Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Beck is tired of fighting.

Every word he says to Jade, she misunderstands and it becomes a reason for a fight. Every time he calmly tries to explain to her why certain things matter to him (like them winning the "Worst Couple" award in a quiz show, where the other couples weren't even real couples, or at all their interactions become screams and pain), she doesn't hear him.

Jade is tired of fighting.

She doesn't understand why the opinions of stupid and irrelevant people matter. So what if they were voted the worst couple? What do those who voted them "worst couple" know about them? No one but the two of them really knows about their relationship. Outside opinions are inevitable, but it shouldn't affect them. What they think or don't think doesn't match reality, and Jade doesn't care if they think they're the worst or the best couple. What matters is what they think of themselves.

But it appeared that Beck also thought they were the worst couple, after all.

Beck dragged Jade to the janitor's closet, despite her will. They had to end this conversation, whether she wanted to or not. Beck didn't want to leave a problem unresolved, because he was sure it would come back one way or another in the future.

"I have class," Jade said, with her arms crossed. She didn't want to argue right now, it was always so tiring.

"We need to finish this conversation, Jade," Beck said, and if Jade hadn't been full of thoughts, she would have been sad that he called her Jade instead of the pet names he used to call her.

"OK." She took a deep breath, bracing herself for more screaming and annoyance. When Beck said nothing, staring at the floor with his hands in his pockets, she realized he was thinking of the right way to start. He also had no intention of fighting, she realized. "I don't understand why you care so much about a dumb quiz show," she said therefore calmly.

"Because it's not comforting to be voted the worst couple, especially when the other couples weren't even real couples," he says, and sighs.

"But why does what they think matter, Beck? The relationship is between the two of us and just the two of us, they're not here and they don't know anything about us," Jade says, and she drops her bag on the floor. She realized they were here for a while.

"I know, I know. But it's just . . . forget it," he says, running his hand through his hair with a sigh.

"No, no," Jade said, and he watched her in surprise. "You said you wanted to finish this conversation, so let's do it. But you have to tell me how you feel. I want to understand why this is such a big deal for you."

Beck was surprised. They were five minutes having a dialogue and still hadn't started screaming. It was a start, wasn't it?

"It's just . . . I think I care if they take a negative view of our relationship."

"Oh, do you think you care? I'm sure you do." Beck raised an eyebrow. There it was. "Sorry," she sighed. "Beck, listen. You don't have to care about them. Forget about it. Okay?"

"Okay," he nodded in agreement.

"Okay," she repeated.

"I think . . . we're done with this conversation," he said. There was an awkward atmosphere between them, as it always was after an argument. But the funny thing was, this time it was just a conversation and not a fight. Why did they feel awkward then?

"No, we're not," Jade said, and Beck looked at her in surprise. "You talked about what was bothering you, now it's my turn."

"But you made it very clear that you didn't care what happened. It's not like . . ."

"That wasn't one of the things, but thanks for reminding me, it bothers me too."

Beck frowned. "Excuse me?"

"This. It's all about you. Or if it's not about you, it's me being a bad bitch."

"Jade, of course not! I never said that!"

"Oh, but why when you let other girls flirt with you all day long and I step in and fight them, I'm the bad one, I'm the jealous witch."

"Oh my God, where did this even come from? And it's also totally out of the point of our conversation!" Beck looked indignant.

"No. You said we had to talk, and we are. You said what bothers you, now I'm talking about what bothers me. Or is it just you that have valid feelings?"

"Jade, I never said that! Don't try to turn this thing around on me!" Beck almost screams, but he controls her tone. Jade hadn't started screaming yet, and he didn't want him to make her scream.

"My God, what am I turning around on you Beck? Huh? Tell me!" She laughs sarcastically. "See? It's all about you, you're always the good one and I'm the bad one."

"Jade . . ."

"Also, you said in front of a lot of people that you weren't happy with our relationship. No wonder we won the worst couple title. I guess that makes you the worst boyfriend too, don't it?"

"Oh, now being us the 'worst couple' is my fault?" Beck asks in disbelief at his girlfriend's accusation.

"It's my fault and yours too," she says. "If you weren't happy with our relationship, why didn't you tell me after the show, or any other time that it was just the two of us? There was no need to say that in front of so many people, Beck."

Beck took a deep breath before answering. He was probably going to say bullshit, but he was glad he'd gotten himself under control before he could screw things up. “Okay, you're right. I should have told you this when we were alone, and for that I apologize, okay? I didn't mean to, it's just . . . the words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself."

Jade nods, and Beck couldn't tell if that meant she excused him or that she was thinking of something else.

"I'm not happy with our relationship either, Beck."

Jade's speech surprises him. He looked at her, and he could see the tears in her eyes struggling to fall, and he realized how much the fights had hurt her too.

It was very rare to see Jade cry. The only times he had seen her cry, other than plays or scenes she needed to cry, was when her father said something mean to her or the time she had PMS and she cried because her scissors had broken.

"But now we're okay, aren't we? We've sorted everything out, and without screaming," Beck said, taking her hands, and she looked at her with uncertainty in her eyes.

She sighed, and said something Beck never expected, "No." She took her hands from his and took a step back. "I'm glad we worked this out and didn't yell at each other, but that's not going to change everything that happened."

Beck was speechless. He desperately tried to think of something to say, because the way Jade was looking at him and her words said she was about to dump him.

"Jade, please . . ." he begged. He thought about adding I can't live without you, but he didn't. Not because it was a lie, but he couldn't find the courage in himself to be so vulnerable. "The conversation we've had now doesn't mean anything?"

"It means something, yes," she said, and gave him a smile, which looked sadder than her teary eyes. "It means we ended up on good terms, which is new for us."

Beck felt all the air being pulled from his lungs, and he felt tears in his eyes. He made no effort to hide them. "Jade, no. Please . . ."  he begged, his voice consumed with crying. "Don't let all our good times be forgotten by the bad ones."

"I love you, Beck," she said, crying. Beck couldn't tell which broke his heart the most: seeing her cry, or the fact that she's breaking up with him. "But I can't do this anymore."

"Jade . . ."

"I know what happens next," she sobbed. "After the fights come the apologies and everything seems to be fine. But then the fights start again, they start to affect the people around us, the people we love. And then we hurt each other more and more, until it ends with one of us broken. Or worse, both of us. I can't let that happen to us."

Beck's heart broke into several pieces with every word she uttered. And he realized that their fights hurt Jade a lot, because it reminded her of her parents' fights. He felt guilty for putting her through this. How was he so blind?

"Jade, please let me fix this. Please," his voice cracked at the end of the sentence, and tears fell down his cheek. "I can't live without you," he allowed himself to be vulnerable. He couldn't lose her.

She approached him, and gently wiped his tears. He leaned into her touch, feeling her palm against her cheek comfort him.

"You can live without me, of course you can," she said and he looked at her confused. "I am not your world, you are your own world. Never let anyone, not even me, come before you."

He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it. Jade's hand was still on his cheek, and she started to caress it, with a sad smile. "Oh, Beck . . . I hope that someday we can be good to each other."

And then she kissed his cheek gently, and it felt like a goodbye kiss.

Is that how it ends? Is that how you're going to leave me? Beck wanted to say it out loud, but he was drunk with his crying.

She looks at him one last time, gives him a small smile, and leaves Beck behind in the janitor's closet. She had left him. They were done.

For the first time in two years, he was Beck without Jade.