What the hell did you expect? This is the top hero's school in fucking Japan. They aren't going to let up on the shitty training just because your weak ass can't handle it." Bakugou gruffs and passes Kaminari with a harsh shoulder check, apparently not in the best mood to be interacting with the regular human population. Izuku finds himself watching with clenched fists, holding back from telling Bakugou off for putting others down, even though he knows that's actually just his way of encouraging. It still can hurt sometimes.
He watches as Kirishima claps a hand down on Kaminari's shoulder in a comforting gesture, before sidling up next to where Bakugou was changing.
He looks away when they start flirting in the weird way that they do.
He minds his own business and gets redressed in the school uniform. Or he tries to until someone, probably Sero or Kaminari, is wolf whistling and shouting out a "Hot damn, Todoroki! You didn't say anything about being a pretty boy!"
Todoroki ignores them and continues getting dressed. Izuku can't help but admit that they weren't wrong. Todoroki does have good looks, not just in the face. He's just genuinely pretty and Izuku finds himself staring until he's caught by an unsuspecting Todoroki. Who turns a little red in the face and frosts up before coughing slightly and leaving the locker room.
Izuku blushes heavily and directs his attention into his locker. He practically shoves his head into it while slipping on his undershirt.
You are the only exception
Being pulled by his arm into a secluded hallway during lunch by the one person who'd already declared him a rival with the coldest glare ever is not exactly Izuku's preferred way to spend his lunch. But that same person is leveling him with the calmest expression in a stare as he tries to explain just why he needs to beat Izuku.
Izuku feels horror creeping through his veins as Todoroki keeps talking. "You've heard of Quirk Marriages, right? The thing that became a problem for the second and third generation after superpowers appeared. Choosing a spouse based only on strengthening your own quirk and passing it onto your children, forcing people into marriage." He doesn't stop there and Izuku is almost glad they're missing lunch at the moment so he doesn't end up spewing the contents of his stomach over the ground.
The horror doesn't even end there as Todoroki keeps talking. He's going and doesn't seem like he's anywhere near stopping. He's trusting Izuku with so much of him and laying so much of himself out. Izuku can't help but have the urge to want to pull Todoroki into a hug and make sure he's alright.
He doesn't.
In fact he's sure what he does during their actual fight does exactly the opposite.
Todoroki's gaze stays on him as they both enter the arena, watching his every move. Izuku meets that stare with his own determined look. He's not backing down, even if it means that he breaks a few fingers for it. He's got a point to make after all.
He doesn't drop his gaze even as he snaps one, two fingers. Even as ice piles in front of him and he breaks a third one. He throws in a few more fingers before yelling.
He still keeps his eyes locked onto Todoroki.
Even as he yells one last time before flames fill his vision, the last thing he sees is Todoroki's own slightly shocked and betrayed look staring at Izuku. He feels the smallest grin place itself on his face, even as he's flung out of the area and the fight has concluded.
You are the only exception
A student's favorite time of the school day is, in most cases, lunch. Where they can be loud and let out the restless energy that builds up during the day. Izuku can say that it is also one of his favorite times of the school day, save for hero training and some of the topics they cover in class too.
This is the time of day that makes it easy for his friends to smile, to crack jokes, and just have fun. Minus when he has to shove Ochako for reaching to grab something off of his plate and avoid Tsuyu's tongue and hope that Iida doesn't try to outrun him to the good seats.
His favorite moment, though, is when Todoroki says something hilarious and he says it as if it's just something else. He's toneless like usual and his face is deadpan as if he doesn't even realize he's making a joke. Izuku feels himself leaning into Todoroki as giggles work their way through his system.
He finds his eyes watching as the corners of Todoroki's mouth curl upward slightly. He's almost transfixed at the smile that is hardly there, but its a smile and holy fuck is it pretty .
He feels so giddy with happiness at seeing the small smile start to overtake Todoroki's face. He feels so unequivocally happy in that moment and it makes him wish he could bottle up emotions so he could hold it close to his soul forever.
You are the only exception
Izuku blinks and finds himself staring up at blue and grey eyes. His face heats up and he rolls off the couch, flailing to try and make his arms hide his face in a protective manner from the floor. He faintly hears laughter coming from the people watching them and getting up to his feet, dropping his arms to start running with help from One For All up the stairs and to his room.
He feels like his soul left his body and he can barely feel himself sliding down against the cold wood of his door until he's landed on his butt and is at the same height as his desk chair.
Maybe he's breathing. Maybe he's not. He can't tell anymore. Not with how fast his mind races about what just happened.
He's in love with Todoroki. He is. In Love. With Todoroki .
He feels the anxiety start to work itself into a knot at the back of his throat, coating his arms in a coolness that sends a shiver down his spine and goosebumps rise along them. He tries to remember to breath, but the moment his phone is against his ear is when he fully realizes that he needs to actually let the air out of his lungs.
"Hello? Izuku? Dear, are you there?" His mom's voice crackles in his ear and he sharply inhales before accidentally hitting his head against the door. "Oh my, Izuku. Is everything okay? You haven't been attacked by villains, have you? If you have, you probably have better contacts to call other than me, Zuzu."
He registers the tight laugh after it's already gone through the line and reaches his mom's ear, making her let out a sigh of relief.
Vaguely he hears himself say, "Mom. It's… It's happening again." The panic is rising again, making the sentence stuttered and cracking and wavering.
"Oh. Izuku." Her voice is gentle and sympathetic and he feels a slight ache as he bangs his head against the door again.
"Mom, I can't… I can't do it again. I can't. I can't like someone again. What if he finds out about me and All Might and the quirk and how useless I am without the quirk given to me. What if…" He cuts himself off with a choking noise, fighting back a sob that is so damn close to the surface.
"Izuku, honey. Take a deep breath and try to ground yourself. Whoever you like is not going to be like Katsuki was in the least. Especially if it's one of the friends that you brought over last week. I quite liked that Todoroki boy. He was very respectful." Izuku feels himself relaxing as his mom starts to ramble about what she likes in all of Izuku's friends, her voice reassuring and soft and enough to calm him down enough to think through things again.
He's calmed down enough to let the question he's petrified of fall from his lips and interrupt his mom's sentence. "Should I confess?"
He hears his mom hum gently and can hear her pour herself a glass of water. "I think that's up to you, Zuzu. It'll be hard, but I've seen you grow so much in the last year and I don't think this will end up the same as last time. And even if it does, you have people to lean back into. It's a leap of faith, dear."
He groans and nods. "Thank you, mom. Sorry for worrying you and calling you so out of the blue."
"Of course, my dear. I'll see you this weekend, right?"
He gives a sound of agreement before the call ends and he lets his head fall back into the door a couple of times. He sits there for a good ten minutes contemplating actually doing it. His hands are freezing as he douses himself again in a bucket of panic.
He opens his text messages with Todoroki before he can stop himself and sends him a "Hey, I need to talk with you about something. Can you come to my room?" It feels weirdly formal and he finds himself moving to sit in his chair and spinning in it while he waits for the knock.
When it finally comes, he's already tried talking himself out of confessing to Todoroki to no avail. He stands on shaky feet and opens the door. His gaze meets Todoroki's and tries not to crumble and slam the door on his face. "Hi…"
"Hello." Todoroki's voice is still his light, monotonous sound, but there's a hint of curiosity buried fairly shallow on the surface.
He steps to the side and opens the door as an invitation. "Um so. I'm going to talk and I'll probably be hard to stop, but if you need to, I… you do what you need to to get me to stop talking. Um." He pauses and meets the waiting gaze. "Okay so um. I. I really like you. And I thought it was just as friends, but recently I… I think I've realized it hasn't been just as friends at all. And I-" He stops the moment he can smell a slight melting scent. He bites back giggles as he sees half of Todoroki's shirt start to burn up.
Todoroki is just staring at Izuku with the most determined look in his eyes. "I am in love with you, Midoriya."
This is the moment that Izuku wishes Todoroki would just let his quirk go even more so, so he can be set on fire and stop having to be flustered for more than five seconds. His face heats up and he sputters for a few seconds before the determined look turns into one of deliberation. "At least I think that's what it is." Todoroki just shrugs as if Izuku isn't currently having a crisis about the things Todoroki is saying.
Holy shit.
Todoroki likes him.
Todoroki likes him back.
Izuku feels the tears start to fall down his cheeks, happiness and relief coursing through his body and he feels warm everywhere. When they hug each other, with Izuku buried in Todoroki's arms, he feels safe. And it's so different from cuddling with Ochako.
You are the only exception
The time after that is filled with sweet glances with even sweeter smiles. Neither of them know what comes next, so the question that Todoroki poses at lunch a few days after their confessions isn't necessarily a surprise.
"Midoriya. Did the confessions mean that we are dating now?" It's very random to anybody just watching the conversations their lunch group was having. But everything stops as Todoroki asks it, almost as if his right side had accidentally activated on everybody sitting near them. Izuku tries to ignore the angry look that Ochako sends his way, his face turning redder than he had even thought his face could get.
He avoids her gaze that probably only has betrayal and anger waiting for him. He just tries to make his face cooler. When that doesn't work, he relents and finally looks at her. "Deku. You motherfucker, what is going on?" She's been spending too much time sparring with Bakugou. That thought alone is enough to get Izuku moving with a hand tugging on Todoroki's wrist.
He tries to leave, weaving between people in the crowd. He feels himself get doused in the same frigid anxiety from the other day, freezing his hands and making his chest feel tight as if someone was holding him under water and not letting him up. He stops when they get to an empty hallway, trying to remember how to breath and sending panicked looks at Todoroki as he tries to verbalize just how much he wants them to be boyfriends.
He can't speak though, the words lodged in his throat and choking him.
Todoroki stands there, looking worried and Izuku tries to find a way to tell him he's fine. He just sputters though and he can feel the tears start to fall from his eyes.
Distantly he realizes that Todoroki's hand is coming toward his face, but is still hit with shock as a cold thumb wipes under his eyes. The shock is enough to dislodge the words from his throat and with wide, frightened eyes, he blurts, "I want to be your boyfriend." He feels his face heat up again. He feels arms wrap around his shoulders and buries his face in the neck that is provided to him.
He feels a different kind of panic ignite in his bones. A kind of panic that makes him happy and excited and makes him wish this hug would never end.
When they get back to the cafeteria, it's hand in hand and he's too busy smiling to care about the staring they get from their friends.
You are the only exception
Sneaking into his boyfriends bedroom in the middle of the night should really be harder than it actually is. Especially at a hero school and a class known for their constant issues with villains. But its not and Izuku finds himself creeping through hallways and stairwells to get to Shouto's room. His knock is quiet, almost silent, but its enough for the door to crack open almost as if Shouto had been waiting by the door to hear the sound of knuckle on wood.
The sneaking around is one hundred percent worth seeing Shouto with bedhead and a sleepy look on his face. His eyes are half closed and filled with tiredness and his mouth flies open in a yawn that he hides behind a hand. His hair is a mess, white and red converging in the middle and not separated down the middle like he prefers to wear it.
Izuku smiles softly at the sight and nudges his way through the door. Both of them had grown the past two years, in both maturity and physique. Shouto had grown taller and leaner while Izuku had stayed the same height, but had gotten bulkier, muscle covering every inch of his body. He immediately hugged himself to Shouto's side the moment the doors had closed. "Hi." His voice is quiet, hardly making it to whisper volume, but it's loud enough for Shouto to hear, resulting in an even tighter hug.
They untangle enough to get into Shouto's futon where they retangle themselves in each other's arms, Izuku is encapsulated by his boyfriend's arms and he feels himself totally relax, all of the issues he had faced today going down the drain with Shouto holding him.
They both don't say anything for a few moments, taking in each other's presence. Izuku gently lifts his head to look at Shouto, his expression unreadable to anybody who didn't have the tools to decipher it. For Izuku, though, his expression says a hundred and one words and all of them suggest Shouto is stuck in his mind. "How are Natsuo and Fuyumi doing?" His voice is light, but by the scowl etched into Todoroki's face at the question, he'd hit the nail directly and it hadn't been pleasant.
Izuku gives him an out of patience, letting him collect the words he needs while also giving him time to brush the question away.
Shouto eventually hums and buries his face in Izuku's messy bush of hair. "Fuck Endeavor." Is all he says and Izuku lets a brief laugh from his lungs.
"Nah, I'd rather do his son." Izuku winks and when he gets a gentle thwack on his arm, he continues. "What did he do?"
Shouto groans and pulls Izuku closer. "The usual bullshit." Izuku waits for the clarification that will follow, gently kissing the clothed shoulder he has access to to try and comfort Shouto. "He was being his typical quirk discriminative asshole self. Toward Fuyumi, to Natsuo. Said some shit about how I was the only capable thing to come from our mom."
Izuku finds himself trying not to pull out of Shouto's arms and say fuck it to the alarm system. He's wanted to beat Endeavor's ass since their first year when Shouto shared his story, and it has only grown through the years. He stays silent, but by how Shouto pulls his face from Izuku's hair and pouts at him, he knows that Izuku is upset. "I am going to destroy his fiery ass."
"I'll buy the first ticket, if you do." Shouto sighs and his frown grows. "Fuyumi's quirk isn't the strongest at all, and Endeavor attacked that and she shut down and took it. But then he turned it onto Natsuo after he tried standing up for Fuyumi." Shouto trails off, his voice getting harsher and angrier. "He started saying shit about how Natsuo was the biggest disgrace to the Todoroki name for being Quirkless. How he has nothing without him."
Izuku feels himself freeze as Shouto keeps talking, the secret of One For All nudging at his brain and the fact he's quirkless without the power gifted to him. He feels his body go numb the more Shouto talks about how much Natsuo has faced just from Endeavor alone. He feels the panic rise in him and his chest feels too tight. He hears Bakugou words play in his mind, once, twice, three times before he gets himself out of Shouto's arms, faintly feels his mouth working out an excuse to leave.
Shouto. Shouto won't love him. Not if he knows. Not if he knows that Izuku is quirkless and that it isn't even his quirk that is boosting him to the title of one of the strongest in the classroom. He feels the fear mix with the panic and he doesn't realizes he's in his room until he's curled up under his All Might comforter.
If Shouto finds out, he'll leave Izuku. He'll leave Izuku and everything they'd planned, everything will be ruined.
He barely hears the knock on the door, but his body moves without his consent and hardly registers the soft words that are being said. It's Shouto's voice. It's a safe voice saying, "Izu, my love. I'm sorry. I've upset you. Can you let me in so we can talk?"
His hand darts out and the door is being unlocked and then he's moving to faceplant on his bed still hiding beneath the All Might blanket.
He feels freezing. His body is cold and his eyes are itchy and puffy. His body feels like it weighs fifty million pounds that not even the abilities of his quirk are able to keep him standing. No matter how many panic attacks he has he never gets used to the way he's left feeling after.
"Izu, love." The words are soft and Izuku just wants to be in his arms and not confront the things that he needs to tell Shouto. So he only hums.
It's all Shouto needs before Izuku is being nudged and shifted by soft hands and he is now face to face with Shouto, laying on his boyfriend's chest with warmth totally surrounding him.
Izuku hides his face in Shoutos neck, nuzzling the left side to get as warm as possible and to hide his face so Shouto doesn't see that Izuku's been crying. It's a useless action considering that Izuku's trembling in his arms.
Shouto's hands are rubbing his back softly and when he speaks, Izuku lets his eyes close as he focuses on the way Shouto's deep voice vibrates. "Talk to me, please. So I can help you like you help me." It's not pushy and it's supportive like how Shouto is, but Izuku still ends up shaking his head and he knows that it'll be dropped until Izuku feels good enough to actually talk about the thing that made him run out.
Shouto hums and just holds Izuku closer. He rubs his back and eventually it's enough to lull Izuku to sleep, his face still tucked into Shouto's neck.
The morning light shines through Izuku's window, casting a golden glow onto everything. It makes everything feel softer, including the soft lax expression Shouto makes in his sleep that Izuku finds himself staring at once he's woken up. He reaches a hand to gently brush a few stray strands that had fallen into the middle of Shoutos face. The movement is abrupt enough for Shouto to wake with a sharp inhale and his eyes open slowly like a cat blinking at its owner.
Izuku stays on top of him as he moves to stretch, a big yawn taking over his face before he looks at Izuku with a soft look. "Hi there." Izuku hums and keeps looking at him. He knows that his face is set into a small pout, he knows that his eyes are still puffy from the night before, and he knows that Shouto is still waiting for an explanation. But he just stares at his pretty boyfriend. "Izuku."
There are words that go unsaid and it has Izuku groaning and rolling off of Shouto. They both climb off of Izuku's bed and leave the room to go to the bathroom. Izuku ignores the stares he gets from his floormates, his hand still in Shouto's. He doesn't say anything still, trying to figure out if he really should tell Shouto everything.
In the end, by the time they get back to Izuku's room, he's made his decision and he waits until they are curled up in each other's arms before starting to tell Shouto about his quirklessness. "I've told you before that my quirk was late blooming. I didn't get it until the day of the entrance exams." He pauses, hoping that his wording strikes something in Shouto. He gets his answer when Shouto's eyebrows furrow. "I, um. I was quirkless. Like. Nothing. Double toe joint. Everything, everyone, said I had no quirk."
Izuku closes his eyes, waiting for the blow that is inevitably coming. He waits and waits, and when Shouto says nothing, he opens his eyes and looks at Shouto. Shouto just blinks at him and gives him an expectant look, waiting for him to continue. Izuku feels like a fool to think anything would happen for a moment.
He starts speaking again, his voice wavering. "Bakugou… Bakugou was my best friend growing up. He and I were both, like, huge nerds. He became a dick after his own quirk developed and… and when we found out I didn't have one he got… he got worse." Izuku stops for a moment, relishing in the way that Shouto holds him close, he feels comforting lips touch to his forehead and he continues. "I liked Bakugou a lot. I even had this cutesy nickname, I called him. He was my first crush and the crush that lasted the longest. He found out and… because I was quirkless… He…" Izuku looks at Shouto's face, hoping that his eyes tell him all that was said without him having to say it.
"Izuku…"
"Yeah… I would… I would come home with bruises and burns and hide them from my mom." At a look from Shouto, Izuku rushes to add, "I've told her everything already! She knows."
"I'm going to beat his ass until he can't see tomorrow."
He gasps and hits Shouto's arm gently. "No. No. That won't. That won't do anything, Shouto. I've moved on and I'm happy. Don't." He sighs when Shouto scowls at being stopped and curls closer to his boyfriend. He changes the subject back to the first thing he'd started talking about. "I obviously have a quirk now, um, but it's not mine. You can't tell anybody, Sho. Only you, my mom, Aizawa, and All Might know about it."
Shouto's eyes narrow and Izuku takes it as the go ahead to keep speaking. "Um. First year you asked if I was All Might's secret love child or something… It's the 'something'. He… He gave me his quirk, One For All."
Shouto's arms tighten and Izuku hides in Shouto's chest, now definitely expecting something to happen. After a few moments of Izuku staying hidden, Shouto nudges him and he slowly brings his head up to look at Shouto. "You're safe, love. I'm not going to share this secret with anybody. This doesn't change how strong I think you are and it definitely does not change how I think of you. You're still my Izuku."
Izuku sniffs as he feels the tears start to come, hiding his face in Shouto's chest again and crying. "I'm...I'm sorry for leaving last night. Thank you for coming to check on me." He sniffs and stays hidden while Shouto rubs his back gently.
"I'm just doing what you would've done for me, love." Izuku cries harder and stays cuddled in Shouto's arms for the rest of the day. Safe and protected in the arms of a man that loves him.
Oh, and I'm on my way to believing
Their apartment is small. Two people don't need a ton of space and it's not like their cat has any boundaries anyway. It's more than enough space for them.
They live in a post graduation haze, smiles around every corner and finding a routine with each other. Izuku wakes up early, makes the coffee and breakfast before leaving for an early patrol, Shouto makes a fancy dinner once he gets back from his own day at work. When they both have days off, it's spent in bed, cuddling and sharing each other's space.
Shouto's hand will gently graze Izuku's arm and Izuku will lean into his space and kiss him before talking about the previous day's work with sidekicks and villains. Shouto will let him talk as long as he wants, just needing the time to touch and appreciate his boyfriend.
They'll eventually get out of bed just to lay cuddled on the couch, watching a show they both love. Izuku will try and dissect the plot while shouto will watch with a smile as Izuku mutters about if the showrunners will kill off the romantic interest.
Their cat will yell and then they will be up and moving to get dinner started.
It's their home. It's their space where nothing bad can get to them.
Sometimes, on their days off they will spend the day with their moms, Inko coming over to their apartment and then all three of them traveling to the cabin Shouto bought for Rei. They'll spend the day out there.
On one occasion, they spent the entire day with Rei and Inko. Only for Shouto to pull Izuku back to the car and then drive them home. He tells Izuku to put on the suit he had tailored for their first awards night.
Despite being confused, Izuku listens and when he finishes getting dressed, he's met by the sight of Shouto in a crisp black suit with an entire bouquet of flowers in his hands.
He is captivated by the sight and sees Shouto smile, handing Izuku the flowers. Izuku takes it and eyes the combinations of flowers, not even wanting to explore the language that exposes itself with the flowers. He's too starstruck and happy to try and comprehend them meaning anything besides, "Hi, I love you." Which is exactly what Shouto's saying as he grabs one of Izuku's hands and guides him out the door and down to their car once again.
Shouto drives them to a restaurant that is far too foreign for Izuku to even try to pronounce the name, vaguely he thinks it's French, remembering something Aoyama had said in school that sounded similar to how Izuku imagines the name is said.
They're seated at a table for two that's hidden in the back, giving them enough privacy. After they sit and look at the menu, Izuku shoots Shouto a look of incredulity. "What is all of this about, Shouto?" He questions and scoffs when all Shouto does is smirk and shrug at him. He lifts his menu and threatens to throw it at him, which makes Shouto raise his hands in mock innocence.
They order their food and Izuku eats his food happily.
When they finish and Izuku starts looking at dessert, he feels Shouto's hand nudge him from the side of the table and he looks up to see Shouto standing with a hand in his pocket as he tries to persuade Izuku's hand into taking his own. Confused, he lets Shouto guide him out of his seat to stand.
He watches silently, feeling energy build up around him as Shouto reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small velvet box. His heart collapses into his stomach and he's instantly shaking. "Shouto…"
Shouto looks up at him with the softest smile that only conveys the happiest of emotions.
"Midoriya Izuku. You've already made me the happiest man in the world. Make me the happiest man for the rest of my life." He opens the box only for it to be squished between both of their bodies as Izuku is kneeling with Shouto, tears running down his face.
"Shouto, oh my god." Is all he can say as he hugs Shouto. "Yes. Yes." He whispers before taking Shoutos face in his hands and kisses him deeply. He's too busy smiling to actually fully kiss Shouto, though, so it ends in both of them laughing.
With a ring being slid on his finger, Izuku remembers all that it took for him to get to this point. He remembers the heartbreak, the panic, the happiness. Maybe he doesn't totally know what love is, but he sure as hell is learning and he thinks that maybe this is it.
This moment with Shouto and him unable to stop smiling as they walk out of the restaurant hand in hand with a ring glinting under the lights, might just be what love is.